Disclaimer: I do not claim to own any Of the Saiyuki characters, they are not my creation.
AN: This chapter is dedicated to YohjiBabe2008, and my friend Goyjo. Thank you both for your support, and I will do my best to make this chapter and future ones as best as I can. . Sorry it took so long to post this and thank you all for your reviews.
Hakkai sat in the darkness of the room; he'd have given anything to know what the red head thought about. He'd noticed Goyjo's actions change around him, he now seemed to always be in thought. Hakkai turned facing the window he shivered slightly, rubbing his arms for warmth.
"Kana." He spoke the name softly.
Why did it hurt so much even now to say her name the scare of his belly burned with memory, he shook the images from his mind. They were too painful; Hakkai wondered why he still held those terrible memories. Kannan would have wanted him to move on, find some happiness. But he'd loved her deeply it was hard to forget a love so strong, his first love.
Hakkai slowly stood from the bed; he couldn't sit any longer maybe it was time to let go of this dread he carried with him always. Just to maybe let enough of it to finally be able to walk in the rain. Hakkai dressed quickly and sighed, it been so long since he'd even given though to walk in the rain. As he left the inn he heard Goku's call, but he simply waved to the young man before he left.
He chuckled slightly, Goku was sure to tell Sanzo that the two had left. And annoy the monk to later on track them down, to make sure they returned safely. He smiled though sometimes they all didn't show it they each cared for the others, and maybe it was only Hakkai who could see it. He sighed as he opened the door and took the first step into the rain it washed over him in sheets, drumming in his ears. He felt the ache return with the drumming in his ears of rain, he held his scar as he moved forward. He could only see blurred buildings around him as he walked. Hakkai tried to hold on and stay strong he'd wanted to conquer this but he could feel his grip slip away.
He took in a breath sharply as the images filled his brain again, he continued to walk the images. Of blood screaming. Kannan…
"Goodbye Gonou."
He shook his head. Why had she left he would have taken care of her no matter whose child she carried, he could have made a life for them. Why…Kannan why couldn't you bare to stay with me?
Hakkai shivered as he continued to walk, he was pitting himself again he should just let it go all of it. Kannan did what she though was best so maybe he could stay strong. That would be like her, he'd taken after her in that. Always keeping his feeling from the others to protect them and keep them strong.
AN: Youghofan88 thank you so much for telling me about the name I hadn't read the Manga so I wasn't sure how it was spelled. I'll try to write the next chapter quickly.