I am such a pathetic writer nobody wants to review my story! ::sobs:: I think I shall review my own story... won't that be fun?? Then I can criticize myself as much as I want! cheers Haha... So far it seems very boring so I shall try to add more humorous parts, okay? Wait. I'm not talking to anyone. Hello little ant. GET OFF THE COMPUTER SCREEN NOW!!! ::squashes ant:: Oops. My only audience is gone (and I'm not trying to be funny, there's really a stupid black ant dead on the computer table). Anyway, don't just read. Please REVIEW!!! And so far I have only received 2 reviews from the same person (THANK YOU!!! PLEASE REVIEW SOME MORE!)so u can see what a useless writer I am... Anyway, please read and REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!!
P.S: In reply to Leader Alpha and Leader Beta (I can memorise your name this way): What does you most recent review mean??? Oh, and please review some more!!! That way I can get more reviews!!! (Moohahahahahha)
Chapter 3: The Memories
St Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen
Artemis drummed his fingers on his desk, waiting impatiently for the bell to ring. Especially because it was the last day of school. He could not wait to call Butler. Today, the teacher seemed more boring than ever. Artemis could hardly keep his eyes open.
"Fowl! What page are we at now?" the teacher cried suddenly. Artemis almost shrugged.
"Page one hundred and fifty-nine, sir," he said, raising an eyebrow. The teacher turned his back on Artemis.
"Smart you may be, Artemis, but what was I talking about?" he asked.
"You were asking me what page we were at, Sir," said Artemis innocently. The whole class laughed. Artemis did not like this. How dare they laugh at him, the genius, the criminal mastermind, Artemis Fowl?
"Do not try to be impertinent, Fowl. What were we talking about?" repeated the teacher. Artemis stared at him icily. The bell rang in the distance.
"Please, Sir. I believe the bell has just rung," Artemis said, fixing the teacher with his icy-cold stare. The teacher could not help swallowing.
"Well then. Class dismissed," said the teacher shakily, dropping back onto his seat. The class cheered, except for Artemis. He was the first one to leave the classroom and retreating to the school garden, he dialled Butler's handphone number.
"Artemis."
"Butler, school has been dismissed. Come and fetch me. I want to know more about your contact. Tell me everything later," whispered Artemis hastily as the group of boys once again marched into the school garden. "Goodbye."
"Look, that know-it-all! The Fowl boy!" cried one of the boys.
Drat, thought Artemis. Those stupid brainless boys in my class that throw paper planes everywhere. Obese juvenile delinquents they are. Calmly, he stepped out from behind the tree.
"Hello. How are you?" Artemis said mechanically. The boys crowded around Artemis.
"Hey, genius, tell us the answers for tomorrow's test-"
"What's 1 times 1?"
Artemis stood, like a statue, in the middle of these gibbering idiots (they were practically drooling, you know).
"I am not a person who can see through locked cupboard doors which contain test papers. Also, one multiplied by one is equal to one. Surely you would know that. Now, as you can obviously see, I am rather in a hurry and I've had enough of all your nonsensical questions. Have a nice day. Congratulations on your rapidly contracting brains, and you all turning into more obese juvenile delinquents," he said calmly and with the boys gaping at him, he pushed past them and setting off at a brisk walk, headed for the school driveway.
It didn't take Butler very long to reach the school, as St. Bartleby's was in Dublin, even. People stared as Artemis climbed into the Bentley, closely followed by a group of boys shaking their fists and spewing very colourful language from their mouths.
"Hello, Butler. How are you doing? And step on it, please, I do not want to be pursued by a group of delinquents," Artemis added hastily as a tomato smashed against the window. The group of boys were chasing after Artemis's car, throwing food they nicked from the school canteen at the Bentley. And Butler stepped on it. In less than a few seconds the boys were out of sight, though the window was splattered with squashed things Artemis kept his gaze averted from.
"Hello, Artemis. Who were those boys?" asked Butler curiously.
"Some idiotic boys I would never like to mention. What about your contact? What did he say?"
"He thinks I'm completely nuts. 'Butler, are you okay? Do you need to see a doctor? What's happened to your memory, big guy?' His exact words," sighed Butler. Artemis sighed along with him.
"Nobody could have erased our memories. It is impossible. Unless they used some high-tech gizmo or whatever science technology to erase our memories. Something that is many, many times more advanced than the present," Artemis murmured, more to himself than to Butler.
