...THE DISCLAIMER... naruto isnt mine, never has been, never will be.
okey doke folks, this is the first chapter proper. This is much more in-depth chapter, but i MUST remind you all that this whole chapter is essentially a flashback, so youre not confused next chapter when it suddenly turns into present tense! lol i like to write confusing fics :) its also rather fluffy. yay! i should also mention that it flashes back quite a few years so the characters are a bit younger than in the rest of the fic.

Italics denote thought and song lyrics, but dont worry you'll be able to tell the difference :)
on with the show! yeehah!

Chapter 1: Before

...Tears blur his eyes again as he sits down heavily upon the fourth's head. He holds his head in his hands and casts his mind back further to a night more memorable than the last. The first night...

[flashback]

It had been a VERY long day for Iruka. The children had been having an extremely restless day, knowing that today was one of the last days before the holidays began. Iruka had been trying to cram in as much last-minute study as he could but the children were too full of the joys of summer and getting them to pay attention left the young chuunin exhausted. Rather than make feeble attempts at conversation with his fellow teachers at break time, he opted instead to take his coffee back to the classroom for some much needed peace and quiet. And it'll give me a chance to start all that marking, he thought wearily. He had been a bad little sensei recently and had fallen behind on the usual stream of tests, homework and miscellaneous other paperwork that went with the job, and as a result, he hadn't been sleeping nearly as much as he needed to function rationally. He grimaced inwardly as he shut and locked the door behind him, letting out a small sigh as he sipped his coffee and glanced down at the pile of homework and test papers lying on his desk and found he couldn't face it. He sat down and let his head sink onto his arms on the desk. "Five minutes", he mumbled. "Five minutes and I'll be right as rain."

A good bit more than five minutes later, a sharp tap on the shoulder brought Iruka back from Never-never land with a rather large fright. Sleep threatened to drag him back under but after a brief scuffle little inner-teacher-Iruka kicked his ass back to the sandman and Iruka grunted slightly as he turned to face a frightened blonde child. The boys face swam into focus.

"Whaa-? Naruto? Why are you inside, and not out in the grounds?" He questioned. "You know you're not supposed to be inside at break time!"

Naruto's face creased in a bewildered frown, looking at his sensei as though he had just asked him why wasn't wearing his underpants on his head.

"Ne, Iruka-sensei! It's not breaktime anymore, so we came in." His face split into a grin. "You were asleep!"

Iruka grimaced and rubbed his eyes as he shakily stood up. He muzzily wondered how long he'd been out for. GACK! A look at his watch told him he'd been out for Forty-five minutes. Forty-five minutes! Break only lasts half an hour! He looked down at the blonde boy and fixed his face into a stern frown.

"Naruto, if you knew I was asleep, why did you not wake me earlier?" he queried, raising one eyebrow. He lifted his head to look at the rest of the class, and saw they were all squirming in their seats, not quite looking him in the eye. What on earth is going on here, he thought to himself. It's not like the kids to be so … quiet. He turned his attention back to Naruto, who was shifting from one foot to the other. He opened and closed his mouth as though searching for the right words. Finally he settled on, "Kakashi-sensei told us not to."

Now Iruka was totally lost. Why in the name of all that is holy would he do that?! He decided to see if the child had any more information.

"Kakashi-sensei didn't happen to say WHY you weren't to wake me, did he?" he asked in a dangerously civilised tone of voice. Iruka was generally a mild-mannered young man but he disliked anything that interfered with his work. He had a reputation for being hard-working and THIS was going to be a black mark on his otherwise perfect record. He sighed inwardly. The other teachers would have a field day with this.
He relaxed suddenly. He saw how agitated Naruto had become and decided to chill a little. After all, it wasn't the boy's fault, now was it? The children had all heard of the great Copy Cat ninja so they were unlikely to disobey an order. He strode to the front of the room and began making notes on the blackboard.

"All right class, copy these down and when you're done, you can go home. Let's call it an end-of-term treat." He smiled but deep down he knew he had done it to give him more time to work through the ever-increasing pile of work on his desk...

