Nightmare's Beginning Chapter 3: 18 to 26 Treatment and Complications, a dragon ball z fanfic

Chapter 18: Spinal Tap

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I am learning, I'm learning as I go
Just how painful hope can be
The ache of yearning can never let you go
It has become a part of me

But through all the longing
Holding on and holding out
I'll keep holding to the one thing
I know I cannot live without

Steven Curtis Chapman-Heartbeat of Hope

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"Leukemia is a cancer of the white blood cells. The disease results when the process of maturation from stem cell to white blood cell goes awry and produces a cancerous change. The stem cells are in the bone marrow and they develop white blood cells. The cancerous change most often involves a rearrangement of pieces of the chromosomes that make up the cell, and this change makes the cells multiply without restraint. There is no known cause of Leukemia, but some treatments and diseases have been linked with added progression of the cancer. Do you understand what I've just explained to you?" Doctor Jomei asked calmly.

Gohan sat on his bed with Videl beside him. They were the only ones in the room; Hercule showed up long enough to sign the necessary papers for his treatment and then became scarce. Gohan had talked with Nariko on the phone; she said she would have been there if she could, but she had important things to do. Gohan had a niggling suspicion Nariko truthfully didn't want to be around him from fear of catching something. 'As if her baby could contract Leukemia through osmosis,' Gohan thought acerbically.

Videl was not as restrained as Gohan and let her opinion be known quite bluntly and loudly. According to her they should all be there in support of Gohan as his surrogate family; nothing was more important than Gohan's pulling through this ordeal. Gohan glanced up from his nervously clenched hands and gave a jerky nod. Videl slipped her hand over Gohan's and gave a reassuring squeeze as she nodded to Doctor Jomei.

"What about this procedure the other doctor told Gohan about yesterday? I think it was something like tapping the spine, right?" Videl questioned earnestly and turned to Gohan for conformation of the description. Gohan nodded and waited for the details anxiously.

"You mean a spinal tap. It is a procedure that involves inserting a 20-guage needle between two lumbar vertebrae, usually the third and forth, and extracting about twenty to thirty cc of the cerebrospinal fluid there. This fluid will help us determine the type of Leukemia you have and how to treat it." Dr. Jomei explicated candidly. Gohan felt a little queasy at the idea of letting them stick a needle into his spine. Videl's pale, disgusted expression mirrored his feelings exactly.

"Will it hurt him?" Videl asked concernedly with a grimace at imagining the process.

"No, not from the procedure itself, he'll likely only feel a little discomfort. However, there may be some pain from the application of the anesthetic." the doctor warned.

"Is there a chance that I could be paralyzed from this if someone screws up?" Gohan's voice held a noticeable tone of apprehension in it.

"No, the needle is inserted below the level where the cord ends. The only probable occurrence would be some transient leg discomfort if a nerve root is irritated by the needle. Even so, that passes when the needle is withdrawn." Jomei assured evenly. Gohan could not prevent the sigh that escaped his lips. Videl gave him a smile of encouragement and twined the fingers of her right hand with his left.

Without the ability to nervously ring his hands, Gohan was left with jingling nerves and no release. He started to tap his foot in mid air as it hung a foot above the floor. Videl took notice of his tension and released his hand to pull him into a quick kiss in the hopes of getting him to relax. It worked only part way as Gohan forgot about his anxiety over the spinal tap, but he also grew tense and edgy with the need to be close to Videl. Doctor Jomei cleared his throat after a short time and the two broke apart with dual blushes of embarrassment.

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"Are you ready?" the doctor asked Gohan expectantly. Gohan swallowed hard, and nodded hesitantly, not trusting his voice to give answer over the constricting lump of fear in his throat.

"Lay here on your side with your back parallel to the bed. Tuck your chin in and curl your legs up in the fetal position." Dr. Natsuhiko ordered emotionlessly. Gohan felt chilled in the room dressed only in silk, black boxer shorts. He bent into the commanded position and felt profoundly more vulnerable and helpless as a result. He tried to breath regularly, but his breaths came in short, shallow gasps from trepidation.

Gohan flinched perceptibly when the cold antiseptic, iodine, was rubbed over the planned puncture area. Videl took Gohan's clammy hand into her own and held it gently as she tried to project strength to Gohan by her mere presence. The nurse draped a sterile sheet over Gohan's exposed torso leaving only the penetration area clear of fabric.

"Try to relax." Dr. Natsuhiko instructed dispassionately. Gohan inhaled a shaky breath that came out in a swift gasp as he felt the sharp pain of the injected anesthetic. His hand reflexively gripped Videl's painfully. Videl squeezed his hand back and tried desperately to keep herself composed as Gohan's eyes closed tightly. Two crystalline tears formed in the corners of Gohan's eyes and he struggled to remain relaxed.

"It'll be over soon." Videl whispered supportively as Gohan clutched her hand.

Videl watched as Dr. Natsuhiko inserted the needle into Gohan's back and studied Gohan for any sign of continued pain. His eyes remained tightly shut, but his breath hitched slightly at the intrusion.

"You're doing great." Videl murmured encouragingly. Gohan opened his eyes to look at Videl and the tear in his right eye slid along his face to be soaked by his hair and the bed covers. The tear in his left eye traveled over his nose and dripped to the blanket under his head. Throughout the whole procedure, which lasted twenty minutes, Gohan held on to Videl's hand and watched her face avidly. He needed the contact to reassure himself that he was all right and not alone.

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Gohan looked so defenseless and small curled in upon himself as he was. Videl's heart ached for the young man she'd come to love more than a best friend and not quite like a brother. He'd been through so much and still remained a caring, loving, unselfish, and compassionate person. Gohan opened his eyes from the slight drowse he'd fallen into.

"How long 'm I s'pposed to stay like this?" Gohan asked in a sleep slurred voice.

"Well, the doc said you shouldn't move for about two hours or you'll get a pressure headache. It's been about an hour." Videl supplied cheerily.

"How do you feel?" she asked taking his hand into hers once again now that he was awake. She needed the intimacy to confirm his continued living and well being. Gohan tried to relax in the enormously unpleasant position he had held for the past hour and twenty minutes.

"I'm cramped and cold." Gohan answered Videl's question with a slight shiver. Videl smiled at this answer and, in response, retrieved a thick blanket from a nearby chair to cover him with.

"Sorry, I can't do much about the cramped part." Videl voiced contritely.

"Oh, well. Maybe I can move just a bit." Gohan supposed thoughtfully. Videl opened her mouth to protest but quickly shut it as Gohan started to lift his head off the bed. Almost immediately he stopped and gradually laid his head back down.

"Don't say anything, stupid move, I know." Gohan muttered feeling nauseous from even the slight reposition. Videl tucked her tongue in her cheek to keep herself from harassing him about his reckless disregard of the doctor's orders.

"You going to stay the night?" Gohan felt a surge of hope but prepared himself in the case of disappointment.

"Tomorrow I don't have school, so, of course I'm staying tonight." Videl stated exasperatedly seeing clearly through Gohan's mask of indifference. Gohan grinned ecstatically and snatched Videl's hand into his own.

"While I was out, did anyone come in? Has Dr. Jomei said what I'll be going to next?" Gohan inquired curiously.

"No, besides, I think they have to process the test they just did before you can get any kind of treatment." Videl shrugged and retrieved a can of soda from a small tray beside the bed. Popping the can open and inserting a straw, Videl held the beverage to Gohan's lips. Gohan gave her an inquisitive look and she rolled her eyes at him.

"They said if you drink something with caffeine it'll help prevent you from getting headaches over the next few days. Gohan took a sip and then another before imperceptibly motioning her to take it away.

"How long will it take for the results to get in?" Gohan asked next.

"I'm assuming it's on the emergency route, so it shouldn't take any more than one or two days." Videl responded frankly.

"Good, I want this over with as soon as possible." Gohan mumbled irritably.

"Gohan, it won't be that simple. People can go years without getting better or worse. They call it a treatment because it isn't a cure." Videl cautioned with concern in her expression.

"Please don't try to pretend this doesn't exist or that it's less than it is." Videl entreated worriedly.

"Do you believe I'm going to die? I thought you wanted me to be optimistic. And, does it look like there is any possible way I can ignore this? I'm lying like an unborn fetus with a hole in my back, not a chance of my forgetting I have cancer." Gohan retorted bitterly.

"I'm not trying to be pessimistic. I'm only trying to prevent you from getting your hopes too high too quickly. Better to be prepared for things to get worse before they get better then to expect too much and suffer the disappointment twice as much." Videl appraised shrewdly. Gohan sighed in a deflated manner and rolled his eyes heavenward.

"What if I can't be helped? What if I do die? What do you say to that?" Gohan narrowed his eyes and scrutinized Videl critically.

"Gohan, just because I don't want you to be too expectant doesn't mean I want you talking about dying." Videl huffed, annoyed.

"No, I honestly want to know. Would you bury me?" Gohan asked seriously.

Videl took in Gohan's genuine expression, and with a heavy sigh sat in the chair beside the bed.

"What would you want, Gohan?"

"What do you mean?" Gohan asked perplexed.

"Would you want to be buried?" Videl clarified.

"No, not really. I don't like the idea of rotting in the ground and being eaten by the maggots or other bugs." Gohan admitted with his attention turned inward.

"What would you prefer?" Videl repeated.

"I think I'd rather be cremated and have my ashes strewn in the forest and the river." Gohan decided confidently. "I used to love fishing and playing in the mountain forests when I was younger." Gohan said by way of explanation.

