A View of Happiness

Chapter Six

By A Shot of Amber

Please remember to read and review or send all comments, questions, suggestions, or flames to . Thank you!

A View of Happiness

Chapter Six

' In the darkness I shall find you.

You are hiding inside me.

Let destiny go and you will find me.'

- VNV Nation "Finest Hour Mix"

" How long do you think she'll be in there?"

Darien looked up from his plate of scrambled eggs, which was all he could eat for dinner that night.

" I don't know. Because I'm not related to her I cannot find out anything unless her parents tell me."

Rei nodded and set down her fork. " They won't tell me anything about her either except that she probably won't be back for a few days. They want to keep her for observation for at least a week then its all up in the air. Her mom told me on the phone today that Serena is probably going to drop out of school after this. Its to much for her to keep going so soon after it happened. Maybe next year she can come back but her mom doubts it. She thinks it would be better if Serena transferred schools maybe go somewhere where she doesn't feel threatened as she does here."

" Its so hard to believe that anyone can be affected so strongly by something that happened to them," Mina sighed.

" It affects her because it was a violation of her body and her rights. Look at Serena before this and you would have seen a girl who wanted to fall in love and give her virginity to the one she loved because he would have appreciated it. Now look at the same girl after that night and you see someone who can never fall in love. How can she fall in love when the one gift she wanted to give the man she loved was taken from her in some dark alley by a person who doesn't even have half a heart beating in his chest?" Haruka looked up her tray at Mina. " Look at that girl and you see two different people, a little girl with her heart on her sleeve and a grown women who grew up to fast only because she was forced too."

Michiru who was sitting next to Haruka swallowed her bite of food and set down her fork. She wasn't hungry anymore because in her mind was that picture of the little girl. She could see Serena sitting at her desk sketching that bowl of fruit with her tongue slightly sticking out of her mouth as she drew in the shadows on the apple. She could see Serena sitting under a tree dressed in her favorite pink and white skirt staring up into the sky instead of studying for her math test. She could see Serena the night of the party coming by her room to show off her outfit and saying how she hoped Derek would kiss her that night. Then she saw a different picture, she saw Serena after the rape, she saw the bruises on her face, the shadows of the purple so much like the shadows on the apple. She saw the girl who walked across campus looking wary and afraid dressed in loose jeans and a baggy sweater to hide anything on her body. She saw the little girl and the grown women in two places and in the same person.

Everyone else had more or less stopped eating also has they saw the same picture in their minds. They could see the little girl and the grown women but there was something missing from the grown women, she wasn't happy. She would probably never be happy again.

Darien could see this the most has he set down his fork and leaned back in his chair to look up at the ceiling. Above him on the white tiles the speakers were playing Alicia Keys, the same song that had been playing the day he asked Serena out and the day she met Derek. His mind seemed to flash back over to that week when he had tried to ask her out, when he could have saved her.

'" Homecoming is really big but so is the party. It's the night after the game. All the brothers are supposed to bring dates and I was wondering if maybe you would like to--."

" Oh my gosh I love this song!" Serena cried interrupting him.

" What song?" Darien asked looking up at the ceiling where Serena was looking.

" This song! I love this song! You Don't Know My Name by Alicia Keys."

" You interrupted me for a song?" Darien asked incredulity but softly.

" What did you say?" Serena asked looking back to him.'

Maybe he should have said something. Maybe he should have asked her again and again until she said yes. Maybe he should have asked her has friends and not has a date and then maybe he would have the happy go lucky Serena back and not this strange silent shadow that tried to jump out windows and was at this moment sitting in a hospital bed drugged up and alone. Darien sat up in his chair and stood up. " I'll see you guys later, I'm not hungry tonight." He picked up his tray and walked off towards the garbage while the others watched him.

" He seems the hardest hit by this," Lita sighed turning back towards the group.

Michiru nodded in agreement. " That's because he loves her the most."