Iruka gratefully closed and locked the classroom door as the last student skipped happily through it and leaned his aching head against the cool wood. He really needed to get more sleep. Luckily, once this final pile of marking was done, it would be his last. Then the holidays began and he could relax for a while before it all started anew. A sharp pain hit his temple as he though of this. Stupid, stupid Iruka! Don't give yourself more problems, he silently berated himself as he lowered his stiff frame into the soft leather-padded chair and pulled a few sheets of paper towards him. He lifted his marking pen and twiddled it in his fingers for a bit, then put it down again and pulled off his hitai-ate headband and chuunin vest. Nope, still not comfy. Something was nagging him and he couldn't relax to concentrate on his work because of it. And he had a sneaking suspicion he knew exactly what it was.

Its name was Kakashi.

Being a lowly teacher, and a lowly CHUUNIN teacher at that, he only really knew Kakashi through word of mouth. Sure, he had seen him about here and there, but he had never broken breath to the guy so he was stumped for reasons as to why he left him asleep. He scratched his now stubbly chin in thought. Suddenly a little light bulb clicked on inside his brain. I know! He probably thought it would be amusing to make fun of the chuunin, him being a high-and-mighty jounin and everything. Yeah, that must be it! Content in his new reasoning, Iruka switched on his desk lamp and got to work.

Of course, had Iruka slept more than 4 hours that week and been his usual fair, rational self, he would have realised this was absurd. No ninja would stoop so low as to try to ruin another's career just for kicks. But of course, if Iruka had realised this, this story would be over a hell of a lot sooner...

It was 5 long hours later than the door of the classroom creaked open, admitting none other than the aforementioned Kakashi who, after pausing to lean on the door doorframe for a moment or two, padded silently to the desk, turned off the lamp and stopped only to shove Iruka's belongings and paperwork into a bag. He then lifted the chuunin from his seat and carried him curled in his arms out the door and back to his apartment.

The scent of freshly brewed coffee tickled Iruka's nose and in the half-awake/half-asleep haze he could feel a small stream of drool leak out of his mouth. He flailed uselessly at his face with still-asleep hands, nearly breaking his nose and poking himself in the eye before a firm but gentle hand restrained him.

"Here, let me get that for you."

He felt a thumb graze his cheek and mentally begged his sleep-stuck eyes to open. After a brief internal struggle, coffee and curiosity won over blissful ignorance and he finally opened his eyes to stare into those of one Hatake Kakashi.

He almost wished he had stayed asleep.

But luckily for Kakashi, he was one of those people who are not quite human until that first joyous cup of coffee after waking up passes their lips. Iruka's little mini freak-out was postponed, so instead, he settled for fixing his face into what he hoped was a polite grimace and asked, "What are you doing here, Kakashi-sensei?" Ok, so he knew he probably looked like a gormless idiot, but he really didn't care. He STILL hadn't got enough sleep, there was a stranger in what turned out - after a quick glance around - to be HIS house and worse still, he hadn't finished the marking the previous night and it needed to be handed in that day. The coffee cup Kakashi had literally just pushed into his hand flew as he shot to his feet and began to panic.

"OHMYGOD! The marking! It needs to be done for this morning! Oh my god what time is it? Oh my ass is TOAST!" He went to dash away (although he had no idea where he was going, he just hoped the marking would be there when he got there), when Kakashi grabbed him by the shoulders and lowered him to the couch. Iruka was vaguely aware of the large coffee stain spreading across his wooden floor but he was too caught up in the intensity of the Jounins gaze to notice. Their eyes didn't break contact as Kakashi opened his mouth, hidden by his mask, and spoke.

"Firstly, it could only loosely be called this morning because, as you can see, it's still dark," He gestured to the black window. "Which means that you would still have time for your marking if," here he waved a hand toward a neat pile of paper on the coffee table, "I hadn't already done it."