"Weren't you lonely?" Videl questioned as this new facet of Gohan presented itself.

"In the forest? No, not really; I mean I was born and grew up without socializing with people at large. My friends were the animals in the forests and my father..." Gohan trailed off; Videl saw his eyes go unfocused and fill with pained regret. "I also had my studies to keep me occupied and the friends of the family." Gohan added jolting himself abruptly from his ruminations of the past.

"Tell me about them." Videl prompted eagerly.

"Well, how to put this. Piccolo was my mentor; he was my first teacher in martial arts. He taught me how to take care of myself and I taught him how to care about someone else." Gohan's lips twitched at the irony of the statement.

"Was he mean?"

"Not mean, just…detached. His father was an evil man and Piccolo grew up alone and without love. I guess I grew on him." Gohan smirked impishly.

"You have something that attracts people to you, Gohan. You're special." Videl commented softly.

"Well, Piccolo protected me and was there when I needed him." Gohan finished. Inwardly a small voice echoed bleakly, 'Where was Piccolo when you really needed him that night?' Gohan shook himself and forced the dismal thought away. "Then there was Krillin, he was my dad's best friend since they were really young. When my dad..."Gohan stopped short and tried to thrust the pervading images of the death and destruction of the Cell Games away. He managed to stay the horrific memories, the guilt, and the self-loathing that accompanied any thoughts of his father and previous life.

"I'm sorry, Videl, I can't." Gohan whispered dejectedly. Videl reached out a hand and touched Gohan's shoulder lightly, Gohan looked up startled by the contact, he'd thought she'd be mad.

"I understand, Gohan; it's alright. You'll tell me when you're ready." Videl affirmed compassionately. Gohan smiled gratefully at her and yawned tiredly.

"Hey, time's up! You're free to stretch!" Videl announced unexpectedly.

Gohan felt unsure for a moment while remembering the last time he'd tried to move. He moved tentatively, inch by inch, ready at a moments discomfort to cease all motion. After he'd managed to straighten his legs he was fairly confident that he would be able to sit up. With Videl's help he managed to prop himself against some pillows. A few minutes were spent getting the pillows positioned just so to prevent them from irritating Gohan's sore lower back. Then, Videl and Gohan settled in to watch some cheesy black and white films, the only thing that was on the small TV set. Needless to say, it didn't take long for them to fall asleep.

NOTE: I hope you all appreciate my intense research so this comes out half-way realistic. There are already two slight mishaps; results from a spinal tap usually take 2 weeks to be sent, in this case it's my fic and I'll do what I want. Also, usually a bone marrow biopsy (bone marrow is taken from the hip through a needle and inspected under a microscope) is done before a spinal tap, so, we'll just pretend the docs did it while he was unconscious, ok?

Chapter 19: Chemo and Catheters

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I'm not supposed to be sacred of anything, but I don't know where I am
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)
I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb

I try to hold this under control
They can't help me 'cause no one knows

3 Doors Down-Changes

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Gohan sat on his bed while Videl stood at the window. Every few seconds she would whip her gaze from the view and pace the length of the room only to end up staring out the window again. Gohan watched her turn away from the window for the umpteenth time and begin the tread back and forth. Gohan became aggravated and growled impatiently.

"Would you please stay still!" Videl turned to him confused.

"What? You pace too, when you're nervous." she accused blatantly.

"That's just the problem; I can't pace and you doing it is making me more edgy!" Gohan snapped irritably.

Gohan's nerves were clearly discernable as he kept twisting a dark lock of hair with his fingers. It would go as tight as possible and then Gohan would unravel it only to repeat the motion again. Videl huffed and plopped herself in the canvas chair she'd come to think of as hers. It wasn't terribly comfortable, quite the opposite, but it kept her from having to sit on the floor. Gohan only rolled his eyes and continued to coil his hair anxiously.

Videl noted the untouched tray of food beside the bed and frowned at it like the sight was offensive in some way. She desperately desired to berate Gohan about his eating healthy and keeping up his strength, but the sight of him tugging on his hair in agitation made her bite her tongue. She couldn't really blame him, after all, he was the one having to suffer through the pain, nausea, and other discomforts brought on by the cancer. Videl still shuddered at the odd moments when she remembered the spinal tap procedure. All in all, Gohan seemed to be taking things pretty well considering his initial reaction. Videl opted not to push her luck in trying to force him to eat, at least not presently.

Suddenly, the door opened and Dr. Jomei walked in. He took one look at their identical apprehensive expressions, the untouched food beside Gohan, and smiled grimly.

"You've been waiting for me." he did not question, but rather stated.

"So?" Videl demanded expectantly. Gohan's movements became more tense and harried in anticipation.

"I'll be honest with you, it doesn't look good. You have Acute Myeloid Leukemia, and it has reached the Central Nervous System (CNS). What this means is that you will be undergoing several types of treatments including chemotherapy, both intravenous and intrathecal." Dr. Jomei began gravely.

"What is the importance of the name?" Gohan interrupted hastily before he became totally confused. He wanted to be aware of exactly what was being spoken about when anything of real substance or detail was explained.

"Acute means that the Leukemia you have progresses more rapidly, as opposed to chronic which has a slow progression. Myeloid is the name of what bone marrow cell is affected by the Leukemia." Jomei clarified simply. Gohan nodded in understanding and worried his bottom lip with his front teeth.

"What exactly is chemotherapy?" Videl inquired on behalf of Gohan.

"Ok, to understand what chemotherapy is, you must first learn what it does. Normal cells divide and grow, but cancer cells don't divide and grow like normal cells. Instead of making only one cell like itself, the cancer cell makes many copies of itself. The cancer eventually overworks the body. Chemo comprises of many types of medication that counter the cancer cells. They keep the cells from multiplying and spreading to other parts of the body.

"The negative effect of chemo is that it can hurt normal cells also, and this causes side effects such as hair loss. The goal of chemotherapy is to attain remission or, in other words, to find no evidence of the disease after treatment. Many blood tests will be performed before, during, and after treatment to determine whether the chemo is working. In your case, you'll be on a high risk regime of five drugs: vicristine, daunorubicin, cytarabine, 6-thioguanine, and etoposide. You'll be on a four day treatment over a six day period which is called the injunction cycle. CNS drugs will be administered in conjunction with your injunction medications, but we'll get back to that in a moment." Dr. Jomei's hands made gestures in tandem with his lecture. Gohan felt himself relaxing in the man's easy presence and responded with nods of comprehension. When Jomei paused Gohan seized the intermission to venture a question.

"You said before, something about two types of chemotherapy. I forget what you said, but they both started with 'I'. What are they?" Gohan asked uneasily.

"That's what I was getting to," Jomei smiled kindly at Gohan and Videl, "Intravenous and intrathecal chemotherapy. With all the blood tests, meds, blood transfusions and platelet transfusions you'll need with the chemo I think it'd be best if we installed a catheter." Dr. Jomei held up a forestalling hand when Gohan opened his mouth to speak.

"Before you ask, a catheter is a rubber tube that is surgically inserted into a central vein while the patient is under general or local anesthesia. The tube is then tunneled through the surface of the skin, usually between the neck and shoulder. A clear bandage is put over the exposed tubing to protect you from infection. Dressings must be changed three times a week to prevent infection and daily heparin flushes are performed to avoid blood clotting in the external tube. Catheters are used to inject drugs into the blood stream without causing pain or injuring the skin or veins from multiple punctures with a needle. That is the intravenous part.

"The intrathecal chemotherapy is usually not needed, but in your case it is because we found cancer cells in the cerebrospinal fluid we took from your spine. Intravenous chemo puts the drugs directly in your blood stream, but the drugs are prevented from reaching the spine or brain by a blood-brain barrier. This protective barrier is formed by a network of blood vessels that filter blood going to the brain and spinal cord. Therefore the drugs: methotrexate, hydrocortisone, and cytarabine need to be inserted through a spinal tap, intrathecal." Jomei expounded thoroughly.

At the words spinal tap Gohan's posture became rigid and panic shown clearly in his eyes. He began to shake his head, first slowly, and then more vehemently as his fear escalated to petrifaction. Videl reached over to lay a consoling hand on his shoulder but Gohan shrugged it off.

"No. Not again. First you stabbed me in the back, literally, to suck something out, and now you want to put another hole in my back to squirt something in? Are you out of your fucking mind! No fucking way!" Gohan's voice started out strained and spiraled into a thunderous bellow. He scrambled backward on his bed, thoughts completely on the memories of the dreadful procedure and the tenderness in his back.

"Gohan, please calm down. You'll only harm yourself by thrashing around. You must realize the necessity of the procedure." Dr. Jomei insisted perceptively.

"I can't do that again, I won't!" Gohan cried out in anguish.

Videl made a grab for Gohan who wrenched himself out of the way only to scream in agony as sharp spasms of pain shot up from his back. Dr. Jomei was at his side in seconds pulling his shirt out of the way and gently probing the puncture sight for something amiss. Gohan sobbed in torment as the blinding pain pulsated through him. Videl was hovering nearby wringing her hands and castigating herself mercilessly for compelling Gohan to hurt himself. Gohan's legs twitched and his fists clenched and unclenched the bed sheets under him in an effort to reduce the pain.

"It's alright, the pain will subside. You've just seriously irritated it and made it bleed." Jomei informed him sympathetically. The doctor laid a hand on Gohan's upper back and rubbed soothingly.

Eventually, Gohan's sobs diminished into quiet weeping and then tears leaked from his eyes as he drew in shaking breaths. Dr. Jomei sat by his side until his tears dried and his breath only hitched every now and then. When he deemed Gohan settled enough, Dr. Jomei stood up.

