Spike sighed, prodding Buffy gently off his lap and to her feet. "We need to talk, Slayer."
Buffy frowned. She could see where this was going. Plus, he'd called her "Slayer." That always seemed to accompany a colder version of Spike. "Don't call me that. I'm Buffy. I don't even remember anything about being the Slayer. The word means nothing to me."
"It means everything!" Spike yelled, jumping up and causing Buffy to stagger backwards. "Don't you understand? You get your memories back, and all you'll be when you're around me is the bloody Slayer!"
"That's not true! Maybe the memories I had as the Slayer made me push down what I felt for you, but it was still there—and it's real. Feeling it now, I could never bury it again, no matter what I remember."
"How do you know it was there? You don't remember anything."
"I know what I feel! No, I don't remember anything about you from before the other day, that's true. And I don't completely understand any of this, but I do know it's something real. Something strong."
"Slayer…"
"Listen to me, dammit! I love you, Spike. I love you."
Spike felt grief warring with elation. Hearing Buffy tell him she loved him was more than he ever could've hoped for, but it wasn't real. It couldn't be. "You don't…"
Buffy slapped her hand over his mouth. "Don't say it! I love you! Maybe the Slayer couldn't tell you, but I can. And I mean it, Spike. I don't remember loving anyone else, but I know that when I look at you, that's what this is—love."
Spike stared at her, trying to wrap his mind around what she'd just said. She didn't remember loving anyone else… It hit home for the first time that she didn't remember the "great love" she'd shared with Angelus. Spike had always known his grandsire would shadow any sort of relationship Spike had with Buffy, but now, they didn't have him hanging over them. They didn't have anything hanging over them. Even more so than the lack of her Slayer memories, Buffy no longer had the fear of what would happen if she allowed herself to fall for another vampire. Could she really be telling him the truth when she said that she loved him—and that that love had been there all along? More importantly, could he dare to hope that that love was strong enough to stay in place once she had to face her memories?
Spike looked at her, his eyes pleading. "Buffy, I don't know what to do…"
Buffy took his hand, placing a small, cool object in his palm before closing his fingers over it. Spike opened his hand, questioningly regarding the ring that was now there. He turned it over in his hand, reading the inscription that was inside.
William—Remember love always. Buffy
Spike felt the last of his resolve slip. He knew he could lose this as soon as he memory was back—knew there was the good chance she'd go as far as to stake him—but if this was his only chance to feel loved by the woman who meant more to him than even his own existence, he'd take it. He slipped the ring on his finger and grabbed Buffy, kissing her deeply.
When Spike pulled away, he saw Buffy panting, her cheeks flushed and her eyes dark with passion. He reached out tentatively, then ran his fingers through her golden hair. "I love you, Buffy. I love you so much."
"I love you, too."
Spike smiled, pushing away any doubts about what he had with Buffy at that moment. The past, the future—they didn't matter. He'd live for the now, like he always had before. He took Buffy's hand, leading her towards the trapdoor that led to the lower level of the crypt.
"Where are we going?" Buffy asked.
"To bed, love."
"I'm guessing we're not going there to sleep…"
"Not exactly tired." Spike frowned, noticing how tense she'd become. "Something wrong? Do…do you not want…"
"I want!" Buffy said quickly. "I really, really want. It's just, well, um, I assume I probably have before, but, well, the amnesia, and, um…" She looked down, blushing.
Spike cupped her cheek, tipping her face so their eyes met again. "This feels like your first time then?"
"Yeah."
"I'll make it special for you, love."
Buffy looked down again. "I'm not worried about how you'll be. I'm…I'm afraid I won't be good enough. I mean, you're a vampire. You're all sexy, and I'm sure you've had all this experience, and…"
"Buffy, pet, just being with you will make this better than anything I've ever experienced before. You have no idea how long I've waited for you to just let me love you."
"You don't have to wait any longer."
