Thanks go to: Susan, for betaing and having still the nerves to do so; Sandra, for caring, listening and laughing; Shan, for being my God and my own personal Maths-hero and for reading and laughing! Love ya all!
This story is also dedicated to my mom and dad who introduced me to my newest friend 'Danny', the laptop. OO'
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"Colonel"
Slowly, Jack pried his eyelids open and stared at the woman standing in the doorway of his office.
"Yep, Carter, what can I do for you"
Sam glanced nervously into his eyes, before gazing back down onto the floor and watching her boots moving towards his desk... wait a sec!
Nervously?
Carter was never nervous, well at least not when it came to facing a horde of super-Goa'uld-soldiers or killing some ugly, slimy monster with her bare hands.
"Sir, I have a problem and I would be very thankful if you could help me outta this one"
Carter needed help? From him? Why had nobody told him that today was the end of the world?
Damn memos...
"Sure Carter, what can your hero in shining armor do to rescue you"
She cleared her throat and started fumbling with the rim of her sleeve, which just added extra fuel to O'Neill's increasing curiosity. Ready to take whatever she was going to throw in his direction,
Jack concentrated fully on his 2IC.
"I have some affairs to take care of and therefore have to leave Colorado for about a week"
Affairs? 'Don't let it be anything serious, don't let it be anything serious,...'
"Don't worry, Colonel, it's nothing serious...", Jack allowed a smile to appear on his lips for a second,"... and it won't take longer than five days, but I have nobody to take care of my cat."
Cat? As in 'Schroedinger-the-lil-ball-of-fur-that-had-been-in-the-hands-of-the-enemy-called-Narim?
"Schroedinger likes you and I have to leave tomorrow morning, so that I don't have any time to get somebody to give him food and water while I'm gone."
Help! He needed a plan to prevent her from asking him specifically to play 'cat-sitter.
"What about Danny-boy? I heard he likes animals... or was it women?" Jack mumbled the last part.
"I already asked him, but he's got an appointment with some of the SGC scientists... something about the artefact we've found on P93-675 and what its powers are."
"Teal'c"
Hope... his last straw just had to wor...
"Sorry, but he doesn't like cats"
...fail.
"Colonel, I know you're not fond of any kind of sitting, but I really can't think of anybody else... please"
He so hated her for saying 'please' with so much emotion in her voice and for blinking with her beautiful eyelashes.
He was mud in her hands.
"Alright, Carter, but don't think I'm gonna talk to your plants... not everything enjoys my manly voice and gets watered by my hands."
Sam snickered and gave him one of her most brilliant smiles, which made his knees week and evoked one of his own to form.
"Thanks, Sir. I'll give you a list of things you have to take care of later"
With that, Sam turned towards the office door and left the room.
She just had way to much control over him.
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He should have drawn up a contract!
But nooo! He had just walked blindly into his destiny...
'Thanks again, Sir!
Things you have to do rescue my cat:' (And who was going to rescue him)
'-give him two cans of food with fowl every day -give him fresh water every day -please water the plants in my living room -please bring the mail into the house -and please record the documentary 'Mysteries of the universe' on Tuesday at 2010
Thanks again Colonel and see you on Wednesday!'
He could still see her kneeling in front of his throne, begging him to feed her cat once a day with tears in her beautiful blue eyes, could still hear his booming, manly voice telling her that he would do anything to help a maid in distress and he could see that mischievous smile on her lips as she gave him the list and vanished behind the elevator doors...
Jack sighed as he shoved the note back into his jeans pocket. With the other hand he put the key into the lock and opened the door to Sam's house.
It was nearly 5pm and he should have done the 'job' about two hours ago, but Hammond just hadn't dismissed him from that really boring SG-leader-meeting he had absolutely forgotten. But now he was here, ready to do all that stuff on her list and face his fate...
Which had the average size of a dachshund, sat in front of the open door and watched him with wide eyes as he entered the corridor and closed the door behind him.
"Hey"
Jack greeted the furry critter, which just stared directly into his eyes... he stared back.
