Something Radiates – Chapter 6

Open Hearts

Remus paused for a moment. "What?"

"There was a Death Eater attack, come on!"

"What? Who?" She began to pull at his arm. "Where are we going?"

"Meeting. Now!"

Remus didn't budge. "What happened?"

"I CAN'T TELL YOU, SO JUST MOVE YOUR -!"

He raised his hands defensively. "All right, Tonks, I'm coming." He turned to Harry. "I'll let you know what happened as soon as I find out, okay?"

"Yeah, all right," Harry replied, rather gloomily.

Remus tried to say something else to Harry, but couldn't because Tonks was tugging unyieldingly on his arm. Instead, he shot Harry what he hoped to be a reassuring smile, before fumbling to keep up with Tonks. By the time they arrived in the kitchen, Remus was panting from running the length of the large house. Tonks, on the other hand, seemed undisturbed by the dash, and began to stare blankly out of the window. One by one, Order members Apparated and Flooed into the room, each looking around with concerned faces. No one seemed to know more than he did. Following Mad-Eye's orders, they waited in silence for Dumbledore to appear.

The minutes crept by slowly, until Remus thought he was going to explode with anxiety. Who had been killed? He hated this part – the waiting; it was almost worse than knowing. He had waiting just like this so many times in the past, yet it never got any easier. He ventured a look at Tonks, wondering if she knew anything more that she had let on, but she continued to merely stare out the window. Where was Dumbledore? As if on cue, Fawkes flew into the kitchen, with Dumbledore hanging onto his tail feathers, breaking the silence and causing Remus to almost jump with fright. The professor let go of the phoenix and landed gracefully on the ground in front of the unnaturally quiet crowd. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before addressing them:

"As all of you have heard, there has been a Death Eater attack. It is with this news that I regret to inform you that Hestia Jones has been murdered today." A murmur came forth from the crowd, but was silenced immediately when Dumbledore raised a hand. "She and a friend of hers were going to lunch at the Three Broomsticks, but were ambushed before they were able to enter." At this, angry cries erupted from the group.

"But why weren't we notified?!" Emmeline Vance demanded.

"There was no point. She had been taken by surprise. By the time I found out, she was already dead."

"Why would they do this?" Molly wondered aloud. "It was in a public place, people saw!"

"They have no need to be secretive anymore, after the events of this past June transpired. Although it is difficult to accept, this is war, and the Death Eaters have little concern about what is just and what is not."

"What do you think motivated them to attack?" Kingsley asked.

"Many ideas come to mind, Mr. Shacklebolt," Dumbeldore replied thoughtfully, "But right now, my guess would be that they are trying to scare us. If they kill us off, one by one, they assume that, eventually, they will succeed in breaking us completely."

"Will this change anything?" Remus asked quietly, thoughts of the last war swimming in his head.

Dumbledore sighed. "I'm afraid so. I have to ask that no one go anywhere public without at least one other member with you at all times." People began to protest, but the weary professor raised a hand and silence fell once again. "There will no room for discussion. Failure to do so will result in suspension from the Order."

"But –" Charlie began.

"That is final." He paused. "Well, if no else has any questions or comments, I must go. There are still many details to be worked out. I shall inform each and every one of you of any developments as soon as they come to my attention."

Slowly, people began to filter out of Headquarters, muttering to each other. No one wanted to stay and chat – that was for happier occasions. There would be little chance for chatting anymore, Remus realized sadly. Remus turned to leave, but stopped when he saw Tonks standing by the kitchen window, still gazing blankly out the window. He struggled for a moment with conflicting feelings. He really wanted to go upstairs and update Harry about what had happened – it wasn't fair to leave the boy with just the small amount of information he had received from Tonks a half an hour ago. On the other hand, Tonks was his friend and needed comforting. He bit his lip and stared at the green-haired woman for a moment, before making up his mind.

Harry could handle a few more minutes of waiting.

Besides, Tonks looked so sad. He had never seen her like that before and, frankly, it worried him. Taking a deep breath, he justified his actions even further by remembering the many times she had been there for him in the past, before approaching her. At first, he stood an arm's length behind her. In fact, the only indication that she knew he was there was the way her body stiffened slightly, but she didn't move. He was still for a few minutes, mimicking her gaze out the window. How could he start the conversation?

Well, I guess saying 'hello' would be helpful…

"Hello, Tonks."

There; now it's her turn.

He had a sinking feeling that it wouldn't work that way.

"Hi," she answered absently, eyes never straying from the window.

He had hit a wall already, and they were hardly in a conversation. It felt weird. She was always the one to comfort him and now he didn't know how to go about it. Sure, he had comforted other people before – Sirius, Harry, Molly – but Tonks was different, somehow.

No, she's not different. She's just like any other friend.

But is she, really? I had told her, in that letter, that I cared about her more than anyone else, hadn't I? Then again, I never thought I'd seen her again…

He cleared his throat. Contemplating how he felt about Tonks wasn't helping at all. There would be plenty of time to do that later, especially considering the fact that he would be stuck in Headquarters for an indefinite amount of time. Of course, so would she…

So?

So, he had to make sure she was okay. She was supposed to be the one to cheer him up – it wouldn't do either of them well to both be gloomy later on. With that thought, Remus decided it would be best to stop contemplating and just talk to her. She was waiting for him to speak, just as he was waiting for himself to do the same. Plus, all those irrational thoughts were baffling him, and Remus always liked to understand everything.