Darien had held her in his arms while the nurse sat at her desk filling out a report of what had happened. The girl selected packed a bag with some clothes, mostly jeans and sweaters and other items like Serena's toothbrush and her hairbrush. She also packed some pictures and a stuffed rabbit. Maybe it was her girlish notions but she thought it might comfort Serena to have some comforts from home when she went to the hospital. No one on the floor knew what was really going on. After the party on Friday night no one had really seen her. She didn't answer her door when people knocked, she didn't return calls to her phone, when she had been seen she was pale and shaky and there was a bruise on her face that bespoke of something big. The girl could barely keep her eyes off Serena's swollen and puffy face with it bruised eye and cheek but has soon as she finished packing the bag the nurse shooed her out of the room and shut the door leaving her and Darien alone.

After Serena fell into a drugged sleep he had picked her up and laid her on the bed with her head in his lap. Her hair had come undone from its bun and spread itself over his lap, the golden strands over the black of his pants. Even in sleep with bruises on her face she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Darien wished her could gather her in his arms and just hold her tight but he didn't, instead he held onto one of her hands and with the other brushed away her bangs. The nurse who had sharp eyes noticed this but decided not to say anything but instead busied herself with filling out a report of Serena's attempted suicide and what Darien had seen. He knew the nurse knew about the rape so he didn't leave anything out but instead told her everything including how for a minute he had no idea what Serena was doing when she climbed up onto the window ledge and opened the window.

The nurse nodded every once in awhile while her pen scratched its way across the white paper filling in three sheets of carbon copies. One copy would go to the campus office, one to her parents, and one for the nurse to keep. These copies would tell them of what happened so if there were any questions, and there would be, they could come to Darien and ask.

When the ambulance came they pulled up to the front door of the building with their lights flashing. Two men jumped out of the ambulance carrying bags full of medical supplies and a thing of oxygen for when Serena woke up. They rushed up the stairs guided by the RA who had been sent to lead them to her room. Inside one of them knelt by the limp body of Serena and felt her pulse while the other talked to the nurse. All the time Darien was a spectator watching them, like a play with him as the audience member. The ambulance driver who spoke to the nurse, looked over her report and filled out one of his own while the other checked Serena's vitals and asked Darien questions that he answered to the best of his ability. Then all to soon it was over and the tall ambulance driver with the short cut red hair who checked Serena's vitals was lifting her up into his arms while his partner took their bags and the nurse's report. Together the two of them walked out of the room with the nurse and Darien following. In the hallway the girls stood outside of their rooms and watched has the limp body of their fellow classmate was carried past them dressed in her pajamas. Darien was immune to all their stares and the fact that more then one girl said his name into the ear of another girl. He could only see Serena, her head resting on the EMT's shoulder, her blond hair flowing down over his arm to the floor. He could only see the slight tinge of blue around her lips from the sedative. He could only see the shadow of a person.

Downstairs they left the lobby into the bright early morning sunlight. A third partner had the gurney ready covered in a white sheet with two sets of straps hanging free. The EMT carrying Serena gently laid her onto the gurney while the other two fixed the straps and tightened them so she wouldn't slide during the ride. When they were finished and the crowd had gathered and grown bigger they lifted her into the ambulance and closed the doors leaving Darien standing on the sidewalk. The nurse stood next to him just watching has the ambulance drove off, its lights off but still speeding.

" Well young man I suggest you get to class. There isn't anything else to see here," the nurse said turning to him slightly before walking off back towards her office to make the appropriate phone calls. Darien was left standing there surrounded by a crowd of students who looked at him obviously seeing that he was a player in this bit drama but he didn't answer their questions, instead he just turned and walked off headed not for class but instead for his frat house. He didn't want to see anyone at this moment.