The staring-contest lasted for about ten seconds and ended with Jack averting his eyes from the unwavering, cold gaze of his opponent. Damn cat...
"So, I guess you've already heard that Carter can't feed, pet or water ya for the next few days and I've come to help her outta her dilemma. We've already met. I'm Jack O'Neill, Carter's CO... whatever she's said about me, just believe the good things."
Schroedinger gave him a sideways glance, before getting up onto his four paws and walking silently away from Jack, rounding a corner and disappearing into Sam's living room.
"I hope Carter knew what she got herself into when asking 'me' of all people to do this"
Muttering under his breath, Jack followed the cat and walked through the room, heading towards the kitchen where he had to search probably half the shelfs and closets to find the cans with food.
When he finally reached the kitchen, Schroedinger was already sitting in front of one cupboard, his tail flickering from side to side as he waited patiently for Jack to notice the obvious. And he did... well, Jack did nearly immediately notice the cat sitting in front of the cupboard with a neon sign above his little head pointing towards the closed door.
"Alright... salmon,detergent, fowl... yep, here it is"
Triumphantly, Jack pulled the can out of the cupboard and opened it.
Schroedinger had already taken position in front of his feeding dish and followed Jack's every move with his light green eyes... just watching...
Jack had always hated a cat's stare and felt very uneasy with the thing watching him sideways. Just gave him the creeps.
Slowly, Schroedinger was losing his patience and he mewed in protest.
"Alright... am on my way; don't rush an old man!"
He bent down and filled the empty dish with the stinking, mushy stuff. 'Urgh'... another reason why he preferred dogs. He could give them a big piece of pig ribs and they'd be happy.
Jack tossed the can into the bin and started chewing on the inside of his cheek as he watched the cat practically gulping down the stuff... maybe he should have hurried to come here in time. The poor thing had to be starved.
"Whatever"
Jack shrugged his shoulders and left the cat to its own business. He still had a whole list to complete,
before finally getting back home.
'Bring the mail in'
Yep, that he could do without breaking out in sweat.
And so he walked back out of the house, jumped down the two steps that lead to the front porch and opened the mailbox. He took out the two letters, tried desperately not to look onto the sender's address and finally gave in, being disappointed when Carter's brother and her bank where the senders.
Still too engrossed with the letters, Jack reached blindly for the door knob and pushed... and pushed again.
Aaaalright...
"Dammit... where the hell are the keys"
His free hand searched his jeans pockets for any sign of the keys, but to his dismay he suddenly remembered the second when he had reached for the handle of the cupboard and had discarded the keys onto the kitchen shelf some ten minutes ago.
"Oh damn, damn, dammit! Think, O'Neill... you still have that spare key... which is in fact the thing you're searching for 'cause you had to tell Carter you wouldn't need her own keys since you have your own set of 'em!"
With his open palm, Jack smacked his forehead hard and winced slightly as a result.
Now he had two options:
A: Get over to her neighbours and pray that she'd given them spare keys as well B: Play burglar and break into her house
'A' immediately got eliminated. After the 'Orlin-incident' some two and something years ago, she had demanded every key back from everybody but her closest friends.
And 'B', well... he wouldn't call 'B' an actual option he would take into consideration... at least not for the next thirty minutes, because half an hour should be enough to find some better solution for his current misery.
Inhaling deeply, in order to prevent himself from freaking out, he let his head thump against the hard surface of the wooden front door. His day was such a success. Woohoo!!
It was then that he felt the door underneath the skin of his forehead start to vibrate lightly, barely detectable, but doubtlessly vibrating. Jack frowned and stepped back from the door, his eyes roaming over the dark brown material.
Suddenly something apparently crushed against the inside of the door, making it shudder due to the strain.
It couldn't possibly be, what Jack thought it was.
"Schroedinger"
God, did he feel stupid, leaning his ear against the door and waiting for a 'cat' to answer to his unbelieving and maybe a bit hopeful question.
The response came in form of a second banging sound and again Jack watched the door shudder.
