Undying Love – Regrets and Uncertainties

Author's Note: Chapter 14! ^______^ Wheeeeeee! Some more Haku and Chihiro stuff… a LOT of their inner thoughts and all, will be in this chapter. ^^ Some of Koji's inner thoughts will be here as well! =P As usual… please read and review my chapter! ^^ *hugglez everyone* Thanks! ^__^

Chihiro stared guiltily at Haku… for what seemed like hours. If it weren't for the unfortunate circumstances, she would have happily run up to him and locked him into a big bear hug. Her mind was cursing herself for her stupidity. Out of all of the days that Koji had to tell Chihiro, his true feelings about her… Haku had to be here.

What made it worse was that Haku clearly saw Koji and her… sharing a very intimate and loving experience, a kiss. It wasn't that the kiss was all that grand or intimate; after all, she wasn't the one who started off the kiss. Koji was the one who kissed her, not the other way around. The kiss wasn't even all that intense, considering the fact that it was only a kiss on the cheek. It was a kiss, and it was one of the things that Haku and her never shared together. One thing was for sure… no matter how small that kiss was, she had definitely tore down any walls of hope he had left.

On the other hand, Koji was wondering why Chihiro was acting weirdly. Ever since he had pointed out that new student, she acted as though she knew him. Maybe she did… he didn't know for sure. But, he didn't like where this was going. Chihiro was giving a special glance at this new kid, a glance of great worry. And knowing Chihiro, it took a lot for her to be worried about someone.

Damn that kid and his presence. He ruined everything. He had just told Chihiro how he truly felt about her, and they were coming to an understanding… then that guy had to interrupt it all. It was just his luck too, considering the fact that he had also asked her to the spring dance. It wasn't that she rejected him or anything; in fact, she agreed that she'd be his date. Still… it now looked like that this new student would be some extra and unwanted competition for him, complicating his romantic efforts with Chihiro. This wasn't good at all. One thing was for sure… he wasn't going down without a fight; he'd teach the new kid that he wasn't going to let anyone jeopardize his relationship with Chihiro, especially not some new student too.

"Hey Chihiro… are you okay? You seemed zoned out…" Koji exclaimed, glaring disappointedly at the new student.

"I'm fine, Koji. I… I just remembered something that had me worried for a second…" Chihiro replied, trying to hide her new worries from Koji. Knowing Koji, he would consider Haku a considerable threat, if he ever knew about her past relationship with Haku. And at this moment, he didn't need some male rivalry to add to her never-ending list of problems.

"Does it have anything to do with the new student? If he is making you uncomfortable in any way, I'm sure can fix the problem right now…"

"NOOO! Uhh… I mean… no thanks, I'm sure it's nothing…"

"No?" Koji looked at her oddly. This was very unlike Chihiro… and it just proved his assumptions. That new student was someone special to Chihiro, and one thing was for sure… he was going to complicate things between him and Chihiro.

"Don't worry about it, Ko--" Chihiro was interrupted by the teacher's presence, as she entered the classroom. Immediately… all of the students returned to their original seats and sat quietly, leaving Haku to stand alone, at the front of the class.

"Good morning class. Before we start class today, I would like you to welcome Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi to our school. Now, he is a new student here… and you all know how it feels like to be a new student. So please, make Kohaku feel at home…" exclaimed the teacher, as she turned her head towards Haku.

"It's just Haku. Umm… that's what the students called me in my old school…" replied Haku, his depressing gaze still directed at Chihiro.

"Okay, Haku. Now… I'll find you a seat. Hmm… let me see… ah yes! There is an empty seat behind Chihiro. That will be your regular seat from now on…"

Chihiro gulped. Haku was going to sit behind her? Dear god… that was going to complicate things even more. If Haku and Koji got too close, all hell would break loose. She sighed softly. Now, she would have to deal with the rivalry between the two guys… and she would have to find a way to apologize to Haku. That was just great; another thing to add to her daily list of worries. Life was sometimes so unfair… especially to her.

Haku made his way to his seat, as the girls giggled at him… admiring Haku's attractive features. He briefly stopped in front of Chihiro and her boyfriend, trying to hide his disappointment and heartbreak. His glassy eyes met with Chihiro's disappointed ones, which made his heart sink even more.