Spike kissed her again, waiting for her to melt against him before picking her up. He jumped down into the bottom level of the crypt, cradling Buffy against him as he did. With one hand he shooed the kittens off the bed before laying Buffy down. He stilled as she looked up at him, stretched out seductively on his bed, her hair fanned out on his pillow. For the first time in almost longer than he could remember, he had the urge to write poetry, even if it was of the bloody awful variety.
Spike lit a few candles around the bed, surprised at how repulsed he was by the thought of taking Buffy in the dark. If this was her "first time," he'd do it right. He turned to look at her again, the soft glow of the candles making her seemingly even more beautiful. Spike stared at her, finding it difficult to believe that she was really there, that this was going to happen. In that moment, she was the loveliest creature he'd ever seen, and he wanted nothing more than to hold her for all eternity.
"What are you thinking?" Buffy asked.
Spike said the first thing that came to his mind. "Effulgent."
Buffy wrinkled her nose. "Is that a good thing?"
Spike smiled, crawling into the bed beside her and taking her hand. "Yes. Means you're beautiful, radiant. You glow."
Buffy smiled back, using her free hand to caress his face. "Then you're effulgent, too."
Spike chuckled, the happiness that was overflowing inside him making him wonder for a second if it was possible for his heart to begin beating again. "Let me show you how much I love you, Buffy."
"Please, Spike. I want you to show me. I want you to show me everything."
Spike made love to her slowly, pouring his emotions into the act, letting her know with his body what he felt for her. When it was over, he held her close, telling her again, this time with words. "I love you, Buffy," he said, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.
"I love you, too, Spike." She closed her eyes, situating herself against his firm chest. "And thank you, for making that so good for me. It was better than I ever could have imagined."
"It was good for me, too, pet. Bloody amazing."
Buffy smiled, pressing a kiss against his chest before drifting off to sleep. Spike watched her for a little while before joining her in slumber.
Buffy woke in a sudden panic, a cold fear she couldn't quite understand that she'd wake alone. When she felt that Spike's arms were still wrapped around her, his head nestled against her neck, Buffy relaxed, reaching up to stroke his hair. After a few moments, Spike's eyes opened, and he looked up at her, his eyes concerned.
"Are we still good?"
Buffy gave him a comforting smile. "Yeah. We're good."
Spike kissed her neck softly before nuzzling it, a contented look on his face. "Spike?" Buffy's voice was soft, unsure.
Spike looked up. "Yeah, love?"
"Um, never mind."
Spike's brow creased. "Is something wrong?"
"No. Nothing's wrong. I was just wondering… It's nothing."
"Buffy, if you want to ask me something, go ahead. It's all right."
Buffy looked away from his eyes, blushing fiercely. "I was just…well, um, you were there at my neck, and I was um, wondering it you wanted to…bite me?"
Spike pulled up, his eyes wide. "Buffy, no. I wasn't…I wouldn't! Love, don't worry—I would never hurt you!"
"No! That isn't what I meant! I didn't…I didn't think you'd hurt me. It's just, um." Buffy blushed harder, staring at the sheets. "In, um, movies and stuff, the vampires always have a more, um sexy bite, and I don't even know if it's real, but…" She trailed off, the blush starting to cover her entire body.
"You want to know if I want to give you a 'sexy bite?'"
Buffy nodded. "Uh huh."
Spike moved before she had time to register it, pinning her body beneath his. "Kitten, there is nothing I'd rather do than taste your sweet blood while I make love to you." He gave her neck a long lick to emphasize his point, then pulled up a little, sighing. "But I can't. Chip in my head—no pain to humans rule."
"Would it hurt?"
"Not really. Not if I was going for something other than pain. But I go after a human's neck while I'm all fangy, and it's migraine city."
"Have you, um, ever tried it during sex since you got the chip in?"
"No."
"Maybe if it, you know, wasn't to hurt me, then maybe the chip would let you."
Spike closed his eyes for a moment, willing his body to calm down at the realization that Buffy was seriously asking him to bite her. During sex, no less. But he couldn't. Even if the chip would let him, that would be a definite way to ensure his end should she get her memories back—if he hadn't pushed that already. "I can't, baby. I want to, really I do, but, well—think of what your mates would say if they saw you with a bite mark on your neck. Xander would probably stake me right then and there."
