I'm in a place called Vertigo
It's everything I wish I didn't know
It's you that gives me something
I can feel
Vertigo, U2'Morning Evans,' James groggily said as he took a seat on a barstool next to Lily.
'Morning Potter.'
It was a week after the 'itching powder incident' and Lily and James had somehow managed to form a consistency to be civil. Turning away from her cereal bowl to take a sip of her juice, Lily glanced at the boy who had just entered the kitchen, then immediately did a double take, not looking away this time.
There sitting next to her was a very handsome, very naked, James Potter. Clad in only boxers, he carried on pouring cereal like it was the most natural thing in the world, unaware of the stunned girl next to him.
Against her general will, her eyes were transfixed on his very smooth, and very sculpted chest. Lily couldn't describe what was happening to her, having never felt it before, but suddenly it was very hot, and she was extremely flustered. Her gazed moved across his torso fervently, but she was still too shell-shocked to move.
All at once she began to wonder what it would be like to touch it, to kiss it…would he object if she just reached across the counter and…cut it out.
She could hardly bring herself to blink; quidditch had done him good…
The sound of James's deep laughter swept her out of her reverie.
'Drink much Evans?'
Apparently, during her momentary loss of coherent thoughts she had forgotten to swallow, and now her juice was currently dripping down her chin and onto the counter. Lily instantly blushed and mumbled a 'shut up' while wiping herself off.
'What could have possible distracted you enough to stop you from acting on a basic body function such as swallowing?' He said it innocently enough, but he had a small knowing grin on his face.
Suddenly, Lily wondered just how many girls had been coaxed into broom closets and other unmentionable dark places by that grin…stop it.
'Nothing Potter,' she stumbled out, not meeting his eyes. 'Just admiring the woodwork on that stool your sitting on, it must be pretty strong if it can hold your fat head off the ground.'
James's only response was to chuckle, it was too late, she couldn't cover up her tracks this time.
'Right, the woodwork,' His innuendo made her redden, 'Well, I'm off to shower and do many other things that require me to be completely stark naked, care to join?'
A very embarrassed, indignant, Lily raised her hand to slap him for his inappropriate suggestion but he caught her wrist and rolled his eyes.
'Save it Evans, it's too early.' With that he got up and slowly sauntered out of the kitchen, making sure she got another good look at him before disappearing.
She was frustrated, partly at him and partly at herself. How could she be so stupid, so obvious! It was without a doubt that James would use this newfound weakness against her in the future. She groaned and put her head in her hands. It was James, just James.
James Bloody Potter.
Merlin, it was unbelievable, in the short span of five minutes she had fallen completely utterly in lust with James Potter, and he knew it.
Later that day Lily decided to pay a visit to her favorite place in Potter Manor which had practically become her haven, the library, only to surprisingly come across Hogwart's resident bad boy.
Sirius was lounging in a leather chair reading a book with the same casual ease he always seemed to carry. Lily started to turn around and find another section to browse through to avoid him, when suddenly a thought struck. She had been replaying the incident that had taken place earlier in her head all day, and there was something that did not quite fit about it.
As she strode towards him purposely, Sirius looked up then shut his book annoyed and sighed, as if he was dreading this, but nonetheless expecting it.
'Black.'
'Evans,' he said coolly raising an eyebrow in question.
'I just wanted to ask, have you er-' under his cool stare she was quickly losing the confidence she had began with, 'have you noticed anything, well, a bit off with James?'
He cocked his head to the side, 'How so?'
Lily shot him a frustrated look; he knew exactly what she was talking about. He met her eyes and a bitter staring competition followed. Sighing in resignation, she decided to just continue, 'It's just like…he's been acting…nicer. Doesn't he hate me'
Sirius sighed like he'd known this was coming too. 'Listen Evans, James and I…we've been best mates for years, right? Well, we see eye to eye on a lot of things; however, his choice in birds was never one. You see, he always had a thing for annoying redheads.' Sirius looked at her extremely expectantly, trying very hard not to give away the whole truth.
Lily frowned and stared at him, very much perplexed. Sirius made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and gritted his teeth.
