A/N: This is what happens when you get me very tired, bored, and on a sugar high! For those who don't want to read anything that is not important to the story, don't read this!

Disclaimer: I don't own Tavington, or any other Patriot characters, Eragon, or any of the characters in it, nor do I own Joel Madden. So there! Any other people you see are my friends and they gave permission gladly. And I own them!

Oh yeah, any talking will be done in play format. You know

Billy Jane Jim Bob: Hi!

Recapping: Cornwallis believes he is dead. Tavington is his shrink. O'Hara is an idiot

Tavington was walking in an empty field, after another fruitless visit with the lord general, he left to keep himself from shooting said Lord.

As he was randomly wandering, the author randomly sent her friend, Kitty, to visit the longsuffering Tavington.

And from the sound of it, she only made him suffer more.

Tavington and Kitty: Ah! Who are you?"

The author (I love putting myself in stories) appeared.

Catherine Tavington: I'm Catherine and this is Kitty. Kitty, this is Tavington. The two of

them, mollified, exchanged the usual pleasantries, 'Nice meeting you.' And 'Whatever, Catherine, why am I here?' You can guess who said what.

After many lengthy explanations, Kitty asked if Cat could bring Joel Madden. Cat of course said yes.

She snapped her fingers and the ever-wonderful Joel Madden appeared.

Joel; "Where am I?"

Kitty: Catherine, could you?

Catherine: Sure! She snapped her fingers

Joel: Kitty, my love! Catherine led them off the scene.

Tavington: That was, um, odd.

Catherine: But fun! She snapped her fingers again and Dracula showed up! After she and

Tavington got bored with heckling him, they sent him back.

Van Helsing randomly appeared.

Van Helsing: Which way did he go? Which way did he go?

Catherine and Tavington together: In there, points where Kitty and Joel are

Van: What in the world?!!

Kitty: Catherine!

Catherine: Oh alright, snaps her fingers

Van: Kitty, my love!

Catherine and Tavington groaned.

Catherine: they're kinda slowing down the story, aren't they?

Tavington: Just a bit.

Catherine: Right then! She snapped her fingers and Joel and Van disappeared!

Kitty: What!?!?!?!

Kitty: What have you done to Joel?

Catherine: Kitty, he doesn't belong here, he was messing up the story.

Kitty: Send me to him already.

Catherinesigh: Oh, all right. A magic portal opened up.

Catherine: In there.

Kitty stepped through the portal.

Tavington: Should we have told her that he's no longer in love with her?

Together: Nah…

In the story "I Am Durza"

Durza and Eragon were fighting for all they were worth. Sword hit sword with bone jarring force, when suddenly a random man with tattoos and spiked hair ran by.

Joel: Help!!! She's after me!!!!!

Eragon and Durza just stared as an apparently mad female chased after the random man.

Kitty: Joel, come back! Please come back!

Eragon, to Durza: Shouldn't you be checking that out?

Durza: Yes, but I'm not going to.

Eragon: Don't blame you.

The two resumed their duel when an odd boy with sandy hair and glasses, carrying a butcher's knife approached.

Goose: Have you seen a random man being pursued by a psycho girl?

Durza and Eragon: They went that way.

Goose: Thanks!

Shaking their heads, Durza and Eragon resumed their duel.

Only to be interrupted by screams.

Kitty (in the distance): Goose! Put the knife down! Put it down! Nooooooooooooooo! Joel!

Goose: maniacal laughter

A/N: Did you like it? No, I don't have anything against Joel. I just had to suffer through an entire night of Kitty raving about how wonderful he is! It got quite annoying after five hours…

Reviewer's notes

Arsinoe de Blassenville: Ha ha, very funny, I had a rough time with that. You try to memorize music on instruments that you've never seen! Anyway, I hope you liked this.

Jade 7777: Really that's funny; I'm the world's biggest drama queen. Did you know that at our school play, everyone's wallet was stolen?

Eccentric Banshee: Thanks, and thanks for reviewing. I love your story, Savage Ice. But you already knew that didn't you?

Lady Mary Tavington: Glad you liked it. And if you are ladymarytavington, I loved your story, Behind the Ice. It made me happy when you reviewed.

That's that. Review to this and I'll give you all a surprise!