Buffy pouted. "It's none of their business. Especially Xander's."
"I know, but they don't see it that way. We don't want to call attention to what we've been doing here. They'd make us stop. Do you want that?"
"No. I never want to stop, Spike." She frowned for a minute, thinking. "Maybe you could bite me somewhere they couldn't see."
Spike pictured himself sinking his fangs into a few "places they couldn't see" and almost gave in. But there was still non-amnesiac Buffy to contend with. She wouldn't be too thrilled with bite marks on any part of her body. "We can't."
"Spike…"
"No! I can't bite you. Please, stop asking."
"Fine. Sorry."
Buffy had stiffened a bit in his arms, and Spike sighed mentally. He didn't want to be arguing with her. Not now. He rubbed against her suggestively and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "There are other things we can do, feel just as good." Spike felt Buffy relax underneath him, and knew he had her again.
"Well then, handsome, why don't you show them to me?"
"Spike, stop. I think I heard something upstairs."
"Don't wanna stop."
Buffy looked down at him. "I don't want you to stop either, but…"
"Buffy? Spike? Stop the kinky sexcapades and come upstairs."
Spike grumbled, forcing himself off of Buffy. "She's your sister. You deal with her."
Buffy stood, the frowned. "What happened to my underwear?"
"Dunno. I kicked it off the bed some time last night, I think."
"Dammit, I can't find my skirt either," Buffy said, searching around the bed for her clothes. "Your clothes are right there. Go tell her I'll be up in a minute."
"But I don't want to get dressed…"
Buffy gave Spike a dirty look. "Would you rather she came down here?"
"She wouldn't. Bit knows better."
"Either you two come up here, or I'm coming down there! And I don't care if you're naked!"
Spike sighed dramatically, putting on his jeans and t-shirt. "Bloody Summers women," he muttered under his breath, climbing the ladder.
Dawn giggled as Spike came up, his hair a mess and his expression a scowl. "Did I interrupt something?" she asked, feigning innocence.
"This better be good, Dawn."
Dawn reached up, smoothing down his curls. "I bring news from the Scoobies."
"Yeah? They find a way to give Big Sis her memories back?" Spike tried to sound more hopeful than not, though he was pretty sure he'd failed miserably.
"No. Exact opposite, actually. They've run completely out of theories on how to fix the problem. Without that crystal, any spell they could perform on Buffy would be potentially dangerous, and they still have no idea what sort of demon it was that took it. Apparently it was completely unlike any demon Giles has in his books."
"Huh. And I figured the Watcher had a book on all things demony."
"So did I. The guys are going to go patrol tonight, see if they can find the demon around. Are you going?"
"Um, I need to, uh, stay here and protect Buffy. You know, without her memories, the Slayer could easily fall prey to some big scary demon."
"Uh huh. Like she apparently did last night?"
Spike looked down. "Well, um…about your sister and me."
"It's cool, Spike. I understand. I don't think you're taking advantage."
"That makes one of us."
Dawn put her hand on Spike's arm reassuringly. "Don't worry about what's going to happen if Buffy gets her memory back. The way she was talking about you yesterday—she loves you, Spike. I've known Buffy my whole life, and I know what she looks like when she's in love. The way she smiles when she says your name…she never did that with Riley."
"She's a fifteen year old girl. They get more into relationships than…"
"Hello! Fifteen year old girl here. When's the last time you saw me all lovey dovey over some random guy I didn't really care about? It's not the age thing, Spike. It's love."
"I want to believe that, nibblet, but you know what your sister is like when she's…"
"All Slayery?"
"Yeah."
The trapdoor opened again, and Dawn and Spike turned to see Buffy come up. "Hey, Dawn."
Dawn smirked. "Hey, yourself. Have a good night?"
"That is none of your business," Buffy said, siding up next to Spike and wrapping her arm around his.
