Undying Love – Experiencing Heartbreak

Author's Note: LOLz… please don't hate me for breaking Haku's heart in the last chapter. XD You'll need to get used to it, since the chapter name… pretty much speaks for itself. I'm evil, aren't I? ^^ As you have probably guessed, Haku's fragile heart will be broken and chipped a little more. =P Okayyy… my bad. It's not JUST a 'little' more… it's a LOT more! Pfft. I don't let people off that easily. XD You didn't think that Haku and Chihiro could just live happily ever after… just like that? Hell no, that would be TOO easy. Besides, I needed some good, emotional conflicts in the story… and this is one of them. Have fun. XD *made this chapter… EXTRA long* And make sure to read and review again! ^_____^ Reviews equal more chapters! LOLz. I REALLY want to know what you think about this particular chapter and its emotional conflict. XD BTW… sorry for NOT updating in so long. *was working on her LiveJournal on glowing_dreamz*

Haku just stared at her… and the young man she was with, through his glassy, hurt eyes. He stared at her some more, watching her laugh… as her face lit up with happiness. He looked over the young man beside her, content and completely satisfied with Chihiro. Oh… he knew that look all too well; it was the same look he had when… he was in love.

'No, I must be mistaken. I'm… I'm sure that he isn't her new lover. She loves me… our pure love must have lasted through these years… it must have! That guy is just a friend… just a friend… She loves me… and no one else. I know my Chihiro wouldn't have replaced me with another guy…' Haku thought to himself, trying to convince himself… that the sight before him wasn't one of love, but of friendship. It must have been; it had to be. He spent six years of obsession and worry over Chihiro… surely, she wouldn't have forgotten about him. Surely, she would have loved him throughout the years… like how he loved her. He needed her, he craved her… she was all he had left in his life, the only thing worth living for. He wouldn't accept anything else… Haku needed her, and that love of hers.

Just then, to make matters worse, the young man to her right… placed a gentle kiss on her cheeks, which caused Chihiro to blush. Haku waited for her reaction, praying that she hadn't enjoyed that kiss, praying that she wasn't in love with another man… praying that she still loved him. And what did she do? She grazed her hand over that kissed cheek, and continued to talk to the young man… a little nervous, but with still… a good sense of comfort and understanding.

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Meanwhile, Chihiro was still blushing from Koji's kiss. She rarely blushed… so why was she blushing now? What did this mean? What made that moment special from the rest? Surprisingly, the kiss felt warm… soothing… lovingly… something that she never felt before. A wave of unusual warmth and… pleasure spread all over her body like a plague.

Pleasure? Just as much as she didn't want to admit it… she had enjoyed that kiss. Somehow, it had filled some of that empty hole in her fragile heart… and gave her more pleasure than anything she felt in her life. What was this awkward feeling?

It took some time for the reality of the kiss to register in her mind; Koji just kissed her. Her best friend had just kissed her. Her best friend for three whole years had just kissed her on the cheek, making it officially… her first kiss. Could this mean that there was something more than friendship between them?

Koji never kissed any girl without reason. Koji wasn't the type to kiss or date a girl, and dump her the next day. Koji needed to care about a girl dearly, before even starting a slight move on a more intimate relationship. Knowing Koji for all of those years, Koji was true to his feelings, and he wouldn't make a move unless… he loved that girl.

'Could it be? Could it be true? Could all of those rumors actually be true? Koji… love confession… blushing… kiss… it finally makes perfect sense! Oh. My. God. He loved me all this time…' Chihiro thought to herself, realizing the always obvious.

She immediately cursed herself for being so blind all this time. How did she never realize those feelings that Koji had for her… all of these years? Her other friends always teased her, claiming that Koji had an enormous crush on her. She always thought that it was just a joke, just something to tease her and make her perfectly miserable during those times. It was never a joke to begin with… the rumors… everything… it was all true. He really did love Chihiro more than a friend.

