Angela sat by the fire reading a book. A warm fire burned in the hearth a short distance away, occasionally casting shadows across her smooth face accentuating the smalls signs of worry hidden there. She glanced up at the clock again. Sighing as her worry deepened. She resolutely returned to her book and attempted to read the same paragraph over yet again. Just as she was about to give up the whole pretense, she heard the soft click of the front door. She listened intently to the sound of the familiar feet as they tread upon the wooden floor. Noting when the steps paused ever so slightly as they turned the corner, then resumed its slightly unsteady gait to the sofa where she lay. Her frowned deepened, her worry slowly dissolving into something else."You're late." She accused.
"I know. I know." The decidedly male voice sighed. "I'm sorry honey." He leant down to kiss her, but she turned away at the last moment obviously angry with him.
"Don't honey me. You've been drinking again." She accused her eyes flashing. "You're bleeding too." She gestured at the long cut that marred his left cheek. "Geez Daniel, were you in a fighting as well?"
She watched him expectantly as he put a hand to his bleeding cheek and an unreadable expression flickered across his face. The firelight reflected oddly in his suddenly clouded eyes for a moment before he seemingly returned to himself. "No...I mean sorta..I...can explain..." She crossed her arms then with a -this-better-be-good look.
Daniel inwardly panicked. What in the world can I tell her? I expected this to be over and be back home hours ago. Long before she even had time to worry. He cursed himself for not preparing in advance, but he had been so distracted by his failure. He glanced up at her. He couldn't dare tell her the truth. He didn't want her involved in any of this. The justice system could not help him in this matter, so it was his task alone to finish. Besides he was afraid she wouldn't understand his reasons or worse yet, trying to stop him.
"Daniel." Her demanding tone finally dragging his attention back to her. "Daniel, what is with you lately? You're always moody this time of year, but this...this is different somehow. You've barely said a word to me in days and you've started drinking again." He hadn't drank in almost a year. Something must have really upset him for him to break his promise to her. She was use to his moods and self-abusing habits. He hadn't quite stopped smoking, but he had finally quit drinking for her. He was such a nice and loving man. She loved him so dearly, but at times he would become moody and withdraw into himself. She wished she had known him to before, the happy child that he had been before the tragic accident. She couldn't imagine sometimes the terrible things that still so frequently haunted his thoughts never giving him the peace that she knew he deserved. "Talk to me." She pleaded with all the concern and love in her heart.
Daniel's eyes widened in surprise not having realized that his preoccupation had been so obvious. It pained him to know that he was the cause of the worry marks that marred her beautiful face. A wave of guilt passed through him and he knew that he would have to tell her the truth or at least part of it. In a few days time, it would all be over and he would finally be at peace. Justice wound have at long last finally be done and he would never lie to her again. With this resolved, he began to speak.
"It was recently discovered who was responsible for all that destruction all those years ago. The one who killed..." He broke off suddenly choking on his emotions. Angela put a hand a hand on his arm, her eyes radiating empathy."Her ... Will finally be sentenced in three days."
"That's great." She said genuinely happy for him. " But why didn't you say anything before.?"
"I-I didn't know how to tell you." He brushed his hand nervously through his brown hair.
"Ah... and besides, it'll be a few days before the ah... Sentencing. I thought that I had the few days before I go."
"You don't want me to go with you?"
"No. No. "He said quickly a little to quickly and she looked up at him oddly. "Angela. Honey, this is just something that I have to do alone."
"Ah...okay." She said giving him an uncertain look. His words had seemed honest enough, but there was something in his tone that niggled at her seeming wrong somehow.
"I'll be okay." He reassured her, pulling her into his arms before she could contemplate any longer. "I only want to make sure that this gets done right. Then I'll come back to you." She looked up into his eyes and dismissing her worries sinking back into his embrace. Behind them, a log popped and crackled as it was slowly consumed in the red and white blaze of the fire.
It wasn't until the day before the meeting that fate granted Heero and Relena a moment to find peace between them...
It was almost evening , when Heero chanced to find her alone. The golden sun was sinking towards the distant horizon. Red and Gold strands of brilliance fought valiantly against the deep blue of the encroaching night. Relena sat alone on a bench amid the day's final battle with night. Her eyes closed and her head tilted slightly as she reveled in the still warm rays of the sun. She didn't turn or speak, but he sensed that she was already aware of his presence. As he stood there uncertain a thousand thoughts whirled through his mind then, demanding to be let out. After a moment, with resolve he stubbornly he thrust them back determined to keep to old habits. "Relena, you shouldn't be out here alone." He said simply.
