CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE: Faces of Badness.

Snide's vessel promptly flipped its way out of the clouds, hurdling into the path of the Spark Without a Cause. It then succeeded in deflecting the energy back to Blackeye and his Fleet. "Oh men? I think you dropped something!"

Ungry panicked. "Go go! Get us out the way!"

"But captain," said one of the hippos. "What about--"

"Just move!" he demanded, and his craft quickly dived out of the menacing spark's path. It snatched off the mast, freeing Blubber as it headed toward the immobilized Rusty Bucket.

The dark captain stood frozen in terror. His men seemed to slow to a crawl as they abandoned ship, ready and willing to dive off toward the ground rather than succumbing to the pain and anguish of their weapon's discharge. Blackeye fell to his knees. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

Suddenly, his ship began to expand and exaggerate as a result of the spark's impact, and the captain's face stretched way out of proportion. "NYAAARRRGH!" He yelled as the dying vessel finally gave in to the stress and detonated, creating an ever-expanding orb of flames pushing outward to the night sky.

"Neat fireworks!" said Kazooie.

The ash spread out into nothing. "Did that happen to me?" asked Banjo.

"Well, kind of," someone uttered.

"But you still brought me back?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes, we all--" but the bird stopped. "Hey, who was that other voice?"

"That would be me," she said. A creature sitting on her broom appeared, leading an gargantuan army of moles on their own sticks. The group extended infinitely in all directions, or at least as far as the eye could see. "I thought I'd make it a fair fight this time," the witch spoke, still in shadow. "You always seem to beat me in a matter of minutes."

"That's because you always have a systematic weakness that we can exploit," explained Kazooie.

"Not now, you don't!" she said. "I mean, what are you gonna do, kill me again?" She hovered out of the darkness and into the moonlight.

The duo gasped in horror.

Kluntilda Winkybunion's face had been grafted on with a metallic plate. Screws were driven into her skull, but the oozing skin still slipped out from under the mask. She had never looked more gross.

"Eww..." said the Breegull.

Klunty huffed. "Nothing but your scrawny lives will extinguish the pain of seeing my lover die!"

"Lover?" said the bird. "I thought you didn't like Blackeye anymore."

"WHAT? Of course I did! I was just playing hard-to-get!"

"Riiiiight..." said Banjo.

"Enough!" said the witch. "Moles! Finish them!"

They acknowledged, and formed separate waves split between the duo, the Salty Hippo, and the Aqua Club.

"Aw, crap!" said Snide, peering through his periscope at the barrage of enemies. The moles smashed against the hull of the club, threatening to destroy it. "Bottles!" yelled the weasel. "Ya gotta help me here -- we're in a party cruiser, not a warship!"

The friendly mole kneeled next to Mumbo, who still hadn't awaken. "What do you expect me to do?"

Snide turned to him. "Oh, I don't know -- how about join in the fight? Is that too much to ask?" Another blast knocked him off his feet.

"But I can't--" He suddenly looked to Canary Mary.

"Hey, hey... What are you looking at me for?" But deep down, she knew.

Outside, Kazooie desperately tried to keep back the drones with eggs, but her ammunition ran low. "Damn! I knew I should've refilled after the race!"

Banjo did his best to kick them back. "We sure have the worst luck!"

Right when it seemed their fate was met, Kazooie spat out another grenade egg, keeping them away.

Elsewhere, the chief drone flew over to the Hippo. "Well," said Squinty, "Where do you think you guys are going?"

Captain Ungry gulped, and ran to the back of the ship with his cowardly crew. Blubber stood firm, and more moles swooped over the vessel.

"Aren't you gonna run with them?" asked the evil mole.

"No, I'm not," said Blubber, letting off some gas to strengthen his resolve.

Squinty covered his nose. "Aw, god! That's a smell I'm never gonna forget."

Ungry watched his sailor's actions from behind a divider. "Men," he whispered, "I think the hippo is on to something." He got up with his crew and marched to the front of the deck.

"Finally got some backbone, eh?" said the mole.

"Something like that," said Ungry. "Men, on my mark, get set--!" The crew then farted in unison at the moles.

"NO!" said Squinty. "Moles, get away! Get away!"

Far away, Kazooie saw the event unfolding with her Amaze-o-Gaze vision. "What the--?" She then turned to Klunty who was motionless, mouthing Squinty's words. "Hmm..."

"What are you doing?" yelled Banjo. "Keep shooting those eggs!"

"I'm all out," she said while diving into a tail spin to avoid the incoming force. "It won't be much longer 'till we're through and we see the alternate ending."

"Don't count on that," said the bear. "There isn't one -- just like in the last game." He braced himself for the onslaught.

But it didn't come.

"Whuh?"

A flapping shape surfaced from within the clouds, carrying an oblong object. "Seems like we came just in time!"

"Hey!" said the Breegull. "We were doing just fine, Mary!"

The canary carried Bottles from within his orange backpack. "Ooh!" said the mole. "Looks like you need some ammo."

Kazooie's BlueEgg meter filled to it's maximum capacity. "Thanks. I never did figure out how you could do that without ever having to touch me," she said.

"Now isn't the time for logistics discussions," said Mary. "Let's just tear these moles a new one!"

"Hey!" said Bottles, insulted.

"Er, I mean -- well, you know what I mean..."

So together, the birds, bear and mole swooped in to finish the job.