It was no wonder Koji always tried to spend more time with her after school. It was no wonder he was always nosy about her dating and kissing history. It was no wonder he was always teasing her in romantic terms, lightly flirting with her. It was no wonder that she was the only one that Koji asked out to every single prom or dance. It was no wonder he blushed slightly when she complimented him. It was no wonder he was always trying to find some way for both of them to be alone… and now, she knew why.

Those things were never a coincidence. Koji was never oblivious to her, and her attractiveness, as she first assumed. Koji always had an intense crush on her. She assumed that those little romantic-related things that he did for Chihiro were just out of friendship. It was never friendship to begin with! He only acted like a best friend for the moment… because that was the only position for Koji, which Chihiro was actually comfortable with. He had only bothered not making a move on her all of these years because he didn't want to ruin their precious friendship… or push her into something that she wasn't prepared for.

But, now that Koji had openly admitted his feelings for her… did she feel the same? Did she love Koji? After all, Koji was the only guy in the school who she was perfectly comfortable with 24/7. He was the only one who had been her date for the proms, the guy she hanged out with the most, and the guy she told some of her most inner secrets to. Was that awkward feeling she felt before… love? Was it love that she felt?

Maybe she did love Koji all of this time. Maybe that was the reason she had spent most of her time with him. Maybe that was why she wasn't even slightly bothered when Koji flirted with her. Maybe that was why she wasn't all that uncomfortable when Koji was physically and emotionally close with her. Was this what love felt like?

She tried to recall that kiss again, perfectly in her mind. When his gentle lips grazed her cheek, she felt like she was in paradise. It was the most enjoyable experience ever… and yet, it was done out of true feelings, true feelings of her best friend. He wasn't one of those other guys that tried to take advantage of her… there was a lot more to that kiss; more mixed feelings and signals of… love.

And for some reason… even though that she had felt pleasure, warmth, and excitement from his kiss… she could feel a little something missing. Sure, he had healed her of those wounds that had buried deep within her heart, but… the kiss still seemed incomplete, confusing her even more. She sighed to herself. She was confusing herself to the point of no return… thinking too much didn't do her any good. Then again, maybe she was supposed to be confused… maybe this was what love was supposed to feel like.

Is love supposed to feel this way? Do I love you, Koji?

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Meanwhile, a blazing pain pierced Haku's fragile heart; it was a pain he had never felt before. It was more intense and painful than anything he ever felt in his life; worse than any physical or other type of pain he ever felt before. It was the pain of a broken heart; cracking into a million pieces. It was the pain… when a sharp dagger had stabbed his heart, after realizing that he was replaced. It was the pain he felt… when reality hit him hard. She replaced him with another guy… who was seemingly more expressive and charming. She didn't have enough faith in him… to wait for him to return. She didn't believe in him; she didn't love him anymore. Her love was given to another guy; there was no space in her heart or dreams… to include him anymore. She didn't need him; he was just another heartbroken and seemingly lost lover.

Haku always considered those love-stricken men that were always, hopelessly dependant on their lovers were weak. He could never understand why some men claimed that they couldn't live or bear the pain of heartbreak; how they couldn't live without the love of their girl. He couldn't understand why some men would give up anything in the world to experience that love… once again. He couldn't understand how some of the strongest men… could be so torn down, after losing every bit of love they shared with a woman. He couldn't understand it before… but now, he knew how they felt; for he felt… the same.

Haku would do anything for Chihiro at this point… to hear those three magical words from her mouth, to make sure that she would love him once again. He'd even beg down to his knees for his entire life… if it meant that she would take him as her lover again. Her love was his oxygen and water supply, Haku needed it to live; he couldn't bear a life without her love.

At this point, Haku was going to kneel on the ground and cry his heart out… right there, in front of all of the other students. He could feel a little bit of wetness, forming on the sides of his eyes… what else was he to do? His lover… his Chihiro, was with another man… while he had spent six years, working off his contract… so he could go see her. Day in, and day out… she had haunted all of his dreams and his thoughts. And now… she had replaced him; it wasn't very surprising that he would just cry right there.