Still not turning, her voice floated back to him. Her tone quiet as if trying to preserve the moment. "Come, sit beside me."
Heero hesitated only a moment considering, but knowing that she could be just as stubborn as he, he decided to obey. Relena opened her eyes smiling briefly at him as he took a seat beside her. "See that wasn't so hard." She turned back to the setting sun. "Beautiful isn't it?"
Heero looked at the red and gold colors that highlighted the darkening sky. But where Relena could see beauty, he could only see blood and violence.
"It seems like the only way I can ever get you to see me is when my life is in danger. "The softest of sighs passed through her lips, her empty hand played with the wood of the bench. "I do wish it could be different. But I guess that's something we'll always have in common. " At Heero's questioning look, she continued.
"The danger. The constant line of life and death we teeter on each day. The sacrifices we do each day to make a better world."
"No." The harshness of his tone surprised her. "Do not equate yourself to me. You are so much nobler. You sacrifice yourself. I sacrifice people. I kill people Relena. I've killed so many. Men. Women. It made no difference. I took their lives, ripped their existence away leaving their families with nothing..."
"But Heero, there was a war on. As a soldier, you had to fight..."
"You don't believe that. You didn't have to see that. You didn't have to feel their life's blood stain your hands. You didn't have to see the reflection of your image in their terror filled eyes. I am the monster the last person they saw before they breathed their last strangled breath and went to the hell that I sent them. " He clenched his hand upon the wood of the bench as if trying to pull back all the phantoms that he had brutally ripped from life. Relena watched him silently unable to bring herself to interrupt just yet. Sensing that this was something that he had long since needed to get out. He continued on in his fixed trance, pulling her with him showing her with renewed sight the nightmarish details that had for too long been apart of the life he had led. At each detail, Relena grew paler and paler, feeling increasing ill at each grotesque description, but willing herself to listen, to understand for Heero's sake. Finally, he halted jerking back to the present with a snap, when Relena reached out grasping his hand. In surprise and more than a little guilt, Heero hesitantly looked up into her pale face. Knowing that he had gone to far, told her too much he expected to see horror and disgust, but was again both surprised and puzzled to see only a deep sadness. "Oh Heero... It is terrible that you had to go through all that. I can only imagine what it must have been like for you." His face for the first time revealed his bafflement. She was crying- for him? All the horrid truths he had laid before her and she still cared? He tentatively reached out brushing a sparkling tear from her soft wet cheek. He looked at it as if in fascination like a child seeing a shiny crystal for the first time. The dying sun caressed it with its rays causing it to sparkle all the more brilliantly shimmering almost like a diamond.
"How could you..." Relena gently placed a finger upon his lips.
"There's nothing to forgive. "
But Heero, found that he could not accept her words. " All my life there's only been one Reason. One purpose, that I was created for..."
"Heero, you are not some machine...you are so much more than that."
"If that were true, then tell me." His eyes were for the first time completely open and vulnerable. "Why can I not cry? You shed tears so easily, but I did those things to those people and I cannot even shed one tear for any of them. If I am truly human, why can I not even do this one simple thing? Am I that heartless?"
Relena's heart ached for him. The emotion she saw in him was so strong and turbulent she could barely look into his eyes. And he thought that he was heartless? She frantically searched for words to convince him. "The fact that you ask these questions is enough for me. I could only love a man, as I do you Heero."
He looked at her then. Emotions once again flitted past his eyes. She watched each one chased the other other across his face, first fear, then pain and oddly guilt, streaked through with confusion. Then quicker than the blink of an eye, the cold emotionless mask sealed itself back into place and he rose to leave. "Heero?" She called to him, but he did not answer. He glanced at her once more before turning from her walking back towards the house. Unbidden tears sprung once more in her eyes as she watched him go realizing that she had once more lost him. Behind her the sun gave one last desperate flare as it sunk below the horizon and swallowed up.
TBC...
Man, this was so hard to write it was ridiculous. It kept wanting go in every direction than the one that I wanted. Stay tuned for Chapter 6...Clues. To be posted extremely soon, like within the next 24 hours. Until, then please review and tell me what you think.