"Don't worry Gohan, there's another option to having a spinal tap done." Gohan's breath hitched and a lone tear trickled onto his already soaked sheets at the mention of the words spinal tap.

"You're in no condition to consider this rationally; we'll discuss the alternative when you're more disposed to do so." Dr. Jomei ensured tranquilly. Gohan curled in upon himself in an attempt to bring self-comfort and to lessen the raw aching in his spine. Ironically the position was the same as that of the spinal tap.

Gohan heard the clacking of the doctor's shoes on the hygienic hard floor as he retreated toward the door. Before reaching the exit the clicking heels paused and Gohan dimly heard Dr. Jomei address Videl softly. They conversed in low, indistinct voices for a few moments; and then Dr. Jomei withdrew from the room, closing the door with a soft snick.

In the oppressive silence that followed, Gohan's malevolent thoughts were raucous and grating on his inner ear. 'They're going to stick the needle in the same spot and it's going to hurt twice as much! Then they're going to dig around until they've caused just enough pain that's bearable. They may even decide that it isn't enough to jab me only once and they'll do it again just for the sadistic pleasure! Maybe they'll feel masochistic and spear me in the middle of my back so I'll be paralyzed, or would that be merciful?

Cold, hard steel, sharp and pointy, will slice oh so efficiently into the pale skin underneath. Then the pain will come, prickly and then in razor sharp spasms as they glide the glinting tip into the crimson slicked flesh...' Gohan's breathing became rapid in short choppy gasps.

ooo

Blood trailed in angry crimson rivulets down his arms as he struggled passionately against the bindings at his already grotesquely chafed wrists. His eyes screamed silently in torment as his mouth twisted into a gruesome grimace of pain. THEY were coming; THEY always did when the lights were turned out. Sometimes THEY were the same monstrous beasts, but other times THEY brought in new ones. Their faces didn't matter; all that mattered was the pain THEY would inflict. Their laughter haunted his deepest, darkest nightmares, the kind that you woke from in a cold sweat and never forgot. He heard the muffled thumping in the hall that signaled their approach and thrash about more desperately knowing each successive pull against the bindings was essentially futile.

The cacophony created by his struggles masked the entrance of his tormentors so the first indication of their presence was the ribald chuckling of the instigator. His body stilled and the room was quickly suffused with the acrid stench of his urination.

"Damn, you smell that!" One of the despots cursed harshly.

"You little shit! Do you really think pissing all over yourself is going to stop anything?" the ringleader, the one who chuckled, spit on Gohan's face. Gohan flinched; he'd been thinking no such thing. How would a bit of bodily fluid prevail where blood didn't even impede? Gohan closed his eyes tightly as the persecutor reached forward and pulled roughly at his clothes. He could do nothing to ward himself against neither the stench of fetid breath nor the sounds of his garments being ripped forcibly from his emaciated frame.

Then, of course, the pain would come. First THEY would prick, slice, and thump him using an array of medical implements. Being orderlies, THEY knew how to cause the most pain with minimal damage. Pricking was done with needles, safely as it was, to cause pain without irreparable mutilation; cutting was just deep enough to bleed without needing stitches; and thumping was enough to bruise but not maim. Each had his or her fill of the exploitation and then collectively THEY moved on to more perverted gratification. Gohan could do nothing in retaliation; he simply lay there and allowed them to do their worst while imagining himself far away. Rarely could he escape the pain or the pants and grunting noises that soon followed...

ooo

Gohan inhaled long and harsh, spots danced in his vision. Dr. Jomei's concerned face emerged as his eyes began to focus. Gohan, distressed from his memory, jerked away from Jomei's grasp on his arm. Touching was definitely out of the question at the moment. Videl stood out of the way with wide eyes and horror etched on her face. Whatever had happened had obviously scared her significantly.

"You were hyperventilating and almost passed out from lack of oxygen. Videl caught me in the hallway." Dr. Jomei informed Gohan seeing his confused expression.

"Le...Leave me alone." Gohan managed to rasp out after clearing his throat. Ignoring whether they followed his demand he curled away from them and shut his eyes tightly. He was exhausted beyond the point of caring if they listened. Blindly, he pulled the folded covers at the end of the bed up to his chin and willed himself to sleep. Nightmares and memories were one and the same to him; he couldn't remember the last time he'd dreamed.

NOTE: I apologize if anyone was confused by all the medical jargon; I tried to explain it! I want this story to be as realistic as possible and I want everyone to know what the heck I'm talking about when I refer to things like chemo and catheters, etc. Most of the fics with cancer in them gloss over the details of the actual process/treatment. Most of the best angst is in the details! Seriously, I put a lot of time and effort in it, so I hope you all aren't peeved for the Leukemia lesson. If any reader has cancer, or knows someone who does, and is offended about any extremely faulted detail, I apologize. Don't hesitate to write and tell me off, I'll more likely consider what is said and decide whether to change anything! For the most part, I think my details are rather good and accurate.

NOTE: Gohan HAS stopped taking the pills completely; I mentioned it in passing but not overtly so. When Gohan was taking the pills his powers were being suppressed, and now the same is happening with leukemia. I don't think being a saiyan would make him immune to the effects of leukemia; look at Goku; he was almost done in by a heart virus!

Chapter 20: Unbreakable Bonds

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Now roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone

So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be

I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good

So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone

3 Doors Down-When I'm Gone

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Videl felt her heart squeezing painfully in her chest in an empathetic response to Gohan's plight. In response to the pitying expression on Videl's face, Gohan glared all the more fiercely. However, the severe scowl was countermanded by the despondent tears glistening tauntingly in his eyes. She could see his inward struggle for control over his reaction.

"Gohan, come on! I want to hel..." Videl began pleadingly.

"Go away! I don't..." Gohan yelled feebly from his position and stopped short to swallow the hitch that heralded tears. "Just go!" he ordered harshly.

Videl stared at his thin form, ensconced in the hospital bed. An IV drip filled with one of his many chemo drugs led into the catheter imbedded in his shoulder. Videl had grown used to seeing needles running into Gohan's body over the two weeks he'd been receiving chemo. In fact, she'd been taught how to administer the drugs; she'd set up the IV that now ran to Gohan's bony shoulder. Pretty soon he'd be back to looking like a skeleton wearing a skin coat. Videl requested, cajoled, and downright begged Gohan to eat, but to no avail. The few times she did manage to convince him he'd die without nourishment he ate some crackers or bread but nothing more.

He wasn't eating properly, hadn't been since he was admitted to the hospital really. He was losing weight rapidly, and dark bags hung under his eyes from many sleepless nights. His skin was pasty from too long cramped up in a hospital bed without sunshine; and Gohan worried about atrophy daily. His bald head was distinct against the ivory bed covers, only one humiliation brought on by the rigors of chemotherapy. Another was what had Videl pleading with Gohan in a frustrated manner.

The previous day the medications for his central nervous system had been administered via an Ommaya reservoir. (The Ommaya reservoir is similar to a catheter in the spine except it taps directly into the fluid surrounding the brain.) This chemotherapy made Gohan very nauseous for quite a while, even into the following day. Currently Gohan was covered in chunks of half digested regurgitated foodstuff and was refusing Videl's help to clean him up. When she'd walked in an hour prior, she'd found him spewing all over himself. His expression then was the same as the one he tried to mask now with anger, shame and embarrassment.

"If you won't let me help you at least call a nurse." Videl begged with hands held out in supplication. Gohan grit his teeth, stubbornly keeping his silence, and shook his head every which way. Videl had a sneaking suspicion that Gohan was trying to rid his nostrils of the putrid stench that had entirely permeated the room.

"Gohan, stop acting so childish!" Videl snapped from pure frustration and instantly regretted her tactless edict. Gohan's expression flashed briefly with misery and anguish before becoming stony and impenetrable.

"Get. Out." Gohan enunciated each word frigidly and without emotion. Videl stared at the bile still on his chin and the stained covers that draped in a pool around his filthy chest. 'If only he could realize I'm just trying to help and not looking to insult his pride!' Videl's mind cried out vividly. Her fists curled at her sides in a failing effort to calm herself.

'Don't you fucking start crying Gohan! You'll get yourself cleaned up once Videl gets the hell out of here.' Gohan's mind snarled viciously at him. What he hated more then the degradation of being unable to control his bodily functions was the pity in Videl's eyes. He could see it whenever he looked at her and whenever she spoke in that soft pitying voice. She stood there now balling her fists to keep from yelling at him again, no doubt. 'She thinks I'm a child that needs cosseting! I've been reduced to this miserable fight for existence and she won't even acknowledge that I've been taking care of myself for over six damn years!' Gohan thought vehemently.

"Gohan, I won't leave you like this." Videl humphed sternly, deciding against the coddling approach. 'There she goes again.' Gohan thought callously.

"I can take care of myself." Gohan seethed through clenched teeth. 'Stop fooling yourself, you can't even stand up. You're so tired that you threw up all over yourself instead of walking the few feet to the toilet.' his mind snapped vindictively. Gohan's shoulders slumped depressively at this admittance. Then, of course, the stubborn part of his brain had to add in its two cents. 'That's beside the point! Are you going to let Videl see you like this and then accept her offer to wipe you off like some little two year old?' Gohan felt his lip curl at the thought provoking image.

