Disclaimer: Tolkien: I disown those elves... socially -shakes head- but I will continue to own them in a purely financial way...Rumil: You did not...-look of doom- Kath: You might be a redneck elf if you crush wine bottles on your forehead, repeatedly, and are STILL surprized when you get hurt.....Orophin: He's not really a redneck and elf and he still does that...-sniggers- Rumil: -Glares at Orophin-
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AN (Bird): Ahem...this question has come up...are we rednecks, us two the Authors......no. BUT, one side of my family is redneck (my daddy), so that makes me 1/2 redneck, and I am fluent in redneckese (yes, that is an offical language...:P) Also, my father has forced me to watch the Blue Collar Tour more than is should be legal for mental health...(and listen to the CD)...so thar ya goes...-blows raspberry-
Also, no offense is meant, but then again, if you are one, or related to one, then I think that gives you the right topoke funat them...:P
Haldir: So how does that exactly give you the right to make fun of the elves then...?
Bird: Fictional characters have no rights, unless I plan on trying to profit off of you...
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Legolas "Bubba" Greenleaf ran into the fabled rock shelter of Mirkwood looking for his father. He was beaming with pride, hoping to find his father and show him his new hairstyle.
Thranduil audibly groaned as his son rounded the corner.
Okay, so it was more of a moan, as some big haired blonde bimbo wearing elvish spurs straddled his torso and rode him like the Wild West.
Legolas let out a shrill whistle and yelled, "Git 'er done, Daddy!" as a huge grin crossed his face.
Thranduil looked up at his son and rolled his eyes.
"Bubba, git on outta here!" Thranduil took a double take and then yelled, "WHAT IN THE MORDOR DIDJA DO TO YER HAR!?"
Realizing that an unpleasant scene was about to unfurl, the blonde pulled herself from Thranduil's body, gathered her things and left as quickly as she could.
"Thandrool, baby, Ah'll bees seein' ya laters tonight, right?" He nodded to her affirmatively before she left.
"Ah done gots me a new haircut, daddy." Legolas glowed as he showed off his hair. The top was cut fairly short as the rest of his hair fell shoulder length. Thranduil thought he looked stupid.
"BOY, You done look like you done been rundovert by un orc mob."
Legolas' eyes began to fill with water and his bottom lip quivered.
"Daddy, why does you always does this!?" Legolas whined, offended by his father's comment at his mullet.
Thranduil just rolled his eyes again and quickly pulled his Gondor vs. Rohan Pro-Jousting jerkin on and a pair of ratty leggings. "Ah's swars, boy, if'n yore Mama evert saws you now, she'd tan mah hide." Taking one look back at his son, Thranduil swore under his breath. "Ennyways, whuts this Ah hears bout you and Gornie out huntin'?"
Legolas looked at his dad a bit shocked, and embarrassed.
"Daddy, Ah be not knowin's whut yer tawlkin' bout…"
"Don't you be givin' me no horse shit now, boy! Ah's heared awl bout it. Whut happened to Wennie, that there nice elleth from Riverdill?" Thranduil motioned for his son to follow him outside. Picking up his boots from beside the door, he pulled them on before stepping into the grass.
Drunken elves were passed out everywhere.
Thranduil carefully step over them as he and Legolas walked.
"Daddy, Ah's still likin' her. She's purty and awl, and…"
"And whut, Bubba?" Thranduil paused for a moment to regard his son.
"And, well, Ah's like Gornie, too. And, well, he likin' her too, and he's likin' me, and she's likin' him, and she's likin' me. Well, how's cain Ah put this? We, awl three is likin' each others…"
Thranduil's eyebrows shot up high.
"You threes awl likin' each other? Do that means you three be snoggin' each others at the same time?"
Legolas blushed, but nodded affirmatively.
"GIT 'ER DONE!" A huge grin crossed Thranduil's face, and Legolas relaxed quite a bit. "Hot damn, boy! You be certainly be gittin' it done!"
As Legolas and Thranduil high-fived, an elf on the ground near them groaned, bringing their attention to the southside of the yard. There stood three silver-haired elves.
"Now lookie hear, Rumil. It be Bubba Greenleaf and Thandrool," Haldir grinned, approaching the two Mirkwood elves. The five elves slapped each other on the backs, making sure not to look like they were being TOO gentle or TOO tender with each other, and also pretended that it didn't hurt.
Legolas noticed Rumil's bandaged forehead, and couldn't suppress his mirth.
"'Miller, now whut in the Mordor have you done now!?"
Rumil blushed as Orophin and Haldir burst out laughing.
"'Miller done crushed a wine bottle up against his furhaid, stupid knucklehaid that he be!" Orophin laughed out.
Blushing furiously, and looking as though he was about to shoot someone, Rumil tried to change the subject.
"Bubba, we's come on here to sees bout this Wennie an' Gornie bizniss. Be it true, you two been pokin' each others?"