That night instead of going to the library like he normally did to study for his classes he spent it in the fraternity house lying on a couch tossing a football into the air and catching it. His head lay on the arm rest while one leg lay sprawled over the back of the couch. He would throw the football up watch it sail through the air then catch and repeat his movements. While he did this he thought about the past week, it was going on a week now. Serena had been in the hospital for three days now and was not getting visitors. Her parents had called Rei and Darien and talked to them both giving them updates about Serena. She was in the mental wing of the hospital and was under strict watch from the staff. She was never allowed to be alone and was on a medication to make her sleep and to calm her down. On her first day there she had woken from her drugged sleep to find herself lying in a hospital bed while some filled a vial with her blood. Serena had started screaming at the site of the needle then she got up and tried to run, perhaps headed away from the nurse who jumped up and grabbed her arm to hold her back. Other nurses streamed in while Serena cried out words of agony and pain talking about how evil the world and more then once screaming at Darien about how much of a jerk he was for not letting her die. Finally a doctor was called and she was given something to make her sleep. She was always sleeping now, the medicine they gave her was very strong, it calmed her mood making her seem listless and quiet. When she wasn't asleep she was in therapy with the others listening to people talk about their lives, each one more complicated then the next. She saw women with stitches on their wrists, she saw men who smoked one cigarette after another while they crossed and uncrossed their legs and talked about people who watched and hurt them. Then there was Serena who sat in the corner by the window dressed in baggy pants and a sweater with her legs crossed and bent at the knee in what her kindergarten teacher had said was Indian style before politically correct terms came into use. She would look out the window or stare at the floor but never talk, she had nothing to say to these people, none of them were going through what she was going. They were happy people compared to her, so she ignored them and refused to meet their eyes. The leader of the group, her therapist would try and draw Serena out but she refused to speak but instead looked out the window at the green grass and at the trees turning red and gold. She would look at the other buildings with people walking in and out of them and at the picnic tables where they sometimes ate in the summer, she would look at everything except the people in the room with her. Finally the therapist would give up and leave Serena alone again and go on to someone else.

After therapy was finished she would leave the room at a fast walking pace and go to the nursing station for her medication. She had learned that it made her sleep so she would gladly take it swallowing down the pill with a small glass of water then lying down on the couch near the nurse's station and falling asleep till lunch. It was this way all the time, everyday she went through the same routine, or at least she did until the third day.

On the third day her dose was cut down. Instead of two pills a day she was given one pill at bed time to make her sleep. The dose was also decreased cutting her sleeping time from twelve hours a day to eight hours. On the first day she lay on the couch waiting for blessed sleep to come but it never did. Instead she lay there hour after hour watching people walk past her muttering to themselves or sitting in groups coloring and talking. When the lunch hour came she ate her chicken salad sandwich at a small table with two other women, an older women who was afraid of large crowds and couldn't function in society because of that and a Hispanic girl who couldn't speak English very well. When you looked at her wrists you could see the fresh stitches from the slash marks where she had cut herself. Serena had noticed them on the first day and cringed in horror. She hated cuts and blood so from that day she avoided the girl so she wouldn't have to see her wounds.

After lunch Serena went to her individual therapy session to talk about her pain or anything else her therapist wanted to talk about. She would answer the questions but never really got into depth about what she was feeling. No one knew what she was feeling, they all thought she was crazy because she tried to kill herself, but she wasn't crazy, she was afraid, she was afraid that it could happen again and that she would have to go through this horror all over again if the current horror ever fades away.

It had been five days since Serena entered the hospital. She was expected to be in there for at least seven days for observation then everything was up in the air. Darien had been relying on the phone calls from Mrs. Tuskino to give him updates on Serena so he was surprised when the call didn't come on the fourth day. It left him worried all night and barely able to sleep but somehow he did because the next morning he woke up groggy and tired with Serena on his mind. Through out the day his mind was a in a fog that left him unable to think and for the first time in his school career he was silent in class and instead left the other students to answer the questions. After school he came back to his frat house to find one of his brothers, a thin intense man who was only in the fraternity because it looked good on a resume on the phone. Darien didn't think anything of it and was headed towards his room when the person on the phone called his name.

" Hey Darien you have a phone call!"

Darien looked down over the railing to see he was holding up the phone. He reached over and took the receiver stretching the cord to its max.

" Yea this is Darien."

" Darien? I'm so glad you got home, were you at class?" It was Mrs. Tuskino.

" Uh yea I was. I just walked in the door. How is Serena?"

Mrs. Tuskino sighed and fingered the cord of the phone. " She is doing better now that she's not sleeping all the time. They decreased her medication to just one pill a day at a low dose. She hates it because it leaves her time, as she says it, to think and she doesn't want that. She would rather be in a drugged haze since she seems to think its nicer there."

" So she's not doing better mentally?"