"Leave me alone!" The snarled escalated to a shout. Before Gohan had fully grasped his intent or reasoning he picked up his full breakfast tray and hurled it at Videl. Videl ducked the tray, the contents of which: rations of toast, applesauce, porridge, and tea, went slopping to the floor. Gohan flopped exhaustedly into his repugnant bedding and noted Videl's gapping expression. Beneath the mortification of actually having thrown a tray of provisions at Videl, Gohan felt the urge to laugh. 'Great way to show her how grown up you are Gohan. I think she's really buying into the whole temper tantrum demonstration, really top notch.' his mind dead- panned. 'Shut up.' Gohan replied petulantly while trying his darnedest not to pout. 'God, you really should decide if you're gonna get cleaned up soon because this smell is just horrendous.' Gohan's nose scrunched up distastefully in agreement.

"Gohan, please, I know you can take care of yourself, but everyone needs a hand now and then. You can't really enjoy being in that bed!" Videl implored exasperatedly.

"Oh yes, wallowing in my own vomit is just so enticing." Gohan retorted sarcastically causing Videl to roll her eyes in aggravation.

xxXXxx

Dr. Jomei Sanjiro took a deep breath and stepped into the room occupied by Hashuko "Gohan" Sesshomaru. The first thing he noted was the globs and dribbling streams, of what could only have been Gohan's breakfast, on the floor. Evidence of this theory was exhibit A through E, the shattered pieces of a hospital tray among the food debris. Jomei looked to Videl who wore a startled, at-wits-end expression and then Gohan whose crude bedding and clenched jaw proved most enlightening.

"Gohan, this must stop. You are sick, and you need help." he murmured quietly.

Dr. Jomei observed the way Videl squared her shoulders, assured by his presence, and approached Gohan with the intent to clean him. Gohan looked stonily at Dr. Jomei, and Sanjiro returned Gohan's attentions with his own warning gaze. Gohan turned his face away resignedly and closed his eyes against Videl's sympathy. Dr. Jomei could see the set of Gohan's jaw and the way his hands fisted at his sides. No matter what Gohan refused to see, he could not ward himself from the feel of Videl's hands against his flesh or the pressure he, Dr. Jomei, exerted holding Gohan up so Videl could remove the soiled bedding. Fight as he might, Dr. Jomei was aware, Gohan could do nothing to stay the few tears that escaped the corners of his eyes to fall erringly onto Dr. Jomei's white coat.

xxXXxx

"Gohan, this is very important, please look at me." Dr. Jomei requested seriously. Gohan lay in his newly made bed feeling refreshed after a cleansing bath. No matter how spotless he felt, he could not ignore the mortification of the morning's beginning. Reluctantly he meet Dr. Jomei's uninviting gaze; Dr. Jomei opened his mouth to speak.

"There's no need doctor, I know the meds aren't working like they're supposed to." Gohan interrupted tersely. Videl looked despondent and Gohan allowed her to take his hand in her pretense to soothe him. He knew full well she was the one searching for comfort. 'If I must die soon, at least I've had the pleasure of meeting Videl.' he thought gratefully though the thought was underscored by fear of his impending death.

"There must be...something...we can do." Videl insisted while she squeezed Gohan's hand in emphasis. Dr. Jomei looked grimly at her hopeful expression.

"Come on! I mean, Gohan did show improvement when he first started chemo. Maybe he just needs stronger medications or something!" Videl persisted stubbornly. Gohan couldn't help but marvel at her unfaltering confidence, a confidence he didn't have.

"I'm going to die, aren't I?" Gohan asked dejectedly as tears leaked unchecked from his eyes. His thoughts turned to the few days of reprieve in the beginning of his treatment...

ooo

"How are you feeling?" Videl asked eagerly. Gohan couldn't help but grin in reply.

"Like a million bucks!" Gohan announced, gleefully throwing his hands up in the air. Dr. Jomei smiled from his position just inside the door. Witnessing Gohan's purely childish reaction to feeling good was a pleasure indeed for Dr. Jomei. Videl laughed happily and hugged Gohan ecstatically. Gohan stood and hugged her back just as enthusiastically.

"Now, don't overtax yourself, it's still early." Dr. Jomei commented benignly. Gohan ignored his remark as any typical teenager would, though Gohan wasn't a typical teenager, so Dr. Jomei felt gratification more then ire at his disregarding manner.

Gohan paced the room energetically as he let the occupants of the room know just how good he felt. Granted he had felt nauseous and a moments discomfort after the meds were administered in his newly installed catheter, but it was worth it for the euphoria he felt now. Maybe he couldn't manipulate his ki or blast a Kamehameha wave through the roof, but he didn't feel tired or sick like he had been the last few weeks.

"When do you think I'll be able to go home? Didn't you mention something about an out patient program for people with Leukemia?" Gohan turned his inquisitive gaze on the friendly doctor. Dr. Jomei laughed good-naturedly and shook his head empathetically.

"We'll have to wait and see until after your induction period. If everything goes as planned, you'll be able to have consolidation chemotherapy outside of the hospital." Dr. Jomei alluded. Gohan began to expound on what he would do once he'd reached remission and Videl gladly offered to join his proposed escapades.

ooo

Dr. Jomei couldn't help but feel partial blame for the fluke of those first few days. He had to tell himself many times that he hadn't jinxed Gohan when he'd warned him it was only the beginning, but that was difficult as he was a superstitious man. He believed that finding a penny face up was good luck and seeing a black cat foreboded ill tidings. Dr. Jomei grimaced at Videl's optimism.

"The only option that seems plausible now is a bone marrow transplant." Dr. Jomei proposed doubtfully.

"That's the thing where they put somebody else's bone marrow into me, right?" Gohan ventured, desperation in his teary eyes.

"Yes, but I wont be obtuse, your chances are slim. You have a unique blood type and it will be near impossible to find a donor close enough to match, or soon enough, whichever the case may be." Dr. Jomei stated bluntly. Dr. Jomei felt like kicking himself as he saw the last glimmer of hope leaving the pale boy's eyes. An empty dullness replaced the lively glint that once shined in those coal black depths.

"No! There has to be a way." Videl asserted obdurately.

"I'm afraid without any blood relatives the prospect is almost unthinkable." Dr. Jomei calmly replied.

"Are you a doctor or a damn fortuneteller?" Videl screamed furiously at Dr. Jomei.

"You aren't even offering him a chance! You act as if his death is inevitable!" Videl cried out incensed.

"I'm not going to lie to him and raise his hopes only so they'll be..." Dr. Jomei began irately.

"I'd like to make a telephone call." Gohan's unsteady voice broke through the stemming argument. Dr. Jomei came up short and Videl started at the sound of his voice.

"Would you please get me the phone?" Gohan repeated tentatively. Videl was the first to react and she grabbed the telephone from the nearby night stand. Gohan accepted the device somewhat reluctantly and dialed a number. Putting the receiver to his ear he waited. Videl and Dr. Jomei could see Gohan's nerves in the way his breathing became choppy and the way he twisted the phone cord around his fingers incessantly. They knew when someone answered because they could hear the chirpy voice on the other end.

"May I speak with the company President?" Gohan requested politely yet nervously.

"I understand the policy, but this is important. Just...just tell her it's K-Kakarott's son, she'll know w-what it means." Gohan stuttered apprehensively.

Gohan waited with baited breath as he was put on hold. He needn't have worried, the voice of Bulma Brief sounded over the line almost immediately.

"Who the hell is this? Yamcha, if this is you're twisted idea of a joke you're real sick!" Bulma shouted over the line. Gohan was rendered momentarily silent; he had to clear his throat before he managed a weak response.

"Hey B-Bulma...it's me...G-Gohan." Gohan barely managed to speak above a whisper.

"Gohan! Is it really you! Where in the hell are you; what the hell have you been doing? You inconsiderate little..." Bulma screeched over the phone hysterically. Gohan winced and felt the pain, guilt, shame, and other long recalled emotions swarm around his heart to constrict unmercifully.

Unconsciously, Gohan curled his knees to his chest and wrapped his free arm around them to comfort himself. Videl, seeing Gohan's destitution, stepped forward to lend her support in what she could not comprehend the magnitude of, only to be stopped by Dr. Jomei's hand on her shoulder. Videl glared to show her displeasure, but Dr. Jomei did not respond to it favorably, instead he tightened his grip.

"Bulma, please, I..." Gohan huffed despairingly as the voice continued to shrill furiously. 'How dare you expect anything less? Here you've worried her for the last six years and you anticipated acceptance with arms open wide? How can you be so inconsiderate? What rights have you to involve her in the mess you've gotten yourself into? She doesn't owe you a god damn thing; you're nothing but an ungrateful wretch. Wasn't she the one who kept you in her home, near her son, when you were a crazed homicidal lunatic? It probably would have been a blessing to allow her to live in ignorance of your continued existence.' Gohan berated himself in time with Bulma's rant. He did not take note, as Videl and Dr. Jomei did, that he was trembling and tears were coursing down his cheeks like rain water. Gohan heard Bulma go silent on the other end, however his mind gave him no such illusions of acquittal.

"Gohan, are you still there?..." Bulma's voice took on a note of panic, "Gohan! Please, answer me!"

"..."

"Don't let him have hung up." Bulma's timorous voice quailed with what Gohan could only surmise as unshed tears.

"I h-haven't hung up." Gohan choked out. 'She does care, she really does. Oh god, what have I done?' Gohan looked up to see the blurry expressions of concern on Videl and Dr. Jomei's faces. 'They all care about me. How can I be so unperceptive to where I can't even tell who truly cares for me anymore? God, Gohan, if you even have to ask yourself that question there is no doubt you're genuinely screwed up.' Gohan's mental voice snorted derisively.

