December 25th
Graveyard
Toilet stall

Dear Journal,

Merry Christmas! And guess what? Bella got me a journal that crucifies anyone who comes near it! She is so sweet... Maybe we should marry sometime, now that Lucius is dead. Although I'm not sure, because Bella is still inclined on the "Kill all muggles" thing. Personally, I just want to go party at the local discotheque.Hey, that's a good idea! I'll go get some "studs" right now.

Tom

December 26th
Appartment in London
Bedroom

Dear Journal,

What a day it has been! As you know, when I went to the discotheque in my new disco studs, the called me "King of the Dance Floor". So now I'm known as "He Who Wanted To Be Supreme Overlord Of The Wizarding World But Since He's A Great Dancer He Is Now King And Supreme Overlord Of The Dance Floor"-- HWWTBSOOTWWBSHAGDHINKASOOTDF for short. It's quite a mouthful. But because of the money I won in a retro dance competition, I now have a flat! And a stylist, too. One of the best.I mean, they better be. Or else I crucify them.

Oh, there's the blood-curdling scream of someone being crucified. Maybe I really should change my doorbell spell; I know! A doorbell that transforms you into a cow made of orange jello!

Tom

Flat
London

Dear Journal,

I met that kid again. You know, the one I was killed by? Well, I showed him who was boss. I changed him into a cow made of orange jello! But then, the hot girl whom I wanted to be my servant fixed him and turned me into a horned toad. I had to hop back to my flat because since I'm not the Dark Lord anymore, just the Lord of the Dance, I don't have much magic. And now I'm dictating to my quick-quotes quill, as Rita Skeeter, attractive blone, massages me -- HEY! STOP THAT!

Hogwarts

Dear Journal,

I am now a teacher at Hogwarts. It turns out JKR wanted another comical yet stupid professor who was an impostor, so since no one recognises me in my toad form, I became Dictomentanologimentry teacher. I teach Dictomentanogimentry to seventh year students. So I gave myself a name: Professor HHWTBTSOOTWWBUTSINCEHAGDHNKALOTDFBSJKRWATHNTD. You can guess what that stands for. So my students call me "Teach".

Tom

Empty Teacher's Lounge, Discotheque Form

Dear journal,

Did you know that at Hogwarts the Teacher's Lounge changes to a teacher's desire? It is amazing.

Hey, I have an idea. You know in the Chamber of Sick, Disgusting, Perverted things? The one Good ol' Salazar put in before the Chamber of Strip Clubs and the Chamber of Secrets? Well, I'm gonna go down there and unleash the horrible monster on all the muggle-borns. Especially the sexy one.

Tom

...

A note from the Author: As you can see, Voldemort, aka Professor HHWTBTSOOTWWBUTSINCEHAGDHNKALOTDFBSJKRWATHNTD, has not been able to complete his journal. As he entered the Chamber of Sick, Disgusting, Perverted things, he was horribly mauled by a level 85 ladybug-- the horrible monster of the chamber.

He is now known as He Who Wanted To Be The Supreme Overlord Of All Things In The Wizarding World, Be King Of The Dance Floor, And Professor At Hogwarts, But Got Mauled By A Horrible Ladybug And Is Now A Discolored Patch Of Grass.

Donations to the Foundation For Demented Evil Disco Maniacs Turned Into Horned Toads Then Killed By Ladybugs And Made Into Discolored Patches Of Grass can be made to the St. Mungo's Hospital in the name of Tom Marvolo Riddle(Or give the author your PIN number and Bank ID, that will be just as good).

Please help us stop ladybugs from killing demented evil disco maniacs turned into horned toads and making them discolored patches of grass. It happened to Hitler; it happened to Voldemort; don't let it happen to you.