Butler placed a hand on Artemis's shoulder, keeping his eyes on the road.
"You will find out, Artemis."
"This is so complicated, even for me. I need to think," Artemis said quietly, staring through the tomato stains on the window and into a world beyond.
Haven, Police Plaza
Holly burst in at the Police Plaza, where all the officers were meeting in some old filthy dungeon.
"Late again, Short," said Root curtly, still angry about Mulch's release. Holly sat in her seat, in between Trouble and Grub Kelp, two brothers who were always bickering about something.
"Sorry," she panted. "Had to make sure Diggums went straight home."
"Whatever, Holly, we don't have time to listen to your boring excuses," yawned Foaly. Holly rolled her eyes.
"Let's start. Part of our hostage fund has been stolen, and that's two tons of gold. Mulch was the main suspect, but-" here Root glared at Holly-"Captain Short let him go."
"Well, Diggums isn't smart enough to get past Foaly's security, is he?" Trouble said. "Only those who have the IQ that of Foaly's can shut it down." Grub made a weird noise, something between a snort and a cough.
"Oh yes, Trubby is standing up for Short," he snorted. Trouble glared at Grub.
"Shut up."
"Does anyone know? Trubby loves Short-"
"CAN'T YOU SHUT UP, GRUB???" yelled Trouble, going red. Holly stared at him. So did everyone else.
"Never knew Grub would actually be right, for once," said Foaly, sighing and shaking his head. Trouble went redder and stared at the floor. Grub looked extremely pleased and he bounced up and down in his seat.
"It's a guess," he whispered to Holly gleefully. "But I actually got it right!" Holly sighed, in relief. For once, she thought she believed Grub! But you couldn't rely on Grub. He was probably the exact opposite of Trouble, always spouting rubbish, complaining and never taking risks. No wonder he was only a Corporal.
"Who's as smart as Foaly, then?" said Root angrily, upset that his 'evidence' against Mulch had been put down. Completely.
"Me!!!" cried Grub stupidly, still flushed with the pleasure of beating his brother, Trouble. "I'm that smart – OW – ah, nothing." Trouble had kicked Grub on his ankle, reaching across Holly. Grub muttered something about telling Mummy and glared at his brother.
"Fowl," Holly said, without thinking. Everybody stared at her.
"Fowl has been mind-wiped, Holly," Foaly said shakily. "He can't have found us again, can he?" Everybody shuddered. Holly shook her head.
"Sorry," she apologized. "I wasn't thinking." Foaly sniggered.
"No Mud People. Who else?" Root asked.
"Opal Koboi," said Foaly instantly.
"Hmmm... For once, Foaly, I think you may be right," Root said thoughtfully. Foaly tried not to look smug.
"Isn't she in jail?" Grub asked.
"She's out already," Trouble sighed heavily.
"Oh, I never knew. Thanks for telling me, Trubs."
"It's Commander Kelp," hissed Trouble.
"Whatever."
"D'Arvit," swore Root suddenly. "I put Lili Frond on her case, but she's gone to Disneyland for a holiday. Anyone else knows Opal's whereabouts?"
"No," everyone said simultaneously. Root sighed.
"Ah, well. Holly, go look for Koboi," Root said.
"But, Commander, what about Mulch-"
"Leave him."
"Yessir," said Holly hastily, leaving the room.
Ireland, Fowl Manor
Mulch Diggums stuck is head out from the floor of Fowl Manor's wine cellar. No more of those stupid elves waving their buzz batons around as if they ruled the whole of Haven. He held a large golden coin in his hand. Before Artemis had been mind wiped, he gave the coin to him. He highly suspected it was a disk, but no matter. The Fowl boy had asked him to return the coin a few years later, but Mulch couldn't wait. Maybe he and the Mud Boy could defeat that stupid LEPrecon together which kept catching him for no reason.
After releasing a few more bouts of gas, he buttoned up his bum-flap and crawled out of his tunnel. Quickly, Mulch ran to the kitchen and began raiding the fridge. Nothing much. Mulch sighed and climbed onto a chair.
He inspected the coin. Really, it did look like a disk, much more than it did a coin. He shook his legs impatiently. Really. Where in the name of Frond was that Mud Boy?
On the way back to Fowl Manor
Artemis opened his eyes. He could see Fowl Manor in the distance. He sighed.