"Gohan, I don't care where you are right now; you don't have to tell me. I want you to come home, now. Don't even think about arguing, you just come home." Bulma's voice ordered in that no nonsense tone Gohan often heard her take with Vegeta and Mirai Trunks so long ago.

"Give me your word, Gohan that you'll come home." Bulma's voice cracked with emotion. Gohan was suddenly brought to the awareness that he was sobbing in soundless heaves of breath. Then he felt the comforting hand of Videl on his shoulder and gazed at her blindly from his huddled position.

"Tell her you'll come." Videl prompted encouragingly. Gohan stared at her hand on his shoulder for an instant before giving an almost imperceptible nod. Videl smiled proudly and caressed his tear stained cheek compassionately.

"I promise." Gohan croaked heartrendingly.

Chapter 21: Degrees of Guilt

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Don't tell me how life is
'Cause I don't really really want to know
Don't tell me how this game ends
'Cause we'll just see how it goes

Catch me when I fall
Or you'll need me when I'm not here at all
Miss me when I'm gone again, yeah

I'm going down in flames
I'm falling into this again, yeah
I'm going down in flames
I'm falling into this again

Now, all the way down here
I'm falling, all the way
Down, all the way down here
I'm falling down again
I'm falling down (x3)

3 Doors Down-Going Down In Flames

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gohan could feel the sticky leather interior adhering to his thin hands. The kind that stemmed from the heated air mixed with the stuffy inside of the vehicle. His own nervousness only served to augment the discomfort. Gohan shifted conscientiously against the clammy irritation of the material. His hand created that strange sticky sound generated by his skin lifting from the expensive interior. He began to wring his hands anxiously and stare out the window in both trepidation and anticipation. The wind was blowing the yellow and orange leaves outside the window. An autumn sprinkle was blown onto the glass creating a little water speckle effect. Gohan changed his perception so that he focused on the glass and raindrops. Then he looked past them to the outside world; he marveled at how easy it was to look past things. The car turned and the hum of the engine died with the turn of a key.

"We're here, Gohan." Dr. Jomei stated calmly. Gohan swallowed and opened the door to get an unrestricted view of the hemispherical building. Capsule Corp was just as he remembered it, large and intimidating. The wind seemed to pick up and Gohan shivered as the chilling breeze passed over him. A damp, wind tossed leaf landed on his arm and Gohan stared down at the bedraggled piece of nature before it was once again carried off by the wind. Two dull clunks resounded in the atmosphere and signaled Videl and Dr. Jomei's exit from the car. Gohan closed his eyes and took a deep breath of the moist air which was a far cry from the sterile hospital room. A second thumping noise told Gohan that Videl and Dr. Jomei had retrieved his wheel chair from the boot of the vehicle.

"Alright, Gohan, are you ready?" Dr. Jomei questioned sincerely. Gohan gave one short nod, not trusting himself to actually speak. His throat was so tight Gohan wondered that he didn't suffocate. 'What will she say? Why have I even come; I shouldn't have promised." Gohan thought frantically and almost ordered them to take him back to the hospital. Then, he felt Videl squeeze his hand reassuringly, and allowed them to lift him into the wheelchair.

Gohan stared at the yellow semi-sphere of Capsule Corp as he was slowly pushed toward the entrance. The concrete walkway was hedged by flowers of all colors, shapes, and sizes. Gohan recognized the pale blue buds of a Forget-Me-Not and felt a rush of regret pass through him. Videl's hand came to rest on Gohan's arm. Gohan wondered vaguely if Videl could feel when he was distressed or if her actions were merely coincidence. Either way, her silent support did more for him then any empty promises of a happy future could.

The group of three came to a stop in front of the sturdy metal door and, before Gohan could third guess their being there, Dr. Jomei pressed the buzzer. Almost immediately the door opened onto a diminutive woman dressed in a blue maid's jumper.

"Hello?"

"Good afternoon, we have an appointment with Dr. Bulma Brief." Dr. Jomei bade politely and hunched his shoulders as the wind blew a misty drizzle their way. Dr. Jomei pulled the collar of his brown leather jacket up about his neck to keep the glacial wetness from going under his coat and down his back. His blue jeans became speckled as the raindrops darkened the places they were absorbed.

Videl shivered slightly though she and Gohan were protected from the drizzle by the overhang. Videl wore a red sweater over a sapphire shirt and black jeans. Gohan felt the freezing wind even through his turtle-neck, navy-blue sweater; emerald, long-sleeved shirt; and pitch black jeans. Videl gripped Gohan's cold hand and began to rub her thumb across the back of it in an effort to give warmth. The maid looked on as if torn between inviting them in and demanding they leave at once.

"Madam Brief has not told me of any meeting today. May I ask who is calling on her?" The maid settled on asking.

"Gohan is here to see her." Dr. Jomei answered and grimaced as the bitter wind tossed his brown hair about. The drizzle, turned downpour, began to beat down on his icy frame and in moments Dr. Jomei was soaked. Videl gave the maid a pleading look as she felt Gohan's hand shudder with the cold, and heard his teeth clacking rhythmically.

"Please, come and wait in the hall while I ask the mistress if she'll see you." the maid huffed sensitively. She ushered them in the building like she was herding a group of drenched puppies and closed the door firmly against the raising storm outside. The maid then excused herself, presumably to speak with Bulma.

Gohan wasn't the only one left shivering in the hall; Dr. Jomei removed his jacket and shook his hair vigorously. He ran a hand through his damp locks to straighten them a bit then moved to Gohan's side.

"Are you ok?" Dr. Jomei inquired with a slight tremble to his own lips, an indication of his frozen state.

"I...f-feel...c-cold." Gohan said through shivering and clacking teeth. Dr. Jomei nodded his understanding and began to rub his own hands over Gohan's to circulate some heat. Videl worked on Gohan's arms from behind and together the two managed to warm Gohan enough to stop his shivering.

"She'll see you in the parlor." the maid announced suddenly, walking into the hall. Gohan took notice that she carried a towel in her arms. The maid offered the towel to Dr. Jomei who accepted it with a mutter of appreciation.

"Please, follow me." she instructed kindly and led the group down the long hallway.

Gohan knew they were passing all the offices and labs of Capsule Corps first because the living quarters were at the back of the edifice. Most of the doors were closed, but a few were open and afforded a view of many people in Capsule Corp jumpers working on various whatchamacallits and thingamajigs. Gohan observed Videl's expression as she looked around curiously. She'd been quite surprised to know that Gohan knew The Bulma Brief, and was taking full advantage of getting this sneak peek into the inner sanctum of Capsule Corp. Dr. Jomei looked suitably impressed with the whole organization, but Gohan could see that his attention was focused on himself. Gohan was touched that Dr. Jomei cared that much about him, that Dr. Jomei would go out of his way to bring him here.

At last, the group of four reached the door leading into the family's private quarters. Gohan felt the apprehension and panic start to escalate again when they passed into the living room. The relaxation quarter was made exclusively for comfort and entertainment as was plain by the fluffy, grey couches and chairs placed strategically about the room and the full wall entertainment system. A plush blue carpet covered the floor and a large, down blanket of the darkest grey was spread in front of the wall television. Medium grey and navy blue pillows were seemingly tossed on the couches, chairs, and blanket to give an extra feeling of coziness. Gohan spotted a vid-game console plugged into the TV. Game cases were strewn about the device as if someone had recently been enjoying the carefree pastime. Gohan lost sight of the room as he was pushed further into the dwelling by Dr. Jomei. As they passed the kitchen, Gohan glimpsed a yellow and blue color scheme that looked both inviting and warm. They all came to a stop behind the entranceway to the parlor.

"Please, wait while I announce you." the maid directed and stepped into the alcove. Gohan began to nervously pick at his sweater in a way that made Videl wonder if he was attempting to unravel the thing one thread at a time. The maid returned and curtsied courteously, "You may go in now."

Gohan tried to take a deep breath to calm his nerves but his tight chest wouldn't allow him the luxury. Resigning himself to the fact that the encounter would be unbearable at worse and uncomfortable at best, Gohan motioned for Dr. Jomei to push him into the room.

Upon entering, he gave the room a thorough sweep with his eyes, being careful to avoid looking directly at the woman seated on an elegantly upholstered settee. The parlor was oriental in decor with beautifully stained wooden furniture. There were two settees facing each other with a stylishly deco coffee table in between that had refreshments placed on it. Antique lamps and a roaring fire in the hearth gave off a warm lighting effect to a room obviously intended for the meeting of important guests. Gohan gathered up his courage and took a good look at Bulma, whose posture gave away her own nervousness. Bulma's hair was cropped the same as he recalled and the only indication of ageing were the lines about the eyes and mouth. Gohan wondered if they were smile lines or frowning lines and settled on a bit of both.

Bulma wore a white cashmere sweater and blue jeans. Gohan noticed her eyes glistened with wetness and her mouth trembled slightly when she caught sight of him. He knew full well what she was seeing. His pale skin was sickly in comparison with the healthy tan he'd retained as a child growing up. His baldness and thinness only enhanced the ill complexion and made him look younger then he truly was.

"Gohan." Bulma whispered shakily. She blinked rapidly to keep her tears at bay. Gohan felt like a complete jerk, 'Look at her! You shouldn't have come. You're causing her pain by letting her see you like this.' Gohan shook his head and looked squarely at the woman of his father's longest friendship.

