Jack sneaked a glance at Sam's notebook. Oh geez, she was doodling 'Mr. and Mrs. Jack O'Neill' again. Was she never going to give up? How many times did he have to put her down in public, make his boredom with her crystal clear and flaunt affairs with other women before Carter hopped on the clue bus? So what if once, when faced with the choice of either claiming to have 'feelings' for Carter or getting his brain zapped by Tokra Ho's zantac gizmo, he had opted for the 'feelings'? For crying out loud, how could any sane woman think that a tepid 'I care more than I should' was a declaration of true love?
Okay O'Neill, time for Plan B. Or is it Plan C? He caught Sam up as she left the briefing room. "Hey Carter, that went well."
"Yes Sir" she replied formally. He wants to talk to me privately, she thought joyously.
"I've been thinking," he said. "I don't think we make return visits to planets often enough. I'd like to suggest to General Hammond that SG1 makes follow up calls so that we can keep in touch with old friends."
"Do you have any specific 'old friends' in mind Sir?" Sam said. Perhaps he's planning an off-world wedding in the Land of Light. Tuplo can conduct the ceremony and Melosha can be the bridesmaid. I'll have to contact Dad, see if he can spare a few hours to give me away, she thought.
"As a matter of fact Carter, yes I do. I'd like to spend a bit of time on Argos and Edora. See how the natives are getting on. Check up on Kynthia and Laira. Then of course we could go to... Carter, what's wrong? Aren't you feeling well?" Jack asked as Carter turned pale.
"Im-I'm fine, sir," Sam said, her lower lip trembling slightly. "The air was a little stuffy back there, that's all," she said valiantly.
"Get yourself a glass of water, Major," Jack said, inadvertently touching her sleeve. "You'll feel better."
Sam jumped and looked down at her arm. He touched me! I can feel his passion burning into my skin. So hot; so needy. Oh, sir, you poor thing. You're just too proud to let your feelings be known. I could never love anyone as much as you, sir. I will wait forever for you, my love. I know you need me. I won't let you down, sir.
Jack looked on in horror as a moronic smile spread across his second's face. Oh, for crying out loud. She's got that…look. I had to ruin everything by touching her. Jack thought unhappily. "Uh, Carter?" he said.
"I'm fine, Colonel. Thank you," Sam said dreamily.
"For what?" Jack asked warily.
"Why, for caring, sil-,er, sir," Sam said blushing. Oops, I almost said, silly, she thought stifling a giggle. "Yes, sir, that sounds like fun," she chirped. Oh silly me, Sam thought. He was joking with me, the big tease. Or could it be, yes, I know what this idea is all about! He's trying to deflect suspicion by ostensibly visiting his 'old flames'. That's it. Boy, for a moment he sure had me fooled. Sam beamed up into the Colonel's face.
Jack heart sank as he noted the happy expression on Sam's face. Damn, damn, damn, damn, he thought miserably. What will it take to get it through her skull that I'm just not interested?
"Uh, yeah," Jack said. Somebody! Help me! This would be a fine time for a goa'uld attack, he thought.
At that moment Daniel entered the room, dropped one of his notebooks and bent over to pick it up. Jack covertly eyed Daniel's rear. Spacemonkey has a damn fine ass for a guy, he thought. A glimmer of an idea occurred to him.
"Oh Daniel," he said. "Come here a minute, willya." "Sure Jack," Daniel said.
Jack grabbed Daniel and pulled him into a passionate kiss. The next thing he knew, he was lying on the floor with a sore jaw. Daniel stomped off angrily. Jack didn't care. It was worth it, he thought. Now Carter has to give up. He looked up at her. Sam smiled back.
She knelt down. "Don't worry sir," she whispered. "I know why you did that."
"Uh, fill me in, Carter," Jack said, rubbing his jaw.
"You're trying to protect me by pretending to have an interest in Daniel," she said, gazing at him lovingly. "I'll stand by you sir. I'll be waiting for you when you get out of Leavenworth. We'll be together forever."
Jack moaned. He couldn't win. Now he was going to get court-martialed AND Carter was still in hot pursuit. He wondered if the Asgard had an opening for a janitor.
The End.