No… he wouldn't cry right there. Even though his heart bore much pain at the moment… he would not cry in front of these people. He would not show his weakness… his defeat. He was Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi, the Kohaku River spirit. He would not cry in front of others… he wouldn't degrade himself to the extent… that he would break down with others in his presence. It was his pain and his pain alone… and as far as he was concerned, he wouldn't shame himself over something as silly as… love.

And yet… if love was so silly in the first place, why was he so hurt without Chihiro's love? Love was something that Haku couldn't explain. It was there… love was one of the things could make any person feel like… his/her world was perfect. And yet, love was a weakness; it was something that could breakdown a person to an extent… an extent of internal pain and suffering.

A realization came to his pained mind. Maybe… all of this time, Chihiro didn't love him to begin with. All of these years, he had just assumed that Chihiro loved him… and shared the same feelings that he felt. Maybe… all of this time, his assumptions were wrong to begin with. Never once… did Chihiro tell him that he loved him, and they never even shared something as romantic or loving as a kiss before. He just assumed that Chihiro loved him… because it was the pure love that they had shared, which broke Zeniiba's spell.

But… maybe he misunderstood this "pure love". Maybe… the pure love that broke the spell was nothing more than… the pure love for a friend. Maybe… he wasn't destined to be Chihiro's lover, but just a good friend… as he recalled from a memory long ago, when Chihiro had called him that. His hopes and dreams of Chihiro were just based on his assumptions, or things that he wanted to believed. Never once, was this love he had been dependant on so much was actually proven. Maybe… there wasn't that kind of more intimate love between him and Chihiro to begin with.

Or maybe… he wasn't appealing or good enough for Chihiro all this time. Haku was nothing more than a mere river spirit, and currently… an apprentice for a bathhouse. What did he have that Chihiro would love? He wasn't all that important in the Spirit World… and he wasn't as powerful or as wealthy as some of the other spirits. Sure… he had pretty good looks, and he was sure athletic… but that wasn't really all that special. Even Raisuke was just as attractive as him… and it seemed like that the young man beside Chihiro shared the same traits. The more he thought about it… he realized the stupidity of his own idea. What ever made him think that he could ever have a chance at love with Chihiro?

She was the most beautiful being in the world and the most popular girl in her town… and who was he? He was nothing more than one of the thousands of river spirits in the Spirit World. He wasn't even comparable to someone like Chihiro… and it sure as hell seemed like that he didn't deserve her love. After all, he made Chihiro wait for him for six whole years. It wasn't fair to her that she had to wait and suffer all of this time… and who knows how her experience at the Spirit World affected her… mentally and emotionally.

He thought some more… and realized even more… how stupid and flawed his idea of love was all of this time. Who ever heard of a river spirit falling in love with a human? In all of the history in the Spirit World, never once… did a spirit and a non-spirit being fall in love. Just the idea was ridiculous… then again, as they always said… love is blind. And right now… in his current situation, it seemed like that his love had not only made him blind… but brain-dead over the years.

He stared at Chihiro some more… as the pain realizations of his torn love sank in. Chihiro was no longer his… and Chihiro loved another man. I mean… if Chihiro did love him to begin with… you'd think that she would have at least notice his presence after five minutes. Instead… she was cheerfully talking with that young man beside her, not even realizing that he had been staring at her for the last couple of minutes.

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All of a sudden… that all changed; Chihiro turned her head to the front of the class… when Koji told her that the new student was staring strangely at them for the last couple of minutes. She gasped… and her eyes widen in fear and surprise. The new student was none other than… Haku.

A disturbing thought entered her mind. Haku had been staring at her and Koji for the last few minutes… does that mean he saw Koji kiss her? She moved her worried eyes… and met his painful and empty ones. His sadden eyes and pained expression told her, the answer to her own question. He did see Koji kiss her… which could only mean one thing; she had already broken Haku's heart.

Oh god, Haku… I didn't mean to hurt you…