" I wouldn't say that. She's just afraid more then anything. The doctor says Serena is going through many of the traits a rape victim goes through. She can only get better but its going to take time for her to get better and she needs to work at it. What is it dear?" Mrs. Tuskino put her hand over the receiver has her husband asked her something, their voices slightly muffled before becoming clear again has she removed her hand.

" I'm sorry Darien but Mr. Tuskino wants me to cut this short and tell you why I called."

" What is it Mrs. Tuskino?" Darien asked slipping his backpack off his shoulder and setting it down on the stairs.

" Well Mr. Tuskino and I are headed to the hospital to visit with Serena and we were wondering if you and Rei would like to come with?"

" I thought she could receiver visitors?"

" She can only receive family but she's been asking to have her friends visit so we thought we'd start small and have you and Rei. We want Rei to come because she is Serena's roommate and they seem close and of course you because you and Serena are close. You've been there with her through all of this." Mrs. Tuskino asked her husband something then got back on the phone. " We'll be there in fifteen minutes if you want to meet us there."

" I'll definetly be there but I don't know about Rei, I'd have to find her."

" Well then we'll let you do that and you can meet us in front of the hospital. I hope to see the two of you there. Goodbye Darien."

" Bye Mrs. Tuskino." Darien walked down the stairs and hung up the phone. He was going to see her, after four days he was going to get to see her and talk to her again. Maybe this time he could make her understand. Darien turned and ran back up the stairs grabbing his bag on the way so he could get his keys and find Rei. He wanted to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

The part of the hospital where Serena was staying was located in the older part of the hospital in a red brick building which was much different then the white and green walls of the rest of the hospital. They met Mr. and Mrs. Tuskino in front of the glass doors leading into the lobby. Mrs. Tuskino was a cheerful women with long dark hair tinged now with gray. She gave Rei a hug while Mr. Tuskino shook Darien's hand and thanked him for coming. You could tell both of them were slightly choked up at the thought of seeing Serena in there. Mr. and Mrs. Tuskino had been coming to the hospital everyday since she was admitted but it still scared them to see their daughter looking like a pale shadow of herself sitting across the linoleum tables of the cafeteria watching them as if they might do something. It was scary to see anyone looking like that.

They entered the lobby together and checked in at the desk before being escorted upstairs to the unit where Serena was staying. At the door the security guard took out a small card and slid it through the key pass and typed in a code before opening the door and stepping back to let them in. Darien was the last to enter, following behind Rei. His first sense of the place was the smell, it was a sterile smell like cleaning products. The hallway in front of them was brightly lit with florescent lights and a blue carpet that seemed to glow. They walked down the hall towards the nurse's station past open doors of rooms with beds in them and mirrored dressers. Each room was dark, the curtains were pulled closed over the windows, giving them a look of perpetual gloom. At the nurse's station a blond man dressed in teal scrubs was on the phone but when he saw the Tuskinos he got off and stood up.

" Good afternoon Mr. and Mrs. Tuskino. Serena is sitting at the end of the hall. She's been waiting for you since lunch." The man looked at Rei and Darien. " It looks like she'll have a good visit today." He smiled at Rei who raised one eyebrow at him and turned away.

" Thank you Elisha," Mrs. Tuskino replied nodding to Elisha then taking her husband's arm and walking down the hall towards where Serena was. Darien put his arm around Rei and followed Serena's parents while Elisha watched them before going back to his work at the desk.

Serena had been sitting in front of the window at the end of the hall ever since she had finished lunch. She had dressed herself in her clothes of choice now, a baggy sweater and jeans, her hair was pulled back into her trademark buns and she didn't wear make-up. She didn't in any way want to stand out to people. She was dull and tired looking, nothing like the bright attractive girl from a month ago. Darien self consciously tightened one fist has he saw her, sitting in a cracked red leather chair with her legs stretched out before her crossed at the ankle and resting on the window sill. Her arms were crossed over her chest, the baggy sleeves resting on each other. Mrs. Tuskino crushed her hand to her mouth for one quick second then moved it away and smiled.

" Serena, we are here," she said smiling down at Serena's head.

Serena turned around in her chair and looked up at her parents along with Rei and Darien standing behind them. She blinked once as she focused on two of her friends standing there. Suddenly she smiled, a weak tired smile but a smile never less, and stood up and the shadow of the old person appeared. Serena walked over to Rei who was fighting back tears and hugged her.

