Title: Grieving Inside
Author: Hieiko
Disclaimer: I don't own Angel the Series, or any of its characters.
Notes: Written for livejournal community 15minuteficlets' challenge, Word #82. I actually used the word, this time.
Summary: During AtS Season 5, "Origin". Spike's thoughts as he spars with Illyria. Hints of Spike/Fred.
Spike crashed against the wall of the training room for perhaps the hundredth time that day. Maybe it was an exaggeration; but then again, maybe it wasn't. Especially not if you were sparring against Illyria. She was an Old One, a pure demon who belonged to the time before humanity began. It didn't mean that he wouldn't keep getting up again every time. He felt his side to check for broken ribs, and was glad that he was merely bruised.
He returned to fighting stance and attacked again. This time he actually got a few hits in, before she used her ability to manipulate time and sent him face first to the floor once more. Of course, being Spike, he just wouldn't give up.
As they fought (or rather, he fought, and Illyria swatted him away like a bug no matter how much he wished that wasn't the case), Spike studied the Old One. He hated that she wore Fred's face and body. Most of all, he hated that she had consumed and destroyed Fred's soul. But he always kept that thought in check, hidden away in the deepest part of his mind. Because he knew that he would go over the deep end if he let his grief get the best of him at a time like this. He saw how Wesley was slowly but surely going to pieces; it wouldn't help if he, too, ended up that way. Fred would never want that.
And so he went on, day after day. He fought, and snarked, and annoyed the hell out of anyone he could, because it was the only way he could keep himself together. He could feel the real fight coming, and knew that it would be a hell of a lot bigger than Illyria. He didn't have to wait much longer. That was what he lived for.
And died for.