"Hello Bulma." Gohan replied quietly. Two fat tears began their slow trek down Bulma's cheeks and she gave a wavering smile.

"Please, sit over here." Bulma motioned to the opposite settee. Dr. Jomei and Videl lifted Gohan onto the seat for two and Videl sat beside him. Gohan felt Videl's hand rest on his thigh and recalled times he'd seen his mother do the same with his father.

Bulma quickly offered them some refreshment, but Gohan knew she really wanted to ask why he was in a wheel chair among other things. To put off such questions, until a time when avoidance was impossible, Gohan took up a cracker and began to nibble on it. Dr. Jomei brought up a nearby chair and sat down after folding the towel on top of the upholstery to prevent it from getting wet.

"I apologize for Franny; she's protective of our privacy." Bulma commented to Dr. Jomei, realizing the state of his attire.

"That's quite all right." Dr. Jomei dismissed negligently. Gohan had just finished his cracker and took a sip of water from a glass. He was about to reach for another cracker when he felt Videl's restraining hand on his arm.

"I believe," Videl declared firmly, "That we have much to talk about." Gohan grimaced and, when he looked to Videl, saw no pity or reprieve in her eyes. Bulma looked concerned but also prepared to hear what was about to be said. Gohan looked anywhere but at the people occupying the room, and when it was apparent that he wasn't going to speak, Dr. Jomei opened his mouth to begin. Just then a side door opened and two little blurs of blue and green raced into the room.

The two blurs, which turned out to be two small boys, pounced on the food and began talking a mile a minute.

"Mom, I'm hungry! When's dinner?" the purple-haired boy whined piteously.

"Guess what I found at the park, it was a tiny dinosaur! He was all purple and yellow and had green specks on the belly..." the other pint sized boy chirped excitedly. Bulma was looking at Gohan with an expression of horror and apology, and rightly so. Gohan felt as if he'd been socked in the stomach; he was surprised he could breathe at all.

The smaller boy was wearing a green gi that was smudged with mud and rainwater. His black hair stuck out at odd angles and drooped slightly from the damp. The child's eyes glinted with mischief and animation as he told his tale to his mother. There could be only one person whose hair defied all laws of gravity and whose eyes could hold such innocence. The undersized boy was none other than Goten, Gohan's younger brother. At that precise moment the purely childish eyes turned on Gohan and he wondered giddily if his heart had stopped. 'Was I ever so innocent once?'

"Mommy, who're those people?" Goten asked naively. Bulma looked unsure of what to tell the chibi and gazed at Gohan beseechingly. 'What does she want from me? God, how can I bring them into this? He's so happy here; he doesn't know!' Gohan suddenly found that he needed air, and lots of it. Gohan began to draw in deep breaths, but pretty soon a burning sensation filled his chest and tears glinted in his eyes.

"Gohan! Gohan, stop it!" Videl's concerned voice cried out. Gohan felt her hand squeezing his arm painfully and heard her frantic voice as if from afar.

"Hey, is he alright?" Trunks asked uneasily as he stared at Gohan.

"Move away Videl, he's hyperventilating during a panic attack." Dr. Jomei ordered harshly. After she'd moved away, Dr. Jomei pushed Gohan's head between his legs and began to apply pressure in between his shoulder blades. "Now just breathe in...and out...in...and out..." For a few moments, Dr. Jomei coached Gohan through his breathing until he'd calmed down enough to sit up.

When Gohan could breathe normally again he noticed Goten clutching Bulma and sobbing into her blouse. Bulma was trying to reassure the little chibi, but it seemed the child was scared that Gohan was going to die.

"Hey, look Goten, he's fine." Trunks instructed and tugged on his younger brother's gi to get his attention. Goten sniffed and looked to Gohan with watery eyes and a tear-streaked face.

"Did I d-do something w-wrong?" the boy questioned Gohan sadly. Gohan felt the anguish build up in his chest and had to concentrate hard to prevent another panic attack. He could only manage to shake his head as he felt the hot irritating sensation that heralded tears.

"See now, it wasn't your fault." Bulma soothed and hugged Goten to her. Goten gave Gohan a hesitant smile and cocked his head to the side curiously.

"So I d-didn't make you g-get hurt?" he stuttered unsurely. Gohan shook his head again.

"Come on Goten, let's go play some video games." Trunks proposed in an effort to raise his brother's spirits. Goten looked to Bulma for acquiescence and, at her nod, gave a grin to Gohan and ran off with Trunks. Gohan released a shaky breath and buried his face in his hands.

"Gohan, are you alright? What happened?" Videl asked with concern. Gohan looked up, his eyes were red but the tears were locked behind his lids.

"That was Goten, my brother." Gohan managed through a throat raw with emotion. Videl took his hand comfortingly and Bulma reached across to take his other hand.

"After we found out about Chi Chi from Krillin we went searching for the both of you. Vegeta and the others could sense Goten's ki in that way you all had in common and we found him quickly enough. But, you had those pills; we couldn't find you by your ki. I looked all over for you, but no one had found our Gohan. We thought we'd lost you forever, that you'd died. We adopted Goten and raised him as our own; Trunks and Goten know nothing about this." Bulma explained sorrowfully. Gohan listened and knew the look in her eyes was a plea for him to forgive her for not finding him and for not telling Goten the truth. 'How can you not forgive her? She did all she could and she raised Goten which is more then I can say for myself.' Gohan thought self-incriminatingly.

"It's alright Bulma; I should thank you for taking care of...G-Goten." Gohan choked out brokenly. Bulma sighed with relief and squeezed his hand gently. Suddenly a sound like an explosion made everyone jump in their seats. Vegeta, covered in mud, stomped into the room glaring most fiercely.

"Where are those two brats?" Vegeta roared at Bulma. His fists were placed arrogantly on his hips and his jaw jutted forward furiously. He wore his usual spandex blue uniform with white gloves and boots as well as body armor. However, globs of mud marred the cloth that was once so pristine.

"Answer me woman, where..." Vegeta trailed off as he caught sight of the three strangers. "Who the hell are you?" he demanded sneeringly.

"Vegeta, he's Gohan." Bulma snapped tersely. Her hand squeezed Gohan's instinctively when she said his name as if to reassure herself that he truly was there. Vegeta turned his intensive glare onto Gohan. Gohan felt the diminutive man's eyes scrutinize him from his bald head to his untied, tennis-shoed feet. Vegeta snorted derisively and glared all the more at Gohan.

"You don't belong here, get out!" Vegeta snarled vindictively.

"Vegeta!" Bulma gasped in stunned disbelief. Videl also gaped at the strange man with spiky black hair and arctic eyes.

"Exscuse me, but we've come for a very important reason." Dr. Jomei interjected standing up in offense. Vegeta smirked at the earthling and took a threatening step forward. Dr. Jomei didn't back down, but gave a glare of his own that rivaled Vegeta's to the surprise of Bulma and Gohan.

"We aren't leaving until Mrs. Brief hears our request." Dr. Jomei pronounced stubbornly.

"I'll blast you all to hell if you don't leave! That brat chose his path and he will face his own consequences of that choice. Don't come here looking for help, brat, you forfeited that right long ago." Vegeta growled dangerously. Gohan could see the look in Vegeta's eyes, the blame.

"Are you implying that Gohan killed Goku?" Bulma huffed angrily at Vegeta.

"It's true, isn't it? If it weren't for that baka, Kakarott would still be alive and taking care of his own spawn." Vegeta retorted darkly.

Gohan felt the knives of pain stab him in the heart and refused to give Vegeta the satisfaction of seeing him cry. 'Vegeta's right anyway, it is my fault. I didn't beat Cell when dad told me to and because of my incompetence he's dead. I didn't take care of mom and she killed herself with grief. Then I left Goten all alone; I didn't even try to find him.' Gohan accused mercilessly. He leaned his head against the thumb and forefinger of his right hand and sighed quietly.

"Let's just go. I had no business coming here to begin with." Gohan murmured tiredly. He did not meet Vegeta's gaze for fear of seeing the man gloat over his admission.

"No! Gohan, we have to try! If you don't help him he'll die!" Videl screamed first to Gohan and then to Vegeta. Gohan didn't bother looking at anyone's reaction to the statement but shook his head dejectedly.

"He's right Videl. I didn't speak up when I had the chance and I've done some horrible, unforgivable things. Dr. Jomei, I'd like to leave." Gohan said emotionlessly.

"None of that was your fault! Besides, even if it was, don't you think with all you've been through, the bea..." Videl began passionately. Hearing where this was going, Gohan jerked his head up and stopped her mid sentence.

"No! Nothing makes up for what I've done. Please restrain yourself from speaking of any of this further. Take me back now." Gohan ordered in a deadly serious voice. Just when Gohan was thinking the meeting couldn't get any worse; the door opened a third time admitting yet another acquaintance.

Gohan caught sight of Mirai Trunks and felt like curling in upon himself. There was yet another person almost killed by him so long ago. Mirai didn't look a day older than he had at eighteen though he had to be in his mid twenties by now. Mirai wore a white wife-beater and blue jeans. A blue jean jacket with a Capsule Corp logo on it was slung over his shoulder. Mirai Trunks came to a stand still upon walking into the tense situation. He looked at his mother's distressed expression and his father's stubborn facade and knew something was horribly wrong. Then, Mirai noticed Gohan's frail form sitting on the settee with a girl and man standing beside him like some sort of honor guard. All Mirai Trunks could feel was an overwhelming joy at seeing his one time master and comrade again. When he'd come to live permanently in this time after his future mother's death, he'd arrived only to find out that Chi Chi was dead and Gohan disappeared. He had believed as everyone else that Gohan was dead, but here he sat, in the living flesh.