" Its so good to see you Rei," she mummered hugging her tightly.

" How are you doing Serena?" Rei asked puling Serena to arms length so she could look at her and smiled.

" I could be better, but I'm doing good. They cut down my medication and it kind of sucks but the doctor says its for the best. He says I can't escape in sleep all the time because I will never be a functioning member of society if I do." She looked over at Darien and smiled wider. " Hey!"

Darien grinned and waved one hand. " Hey."

She let go of Rei and moved over to hug him. " I never got to thank you for everything you did for me."

" It was nothing," Darien replied as he remembered her screams of hatred towards him.

" It is everything," she contradicted looking up at him with serious blue eyes. "You saved my life."

" I did what felt right."

" I'm glad you did. My therapists says I need to thank everyone who has been there for me through this all and you're the one I need to thank the most. Thank you Darien."

He smiled down at her while she smiled up at him until Mr. Tuskino cleared his throat. Darien let go of Serena and stepped back while rubbing the back of his neck has if he was hot. Serena turned towards her parents and smiled at them, her smile becoming wider. She was still like an empty shadow of the person he remember has they walked over to the eating room and sat down at a table. Rei sat next to Rei and gossiped with her about school and what was happening while her parents broke in every once in awhile asking questions about Serena's care and when she expected to leave. Meanwhile Darien sat on the other side of the table at the head of it watching the people around him, all the time lost in his own thoughts.

Serena had her arm through Rei's, her resting gently on Rei's arm while she asked about the going on's of their friends and people living on their floor. Sometimes her eyes would wander over to where Darien sat and look at him but she would always pull them away and look back at Rei or her parents. Darien noticed this but didn't say anything. Instead he would just smile at her when she looked at him and she would smile back. Then Rei begin to talk about how worried everyone was after they found out about that day and how Darien was the most worried. Serena at this time looked away from Rei's face to Darien who was resting his chin on his crisscrossed hands and looking down at the table top. She blinked once and bit down on her bottom lip. Her hand slipped away from Rei's arm and she stood up bringing Darien out of his revere.

" Darien can I talk to you?"

He looked at her with her serious blue eyes looking down at him and nodded. " Of course Serena." He stood up and followed her out of the room down the hallway and past the nurses station where Elisha sat working on some paper work. He looked up as Serena passed with Darien behind her but she didn't turn her head and Darien just barely acknowledged him. They walked back to the window where Serena had sat waiting for them, a small alcove with two blue curtains hanging on either side of them. She stepped into the alcove and pulled the curtains closed behind them so they were in this small space of sunshine. Serena sat down on the window sill which was just big enough to allow her to sit down with her legs touching the floor. Darien looked behind him then pulled up the red chair Serena had been sitting in when he got there.

" I don't really know how I'm ever going to thank you for what you've done for me. I mean out of all my friends you've been the one who is always there for me Darien."

Darien smiled and leaned forward to rest his arms on his knees. Serena crossed her legs at the ankle and leaned back against the window.

" I never really expected that something like that could happen to me. I thought it only happened to trampy girls who asked for it and I'm not trampy, I'm pure or at least I was."

" You still are."

" No I'm not Darien, I'm marked with the sin of what happened to me but I can hide it or at least that's what my therapist says I can do. I need to hide and stop showing people that I'm dirty and letting everyone know. Rape," she swallowed and looked at her hands, " is a dirty thing that happens to more people then you could ever suspect. Most women never even show that they were raped and I want to be like that. I don't want to show anymore that I'm a victim. I don't want to be like Nicole a girl I met here who is also a rape victim and makes it known to everyone. She is constantly talking about the horror she went through and every time she does I have to leave the room with my ears covered by my hands because I don't want to hear it. I'm tired of hearing that awful word and she says it all the time like it's the only thing she can say. I was raped, pity me and feel sorry for me!" Serena let go of the window sill and gestured her hand through the air. I'm tired of listening to someone who acts like their raping was a walk in the park on a sunny day because its not, its being alone in a tornado and having nothing to hold on too." She looked down at Darien and smiled. " I think the reason Nicole looks for pity is because she doesn't have one person to protect her. Her mom is a drug addict and she doesn't know her dad so she turns to perfect strangers and makes them listen. Me," she pointed to herself. " I have more people then I know what to do with, I have my parents, and my friends, and of course you."