'Merlin Evans! Top of the year… Let's try this again. When love is suppressed Evans, hate takes it's place.' He looked at her in anticipation as if expecting her to jump up and yell 'Eureka!'
'What…what does that have do to with James?' she asked confused.
Sirius full out groaned, 'It means that if James thought that he had even a fragment of a chance with you, he'd drop the stupid loathing act in a heartbeat.'
Lily suddenly breathed in the reality of what he was saying, 'Oh…oh.' She would bet anything that the incident this morning might have been a little past a fragment of hope. 'Oh no.'
Sirius narrowed his eyes at her. 'Your bloody well lucky, you know, James might not be perfect but he's a damn good person. He's honest, loyal, and brave, and although he may not be the most ego-censored person, he would die for those he cares about and even those he doesn't.' Flashes of regret suddenly graced his eyes before he continued. 'To hell with your stupid standards Evans, if James doesn't meet them then they're bullocks, because I've never met a better person. No, if anything I'd say your not good enough for him.' Sirius spat the last line out and with a final look of disgust strode out of the library leaving Lily to drown in the words he just said.
The rest of the day was a blur. The harsh words Sirius had sparred at her kept repeating in her head, and she began to wonder if he was right.
James was brave and loyal, that she couldn't deny. He was most certainly brilliant too though, falling directly behind her in class ranks, and even surpassed her in a few subjects. Lily supposed he was honest too, in a sense, when he had to be. She knew, however, that he put his loyalty to his friends first though.
It was times like these, when she really thought about it, that she became dangerously close to thinking that James was a good person.
This lead her, however, to remember a specific memory in fifth year that seemed to contradict everything that Sirius had said…
'You're bloody beautiful when you're angry, you know.' James Potter leaned back in his chair smirking appreciatively at the red headed spitfire in front of him. He was sitting at a table in the back of the Library with his three accomplices. All were leaning casually back in their chair, with their ties attractively loosened and the first two buttons of their shirts undone. Books untouched.
'That's completely out of context Potter,' her face turned, if possible, redder, 'just answer the question, you git.'
'Oh yeah, what was that again?' At this his surrounding companions fell into chortles of laughter. Lily Evans, however, was not amused. With that avowal she rolled her eyes and stamped her left foot.
'Honestly Potter. One last time, did you or did you not hex Fabian Prewett?'
James exchanged furtive glances around the table before looking back at Lily. 'Maybe I did, what's it to you?'
'Well, when I visited him in the Hospital Wing, he broke our date Friday because he seemed to be under the impression that he would be further jinxed by James Potter if he didn't.'
'Is that so? You say he broke your date Friday? So I'm assuming that's leaving you free…'
'Don't even think about it Potter,' she growled.
'I wouldn't dare.' He put up his hands in mock surrender.
'You should take the offer while you can Evans, chances for dates with Jamie here don't last long.' It was true; Lily couldn't help but notice that all the tables around the quartet were suspiciously taken and full with girls.
'Shut up Black, I'd rather spend my night with a Dementor than this brute.'
'Suit your self, but it's my belief that James would kiss a whole lot better…'
…
The remembrance seemed to push Lily right back to where she started, which was: in a thoroughly confused state.
Groaning, she turned in her bed and pushed her face into a pillow. There was no way she was going to get any sleep tonight, great, another thing she could blame Potter for…
Dinner that night had been awful. She had been so awkward around James, not meeting his eyes, and blushing when she was caught unconsciously staring at him. Mr. Potter had once again been conspicuously absent, something Lily noticed was considered normal in the house. In the week she had stayed there, so far, she could count the number of times she saw him on one hand.
Mrs. Potter had been oddly quiet throughout, and Sirius occasionally glowered at her when no one was paying attention.
James was a different story though, at times during the meal she could practically feel him smirking at her, it was frustrating.
At one point they had both reached for the salad and as a result their hands brushed. Lily's shot back as if on fire, and she could see James smiling satisfyingly out of the corner of her eye. If not in the presence of his mother, she was sure she would had slapped it right off his face.
Growling, and silently cursing James she threw the covers off herself and got out of bed. Lying there was agony, she had to get up and do something, anything.
Padding her way down the hall in darkness, Lily decided to explore the house some more. It was decidedly very old, and she found it all extremely fascinating.