No more thinking.

"Are you okay?"

She didn't turn around. "Of course I am."

"Right. I would understand if you weren't, though."

She turned around sharply and her eyes met his, challenging. "Why shouldn't I be?"

"Well… I suppose you're a bit shaken up about Hestia."

She let out a snort. "No. Well, I mean – I…" she blushed. "I feel bad, but – I'm not – sha – shaken up."

"I see."

She sighed audibly and turned away from him again. "Stop being condescending."

"What?"

"You think just because you've been in the Order before –"

"Well, I have been…"

"It means you know exactly how it feels to realize you could be the one –"

"Well, I do."

"Next, I suppose you're going to tell me, 'This is war, Nymphadora…'"

"Well, it is war… Tonks," he added.

"I DON'T CARE IF THIS IS A BLOODY WAR!" He flinched, but she continued, unabashed. "I DON'T CARE IF THE DEATH EATERS ARE MURDERERS OR WHAT, IT JUST DOESN'T – IT JUST ISN'T – I JUST DON'T –"

Tonks let out a strangled sob and sunk to her knees. Remus immediately squatted behind her, wrapping his arms around her small frame, as she sobbed into her hands. He remained silent as she cried, every once in a while swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat. Seeing her cry like that wasn't normal for him. He realized then that he had taken advantage of the fact that Tonks was always perky and optimistic. Everyone had a breaking point, and the fact that she broke down in front of him voiced all that she had been trying to tell him for the past few weeks. She trusted and cared about him indefinitely.

He felt guilty again.

He felt guilty for almost leaving her and for underestimating her, but most of all, he felt guilty for overlooking the fact that she had suffered, too.

Sometimes, it was hard for him to remember that he was not the only one who felt pain.

Her sobs subsided a bit, so Remus pulled her closer to him and kissed the top of her head, before letting go. She turned around, wiping her face with a sleeve of her robe, and smiled shyly at him. He smiled back at her, reaching out to caress a rosy cheek. She hiccupped and closed her eyes tightly.

"I'm sorry, Remus."

"There's nothing to be sorry about."

"I'm a wreck –"

"You've seen far worse from me." She shook her head at that comment, but didn't say anything else. "It's starting," he stated, after a moment of silence.

She opened her eyes – green today, to match her hair, Remus presumed – and looked at him questioningly.

"The war."

"I don't know where you've been Remus, but we've been in this bloody war for months."

"No, we haven't – not really. I know you don't want to hear it, but I have been here before and I know –"

"This is only the beginning."

"Yes."

Silence fell again. They locked eyes and Tonks bit her lip, before turning away.

"Tell me about it."

"What?"

"Tell me about the war – last time – tell me about the worst."

"Tonks, I don't really think that's the best –"

"Please. I want to know… to prepare myself…" She paused. "I wasn't close with her, but Hestia wasn't much older than me. It made me realize that it could've been me. It could be me soon. I never realized the stakes were so high…"

He surveyed her closely, and, upon seeing the sincerity on her face, began. "Well, it was bad – worse than it is now, if you can even imagine. By the time I had joined up with the Order, the worst was happening… people dying everyday… not knowing whether you'd come home alive or not, even when you weren't in battle…"

"Like Hestia?" she asked quietly.

"You could say that. Then again, most people didn't risk going out to casual lunches, shopping, or – much else, for that matter."

"Must've been a dull time."

Remus chuckled. "I guess…" He paused. "It's the worst way to go, you know."

"What is?"

"A surprise attack."

Tonks stared for a moment, shocked. "Really?"

"Yes. You don't even get a chance to fight back before – well, I suppose I wouldn't know, not exactly, but –" He cleared his throat. "It's almost happened to me before."

She gasped and moved closer to him. "Really?"

"Yes, I mean, obviously it wasn't too terrible because, well, I'm here to tell the story." He smiled briefly. "But Sirius and I had decided to get some drinks. Stupid, really - like I said, most people didn't go out normally, but, well, it was Sirius… and me," he added, "I'm not much better."

She moved closer to him. "I think you are," she whispered.

He could feel her warm breath graze his skin as goosepimples broke out over his body. His own breath caught in his lungs, as she steadily moved closer. Unconsciously, he moved closer as well, heart pounding unceremoniously against his chest. All of the sudden, it struck him that he had wanted this to happen ever since he first met Tonks, over a year ago. For some reason, that thought made him nervous. He wanted to run, but some invisible force trapped him. He licked his lips and realized they were dry. He was so nervous. This was Tonks, after all… his friend, Tonks; Sirius' cousin, Tonks; but it was also the Tonks across from him, staring at him with raw emotion in her eyes…

Her lips were on his and all other thoughts faded away. His arms snaked around her waist, pulling her closer, as the kiss intensified. He was desperate to touch her, to taste her, to be as close as he possibly could to her, and, just then, he opened his heart to her completely. As she ran her hands through his hair, bringing him even closer, he knew she had done the same.

But then she pulled away. He studied her curiously, heart pounding in his chest. Was she angry? Was she sad? Was he? Tears spilled from her eyes.

"Merlin, I'm so sorry, Remus!" she squeaked.

She proceeded to hastily run out of the room, managing to only trip once, leaving a stunned Remus gaping at her retreating form.

A/N: :)! Thanks for the lovely reviews – my greatest asset. As always, love to Yen, for her beta skills. If all goes according to plan, I'll post another chapter by the beginning of next week. I hope you're all still enjoying this series.