"Gohan!" Mirai called out cheerfully and raced over to embrace his good friend. Gohan, not being used to such enthusiastic movement, flinched when Mirai Trunks hugged him.

"Gohan?" Trunks' concerned gaze looked deep into Gohan's eyes and found pain, sorrow, and grief so deep his heart ached in echo of it. Mirai Trunks turned to glare at his mother and father.

"What've you done to Gohan?" he demanded stonily. Videl and Dr. Jomei looked to the strange man wonderingly.

"Trunks, no, they've done nothing..." Gohan began but was cut off by Videl.

"That's the problem! They aren't going to do anything about Gohan dying!" Videl cried heatedly seeing her chance in this new purple-haired man.

"What, Gohan's dying?" Trunks gasped and turned to his father and mother for confirmation.

"It's true, he has Leukemia. The chemotherapy isn't working; he needs a bone marrow transplant." Dr. Jomei explained calmly.

"I do not see how that involves us." Vegeta snapped irately.

"Gohan has a unique blood type and the best bet is for his brother to be tested for a bone marrow match." Dr. Jomei clarified.

"You'll not test my son!" Vegeta yelled with clear emphasis on the claiming of the boy.

"No, I won't have my brother subjected to me any longer. I've pained enough people with my existence; perhaps my death will bring some peace." Gohan agreed shaking his head.

"Don't talk like that! Dad, we have to help him! As much as you've been Goten's father in raising him, Goku will always be his biological father! How do you think Goku would feel if you were to let his first son die?" Mirai Trunks bellowed just as loudly as his father.

"That is the point isn't it? No one will ever know what Kakarott would think because he's dead!" At Vegeta's words Gohan felt nauseous and grabbed Videl's arm before she could strike Vegeta.

"I'm going to be sick." Gohan announced frantically. Upon hearing this, Dr. Jomei lifted Gohan into his wheelchair. Mirai Trunks and Vegeta were busy arguing and Bulma was adding in her two cents in Gohan's favor as well. One remark about Gohan's unfeeling nature got both Videl and Dr. Jomei's attention so that they too joined in the all out bellowing contest. All Gohan could think was, 'It's my entire fault. They're dead because of me and everyone knows it. I don't deserve to live. I've murdered my parents and abandoned my brother. I hurt my friends and continue to do so. It's just like Hadrian and THEY said. I'm a worthless, ungrateful wretch. A bastard that is lower then the dirt I trod upon. God, why do you continue to let people fight for me, they deserve better. '

Over and over the thoughts chased each other in never ending circles. Then something inside him snapped and Gohan's eyes riveted on the fire burning in the hearth. 'I deserve to burn in hell for what I've done." his mind supplied maliciously. The red and orange flames that crackled and whipped about in a tantalizing way called out to him. In a move born of desperation to end it all: the pain, the sorrow, the grief, the guilt, the shame, and yes, even the love he felt for Videl that he didn't think he deserved, Gohan wheeled himself to the fire and threw himself in.

A terrified scream rent the air and drew everyone's attention to little Goten who stood in the doorway staring in wide-eyed horror at Gohan's burning body.

"Gohan!" Videl's panicked scream followed that of Goten's. Mirai Trunks was the first to react. Racing from the room at top saiyan speed, he returned in a second to pour a bucket of water over Gohan's body. The wood split with loud cracks and the fire hissed and sizzled as it was washed out. Gohan's body was pulled from the blackened logs and Dr. Jomei was frantically assessing the damage. Bulma was embracing a hysterical Goten and trying to prevent a curious chibi Trunks from getting a glimpse of Gohan's body. Tears were running down her face and it took all her control not to completely flip out.

Videl was having no such qualms about demonstrating her loss of control. She was trying to reach Gohan in a frenzy of tears and screaming. Mirai Trunks was holding her away as Dr. Jomei instructed Vegeta to help him remove Gohan's clothing to prevent it from adhering to the burnt skin. Vegeta, in complete shock from Gohan's actions was doing as he was told without question, for once in his life. When he'd managed to remove Gohan's tattered shirt he stared in utter astonishment. It was not the quickly blistering skin that Vegeta stared at, but the stunning array of scarring on the boy's fragile frame. There were only so many ways someone could get such an abundance of scaring and Vegeta recognized the patterns of abuse, not to mention the self-mutilated wrists.

"How bad are the burns?" Vegeta asked Dr. Jomei rather politely for the prideful Prince of all Saiyans.

"Not as bad as they could've been. We got him out before any irreparable damage was done. I'd say second degree burns, but the real problem is he's going into shock. We have to get him to the hospital at once." Dr. Jomei explicated hastily.

"Bring me a dry blanket and some gauze." Dr. Jomei ordered in that way only doctors have of demanding something. Within moments Gohan's burns were wrapped in gauze and he was bundled into a blanket. Vegeta picked Gohan up without having to be asked and the two rushed from the house to Dr. Jomei's car. They sped off toward the hospital disregarding every rule of the road, especially speed laws, and leaving behind a frantic Videl and Goten and three worried others.

"Gohan! Let me go! Gohan!" Videl's screams echoed long after the teenager was sped away in Dr. Jomei's car.

NOTE: This chapter is dedicated to Angel Shock/Shock Angel for their terrific reviews! And, to those of you who are wondering why Vegeta didn't fly Gohan to the hospital it's because burn victims are susceptible to infection, especially air-born germs, and going at the speed Vegeta could would've seriously caused more harm than good!

Chapter 22: Coffee Break

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Unsure of yourself
You stand divided now.
Which road will lead you there
Last time you fell and you hit hard
Your wounds have healed by now
But you still see your scars

3 Doors Down-This Time

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Dr. Jomei whipped the car around the bend with a horrendous screech of tires, no doubt leaving large black streaks on the pavement. He pulled into the emergency entrance to the hospital and came to a lurching stop. Cutting off the ignition with the disregard of one in a serious hurry, Dr. Jomei pitched himself out of the vehicle and didn't even bother slamming the door after him. He raced to the door on the opposite side that Vegeta had already thrown open, and which now hung at a seemingly odd angle off its hinges. Being too concerned for Gohan's welfare, Dr. Jomei did not take notice of the lopsided door, but reached in to take Gohan in his arms. To his immense surprise, Vegeta shoved Dr. Jomei away and stood from the vehicle with Gohan held effortlessly in his bulky arms.

"Lead." Vegeta grunted at Dr. Jomei. Deciding not to argue the point, Dr. Jomei simply led the way past the sliding doors.

A group of EMPs (Emergency Medical Personnel) spotted Dr. Jomei's arrival and met the two men just inside the accessible doors. Between two men dressed in hospital scrubs stood a stretcher on wheels which Vegeta placed Gohan upon.

"He has second degree burns mostly on his right side, upper body; and possibly third degree burns on the digits of his right hand. He went into shock from the cold water used to put out the fire, and he may be suffering from head injuries due to the fall. He is currently being treated for Acute Myeloid Leukemia and has an Ommaya Reservoir implanted." Dr, Jomei rattled off to the medics in a rapid fashion to provide as much information as possible in as few seconds as possible. While he was giving these details the medics were busy pushing the stretcher into an emergency room.

The stretcher was rolled up to a table under large, bright lights and the two men controlling the stretcher took position to each side of Gohan.

"One, two, three." they intoned and, as one, lifted Gohan's body onto the new table using the sheet of the stretcher as a carrying device. Instantly the medics converged on Gohan's limp body and began to work vigorously on stabilizing him. Dr. Jomei backed away knowing full well that burns were not his forte and he should allow the paramedics and surgeon to do their job.

As he backed up Dr. Jomei caught sight of Vegeta standing just inside the swinging doors to the emergency room. A flustered nurse was trying ineffectually to gain Vegeta's attention in order to remove him from the room he was not supposed to be in. Vegeta was staring at the blistered body of the boy on the table between the many technicians in green scrubs. Dr. Jomei couldn't decipher the look on the hard man's face, but thought it prudent to help the nurse remove him before security was called. Dr. Jomei walked to Vegeta's side and spoke to him authoritatively.

"There's nothing more we can do, just wait outside and let them do their work." Dr. Jomei said with an encompassing wave of his arm toward the busy staff. Vegeta sneered at the doctor but followed him silently out of the sterile, brightly lit emergency room and into the more humdrum waiting area.

xxXXxx

Dr. Jomei cringed as he sipped the lukewarm liquid the hospital tried to pawn off as coffee. No matter how long he worked there, he would never get used to the caffeinated brown sludge. Feeling wetness on his hand he grimaced, noting the leak in the flimsy paper cup. As a trail of fast cooling coffee made its way from his palm toward his forearm Dr. Jomei searched for a napkin of sorts. The prospect of making the long trek to the hospital cafeteria was ludicrous, but no solution was forthcoming. Resorting to disgraceful methods, Dr. Jomei prevented the stream of fluid from trailing further down his arm by licking the aforementioned spill from his skin. Not fancying the idea of lapping at his arm as a permanent solution to his predicament, especially with the receptionist giving him a distasteful look, Dr. Jomei continued his search for something to block the steady drip. He was in the process of contemplating the many magazines on the low tables about the dull brown waiting room when the door burst open and Videl rushed in followed by the others from Capsule Corp.

Vegeta, who'd been leaning in a solitary corner seemingly asleep but more likely meditating, roused from his lax position to one of more awareness. Those people closest to the man quickly averted their gazes and collectively avoided meeting his cold glaring eyes. Dr. Jomei set his leaking cup of, now, stone cold coffee on a nearby table and moved forward to greet the new arrivals.

