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A/N - Here it is! The final chapter! I know I know it took me long enough and it's a load of old crap but college is a bitch right now.
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When Neil woke up he found himself in a much harder place than the forest floor and something was prodding him.
"Neil. NEIL!" a voice shouted. The hippy opened his bloodshot eyes and looked around. He and the others were in some kind of rubbish tip.
"What happened?" he groaned.
"You took some magic drugs and flew off into space." said Hoggle.
"Oh yeah." said Neil and pulled himself up. The gang looked slightly relieved that he wasn't hurt except for Vivian who was seriously disapointed. Suddenly a weirded looking woman scuttled forward with a load of useless crap on her back
"Are you lost dearies?" she asked pleasantly.
"Um...yeah we were just looking for someone." said Mike.
"Well look here." said the old lady and held out a life size inflatable sex doll. "That's what you were looking for, wasn't it dearie?"
"Inflatable Ingrid!!" cried Mike joyfully "I thought I'd lost you when my hairdryer melted your face....er...I mean no! I've never seen that thing in my life."
"No. We're looking for our friend Rik." said Neil.
"Rik? Spotty lad? Bit of a bastard?" said the old woman.
"Yeah that's the one." said Vivian.
"Why didn't you say so. He's in that big ominous looking castle over there." and lo and behold the goblin city was only a few yards away.
"Wow! Thanks nice old lady." said Mike. The old woman cleared her throat and held out a grubby hand. Mike sighed and slipped her twenty quid.
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"Your Highness!" shouted one of the Goblins. "The Hippy!"
"Who?" said Jareth, looking slightly bored.
"The hippy who found the bong and went off into space!"
"What of him?"
"He's here with the two short dudes, the punk, the monster, the weird fox creature and the obese hamster!"
"You mean they got past the giant robot with no neck?!"
"Yes! They bribed it! They're right outside the city gates!"
"....Shit! Time to resort to plan B."
"You mean?"
"Yes! Get them drunk and lock them in the dungeon..." said Jareth maniacally "I should have done that in the first place!"
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Two days later
Vivian woke up with a pounding headache. The last thing he remembered was being challenged to a game of "Drinking Jenga"
"Well look who's awake!" said an annoyingly familiar voice. But instead of seeing Rik like he expected to he saw a particularly ugly little Goblin.
"Oh! Rik! You're a Goblin. Tough luck mate!"
"Well so are you!"
"Am I?"
"Yeah! And so's everyone else, you bastard. You lost us the bloody challenge!" shouted a Goblin version of Mike.
"Oh right. The thing." said Vivian "Sorry guys."
"And now we've got to clean out the Bog of Eternal Stench for all eternity!" wailed Goblin Neil.
"Er... correction. YOU are going to clean out the Bog of Eternal Stench. The rest of us are going down to the tavern to meet Hoggle and the others." said Goblin Mike. "See ya!"
And so, life continued as usual. Except that they were in a crazy fantasy world. And they all lived long and reasonably contented lives.