Without another word he stood up and walked to the broken porcelain, carefully picking up the shards and carrying them through to the kitchen, leaving Iruka sitting there, gob-smacked. His face went through a variety of different expressions from shock, to surprise, to confusion - yeah, confusion is good, stick with that. He decided there was no point in wondering what was going on, he might as well just ask. With that thought in mind he jogged into the kitchen where Kakashi was wrapping the fragments of cup in tissue before putting them in the bin. He didn't turn when Iruka entered the room.

"Umm - Kakashi-sensei? Could you fill me in a little on what's going on here? I mean, why did you do my work? And how did I get home?" He had barely got the questions out his mouth when Kakashi simply sidestepped around him and out into the living room, cloth in hand.

"Hey! I'm trying to talk to you!" Iruka reached out and, still being a ninja and all and thus owning super-fast reflexes, grabbed Kakashi's wrist. The jounin spun round and stared Iruka straight in the eye. It was only now Iruka noticed how tired Kakashi looked. He had taken off his vest and he had dark circles around his eyes - hang on, eyes plural? It hit Iruka that Kakashi wasn't wearing his hitai-ate headband and his Sharingan eye was on full display. Iruka had never seen it, only heard of it and he flinched slightly when he caught sight of it. Kakashi seemed to pick up on this as he yanked his arm from Iruka's grasp and walked off, stooping to mop up the spilled liquid. It was only now he finally answered Iruka's question.

"I brought you home. I was at the school and I saw a light on in your classroom and decided to investigate and there you were, out like a light. I couldn't just leave you there so I brought you back here. What's the big deal?" He tossed the cloth from hand to hand as he spoke, walking slowly toward the kitchen door again. Iruka manoeuvred and blocked his way.

"I'm sorry to sound forward Kakashi-sensei, but it's a big deal to me! I mean, I don't even know you! How did you know where I lived? And how did you bring me here if I was asleep? What did you do, carry me?" His small chuckle died in his throat as he saw the serious expression on the older shinobi's face. Kakashi took a few steps toward Iruka, who backed off until he was against the wall by the doorway. Funny thing was, Kakashi didn't stop walking towards him. They were almost touching when Kakashi dropped the cloth abruptly at his feet and thrust out his arms, one either side of Iruka, essentially pinning the chuunin to the wall. His drowsy, heavy-lidded eyes locked with Iruka's and his voice dropped to a low murmur.

"That's exactly what I did."

Iruka's eyes widened in surprise. He opened his mouth a few times but only succeeded in doing a fantastic impression of a fish. He had no idea what to say to this statement except, in a very high voice, "Thanks very much!"

So that cleared that up. Iruka couldn't pretend he didn't find a man of nineteen being carried home by a slightly senior comrade more than a little strange. I mean, that's a bit - what's the word? He raked his mind desperately to find a word to convey how Kakashi's actions made him feel. Well, if he was being completely honest with himself, it seemed a little … soft! He was a ninja for crying out loud! He didn't need to be carried by anyone, and told Kakashi as much in no uncertain terms.

Kakashi merely chuckled a little. "Well, it was either that or drag you by your ponytail and I doubt you would have been any happier with that!" He raised an eyebrow. "Besides, you looked so cute that I couldn't bear to wake you. You looked like a baby in my arms..." his voice trailed off into silence and if Iruka hadn't frozen inside at the mention of the word "cute" he would have noticed the flicker of sadness that passed over Kakashi's elegant face. He made a few more fish faces before reclaiming his voice.

"You - you think - you think I'm CUTE?!" His voice rose a whole octave on the last word. First of all, a complete stranger had just walked into his house and was now proclaiming him to be CUTE and secondly, said complete stranger was a guy! Iruka knew he should be freaked out, but strangely he wasn't. He actually felt ... happy! A little part of him was thrilled with the compliment. But his moment of joy was snuffed out when, with a slight groan, Kakashi twisted around till he was leaning on the wall next to Iruka, and, dropping his head to his chest, slid silently down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, knees drawn up and head on his arms. As Iruka stared down a faint voice floated up to his ears.