He could read her like an open book. Her eyes reflected only fear and worry; not one indication that she was even happy with his presence. Absolutely perfect… he worked himself off for the last six years, returning to a person wasn't even happy with his presence.

"Chihiro…" Haku whispered sadly, his voice fading away… as he broke his eye contact with Chihiro. He couldn't stand to look at those disappointed eyes of hers, it just reassured the fact that she didn't want him around.

"Haku…" whispered Chihiro, softly. She sighed to herself. This was going to be a lot harder than she thought, that was for sure… and it was only the beginning.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

After her morning classes, Chihiro looked everywhere for Haku… with no success whatsoever. She expected this. Chances are; he had been avoiding her all day. She sighed. How could she apologize to him if she couldn't even find him to begin with? However, it was lunchtime for the moment, though… it gave Chihiro enough time to probably track him down.

Instead of eating her lunch with her friends, she wandered aimlessly around the school… looking for Haku. Now… if she was Haku, where would she go? Hell, she didn't know… it wasn't like she was psychic or something. She spent ten minutes… trying to look for him around the school property. Unfortunately, luck wasn't on her side today… and she miserably failed, trying to find him. She decided to give up her current technique… she wouldn't find him at this rate; she needed to ask for help.

Chihiro spent ten more minutes asking students if they saw Haku… finally coming to an unexpected success. One of the girls said that they saw the new student… under the cherry blossom tree, in the backyard of the school. She felt even guiltier at this point, since it was raining outside… she definitely saddened Haku a lot more than she expected.

Chihiro stared sadly at Haku, from the school; it was a depressing sight to see. He was in isolation, under the cherry blossom tree… and in the pouring and freezing rain. He looked pale, and clearly depressed… as he stared down at the floor, eating his damp lunch. He looked at though every bit of happiness and hope in him had evaporated. He looked so… empty and lifeless; she clearly knew that she was the cause of it all, too… which made her feel even worse, if it was possible. But… that wasn't the thing that really broke her heart. Haku was… he was… crying. She had reduced him to his endless tears and his already broken heart.

She sighed sadly… cursing herself for hurting him so much. One thing was clear though, she was going to apologize to Haku, and get that stupid and hurtful misunderstanding cleared up between them. She'd be damned if her relationship with Haku came to a sudden end… just because she didn't clear this misunderstanding to begin with. After she would apologize, she prayed that perhaps… Haku would believe in her word, and that they could continue their relationship… where they last left off. Hopefully, the burned bridges between them could be repaired.

What about Koji, though? She sighed again. Koji certainly wouldn't be happy… once he found out about the past relationship that she shared with Haku. He'd be even more frustrated, if Haku got into a more intimate relationship with her… which was what Koji was trying to do too. He'd definitely get either jealous or angered… which wasn't a good thing, especially since he was Koji. She had seen how Koji dealt with some of the flirting or disturbing guys pestering her in the past… it wasn't a pretty sight. Most were lucky if they didn't end up in the hospital; Koji was the overprotective and easily offended-type of guy. Haku had just come after six years of separation; she didn't want Koji to send Haku to the hospital on his first day in the human world.

Two guys wanting her… and one Chihiro; this was very bad. She could only dedicate herself to one of them, and one thing was for sure… one of them would be hurt at the end. It was ironic… how loving someone could hurt another person dearly. In this case… one of her two best friends would be deeply discontent by the time this was over. Her problems were just beginning… that's for sure.

Chihiro sighed. It was now or never. She took a deep breath; she knew that apologizing to Haku wouldn't be easy. But, it wasn't like she had a choice. If she avoided the situation long enough, it could worsen, that was for sure. Besides, Haku at least deserved an explanation and an apology from her. Chihiro brought her umbrella, and made her way across the field, and to… Haku, hoping that he would forgive her.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Meanwhile, Haku was sitting on the grassy fields of the abandoned and lonely school yard. Though he was under the large cherry blossom tree, it didn't do him any good. Those pretty, pink flowers decorating the tree weren't enough to shield him from most of the freezing rain, which was pouring harder and quicker than ever. He couldn't give a damn at this point, whether or not it was raining. His mind was a "little" too occupied at the moment to be worrying about something as meaningless as the rain.

