A Humorous Start to Sixth Year
A Sixth-Year Fanfic by Lil' Padfoot
Suitable for All
One-Shot in response to Casey's Humor Challenge
See bottom of page for details
Snape stalked up the staircase to Dumbledore's office wondering what on earth Dumbledore wanted with him. The last time he'd been called up here was to ask him to be a spy for the Light side and the time before that he'd wanted his advice on how to deal with the Giant Squid, who'd suddenly realized that it was afraid of water.
However, the news Dumbledore had for him this time shocked him greatly. And there weren't many things that could shock Severus Snape. He had finally gotten the coveted and supposedly cursed, Defense Against the Dark Arts position.
Potter definitely wasn't going to be happy this coming September, thought Snape with a smug look on his face. His most hated teacher teaching his favorite class and his second most hated teacher teaching his most hated class.
Life could be so sweet. He sighed happily and headed down to the dungeons to begin moving his things.
Harry
Harry took a seat with Ron and Hermione at the Gryffindor table. He glanced up at the staff table and couldn't suppress a gasp as he saw who was seated right next to Dumbledore. He poked Ron and pointed towards the staff table.
"How dare he allow to come back here after what she did?" he asked furiously. Ron was kept from replying by the entrance of the first years.
Harry paid no attention to the sorting; he was busy glaring furiously at the staff table, where Snape was sitting with a particularly smug look on his face.
Oh Merlin, that couldn't mean anything good. Snarky bastard, he thought as he focused his glare Snape's way.
"Harry!" he heard Ron hiss and noticed that the sorting had ended. Dumbledore was standing up, looking ready to make a speech. Harry focused his attention on Dumbledore.
"Greetings to you all. I would like to say a few words before we become befuddled by the magnificent feast which has been prepared for us. There have been a few changes in staffing this year," said Dumbledore. Changes, what changes? As far as he could see, Umbridge was the only new person there.
"Professor Snape has kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts." Harry felt as though his stomach had turned to ice. It was nothing, however, to Dumbledore's next words.
"Professor Umbridge will be filling the post of Potions professor." Harry felt as though the world was collapsing on him.
"Harry, are you okay?" asked Hermione.
"The world has gone to hell," he muttered, resisting the urge to crawl under the table and hide forever.
"Bloody hell, we are so screwed," said Ron around a large bite of chicken. Apparently, the feast had appeared.
"I am never going to survive this year," said Harry as he poked unhappily at his food.
Harry walked into the Potions the next day with an urge to run back to Gryffindor Tower and hide from Umbridge forever. Lucky Ron hadn't made the OWL to get into Potions and therefore wasn't being subjected to this torture.
He noticed Umbridge had a huge smile on her toad-like face as he took a seat next to Hermione. He knew immediately that this lesson was going to be far from pleasant. In fact, it was probably going to be downright hell.
As soon as the last student entered the room, Umbridge shut the door with her wand.
"Good morning class," she greeted brightly.
"Good morning Professor Umbridge," said most of the class, except Harry and Hermione, who only mouthed the words. Harry, in fact, had wanted to replace Umbridge with a few other choice words.
"Today, we will be making a very interesting potion. At the end of the class, I will be choosing two people to test their potions on each other." She eyed Harry happily and Harry knew that he was going to be chosen for the demonstration.
"The Body-Switch Potion. Extremely easy potion, with quite amusing results. The instructions are on the board. Please begin now," she said and went to her desk to watch them. Harry's potion ended up being the exact shade of pumpkin-orange that it was supposed to be and he bottled a sample of it with much satisfaction.
"No need to seal that, Mr. Potter. I would like yours tested right now. And how about…..Mr. Malfoy? Come up here please with your samples." They both went up to the front of the room with their samples.
"Now put one of your hairs in your potion and trade them," instructed Umbridge. Harry and Malfoy did so, exchanging looks of disgust as well as their potions.
With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Harry drank the Body-Switch potion. He dropped the vial as he felt the nauseating feeling that came with the potion.
Seconds later, the transformation was over and he could hear people whispering. Malfoy stood across from him, looking like an exact replica of him. Oh Merlin, he could picture quite well what he looked like.
"Class is dismissed," said Umbridge, sounding like Christmas had come early. Harry walked back to his desk and grabbed his bag. He stalked out of the classroom with Ron and Hermione.
"I can't believe she's going to make you walk around looking like Malfoy for hours!" said Hermione.
"She's a bitch, we all know it, but let's make the best of the situation," said Ron evilly.
"Hermione, can you charm Harry's robes to look like a Slytherin's?"
"Of course, but why…." She was cut off by Ron.
"Just do it, quick. We only have a couple of hours to cause as much mayhem as possible with Malfoy's body."
Hermione performed the charm and Ron quickly outlined the plan as they headed up to the Great Hall to begin their humiliation of Malfoy. They opened the doors and walked in, pretending to be arguing.
"…at least my father makes…"
A flash of light created by Hermione to look like a spell hit Harry and suddenly, he ran over to the Slytherin table and jumped up onto it. He ran down the length of the table, stripping off his robes as he went.
Pansy Parkinson caught his shirt and squealed excitedly, so Harry took the opportunity to lean down and kiss her passionately. She began screaming, whether with joy or horror, Harry couldn't tell and he jumped down, now fully naked and ran in between the House tables.
He began singing very loudly and very off-key, Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. People all around him laughed as he carried on. When the song was complete, he stood in front of the doors to the Great Hall and bowed to thunderous laughing and jeering. He Summoned his clothes and exited the Great Hall. He went up to the Room of Requirement to get dressed and change back.
Halfway there, he caught sight of something he'd rather not have seen. Nearly Headless Nick and Moaning Myrtle were locked in a passionate embrace in the middle of the hallway.
"Oh Merlin, get a room," he groaned as he passed them.
The rest of the way was without incident, and Harry sat in the Room of Requirement waiting to change back into his won body. About an hour after Harry changed back, Ron and Hermione burst into the room, Ron looking giddy and Hermione devastated.
"What's up?" he asked. "And why are you so late?" Ron flopped down on a squashy chair that appeared out of nowhere.
"We were snogging in a broom closet and Filch caught us," said Ron. "He gave us both detention."
"Detention!" wailed Hermione as she threw herself into a chair.
"What's the big deal?" asked Harry. "Ron and I have gotten detention loads of times. It doesn't bother us."
"I've never gotten detention and now I have! My perfect record is going to be ruined! Ruined!" said Hermione.
"Just go and ask him to change the detention to points," suggested Harry. When that didn't mollify Hermione, Harry tried a different tactic. "How about Ron and I go with you?"
"Great, volunteer me for death," muttered Ron.
"That would be great, Harry," said Hermione. They left the Room of Requirement and headed for Filch's office.
The door was open just a crack and when Harry raised his fist to knock on it, it swung open, revealing Filch passionately snogging Mrs. Norris. Instead of screeching and meowing to get away, the cat seemed to be enjoying it.
The trio exchanged horrified looks and ran back up to the Room of Requirement. The door had already appeared and they were all shocked when they opened the door and found Fred and George sprawled out in armchairs, laughing hysterically.
"Fred, George, what are you doing here?" asked Ron.
"We've come to give Umbridge a Welcome Back present."
"I believe she may be receiving it…"
"…right about now." They heard muffled shrieks coming from not too far away and the twins began laughing again.
"Those Weasley twins! I'm going to get them!" They heard Umbridge scream.
"Don't worry."
"She won't."
"We made sure of that."
"The old cow is finally gone!" they yelled in unison.
The End
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