THE PAIN INFLICTED

I doubt that I will ever find out

If there's a way to get out of feeling alone

Cause lately I've been thinking maybe

That no ones going to save me

Never There

Hoobastank

Sandy heard the front door close quietly, followed by soft footsteps walking down the hallway.

"Where have you been? I've been worried sick."

The greeting Rachel received was one that she had expected. Of course Sandy would be mad at her, but somehow she just didn't care. Not after what had happened with Luke.

"Out," was all that she said in reply moving to walk past him.

"Oh no, stop right there. We're gonna have a talk."

Rachel didn't cease her movement. "I'm going to bed."

"Rachel Atwood don't you dare take another step!"

Rachel stopped in her tracks letting out a sigh before turning to face Sandy.

"Sit."

She sat down in the chair he pointed to and folded her arms. Sandy stood in front of her.

"Now you're going to explain to me why you were out alone until 11:30pm and didn't even call, especially after what happened with you and Anna today at school."

Rachel looked up casually and met his eyes. "I wasn't alone."

"I don't care, you live in this house and you will follow our rules, one of which is always tell us where you're going and who you're with."

Rachel counted off the words on her fingers as she said them. "Beach. Luke."

"And what were you doing with Luke on the beach?" Sandy asked.

"That's none of your business,"

"It damn well is my business girl!"

"You wanna know?" Rachel asked standing from her chair, her voice entering the yelling range. "I'll tell you. We were talking, something no one seems to have time for any more. We walked for a while and then – once I was lulled into a false sense of security – he kissed me, proving that all guys are complete ass holes who are just looking for the quickest way into your pants."

Sandy stood silently then not knowing what to say in reply.

"Happy?" Rachel asked sarcastically.

"Rachel...I..."

"I'm going to bed," Rachel stated turning and walking away from him.

She headed for the guest bedroom where she had managed to move all her belongings into not long after the end of her relationship with Seth. As she entered the room she saw Ryan sitting on the edge of the bed staring at floor.

"Just what I need," she mumbled causing Ryan to look up.

"I was worried," he said.

"You shouldn't have been," Rachel replied.

"Well I'm sorry for freaking out after my sister knocks a girl out and then runs away without telling anyone where she's going." His voice was filled with sarcasm.

Ryan looked at her strongly wanting to know as much as possible.

"No lies, no stories, tell me what's really going on."

Rachel didn't even flinch.

"Get out Ryan," Rachel said plainly.

It was 2am and Rachel sat alone in the darkness of the backyard watching the ocean in the distance as the waves crashed upon the shore.

She felt like she was dying as the memories of the past few weeks came flooding back.

No one seemed to care any more and when they tried to they ended up attacking her. Everyone just wanted her gone. Caleb had told her that she was insignificant, that he would do anything in his power to make sure she was sent back to where she came from.

She almost didn't care. Was it really that bad leaving New Port? It's not like there was anything for her here anyway.

Everything was falling apart around her.

Ryan was never there any more and even when he was she felt like she couldn't open up to him. She couldn't let go like she used to. Nothing was the same between them.

Now Seth was gone...

He had been her final strength, the one thing that had kept her going and she had cut him off from her life out of fear of being hurt. She loved him more than life itself, had given him everything but somehow it just didn't feel right any more.

A single tear escaped Rachel's eye causing her vision to blur for a moment before it fell.

She wanted things to go back to the way they were, before any of this had started. And yet when she was given the opportunity to do so, she couldn't bring herself to change it.

Rachel felt so alone.

Night-time was the worst, when the house was still and the moon shone through the cracks in the curtains. She no longer had Seth with her on the bed, nor Ryan. She lay there, silently aware that there was no one with her. There were no arms around her waist, no warm breath against her neck. No kiss goodnight.

The bed was empty.

The bed was cold.

She was alone.

Rachel stood in the kitchen hands clasped tightly on the bench top as she fought to hold back the sounds of her weeping, she didn't want anyone to hear her. Didn't want to show a weakness but at the same time she wanted to scream out.