"This isn't how I'd planned for you to find out, Iruka. Actually if I'd had my way, you would never have found out, but -" here his voice cracked and Iruka was shocked to see the shinobi's shoulders were shaking. He didn't need to be able to see Kakashi's face to tell that he was crying.

"But just - just holding you - it's a feeling I've craved for so long. I couldn't…" He broke down completely, his next sentence lost in the silent sobs.

Iruka's mind was numb. He only had the vaguest idea what Kakashi was talking about, and was terrified of doing the wrong thing. He desperately wanted to comfort the distressed ninja but what was the best way to do it? Well, he did say something about holding me...

Iruka didn't think about his actions. Or the consequences. His head was full of nothing but sympathy for the man on the floor. Kneeling before him, he lifted his arms from his knees and although he didn't raise his head, Kakashi allowed his arms to be placed at his sides. Iruka slid closer to him, between his raised knees, and placed a hand under the jounin's chin. But Kakashi was immovable as stone and would not raise his head.

"Don't look at me," he said in a barely audible whisper. "I don't want you to see me."

Iruka decided not to press any further. Instead he decided actions spoke louder than words and, sliding himself closer still, placed his arms around Kakashi's neck and held him tight. He spoke gently in Kakashi's ear. "You couldn't what, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi sniffed a little before replying. "I - I couldn't handle the thought of - of another day going by without - without you knowing I love you."

Iruka's heart twisted. He had never though of this as a possibility. His life had been fairly emotion-empty since his parents died and although he craved the sort of love and protection they had given him, he had never met anyone he thought capable of giving it and had resigned himself to the fact he probably never would. But here, on his living room floor, between the sideboard and the open kitchen doorway, he felt warm and safe and protected. He had never dreamed it would come from any man, let alone the one before him, but he didn't care!

"I love you too Kakashi-sensei."

The silent sobs halted, and the shaking subsided. A twitch and then suddenly Iruka was enveloped, strong arms pulling him as close as humanly possible. He sat down between Kakashi's legs and rested his head on the jounin's chest, and revelled in the warm embrace. The heaving of Kakashi's chest soon subsided and his voice came back, a little shaky, but clear.

"I've watched you. For 6 long months, I've watched you. I would watch you in school, and when you were out in the field with the kids, and when you were on your way home. I spent every last moment looking at you, just drinking you in. I never thought I could have any more than that, and now look! I'm drowning in you..."

Iruka digested this. Ok, so he sounded like a crazy stalker, but he didn't mind. He shifted a little and closed his eyes. I should overwork myself a little more often, he smiled...



Dawn broke, and Konoha awoke.

Parents roused their stubborn offspring for school. Day watch ninjas relieved their exhausted nighttime counterparts. Jounins and Chuunins greeted each other in the street as they made their way to the school and offices and market traders set up their stalls, ready to sell their wares. In every house, on every street, in every part of the village, people were waking up and preparing for a hard day's work, everyone carrying on the same as every other day.

Well, almost everyone.

In a small apartment, in a corner between the sideboard and the open kitchen doorway, two people sat on the floor, wrapped inextricably in each other's limbs and oblivious to the flurry of activity outside the sunlit windows. The sunlight glinted off the hair of the larger figure against the wall, staining the silver threads golden yellow as his head rested on that of the smaller brunette curled up in his arms. A soft sigh escaped Iruka's lips as he shifted slightly from his position between Kakashi's legs and ran his hand over the jounin's stomach under the heavy fabric of his sweater. He squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light of the orange-bathed room. He reckoned it was about time to get to the school to hand in his work. His fingers lightly traced the lines of the scars on Kakashi's belly and he grinned quietly to himself. He didn't actually have any classes today. He could hand the papers in any time today, and after that he was young and free again. He heard Kakashi let out a soft snore as he tightened his hold on Iruka, who yawned and closed his eyes, thinking of the four magical, paper-work free weeks ahead of him and wondering exactly how Kakashi could help him fill his time...

I'll run away with you by my side....

[end flashback]

WOOHOO! chapter one all done! i hope it made sense....erk! lol
very many more thanks to my beta-reader shi-chan for making this readable :)