She took her time looking closely at all the paintings and antiques that were widespread around the manor. Suddenly, she found herself at a wing that she had never seen before; hesitantly she made her way down it, examining the sleeping artwork until a loud voice startled her.
'Halt, I command you!'
'W-Who's there?' Lily asked squinting in front of her, quite timid.
'I said stop! In the name of the Queen, do not take another step or I will be forced to yield you myself!'
Lily almost kicked herself for being frightened when she realized the racket was coming from the painting next to her. There clad in full traditional uniform, of a red tunic and coat and a black plumed hat, was a British Guard. He was out of traditional stance, and was now pointing his rifle, complete with traditional bayonet, threateningly at her.
'Show yourself ye Yankee brute!'
Lily began giggling, wondering what such a muggle thing was doing in the Potter house.
'How dare you mock me you heartless scoundrel! Be prepared to face my wrath!'
A door to the left of her banged open, and a tired James Potter emerged.
'Merlin Wellington, It's 2 o'clock in the bloody morning, will you shut your gob already?'
The solider suddenly looked extremely offended, 'That's Captain Wellington to you Sir Potter! And for your knowledge I have just caught this Yankee pest intruding, no doubt an assassin.'
James looked from him to a sheepish Lily, who he had just finally noticed, and grinned. 'Well then, good job then Captain Wellington, I believe I can take it from here.'
At this Wellington suddenly looked extremely put out, 'Sir I would be gallantly honored if you would allow me to behead this one, I did catch it after all.' This caused Lily wondered if Wellington knew whether or not he was a painting.
'That's quite all right Wellington, why don't you go patrol the north wing, I believe your supreme skills would be useful there.' Wellington looked extremely pleased and proud to be bestowed with the task gave Lily one last malignity look before marching off.
'Well, he liked you,' James teased once he was gone. Lily scowled, but didn't dare look at him, because his attire was much like it was that morning. A short awkward pause followed before James spoke again, 'C'mon,' he was gesturing for her to follow him into his bedroom.
When she didn't follow him immediately he turned around and looked at her, 'Well, don't you trust me Lily?' Her name was beautiful on his tongue and it forced her to look up at him and meet his eyes, which were intently on her. Lily rapidly became very aware that she was only wearing a flimsy nightgown and blushed.
His chocolate eyes bore into hers; it felt like she had no choice and she followed him trance-like into his room.
His room was entirely what Lily would have expected it to be. There was a 'Go Go Gryffindor!' above his bed, and the décor was maroon and gold. His room was messy, littered with quidditch paraphernalia, and he had a whole bookcase of what looked to be prank and joke books.
He relaxed down on his bed casually and Lily made her way over to his bookcase and began playing nervously with random quidditch figurines he had on it.
'I'm sorry about—'
'-Don't worry about it Lily,' he interrupted her, knowing what she was trying to say, 'this is just as much your house now as it is mine.'
Lily fell silent, and began looking through his bookcase, feeling his eyes on her. She couldn't believe so many people would waste their time writing joke books. Her eyes skimmed over some of the most bizarre titles she had ever seen such as Pranking: The Fine Art of Mayhem, and Pride, Prejudice and Pranking. She shook her head in disapproval but couldn't help but chuckle at them.
'What are these?' she asked pointing to a few dusty books on the bottom shelf.
James furrowed his brows and beckoned for her to bring them over. His confused look turned into an amused smile when he saw them. 'I forgot all about these. They're photo albums, from a long, long time ago.'
Lily laughed and sat down next to him on his bed. 'James Potter pre-Hogwarts? This I have to see.'
James grinned and flipped open the first one. There were all sorts of pictures in it. James eating, James swimming, James drooling and crawling. Lily only wished that she had photographs like these, which moved, for childhood memorabilia.
Halfway through the second album and many laughs later, a question arose in the back of Lily's mind. Throughout all the pictures she couldn't help but notice that most of the pictures contained Helen, but hardly any contained Mr. Potter.
'James, does it bother you?'
James looked up at her questioningly, 'Does what bother me?'
Lily swallowed and looked down. 'You father…his job. I mean I know it's not any of my business, but I've just noticed, he isn't around…a lot.' James's eyes noticeably hardened and Lily immediately regretted asking.