"What's the matter, Artemis?" asked Butler.
"Nothing, Butler. I feel so muddle-headed, which is all," sighed Artemis heavily, slumping back in his chair.
"Well, don't think you are the only one, Artemis," Butler said, staring straight ahead. Artemis looked out of the window.
"It is all extremely puzzling, Butler. Even I cannot feel at ease," Artemis admitted. Butler drew up at the gates.
"Well, Artemis, I hope you can figure this out."
"I hope I can, Butler. I hope I can."
Kitchen, Fowl Manor
Mulch twirled the gold coin around with a hairy finger. He'd been waiting for ten minutes, and that is an awfully long time for a two thousand year old dwarf who had been waiting for so many years to pass away. He felt rather hungry, too, even after all that soil. When that Mud boy comes home, I'm sure to ask for one of those huge sandwiches, thought Mulch happily.
Meanwhile, Artemis had just entered his house. Actually, his manor.
"Juliet!" he called. No reply. He glanced up expectantly at Butler. Butler cleared his throat hastily.
"Sorry, Artemis, it slipped my mind. Juliet went with your parents to China for a holiday."
"Thank you, Butler. That explains a lot," said Artemis. Suddenly, a foul odour wafted into his nostrils. The smell was familiar. Funny he never noticed it before. Artemis shook his head vigorously. No thinking funny things, Fowl, he told himself. Pull yourself together.
"Artemis, do you smell something?" Butler said curiously, sniffing the air.
"No," lied Artemis. "I'm longing for some caviar, if you please, Butler."
"Of course," Butler said quickly and walked slowly towards the kitchen, still sniffing the air.
"The smell is stronger here, Artemis."
"Is it, Butler," sighed Artemis, following Butler reluctantly. Butler opened the kitchen door cautiously. Artemis poked his head from behind Butler's bulk. He did something that he had never done before. He screamed, tripped and fell onto the floor. A very ugly and stunted creature with liberal amounts of hair sprouting from almost every part of its body was sitting in the armchair, twirling around his finger a giant gold coin with a hole right smack in the middle of it.
"Getting weak knees, huh, Arty boy? Forget it. Anyway, I'm Mulch, Mulch Diggums," Mulch said cheerily, jumping down from the chair. Artemis backed away, still on the floor.
"Get away from me, you disgusting foul-smelling creature!" cried Artemis shakily. Mulch shook his head, sighing.
"You've changed, Artemis. A lot. Just like the time you captured Captain Short," said Mulch. Artemis stared at the stunted creature, bewildered. When did he kidnap a Captain? Short, even?
"I do not understand, whoever you are."
"Must I explain? I did think you were a genius, you know. Fine, whatever. Holly Short!!! The crazy pretty captain you kidnapped for a ransom!!! And remember Julius? The short red guy with those disgusting cigars? And the Book?? Anything???" Mulch was getting into frenzy now. And to think the Mud Boy would remember everything from the first word! Seems like Foaly's mind-wiping equipment was better than he thought.
Artemis's eyes widened. It all came rushing back to him, so fast he felt as if his brain was going to explode. He had never felt like this in his entire life. The Cube. Holly. Holly Short. Captain Holly Short. Mulch Diggums, kleptomaniac dwarf. The People. The Book. Butler helped Artemis up.
"Butler, I feel – dizzy," stammered Artemis. "I need to be alone." Butler eyed Mulch suspiciously.
"And how about the guy who blasted my face with gas?" he asked, sarcastically. Mulch's expression brightened considerably.
"At least you remember, Gorilla Mud Man," he said happily.
"Let him stay, I need to think," Artemis muttered, massaging his temples. Mulch thrust the gold coin towards him.
"Arty, you asked me to return this to you after I was released," Mulch explained quickly as Artemis raised his eyebrows. "You told me to give it to you a few years later, but I can't wait." Mulch grinned at Butler.
"Make me a sandwich, won't you!" Mulch said as Butler's back was turned. Mulch trotted back into the kitchen. "And extra mayonnaise!" he added.
i noe this is much longer than the other chapters... anyway, please review!!! To find out wad happens next, of course. My number of reviews must go up to 4 in order to tempt me to update!!! Haha... Oh please kind person, review this oh so pathetic story! critisicise it! (but dun use bad words, I might get mad. well, when you criticise, of course.)anything! just review, i beg of you!! thank you...