Plunging into Darkness

Chapter Four: Fallen

Goren frowned as he read the letter from Nicole Wallace over again for the hundredth time. He tried to memorize it, to figure out if she was implying something behind the words, and her emotions while writing it.

Hello Bobby,

Guess who? It's funny how we always seem to be stuck in this deadly tango of ours. I know how you think and what you're going to do before even try it. I have your only source of stability, Bobby. Break the rules and little Detective Eames gets penalized for your actions. Pretty little thing Eames is…a shame it would be if I hurt her badly. You wouldn't want that, would you? You're about to make an important choice when you finally close this case. It might help or hurt you to know that without her, your strength seems to have faded away…

Much love,

Nicole

P.S. I am watching you. Our little intercourse was a riot. I always wondered how enthusiastic you were in bed. The sparkling little girl will always remember the moans you made.

Goren shuddered in disgust. It was bad enough that he was now disgraced for his actions, his partner was missing, and he was being taunted by an old foe but reliving his night of passion with Nicole hurt him badly, in more than just the obvious ways. He had finally let someone beyond the walls he made to his soul, but he made a mistake. Nicole wasn't the right person to bear your deep dark secrets to. He knew that she would use their intimacy against him…why hadn't he seen it before? He was too blinded by the "perfection" he thought he saw. There was no commonplace anymore. Never a calm moment with Nicole. It all was a charade, to get him in a vulnerable position. But what then? Goren beat himself up over and over with these thoughts. This time it was different. There was more at stake. Eames's life was now hanging in the balance. If he didn't succeed, he may just lose the most important person in his life. He frowned as he realized. This is how it feels to be broken, without hope or comfort. He had fallen away…and he couldn't get back into stride with reality.

Nicole Wallace smiled at this new development. She didn't actually intend to kidnap Detective Eames. This she came up with on a whim the moment she caught a glimpse of her coming into Goren's apartment. I amaze myself all the time…But she knew better than to get cocky. The more prepared and in tune with Goren she got, the more cunning and evil it seemed he also became. He had changed more than she knew every time they met. Nicole thought Goren's maliciousness was a turn on, but it simply passed as quickly as it came. She knew her whims were probably her greatest downfall, shedding her skin and her lovers, trying to find something worth all the pain she suffered in her childhood. Oh no, Bobby's analytical words are pushing my buttons even as we are so far apart. I cannot let him get to me.

Nicole walked over to the sleeping form of Detective Eames. Her limbs were still duct taped together. Nicole grimaced as she realized something. I'm losing my superiority. I'm no longer as clever as I once thought. Bobby's right. I had lost something in me. My fire and will to live is gone. My life is now nothing. Why didn't I just stop. Bobby's love almost made me want to, but I just couldn't. Am I sick? I am now the average criminal pulled from the bunch. Should I give up? She quickly shook her head. I cannot let my doubts overshadow the finale. I may just live forever after this. She laughed. Now she needed to get on with the next step.

All day, Goren had been staring into space at his desk. Since he let the words of the letter burn him, he felt helpless in his search for his partner. There was nothing he could do, nowhere to start. His fellow detectives in the squad room had adopted his demeanor. Everyone seemed to be somber and holding their breaths hoping their fellow detective, Alex Eames, would come home safe and sound. They all selfishly hoped they wouldn't have to get out their dress uniforms for a funeral. But, they did feel for poor Goren's situation. None of them wished on anyone to lose a partner, especially Goren is his deemed "fragile mental state". They knew this was the kind of thing that could rattle a guy, send him over the edge, and cause him to drink too much or find comfort eating his service pistol when alone in his apartment.

Goren's eyes started to water. He didn't care if anyone saw him cry now, he was at his lowest. He was weak right now. The pain felt too much to bear. Why had my mind failed me? I've always been smart. Why did I let this one moment of dropping my defenses end up so badly. It's my fault. I should be the one in danger. Why am I not? Why am I not dead? I deserve to be.