'No,' he said harshly. A strange whirling noise rapidly caught Lily's attention, and she leaned forward to see a Sneakoscope spinning wildly on his night table. She raised an eyebrow at his defiant face.
Sighing in resignation he looked down, 'It's just the way things are, the way they've always been. I mean sure it bothers me, I wouldn't be normal if it didn't…but I try not to let it. These are dark times in the Wizarding World, and I feel proud that my father is helping, but sometimes I wish my family was just more…functional.' He paused and looked up, then continued in a bitter voice, 'You know, he's never been home on my birthday, not one of them. At first, when I was old enough to understand, it was disappointing, but now it's just normal, it's just pathetic.'
Lily remained silent for awhile, and then surprised her and James by putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. James smiled sorrowfully, and picked up the last album. 'This one is my favorite, our first year at Hogwarts, Mum made me take loads of pictures.'
Lily smiled and James opened it. True to his word there were many pictures of him, Sirius, Remus, and Peter pulling pranks, and hanging out in the dorms. Lily smiled at all the pranks they passed many of which she remembered.
One there was only one page left in it James abruptly closed the book and announced the last page was all rubbish.
'James Potter what are hiding from me! Let me see.' Lily swiftly grabbed on edge of the black album and pulled. James immediately pulled back in the opposite direction with more force. All at once Lily let go and the book went flying and landed open on the floor. The both jumped of the bed scrambling for it, and it was then that Lily caught site of the last page, and understood why James had not wanted her to see it. It was filled with pictures of herself, some taken from afar, and some taken right up close in what looked like the midst of someone getting told off, probably James.
Lily laughed, 'That's the big secret? I'm the rubbish?'
She looked at James who was blushing fiercely and running his hand through his black hair. 'No…I just…well I-I really fancied you something terrible then, that's all.' He quickly shut the book and through it aside.
'You know, I never told anyone this before, but I fancied you something too a little… in first year.' Now Lily was too, reddening at an alarming rate. Why had she told him that? Not even Marlene knew.
James looked up, surprised, then smirked, 'Ha! I knew it, you've always secretly loved me haven't you Lily?'
Lily opened her mouth in indignation and hit him on the shoulder. 'You are a cocky pratt!'
'Yes, but a very sexy cocky pratt, right?'
Lily became very flustered all of a sudden, and tried to ignore the fact that when he said sexy she unintentionally stared at his chest again.
'I never said that.'
'You didn't have to, love.'
The next day, Lily vaguely recalled sitting back on his bed and talking more until very late in the early morning before drifting off to sleep.
She awoke feeling very warm. The sunlight intruded in her eyes as she opened them, and came to face the body that had haunted her dreams that night.
Lily was lying on James's bed, facing him, with one hand on his chest, which she quickly withdrew. She was so confused on how it felt so right. She could feel his deep even breaths on her forehead and his hand resting lightly on her hip. His hair so frightfully dark and unkempt, would he wake if she ran her hands through it? And his lips were incredibly rosy and full…
She was starting to feel painfully hot again, and she knew she had to get out of there before James woke up. Slowly she pulled herself away from his grasp, trying hard not to wake him. He let out a small grunt when she took his hand off her hip, which caused Lily to jump, but he did not come out of his slumber. She left the room as quietly as she could, willing herself to have one last look at James's fair face before entering the hall and slumping against a wall.
Putting her head in her hands she groaned in frustration. This wasn't right, she wasn't right…
'So, back for round two, are ye, you knave? Well stand up and face me like a man you wretch!' Looking up Lily saw that Wellington had returned from the North Wing and was now, once again, pointing his rifle at her.
A/N…Hey, I'm very, very sorry for the wait, but I was at a total lack of inspiration. I didn't really like this chapter too much, but I wanted to put something up.
The ORIGINAL Meathead- hahaha, thank you! I l-o-v-e your idea, would you mind if I used it in a later chapter? I hope not…
A very special thanks to James' Grl for putting me on favorites.
Thank you to all my other reviews, they are extremely appreciated.
Seriously, I write a lot better and faster with motivation…(hint, hint)…
So….
Please Review!