In front of her lay a small kitchen knife, resting between her hands. She stared at it, her entire body shaking.

She rolled up her long sleaves and slowly moved her right hand to the hilt of the knife bringing the blade to her left wrist...

Seth was awoken by the creaking of his door opening. He looked up sleepily to see Rachel standing there.

"Rach...? What?"

He didn't have a chance to finish his sentence as Rachel moved into the room and kissed him hard, entwining her fingers in his hair.

"Rach, are you okay?" Seth asked.

Rachel smiled. "I'm fine."

Seth looked strongly at her. "I thought you didn't want this."

"Can't a girl change her mind?" She asked kissing him again this time pushing him back into the sheets as she did.

"Yeah, but this isn't you."

Rachel looked down at Seth frowning. "You know it's me Seth. It's the same face you love."

She kissed him sweetly.

"Same mouth you kissed."

Her kiss began to move to his jawbone.

"Same body you..."

She kissed his neck.

"Well let's not go into detail."

Seth pushed her away gently and Rachel sat up next to him. "As much as I'm turning into a woman as I say this; it wouldn't be right."

Rachel looked down at him and paused before she spoke. "It's Anna, isn't it?"

"No," Seth insisted sitting up. "It's because you haven't been yourself lately and this is not the Rachel I fell in love with."

She stared at him, not saying anything, only looking into his eyes. Her mind was blank. How could this be happening? She thought this was what he wanted, what they both wanted.

"Fine," Rachel finally said turning to leave. "If you don't want me..."

"Wait..."

Seth grabbed her arm and in the process the sleave which covered it was pushed up revealing the long, thin cuts she had made across her wrist.

Seth stared at them in shock, his heart sank, his mind wouldn't register anything.

Rachel tugged her arm away.

"I'm going."

She moved off the bed and began to walk to the door. Seth was quick to follow. He grabbed onto her arm again and pulled the sleave up yet again revealing her self-mutilation.

"Don't touch me!" Rachel screamed pulling away.

"What did you do?" Seth asked even though he knew full well what.

"I'm nothing, right? Not my mind, not my body." When Rachel spoke her voice was strong and strained.

Seth was on the verge of tears from seeing the love of his life being put through so much pain.

"So now," Rachel continued. "They're both being destroyed and everyone's happy."

"Cutting yourself won't make people happy, if anything it's letting them win!"

Rachel looked into Seth's eyes and he felt his knees go weak as she spoke the words.

"It doesn't make them sad."

"Rach..." he began. "Talk to me. Please."

Rachel stared at him, her face blank for a moment. "There's nothing to say. But if you tell anyone, I swear to God..."

She left the threat unfinished and turned back toward the door.

"Rachel," Seth said desperately. "I love you."

Rachel stopped only for a moment. "Then you're a fool."

And with that, she left.

"I can't believe she was suspended," Kirsten said frustrated. "What is going through Rachel's mind?"

She paced her office as Caleb watched amused.

"I hate to say it Kikki but I told you so. That girl is nothing but trouble."

"No dad, she has been nothing but trouble ever since you came into her life." Kirsten whirled on her father.

Caleb, however, remained calm. "I have done nothing but simply show everyone the facts. No one believed me, but now I have my proof."

"Don't act like nothing is going on with you and Julie, you have this whole thing figured out. How you're going to get Rachel taken away from us."

"This incident should show you that I have good reason for doing that."

"What it shows is that you're pushing her over the edge. None of this started until you told her and Sandy that you were going to make sure she was taken back to Chino."

"Are you disagreeing with me?"

"I damn well am!" Kirsten yelled. "You have no idea what that girl had to go through while she was over there. She only just started getting over it when you decided to drop your bombshell."

Caleb only stared at his daughter. "Kikki, what I am doing is best for your family."

"No!" Kirsten strode past her father walking toward the door. "What is best for my family is for you to stay the hell away from us."

TO BE CONTINUED.........

(Hey. Sorry this chapter was a little depressing but I had to show just how bad things were getting for Rachel. Hope you enjoyed. Please review.)