Assistant District Attorney Ron Carver came into the Major Case Squad room with a confused look on his face. Everyone seemed at a loss for words and energy. The once bustling floor of One Police Plaza was now at a stand still. He paused only for a minute to take in the scene. Then he looked at the package in his hand and walked over to Goren, remembering the reason he came up her in the first place. He placed the package in front of the obviously shaken detective. It took Goren a few long seconds to acknowledge both the package and the ADA. He looked from the box to Carver's eyes.

"Detective, a messenger came by and asked me to deliver it to you personally."

Goren still seemed stuck somewhere in between life and dreams. "Yes?"

Carver pointed. "The package, Detective?"

Goren looked slowly at the package. "Oh."

Carver frowned. He was worried. "Are you alright?"

Goren's repertoire seemed to immediately change as he heard these words. His mind was flashing back to the last time he heard those words:

It was right after the first time he and Nicole had sex. She was still straddling him, looking powerful and overly dominant in their love making. She still had that evil twinkle in her eyes. "Oh now, that's my big man."

Goren laughed, seeming high on life. Nicole leaned down to kiss his chest. "Are you alright, detective Goren?" she asked in a seductive voice. He nodded. "You're my sparkling girl, Nicole."

At this memory, Goren cursed loudly and slammed his fist onto his desk, hard. Several things from his desk toppled over the side. Also, some items from Eames's desk fell onto the floor with a crash. The other detectives watched in shock. They all collectively wondered if Goren had finally snapped. Carver took a step back as Goren stood up and walked over to Eames's side of the desk. He got on his knees and picked up all the objects that had fallen. One important item was the picture frame that always stood facing Eames. Goren shook all the broken glass into the wastepaper basket. He lovingly touched the frame.

"I always wondered what the picture was in this frame…" He was speaking softly, to no one in particular.

Goren placed it carefully back on his partner's desk. "It's going to be okay now."

Carver cleared his throat. Goren looked up. "Counselor. What were saying about the package?"

Goren stood in Deakins's office with ADA Carver. Deakins looked at the contents of the package. He was puzzled. "What the hell is all this, Goren?" He held up one plastic bag containing a vial of dirty water.

Goren, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, moved toward his superior to take the plastic bag. "Water close to the proximity to where she is."

Deakins handed Carver the next plastic bag, this one filled with little pieces of dark wood. "What do you make of this?"

"It's from the building where Wallace is keeping Eames." was his only reply.

Deakins frowned. "glass shards?" He examined the next bag.

Goren ran a hand through his hair. "The window she and Ella fell through."

It was Carver's turn to frown. "You mean that she went to the same place where she killed Ms. Miasaki? Why?"

Goren grabbed the other plastic bags from Deakins and Carver. "She's lost all her creativity. She knows it's the end. She needed to make it easy for me so we can finish the game." Goren ran out of the office with a new sense of purpose, leaving Deakins and Carver with dumbfounded looks. Deakins reached for the phone. Carver turned to him. "What are you doing?"

Deakins held the receiver between his ear and his shoulder. "Calling in for some back up. He can't be alone with Wallace again."

Goren parked the SUV outside the abandoned pier building. He checked his back up weapon and cocked it. He prayed to God that he didn't need to use it when he got in there. Before he went in, he saw a few flashing lights from behind him. Backup. He turned around to see Deakins run out of a police cruiser with a bullet proof vest in his hand. "Goren!"

Goren met him halfway. "Sir."

"Don't be careless. Put this on." He handed him the vest. Goren nodded and quickly put it on. "Goren, bring her back…alive."

Goren nodded his head, not sure if Deakins meant Eames or Wallace. All he cared about was dealing with Wallace and making sure Eames was still alive. He turned on his heel and walked quickly to the entrance.

Deakins watched him go. "Good luck." he muttered.

Goren clicked on his flashlight and had his gun out. He made his way up the stairs to the second floor. Wallace was there, she had Eames in a choke hold, holding a gun to her head. Goren yelled. "This is it, Nicole. Stop this game. You lose." He inched closer.

