Disclaimer: I done tole you before, we don't own nuthin'.

AN: Some advice please...should this be R or PG-13? Thanks.

Bubba Legolas...;) Just in case someone missed that earlier...meh

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Bubba grinned sheepishly at the three Silvan Elves, digging his toe into the dirt.

"Damn, boy! You been plowin' Gornie's south forty?" Orophin asked, turning his head and spitting. Unfortunately, Haldir happened to be standing on that side of him, and the spittle hit and stuck to his left sleeve.

"Watch whar yer spittin', Phin-bob!" Haldir cried, wiping his sleeve off on Orophin's shoulder.

"Phin-bob,Ah jest cain't help it…he's jest so durn cute!" Bubba laughed. "Sides…you didn't seem to mind when I was cropdustin' yer furrow last summer…"

"You did not!" Orophin cried, giving Legolas a hard push backwards.

"Did too! An' ya used ta scream like a little bitty gurl!" Legolas snorted. Haldir, Rumil, and Thranduil guffawed along with him.

"Listen up, Bubba…yer man Gornie's done pissed us off. We cain't jest sit 'round an' have no fairy begettin' our sister's baby gurl…" Rumil explained. "We's gonna have to go bust his haid in. Sorry."

"Don't you touch him, Miller!Ah ain't done with him yet. Ya'll just have to wait. 'Sides, it's Wennie's bizness what horse she lets in her barn, not yers."

"Wennie's been screwin' the horses, too?" Rumil asked, looking from one of his brothers to another. "Ah ain't seen that since two years ago when Gladrie got shit-faced at the Midsummer 4-H Fair."

Haldir swatted Rumil upside the back of the head. "No, ya Knucklehaid…he means Gornie!"

"Gladrie's screwing Gornie? Ain't she too old fer him?" Rumil asked, thoroughly confused.

"NO! Wennie is!"

"Wennie's screwing Gladrie?Ah wanna watch next time," Rumil proclaimed, a big grin spreading across his face, revealing all three of his teeth.

Haldir bobbed Rumil on top of the head, driving his brother to his knees. "No, you moron! Wennie's been screwing Gornie!"

"Oh.Ah already knowed that."

"We's still gonna have to go callin' on Gornie, Bubba. If'n you wanna save his hide, you best be comin' with us," Orophin proclaimed.

"All right, all right…but you ain't layin' a finger on him…you jest let me talk to him first, Phin-bob!" Legolas warned, shaking his finger at Orophin.

"Hey, Thrandy, you still make that rotgut?Ah believeAh gots a powerful thirst…" Haldir asked Thranduil, jabbing his elbow into the older Elf's side.

"Shee-it, Hal…you three ere gonna drink me outta bizness…last time you didn't leave not one drop!" Thranduil laughed, leading them around the back of the rock shanty to where his still was percolating loudly.

Sitting down at the weathered, oil spotted picnic table, the four Elves each took their own jug of moonshine, taking long swallows from the bottles.

Hal took out a pocketknife and began rapidly stabbing it into the table top in between the fingers of his left hand, while the other Elves took bets on when he would miss.

Three swallow later, he did.

"Eru damn it!" he screamed, staring down at the knife embedded in his hand between his thumb and index finger. "Shit but that hurts like hell!"

"Look it gushin'! Hal, yer bleedin' a freakin' river!"

Thranduil reached over and poured a liberal amount of moonshine on Haldir's wound, causing Haldir to scream and punch Thranduil directly in the face with his free hand.

"Lordy, Hal…we best git gone before my Daddy wakes up, 'cause he's gonna be as ornry as a warg!Ah think ya mighta broke his nose - an' he wuz real fond a that nose, too," Bubba said, looking down at Thranduil, who was out cold.

"Gimme that rag thar, and let me wrap my hand up, Phin-bob," Haldir said. "We best be gittin' on anyway. We need ta be lookin' fer Gornie…Miller! Get yer hand off'n Bubba's ass, an' help me wrap this up!"

Rumil looked a little disappointed, but did as his brother instructed. Together the four elves left Thranduil lying in the dirt by the still, and rode off toward Rivendell.