And then he could hear the sound of a lock leaving its frame.
Eyes wide, Jack took the handle and pushed carefully. The door opened and banged lightly against the corridor wall.
"Mew"
Schroedinger sat again in front of the door, tail swinging from side to side and green eyes watching his opponent carefully.
Jack stepped into the house and closed the door behind him. Immediately, the cat got up and rubbed its head against the Colonel's leg, before doing the same with its side and back.
"I'll be dammed... "
He didn't exactly know how to react, so Jack just bent down and started patting the cat's back. In return Shroedinger started purring in contentment.
"This is going to be the beginning of a wonderful friendship..."
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Who would have thought it was going to be such a good friendship?
Jack was sitting on the floor of Carter's living room, legs crossed and a can of tuna in his hand. Right in front of him, Shroedinger, his newest buddy, was sitting, waiting patiently for the next piece of fish to come out of the can.
"And then I took her into my arms and kissed her... and she didn't beat the crap outta me, instead she kissed me back! I tell ya, that was one hell of a loop"
With a fork, Jack pulled the tuna pieces apart and gave the cat the fish, grinning as he watched it chewing happily on the piece.
Casually, he glanced onto the watch of the video recorder, calculating the time before the documentary would start, Carter had asked him to record. It was 8 pm on Tuesday, so he had another ten minutes to finish the can and tell Shroe (as he called the cat lovingly) some stories about its mommy.
Feeling a scratching in his throat he took a swig from the bottle of beer he had found some half an hour ago as he had rummaged through the drawers of Carter's kitchen... though he couldn't exactly remember why he had started doing this in the first place and refused to simply call it curiosity.
Lost in his thoughts, he suddenly realized that the report was going to start in another five minutes and so he pressed the 'record' button, not willing to see one second of that so called 'entertainment'.
Carefully, in order not to strain his knees, Jack got up and walked back into the kitchen, dumping the empty tuna-can in the bin and grabbing an apple out of the fridge. He started going back into the living room, when he noticed Shroe sitting on his bottom in front of a closed door at the end of the corridor.
Frowning, Jack took a mouthful of apple and headed to the where the cat was waiting for him.
"Mew"
Jack didn't exactly know what Shroe' intentions were, so he let his eyes roam over the dark wooden door.
He knew what lay behind it, but he had never been in there. Not that Carter had ever forbidden him to do so, but it had never been the right time (or reason for that matter) to enter her bedroom.
Obviously, Shroedinger noticed Jack's uneasiness and had pity with the poor human being. He got up from the carpeted floor and jumped onto the door handle, pressing it down in the process and opening it with the impact of his body.
Jack knew that this had been the way how the cat had been able to open the door after his little incident, but it was still very impressive to see it with his own eyes.
Not waiting for the open-mouthed-human to get inside, Shroe made his way into the cool room, walking purposefully towards the large bed in the middle of the room. He jumped onto the thick down quilt,
turned once and finally settled down into a furry heap of cat.
Not knowing what else to do, Jack walked into the room, heading towards the cat and petting its head fondly.
"So what now, huh? 's not as if you needed me for this"
Looking as bewildered as Jack hearing Daniel mumble something in Goa'uld, the cat barely raised its head from the soft bed. Instead of answering, Shroe practically rolled his eyes at him... that's how it appeared to Jack anyway.
"Aaalright... so what now... "
A bit uneasy, Jack turned once around himself, before his eyes settled on another door to his left.
Not really paying attention to his early-warning system, Jack made his way to the closed door and pushed it open... no, he was 'not' curious! He refused to think of himself as some nosey, old pervert, having nothing to do, but snooping around in her room.
A bathroom.
His eyes fell on the sink and a mug with a blue and white tooth brush. He bit the inside of his cheek and walked over to the sink, ignoring Shroesinger's 'mew' pointedly. Having reached it, Jack grabbed the tooth brush and examined it closely.
He noticed that it was just one of those very simple brushes, much like the one he had just bought last week... no hyper-aerodynamic-multitask-penknife-adapted-to-ones-hand-brushes that cost a fortune. He would have bet Carter designed them in her spare time for some huge concern.