"No, Bobby. I don't lose. I win. I will live forever and you will just fade away. There is no safe way out for both of us, no matter what happens here."

"Don't play with me, Nicole. You're a monster! Let Eames go and we'll talk."

"No deal. I'm the one who decides how we all leave this room…all dead or all alive."

"I don't give a damn about you anymore! You don't have any power. I could see that in your obvious clues. You used to be so cunning. You used to be a beautifully flawed individual. Now you're like all the others. Taking the cowards way out! I used to see something special in you! Ha! You're not special! What happened to that sparkling little girl? She got molested by her dad and she became a monster herself."

"I'm not a monster, you know that."

"Yes! I used to think so! Now I know your true colors! Everyone who ever loved you got in your way of happiness, Nicole. What is happiness? You screwed up! Badly! I believe that you are pure evil! You killed your own daughter and many of your lovers! What kind of ugly existence is that? You must be lonely up there, on your pedestal in hell! Go ahead, Nicole, try and phase me now. I see through your tired devices. Anything you do won't hurt me anymore."

Nicole started to cry. Bobby has just assaulted all of her buttons at once. He knew, he knew it all…Her grip on Eames tightened. "Damn you. Damn you all! I will not let you get the better of me!" She cocked the gun and pressed it to Eames's head. "Say goodbye, Bobby. May you always feel guilty. I hope you suffer and grow mad!" Eames yelped as she tried to wiggle out of Wallace's grasp. Wallace wouldn't have any of it. She was dead set in her decision to kill Eames, just to spite Goren. Goren yelled as Nicole pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened. Nicole laughed and let Eames go. She had a crazy look in her eyes as she screamed, "I was bluffing all along! I did it for you! You made me guilty! I loved you and it hurt that you loved her more! I could see it as we made love! She was always on your mind! I couldn't stand it so I did all this! Just so our tango would never end!" Nicole sobbed. "Bobby!"

Eames rolled away from Nicole Wallace. She gagged and spit blood on the floor. Goren went to her and touched her face. Eames was about to force a smile when--

Nicole let out a primal scream and lunged for the two of them. She scratched at both of them as they fought to get her off. Eames kicked Wallace in the stomach and brought her down. Wallace threw the pistol at Eames, hitting her in the shoulder. Goren picked up his weapon and pulled the trigger. Nicole Wallace let a moan escape her lips as she lay dying on the floor next to Eames, who had tears and blood streaming down her face. Goren helped her up and they stood staring at Wallace's now still form.

About four days later, Goren placed a bowl of coffee ice cream with whipped cream on top on his coffee table in front of Eames. She took her spoon and poked at it as Goren made his way to sit next to her on the couch.

"Bobby, I want to thank you for saving me."

"No, don't. I don't deserve it, Eames."

"Yes you do."

"No, I endangered you by living in a small fantasy realm with Nicole. I let her indulge me and cloud my judgment."

"I can't blame you."

"Yes, you can. You have all the right to. I wasn't myself."

"Tell me about it." She smiled. "You had me so worried. That's why I came over in the first place."

"Oh." Goren sat quiet and thought for a while. "You saved me, actually."

"What?"

"After you were taken, I realized that I needed you by my side. When I get lost within all the horrors of the work, you save me from myself. It also reminded me of how empty I felt when you were gone on your maternity leave. The pain stabbed me from all sides. I almost couldn't deal with it."

"But, I'm here now. Thanks to you. Don't sweat it."

"I can't stop thinking of all the harm I've caused."

"Just so you know, I forgive you."

"Thanks."

"But hey, everything happens for a reason, right."

"Yeah, I guess."

"This whole ordeal helped me realize something too."

"What's that?"

Eames let her right hand find his left. She held it for awhile and gave it a gentle squeeze. She found his eyes and saw the vulnerability and hurt behind them. Goren looked down, embarrassed. Eames pulled him to her and kissed his forehead lightly. They held this position a long moment until Eames broke the silence.

"Bobby?"

"Yes, Eames."

"My ice cream is melting."

They both laughed at this as they shared the sundae.

THE END