"Well, if your hair wasn't answer enough, that just was," Dawn replied.
Buffy reached up, pouting. "What's wrong with my hair?" She reached up, smoothing the sides of her head. "I tried to fix it, but somebody doesn't have any mirrors." She poked Spike in the side.
"Be a bit useless, pet."
"Not with me staying here," Buffy grumbled.
Spike kissed the top of her head. "Like you need a mirror to know you're gorgeous."
Dawn squealed. "Okay, usually all this mushiness would totally gross me out, but you two are like so totally adorable."
"You're not going to say anything to the others, are you bit?" Spike asked.
"Yeah, and have someone I care about end up in a dust buster? Not likely."
Spike smiled, snaking his arm around Buffy's waist and pulling her against his side again. Having these two women with him, knowing he meant something to both of them—it was probably the one time in his unlife that he remembered being actually happy.
"They don't want me back at the Magic Box do they?" Buffy asked. "Cause if they do, I so totally have the flu." She faked coughed into her hand.
Dawn giggled. "No. Giles said that there wasn't really any reason for you to be there, since you don't seem to be big on researchiness. Although he isn't exactly thrilled about you staying with Spike."
"Not his life," Buffy said with a shrug.
"Nope. Mainly I was just supposed to tell you that they still have no clue how to get your memory back."
"Tell them there's no rush," Buffy replied. She liked things the way they were. If Spike was right, and her memories made her an unhappy Buffy, the last thing she wanted was them back.
"Well, message delivered, so I'm off," Dawn said, inching towards the door. "You two have fun."
"We will," Buffy replied with a giggle.
As soon as Dawn was out the door, Spike pounced on Buffy, growling as he threw her over his shoulder and carried her back to his bed.
Buffy lay propped on one elbow, watching Spike as he slept beside her. Even without her memories, she knew this was crazy. She was smart enough to figure out Spike had done some bad things in the past—some of them to her—and that that should drive her away from him, even if she couldn't remember specifically what they were.
But the way she felt with Spike made none of that matter. The first night she'd lost her memory, he'd told her he wasn't evil, and she believed, whatever the past may be, that was the truth now. After all, how could he look at her with such love and be nothing but an evil monster?
And love was what this was. Buffy felt it more than she'd ever felt anything in her life. When she was with Spike, she felt safe, warm—happy. She'd started to wish that she never got her memories back. Maybe this is just what she and Spike needed—a fresh start. She could live like this forever, in his arms, blissfully ignorant of any darkness in their past.
She stoked Spike's cheek, smiling at the way he nuzzled against her, even in his sleep. She snuggled against his chest, falling asleep with a feeling of nothing but contentment.
Andrew didn't see what the big deal was about this crystal. They'd had no luck whatsoever in figuring out what it actually did. Normally, he'd never think to question Warren's greatness, but as well as the Great Crystal Caper was going, he was beginning to wonder if maybe this one time, Warren was well, not wrong, because Warren could never be wrong. Maybe he was a little less than right.
The crystal didn't look special to him at all. It was small—fit in the palm of his hand. Warren had kept saying it had to be something important because Willow had had it, but for all they knew, it could be for a witchy rock garden…
"What are you doing?"
Andrew jumped at the sound of Warren's voice, the crystal flying out of his hand and landing on the floor. "Nothing!"
"You aren't supposed to be in here unsupervised—not after the incident with the can of cheese. You know that."
"I know, I'm sorry. It…it won't happen again."
"Better not. Come out of here. Jonathan won't play X-Wing vs. TIE-Fighter with me."
Andrew grinned. "I love that game!"
"I know. Come on."
Andrew followed Warren out, not noticing as he crushed the black crystal beneath his feet.
Ooh…cliffhanger. What will happen next? Will I be a nice author or an evil one?
Leave a review and let me know what you think. ;)
Also, I actually had this chapter ready to post last night, but my internet decided to stop working right in the middle of my proofreading. I'll try to hurry up with the next post.