THE RESENTMENT

I don't know what I was looking for

When I went home I found me alone

And sometimes I need someone to say

'You'll be alright'

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"Where is she?" Kurt screamed pushing past Theresa and storming into the house.

"Kurt get out!" Theresa insisted moving toward him but Kurt only brushed her away.

"Where the hell is she?" He yelled again.

"She's here," Rachel said stepping out from inside a doorway.

Kurt glared at her and was about to approach when Arturo stepped out from behind Rachel and moved between them.

"You're not gonna touch her," Arturo growled.

Kurt smirked and cocked his head to the side. "And what makes you think that?"

Arturo took one step forward and Rachel watched as Kurt tensed. He looked at her strongly seeing the cut above her eyebrow and knowing full well that he had caused it.

"Fine, whatever, I don't need you," he said before spitting at their feet. "Get your stuff or it's getting chucked out."

Arturo looked at Rachel before nodding. "I'll get it now." He gave her hand a small squeeze before moving off with a not so happy Kurt.

He could only feel one thing, pain, blinding pain in his left shoulder as he slowly slipped back into consciousness. He could hear the faint chatter of his parents, both sitting beside him.

"Seth?" Kirsten asked looking closely at him.

Seth let on a weak smile as his eyes slowly opened. "Mum, hey."

"Oh thank God," Sandy whispered as he saw his son smile and speak. "We were so worried."

"Yeah, you gave us a bit of a scare there man," Ryan said from the opposite side of the room where he stood, arms crossed.

Seth frowned at the comment before letting his eyes travel around his hospital room, a hospital he didn't know.

"Where am I?" He asked to no one in particular.

"Hospital just outside of Chino, it was the closest one," Ryan answered.

Seth looked at him their eyes meeting in a silent acknowledgment of thanks. He could see that Ryan had been injured, his face cut and arms bruised. It was then that Seth's mind ticked back to his final stages of consciousness before he had blacked out from the blood loss.

"Rachel," he insisted. "Where is she? Is she okay?"

Seth tried to sit up but the pain he felt was too great and he only succeeded in causing himself to cry out in pain.

"Take it easy son," Sandy insisted. "We don't want to have to sit through one of your complaining shows because you hurt yourself."

"Yeah, you have a tendency to over-react," Ryan added.

Seth could tell that they were trying to avoid the subject of Rachel, clearly it was too hard for them to talk about but Seth didn't care. He wanted to know.

"Just tell me she's okay," he said looking to his mother for help.

Kirsten smiled warmly and nodded her head. "She's fine."

Seth took in a breath before closing his eyes again.

Seth looked at Anna who was sitting beside his bed chatting loudly about the latest adventures Captain Oats had been on. He was more than happy that she had come to visit him, driving the entire way because she was so concerned. But despite this Seth wasn't really listening, his mind was wondering back to the previous night's events. In particular, what Rachel had said to him...

"I need you."

What had she meant by that? Seth had seen the pure regret in her eyes for getting him in such a situation. She blamed herself entirely. But what Seth didn't understand was if she still had feelings for him, if she still loved him the way she used to. He wanted to know so desperately that it almost killed him inside.

As Anna continued to talk his eyes travelled around the room as a fake smile came over his face. His focus only came back when his gaze fell on the figure in the doorway. Rachel stood there, her arms crossed insecurely over her chest. Her eyes met his for a moment, lingering there.

No words needed to be spoken between the pair, they both knew what they were thinking. What had happened between them last night?

Seth felt his breath shorten seeing Rachel standing there, scared to move to him, scared of what he would say. But he wanted to be holding her. To be taking comfort in her warm embrace. He knew that she could see Anna sitting there, rambling happily, holding his hand in hers.

"So what do you think Seth?"

Seth was snapped back into reality at Anna saying his name. He tore his eyes away from Rachel and focused them on the girl sitting beside him.

"What?"

"Do you want me to get Captain Oats to deliver you some comic books or should we let him continue his date with the mysterious Cinderella Barbie?"

Seth raised his eyebrows. "That's a very mature thing to be asking."

Anna laughed, loud and joyous at her friend's joke. Seth could see her entire face lighting up at his humour and he took the opportunity to flick his yes back to the doorway.