Still holding the tooth brush in his hand, Jack turned in a semi-circle, looking over various items on the rim of the tub, the toilette and some shelf with towels, women-stuff and underwear...
God sure as hell had no mercy with his poor brain, because by now it had gone all mushy and had stopped functioning completely. Which was bad, considering the fact, that Jack's hand had started travelling towards the shelf.
And then he was holding one of Carter's panties (red panties!) in his free hand and didn't exactly know what to do with it now! Right time, to get his brain to work again! Now... still no sign it was somewhere up there. He was obviously still holding the piece of cloth... Dammit!
Again he registered the cat mewing happily, but he was too aware of the panty to either move or react properly. Again something, they hadn't prepared him for in his boot camp days.
"Uh..."
Uh oh.
Blinking, Jack pursed his lips.
"You're standing behind me, right"
For a rather long second, he was bathed in silence.
Then a short "Yes." and he knew he was going to die painfully.
Inhaling deeply, he closed his eyes for a moment and gripped the items in his hands tightly. He gave himself mentally a pep talk, hoping it would help to prevent him from starting to scream and run past her, down the stairs and into the forest where he would stay for the rest of his life and would end up as a legend people would later call 'Bigfoot's brother'.
"Hey, Carter!" Jack turned swiftly around, his arms behind his back and a very brave smile plastered on his lips.
"Colonel... uhm, what are you doing here with my... ." She started gesturing around, vaguely pointing into his direction.
"Yeah, that's a very interesting story, Carter, I would love to tell ya... you see, I came here to feed Shroe and to record that documentary about the mysteries of whatever and then I gave Shroe some tuna and watched him eating and..." Oh dammit, he was babbling in front of Carter... and by the looks of it, she had a hard time understanding what he intended on telling her.
"Maybe I already asked you, Sir, but what are you doing with my panties and... tooth brush"
She was incredulous, Jack could see it in her eyes and the huge frown on her forehead.
And so he said the only thing he could think of:
"I'm an old pervert, Carter and have nothing to do but snoop around in your things."
He stared at the floor, waiting for her angry voice to get started, telling him how sorry he would be;
waited for something to come flying his direction, knocking him down; he even waited for the cat to attack him.
To his surprise, nothing of said things happened.
And he was even more surprised when he heard her start laughing.
Something was sooo not right here.
He looked up and watched her bending over, doubled with laughter with her hand resting on her belly.
"Uhm, Carter... you alright"
She was still laughing and Jack didn't know whether he shold feel offended, embarrassed or just uneasy.
"Sorry Colonel, but... you just looked so cute..." ('Cute??'),"... when you said that... God, sorry... I can't stop"
Jack actually was at a loss of words, and that meant something!
Still engrossed in watching Carter (she had been able to stop laughing outright about his dumbness and had settled on chuckling with her hand covering her mouth and nose), he didn't notice Shroedinger walking up on him.
He started rubbing his head against his leg and mewed in content.
Jack wanted to bend down and pick the cat up when he noticed that he was still holding the tooth brush and her panties in his hands. He could suddenly feel his ears getting red and just knew how stupid he must have looked with that stuff in his hands, a horrified expression on his face and nothing else to say but such a dumb admission.
He put the things back down and started grinning sheepishly.
"You're not mad at me, Carter?"
She gave him a lopsided grin.
"You've done worse, Sir."
He nodded, grinning back.
"Good to know you won't rip me apart or chop my head off... ."
He started walking towards her, glad when she stepped aside to let him out of his 'prison'. He kept on walking until he reached the door of the bedroom, before looking back to where Sam was still standing in the door frame.
"So, Carter... red, huh"
Again she grinned cheekily, folding her arms across her chest.
"Bought 'em along with the fitting red lacy bra for some special occasions that are hopefully to come"
The smile on his face was wiped away, vanishing in nothingness and he watched helplessly as Carter walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
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FINIS!!!
So... what did you think about it?