Darien smiled. Serena smiled and for a moment the outside world disappeared around them except for the sun shining in through the window.

" You know I'll always be there for you Serena."

" I know." Serena scooted back on the window sill so her toes were the only thing touching the floor. She sighed and looked down at the blue carpet. " I'm sorry I was so rude to you that time you asked me to the party at your frat house. I was so eager to have the most popular and hottest guy on campus that I walked into fire without knowing it and got burned because of it. I should have gone with a person I could have trust, a person who would have treated me like a lady and not a thing." She looked up at him. " I should have gone with you Darien."

" Serena if I had known this was going to happen I would have handcuffed you to my wrist and dragged you with me to the party but I didn't know. I thought Derek was more of a man then that but I was wrong about that. I'm just sorry that I gave him more credit then he deserved."

Serena grinned. " He's scum."

Darien laughed. " I agree with you on that one but Serena if you step forward and report him you can wipe out that scum and he'll never do it again."

" Yea but it would be reopening new wounds," Serena replied. " I don't know if I ever want to live through what I went through ever again."

" Yea but do you want some other girl to go through it?"

Serena widened her eyes slightly. " Is he?"

" Not right now, he's keeping it low just in case but there is always the chance that he'll do it again. He's probably feeling that he can do it again because he knows you won't come forward and report him."

" But its been almost a week now…"

" Yes but you can still report him, you have the evidence and so does the hospital. All you need to do is fill out a report and begin the process to bring the scum down."

Serena looked away has she thought about the bag of clothes hidden in the bottom of her clothes bin. She hadn't touched them since she put them there, they were sealed tightly in plastic so they couldn't touch her other clothes and ruin them.

" You kept the clothes, didn't you?"

Serena looked away and didn't say anything; she could still see the blood stained clothes lying on the bottom of the white plastic bin.

" Serena?"

" I was afraid to throw them away for some reason so I kept them, just in case I could become strong enough to bring them in."

" You are strong enough now," Darien reached over and grabbed her hands tightly in his own. " Serena you are strong enough to end this cycle of pain inside you and you are strong enough to stop Derek from hurting another girl. Rape is a serious offense that can be stopped if you help to stop it." He tightened his already tight grip on her hands. " I just don't want to see you get hurt anymore."

Her face was bathed in sunlight from the window which she looked out of. Her hands were clasped in Darien's and for the first time she didn't cringe at his touch or any males touch, she instead felt something akin to safe. For the first time in a long time she felt truly safe and somewhat like her old self. She felt strong again.

" Darien?"

" Yes Serena?"

" I get out of the hospital tomorrow. Would you take me to the police station? I want to fill out a report."

Darien smiled. " I'll do whatever you need me to do Serena."

She smiled and looked at him, straight in the eye. " Thank you," she replied.

" Your welcome," he replied then stood up and pulled her up into his arms. She came willingly and hugged him tightly, her hands gripping the soft cotton of his shirt before they both let go and opened the curtain to leave their sunny little world and enter the regular world again.

Darien waited for her downstairs in the parking lot while she retrieved the bag from her dirty clothes bin. She stood there for a moment looking at the crumbled blue sweater and the black sweater then wrapped it up in a black garbage bag so she wouldn't have to look at it during the car ride to the station. Rei wasn't in the room, she was in class. Serena closed the door to the empty room and walked down the stairs and out the door to where Darien stood by his car.

" Ready?" He asked.

" Yes," she replied clutching the garbage bag tightly in her hands.

He opened the door for her and she slid in, letting the garbage bag rest on her lap. He shut the door then walked around to his side and got in. The car ride to the station was quiet has she let her thoughts take a hold of her and he allowed it to happen. At the station he parked his car and she climbed out, the detective's card now in her hand. Darien came to stand next to her and together they walked into the police station with his arm just gently resting on her waist. At the front desk Serena stepped up alone and set the bag on the desk top.

" Can I help you miss?"

" I would like to see detective Johnson. I'm here to report a rape."

The End.

Please send all comments, questions, suggestions,