There was no one there.

The next morning Rachel sat in silence, aware that Theresa was watching her, was trying to think of what to say to break the tension. Part of her wanted her friend to speak, to take her mind off all of the emotions, which she felt at that moment. But at the same time she couldn't shake the feeling that if she began to speak she wouldn't be able to stop.

She had seen Seth in the hospital with Anna, been afraid to speak to him, to go near him. She didn't want Seth to see her the way she was now, completely torn apart inside, filled with guilt.

She blamed herself for what had happened, for him getting hurt. How could she have put him in so much danger? Rachel felt so helpless, almost dirty at the thought.

This was someone whom she loved so dearly and she had nearly killed him.

What was happening to her? It was not just now, it had started long ago, when Caleb and Julie first walked through the Cohen's front door and into her life she had been changing. Becoming everything that she didn't want to be. The girl who was hard on the inside, just waiting for someone to push her the wrong way and snap. But that girl also came with an expiry date. After a while all those emotions, which had been bottled up inside her, had to find a way to break loose. And this was now.

There was a loud knock at the door and Theresa left her spot, watching Rachel as she sat silently in the lounge, not saying anything. When she swung the door open, Ryan stood there.

"Ryan, you're okay, thank God."

Ryan shrugged slightly. "Yeah."

"I heard what happened," Theresa explained. "I was so worried you might have been hurt."

"I'm okay," he replied. "Is she here?"

Theresa nodded. "She's just..." she said stepping aside.

Rachel stood there catching them both slightly by surprise, her sad eyes met Ryan's before she looked away.

"I'll leave you two to it," Theresa said moving away from the pair and further into the house.

Ryan and Rachel stood there in silence for a long time, neither knowing what to say to each other. Ryan could see the pain in Rachel's eyes, she was no longer trying to hide it.

He could also see her injuries. Eye bruised. A gash just above her eyebrow. She looked defeated as though everything has hit her all at once and she had no defence mechanisms to fight off the full impact of the assault.

"How is he?" Rachel whispered.

"Alive," Ryan answered knowing exactly whom she was referring to. "Doctor's said he'll be in pain for a while but we can take him home."

"Okay..."

Rachel lowered her eyes to the ground not wanting to look at her brother. She just couldn't. She didn't want him to see what she had become, what she had been lowered to. It was too painful.

"You know none of this would have happened if you had just talked to someone," Ryan said strongly causing Rachel to look up at him.

"You don't think I know that?"

Another silence swept over them and Ryan could see just how much she was ashamed of herself. She couldn't even bring herself to look him directly in the eyes, something she used to do so frequently.

Part of him was aching at the thought that she had given up on herself, she wasn't even turning to him for guidance.

"They want you back," Ryan said. "Sandy and Kirsten told me not to leave without you."

Rachel almost laughed at the comment. "Why the hell would they want me back?"

"Because they care about you," Ryan said plainly.

Rachel looked away from him. "You couldn't have said that will less feeling if you tried."

"Yeah, well," Ryan said his voice rising. "I'm not exactly the happiest person in the world right now, Rachel."

"Ryan..."

Rachel began but cut herself off when her eyes met her brothers. He was one of the few people in the world who would always love her unconditionally. Even as he stood there now, it utter anger at what his sister had done, she knew that he still loved her. He would still help her through anything. Always be there, no matter what.

Rachel looked at him, into his eyes as she spoke the words.

"Just go."

Ryan's face turned to shock. "I can't just leave you here!"

"You can, and you are. I can't...I can't go back there. Not after everything that's happened."

Ryan was silent now, and it made Rachel want to scream at him. To make him speak. When he finally spoke, his voice was low, almost accusing.

"So you're just gonna cop out now?"

Rachel let out a breath and turned to walk away. "Can we not do this." The words were a statement rather than a question.

"No Rachel!" Ryan yelled grabbing her arm and forcing her to stop as she flinched in pain from where Kurt had bruised her the previous night as she attempted to reach Seth's side. "We are gonna do this. You have to learn that not everything always goes your way."

Rachel whirled around and faced her brother again. "And you have to learn when to let go. We both know that this isn't going to work."