He knew that if he stayed too long in the rain, he'd get completely soaked and extremely sick. Mission one accomplished; he already was completely soaked from head to toe, drenching his new school uniform. All was left was to get himself sick; it wasn't a hard thing to do, as far as he was concerned. Probably, by the time lunch break was over, he'd be a lot more than just sick. Besides… it wasn't like anyone would care about him, even if he was sick… right?

He sighed. Why did it seem like that everything going through his mind had to remind him of… Chihiro? Once again, the heartbreaking situation freshly played in his mind, perfectly resembling the first time. Chihiro giggling and chatting away… Chihiro's boyfriend kissing Chihiro on the cheek… Chihiro blushing… Chihiro's look of satisfaction and acceptance for her boyfriend… and Chihiro reflecting those eyes of despair and disappointment.

Every one of those dreadful events pierced his heart like ever-sharp daggers, exterminating any hope or happiness he had within himself. He promised himself, that he wouldn't cry in front of his new classmates. So… what did he do instead? He held his tears and his pain throughout the morning… and decided to pour out the remains of his broken heart, on the damp grass when no one was looking. Yes… Haku, the one who used to be seemingly heartless years ago, was crying. And more shockingly, he was crying because of something called… love.

Haku was certainly shaming himself to the point of no return. He knew that this was probably the most pathetic display ever attempted, and successfully completed, by a river spirit… such as himself. Not even the river spirits back in the Spirit World shed a tear, when they were on the brink of their destruction and death during their violent battles. If the gods ever saw him at this point, he'd definitely be a disgrace to all spirits. He wasn't even physically injured, and he was crying like there was no tomorrow.

Haku didn't care what the others thought though. The other spirits would never understand the love he had for the human girl, Chihiro. They'd never see the great and special things that made her stand out from the crowd, the things that made him love her. They probably couldn't even understand why he would love a human to begin with. After all, humans had a very limited lifespan, and no magical powers whatsoever, by all means… something that rarely was ideal for a spirit to love. And yet, Haku fell in love with Chihiro at first sight… or to be exact, second sight. All of the spirits would never understand how he felt, not even Rin, Kamajii, or Zeniiba… even if he gave them an eternity.

Haku started nibbling slowly on his damp lunch, losing his appetite after a couple of minutes. What would he do now? He worked so hard all of these years to see her, and now… it seemed like that his presence wasn't even wanted to begin with. Never did he think that the situation could get any worse than this; his reality currently resembled a nightmare, except… much worse… a million times worse.

Haku thought that all of these years… Chihiro would have at least considered him as her lover, or… at least a friend. But… to his misfortune, it seemed like Chihiro didn't consider him to be any of the following; in fact, it seemed like she didn't give a damn about him. He could clearly remember the disgust in her eyes when she spotted him… or whatever it was. Even if it wasn't disgust gleaming through her eyes, there were definitely clear signs of disappointment and sadness; that was enough to make him feel lower than a speck of dust.

Haku thought of her dearly every single day that went by, without her wonderful presence. Every one of his thoughts, in one way or another, had to be related to Chihiro. It disappointed Haku to know that perhaps, there was a huge possibility that she never even thought about him. Maybe all of this time… he was nothing more than an annoyance to her, and something that should have been left and forgotten in the far past. Well… what else would have explained that disappointing and heartbreaking reaction of hers?

All of a sudden, Haku's train of thought went off the rail again. He could no longer feel the freezing rain dripping on his head, and yet, it was still raining. And the flowers on the tree certainly couldn't have shielded him from all of that rain. Haku turned his head and looked above him, to see what had stopped the rain from falling on him. There was an umbrella above his head… he checked to see who was holding that umbrella. To his amazement, the person that was holding that umbrella was no other than… Chihiro.

Another Author's Note: Wow… that was one LONG chapter! Four pages long on Microsoft Word! *grins* Thank you so much to ALL of the people who reviewed or added me on his/her Favorite Authors list! ^___^ It has inspired me to continue writing and continuing this fan fiction. =P I do apologize to the many readers that had to wait a LONG two weeks before my update. I am currently working on ANOTHER fan fiction as well, which is based on Card Captor Sakura! It is called Falling in Love Again! It is another one of those romance-type of stories. *grins* If you like this romance story so far, I suggest you read my other one too! =P *has just started the other one*