Chapter 11: "I found silence in this space"

"Can I see my daughter?" Seth asked.

Marissa leaned her small frame against the door. There were no lights on in the apartment, but there were several candles around the room lit that glowed behind her.

"Please." Seth said with desperation in his eyes.

Marissa didn't say anything as she pulled the door fully opened and headed up to her bedroom, the boys followed.

She had left her bedroom door open so that she would be able to hear if Ella were to cry… and there she lay, in the middle of the bed with big pink pillows surrounding her. Marissa had laid Mr. Sniffles, her old stuffed bunny from when she was a little, next to Ella. Her little arms were outstretched above her head, and the soles of her feet rested together.

For Seth it was like the first time he was seeing her, as his own… Her brown curly hair… face as round as her mothers… It was then that he began to cry.

Ryan pulled him into a hug as Marissa stood in the corner, arms wrapped around herself taking in the whole scene.

"What am I supposed to do?" Seth asked going over to Ella, and gently touching the top of her head.

Marissa nor Ryan knew quite what to say.

"Her mother is gone." Seth said a bit angrily. "I can't do it on my own."

That is when Marissa stepped in.

"You don't have to!" She said sitting on the bed, on the other side of the pillows where Ella lay. "Ryan and I are here for both of you! Your parents are too!" Marissa tried to persuade him

"Oh god, my parents are going to kill me!" Seth realized pacing around the room.

"Dude, it's okay. It may take them awhile but god look at her bro. That is your daughter. She's beautiful man. They can't be angry with you forever." Ryan finally opened up and said.

"But you can't hide it either." Marissa said picking up a sleeping Ella, and placing her in Seths arms, "she's yours. I am sorry for keeping you away." She said.

~ Seth drove back to the house all alone. Ryan stayed at Marissas apartment with her. Seth needed to tell his parents alone.

It was strange for Seth, driving alone at night on the highway, baby in the back snug in her car seat. It was going to be hard, life now, but he had to do it for Ella… his daughter.

He took a deep breath as he unsnapped Ella from her car seat, and opened the door. His parents were asleep, but Seth really needed to talk to them both, right then.

"Seth?" His dad said sitting up in bed, rubbing his eyes

"I… um I need to talk to you guys."

"What is it honey?" Kirsten asked sitting up and switching on the light.

They both looked then in shock at Seth holding a small child.

"Please tell me that that is a doll!" Sandy said

"This is my daughter Ella." Seth said voice quivering. He wanted to be strong to face his parents, but suddenly he found himself breaking down.

"Where is her mother? Who is she!" Sandy asked roughly.

"Sum- Summer. But she's, she's not around right now…" Seth stuttered.

"I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!" He said storming out

"Mom." Seth said through tears. She jumped off of the bed and went to hug her son. He had collapsed to the floor in tears, Ella still in hand. Sometimes, no matter how old you are, you need your mother.

Kirsten kissed the top of her sons head.

"She is beautiful sweetie."

~ Marissa and Ryan sat in Marissas room. Neither of them said much.

"Where's your dad?" Ryan asked

"Out for the night with Haley." Marissa informed him.

"Do you know if they got married Seth would be your step cousin? And if your mom and Caleb get married he would also be your step nephew, which means that Sandy would be your step-brother, and Kirsten your step sister! Which makes me your step nephew too!" Ryan said. "I'm starting to sound like Seth." Ryan realized stopping.

"I mean this is Newport. You've got to figure that everyone would be able to marry outside of two freaking families!" Marissa said bugged at what she had just realized as Ryan spoke.

"It's alright" he said leaning in and kissing her

"Seth is a good guy." Marissa said

"How are you talking about Seth now?" Ryan asked backing away from the kiss

Marissa chuckled at her boyfriend. Always know Ryan to be jealous

"Not like that dumbass. It's just that he's doing a really good thing being there for Ella and all." She said smiling.

"Yeah." Ryan said nodding. "In his position I don't know what I would do." Ryan said

"You mean you wouldn't be there for your child?" Marissa asked raising her eye brow

"No. I am just saying… I mean I guess I know where Summer is coming from and all. Not feeling like shes worthy of Seth and Ella."

"Is there something you don't feel worthy of?" Marissa asked looking deep into his eyes as though she was trying to see into his soul.

"You." Ryan said

"Funny." Marissa smiled "I was thinking the same thing about you." She leaned in and kissed him now.

~ Seth came downstairs the next morning. Kirsten had sent him to his room to get himself together the night before and he ended up falling asleep. She didn't mind watching Ella for the night that once. It was going to be a big adjustment.

When Seth entered the kitchen he saw Kirsten sitting on a stool giving Ella her bottle, … Sandy was at the table reading a paper.

"Hey Dad." Seth said sitting next to his mother.

Sandy didn't respond

"Look! I'm sorry! I don't know what else to say to you! I made a mistake and trust me I am paying for it so I don't need you mad at me!" Seth said

"I'm not mad Seth. Just disappointed."

The words stabbed Seth like a knife. The only thing worse than a parent being angry, was one being disappointed.

Kirsten handed Seth his daughter when she was done burping her.

"I am disappointed in myself Dad." Seth said "But I made a mistake, Summer and I both, and I do not want Ella to have to pay for it." Seth said looking down at his daughter rather than father.

Sandy leaned back in his chair and looked at Seth as he held Ella.

"I guess" Sandy began, "I guess that she can have the room next to yours." Sandy said

Hey! The next chapter will be longer and up sooner.