"Because you're not willing to give it a go."

"I have given it a go, and it screwed me over more than once!" Rachel calmed herself then and looked at her brother in defeat. "What do you want from me Ry'?"

"What I want is the sister I know to come back. The one who wouldn't just abandon the people who love her. You have no idea what you've done to that family," Ryan answered.

Rachel hung her head slightly thinking about everything that she had put the Cohen's through. On top of getting their son hurt she had disrespected them by walking out in her time of need. She gave up on them.

"That's why I can't go back to them."

Ryan stared at her and felt his stomach twist at the sight. "So this is it?"

Rachel wanted to say no. She wanted to have him throw his arms around her and say that everything would be alright, that she could go back to New Port and nothing else would go wrong. But she couldn't face the Cohen's, not after what happened to Seth, not after what she put them through.

"Goodbye Ryan," she whispered.

Ryan looked at her with pained eyes. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want to see his sister thinking that she couldn't go back to the place where people loved her. Where they would take care of her. Ryan wanted to look after her.

"Goodbye Rachel," he murmured.

Ryan turned to leave, walking back out the front door and onto the porch and it was only then that Rachel glimpsed the package he held. As though reading her mind Ryan stopped and turned to face her again.

"I thought you might like it," he said handing over the present. "Happy birthday."

Rachel stared at Ryan's retreating back, watching him blankly as he walked up to the Range Rover, climbed in and drove away.

She looked down at the package she held, rapped in a metallic turquoise colour. She had completely forgotten it was her birthday. Today. She was sixteen. Somehow knowing that Ryan remembered made her feel even worse than she already did. He would always remember.

Sitting down slowly on the front steps Rachel began to unwrap the paper. Once it was all lying beside her, she flipped over the present to reveal a pale yellow picture frame lined with shells. But it was not the beauty of the frame, which captured her eye, it was the picture within it.

Rachel's eyes fell on the three children, smiling happily at the camera. One was her, lying across Trey and Ryan's laps as they pretended to each her whole. Rachel could see that she was screaming, but not it fear, in laughter. It wasn't the fake happiness that she had grown accustomed to, but rather one of purity. Being there in her two older brother's arms, knowing that neither of them would ever let anything happen to her.

Rachel reached out and touched the face to Trey's younger persona. She could remember the day so clearly. Rain pelted down on the house, lightening struck and thunder roared. In sadness, she had sat alone in her bedroom, staring out the window and wishing she could play outside. Ryan and Trey, became aware of her sadness and took it upon themselves to amuse her as two loving brothers did.

They had always just wanted to protect her, particularly Ryan. After their mother began seeing AJ, a violent drunk, and Trey was sent away for the first time Ryan had looked out for her. All he wanted was to keep his baby sister safe from the big bad world, which he knew.

There was nothing that he wouldn't do for her, nothing that she asked was too much. She could remember the first time that Trey had been arrested, the pain that she had felt from seeing her eldest brother leave her side and not knowing how long it would be until he returned. She could still feel it now, that sense of helplessness in thinking that there would be no one there to protect her any more.

But Ryan was there. He had always been. From day one, even in the smallest of ways. She had taken comfort in his presence, which had made her time away from Trey more bearable. It had been the beginning of a beautiful relationship with her other brother. A relationship, which stood the test of time, seemed to be unbreakable.

Until now.

Rachel's eyes fell on her own, on the happy little girl she had once been. It hurt more than anything she ever felt to see what she had left behind as she grew older. What she had become.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered to the unknowing girl, laying there in happiness, pure and content.

Rachel buried her face in her hands, the full impact of the past month falling upon her in a rushed onslaught of emotions. She didn't know it was possible to feel so much pain and be so frightened all at the same time.

For the first time in weeks, Rachel cried.

TO BE CONTINUED.........

(Hey hey. Well now you know what happens. Big fight. Big loss. What

else? I really hoped you likes this chapter and again I must stress that I

want as many reviews as humanly possible from all of you especially as

we near the end of the story. Oh yes, it is nearly finished. I'm tossing

up a bit between sequel – again – and no sequel. What do you think? In

the next chapter...well you're gonna have to read to find out.)