"Where's Gohan? Is he alright? How badly was he burned?" Videl demanded shakily the moment Dr. Jomei was in polite speaking distance. Videl's voice was hoarse and her eyes were red-rimmed and still streaming salty tears. Bulma was looking very pale with worry, but her eyes were dry. Dr. Jomei was under no pretenses; if Bulma hadn't had the boys with her he was sure she would be balling her eyes out.

As it was, Goten looked indisputably the worse for wear. His small hands were clutching Bulma's bomber jacket so hard his knuckles showed white. His eyes were almost bruised by incessant wiping of tears and his hair was disarrayed from burying his head in the cleft of his mother's neck. Cheeks were ruddy from the heat of tears upon them and twin streaks marked where the small flood cut a path through the dirt and grim of that mornings outing in the park. Tears still leaked from his eyes as well as transparent snot from his nose that was accompanied every so often by sniffs and shuddering breaths. He wore the same grimy clothing as Dr. Jomei had seen him in previously. The young Trunks was looking around with curiosity and confusion having not seen Gohan's body and not knowing the reason for all the tears and hysterics.

The older boy was the most composed of the lot except for Vegeta, perhaps. His worry did not show on the surface, but Dr. Jomei could see the stony set of his jaw and the glazed look in his eyes that spoke of forced calm. The young man was obviously trying to be strong for his brothers and mother. Dr. Jomei admired the young man for his control and selflessness.

"Now, now, Videl, calm yourself. Gohan is in the Intensive Care Unit right now. The doctors managed to stabilize him, but they found something wrong with his Ommaya Reservoir. Somehow, when he fell, he damaged the reservoir and now he's in surgery to remove it." Dr. Jomei explained soothingly laying his hands on Videl's shoulders. At Dr. Jomei's account Videl balked and tried to free herself from his arms.

"Gohan! Oh my God, Gohan!" she shrieked desperately while fighting Dr. Jomei's firm hold.

"Videl! Stop this at once! You aren't going to help Gohan and you're only scaring the children by your histrionics." Dr. Jomei ordered severely and shook Videl by the shoulders vehemently in emphasis. Videl seemed to come to her senses momentarily and blinked owlishly at Dr. Jomei before bursting into uncontrollable sobs. Videl fell forward into Dr. Jomei's arms and together they sank to the floor where Videl sobbed wretchedly into his white T-shirt. Dr. Jomei whispered soothing nothings into her ear as he rubbed her back rhythmically like she'd done to Gohan so many times before.

xxXXxx

Dr. Jomei regarded the long forgotten paper cup that sat in a ring of leaked coffee on the low table. The liquid inside the cup now looked about as appetizing as day old milk and smelled about as enticing as sweaty gym shoes. Grimacing in disgust and shuddering with revulsion, Dr. Jomei picked up the offending cup and carried it, dripping lethargically, to the nearest bathroom to dump. When he returned, Dr. Jomei yawned as he hunkered down into one of the brown canvas chairs to peruse a propaganda magazine. After an idle hour of staring unseeingly at the tiny script Dr. Jomei scratched at the stubble on his chin and glanced blurrily about the room for the others.

Most of the other occupants of the waiting room had moved with their loved one to a private room or had gone home after assurances of their loved one's health and wellbeing. Videl was out like a light from pure exhaustion, due to the prolonged crying jag, on a small sofa. Bulma was sleeping soundly sitting up in a chair with Goten curled asleep in her arms. Trunks lay curled in a tight ball in the chair beside his mother's; his chest rose and fell steadily in his slumber. Mirai Trunks was blinking exhaustedly in his own chair and kept nodding off only to jerk awake when his head lolled forward. Vegeta stood, as he had throughout the whole ordeal, like a statue in the corner. He was leaned against the wall with his legs crossed at the calves and his arms crossed over his chest. Vegeta's eyes were alert and there was no sign that he was sleep deprived like the rest of them. When Dr. Jomei looked his way their eyes met and a slight staring contest ensued. It took a violent movement from Mirai Trunks to break the moment of confrontation.

"Boy, I need a cup of coffee...Do you two want anything?" Mirai offered as he stretched and yawned hugely in between. Vegeta gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head, but his expression clearly indicated what he thought of the hospital's 'coffee'. Mirai Trunks shrugged nonchalantly and looked to Dr. Jomei expectantly.

"I'd appreciate a cup, be sure to grab a few napkins while you're at it." Dr. Jomei cautioned tiredly. Mirai Trunks sauntered out in the direction of the twenty-four hour cafeteria and Dr. Jomei settled once again in his chair to fight the losing battle against unconsciousness.

"Where did Gohan get the scars?" The low rumbling of Vegeta's voice snapped Dr. Jomei from his drifting state. He was so surprised by the question that at first he simply gaped at the punitive man for a moment. Only after Vegeta started looking genuinely irritated did Dr. Jomei find his voice.

"I'm not sure about all of them, but many were from an abusive foster father Gohan was staying with once. He had to be hospitalized for a few months, and he had to have several correctional surgeries done to his arm and leg." Dr. Jomei supplied quietly.

"Why?" Vegeta growled with a scowl firmly in place.

"Why did the man do it? Why did Gohan let him? Why was the system unaware what was going on? You'll have to be more specific." Dr. Jomei inquired without rancor.

"Why did he let himself be beaten?" Vegeta demanded coldly.

"I know Gohan knows martial arts. He probably could have fought back, and beaten the man, but I believe there were extenuating circumstances. There were three other boys in the home. When they were asked about Gohan's extreme abuse in comparison with their own, they said that Gohan goaded the man to protect them; he often took the blame for things they'd supposedly done wrong. Still, there is the question about why he didn't just knock the guy out and then go for help. The answer is quite simple, really. On some level Gohan truly believes that he deserved the beatings. With what I heard at the house I'm assuming it has everything to do with what you were holding him responsible for." Dr. Jomei rationalized gravely. Vegeta grunted and looked broodingly at the beige wall over Dr. Jomei's shoulder.

"You mentioned the name Kakarott and, the way I understand it, you blame Gohan for this man's death?" Dr. Jomei formed the statement into a question. Vegeta grunted again and, when next their eyes met, Dr. Jomei glimpsed the warring factions in the man's eyes before the walls fell firmly in place.

"Kakarott was the boy's father. Through his actions, Gohan brought about his end." Vegeta evinced vaguely.

"Brought about his father's end or his own?" Dr. Jomei countered shrewdly. Vegeta glanced up contemplatively and Dr. Jomei felt his scrutiny as a shiver up his spine.

"Possibly both." Vegeta rejoined.

Just then Mirai Trunks returned with two cups of steaming coffee.

"Fresh from the pot, though that isn't saying much for the taste; at least it's hot." Mirai Trunks said handing a frothing cup to Dr. Jomei. The doctor accepted the proffered beverage and once again the group lapsed into silence.

Chapter 23: Hellfire

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My words confuse
My eyes don't move a blink
Cause it's easier sometimes
Not to be sincere, somehow,
I make you believe

When I speak, I cross my fingers
Will you know you've been deceived?
I find a need to be the demon
A demon cannot be hurt

Honest is easy
Fiction's where genius lies
Cause it's easier sometimes
Not to be involved, somehow
I make you believe

Guster

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Dr. Jomei rubbed irritably at his sore eyes and shook his head vigorously. Looking at a clock, he took note that it read two, too damn early in the morning. The coffee was nothing more then a lingering aftertaste that left much to be desired. Being too fatigued to actually get up and traverse the halls for another cup, Dr. Jomei simply resorted to more physical efforts to keep awake. When he felt his lids droop dangerously Dr. Jomei pinched his arm only to hiss as the pain stabbed through his sleep-fogged mind. Hearing a snort, Dr. Jomei glanced Vegeta's way, and caught a smirk playing at the corners of the stern man's mouth. With pursed lips, Dr. Jomei harrumphed and gained his feet.

The doctor was just taking a sip of water from a nearby water-fountain outside the restroom when Gohan's surgeon entered the room. Dr. Jomei quickly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and brushed the wetness onto his jeans negligently. Then he quickly made his way over to the surgeon and held out his hand respectfully. The surgeon, who'd been wiping his damp hands on a small towel, grimly met Dr. Jomei halfway to clasp hands.

"Dr. Grigson." Dr. Jomei intoned peremptorily.

"Dr. Jomei," the surgeon nodded politely, "And, you're the other one who brought the boy in?" Dr. Jomei jumped when he saw Vegeta had approached them without a single breath of noise. Said man glared at the doctor with his arms crossed comfortably in the ever present intimidating stance. Dr. Jomei couldn't decide if the man was glaring because attention had been drawn to him or if he came by his insufferable disposition naturally.

"The boy." Vegeta muttered expectantly. Dr. Jomei felt his eyebrows rise and had the urge to ask if he could detect a note of concern in the spiky-haired man's voice. Deducing that the man would not take such a remark lightly, he let the issue drop.

"Should we wake the others?" Dr. Jomei questioned, glancing to where Bulma slept holding Goten. Videl and Trunks still lay supine on their respective pieces of furniture. And, Mirai Trunks sat slumped in a chair having succumbed to Father Time about an hour ago. His cheek was resting on his right shoulder and soft, breathy noises issued forth from his lips as his chest moved in an even rhythm. Mirai Trunks' left arm lay across his lap while his right hand was curled around a half empty cup of coffee on the side table. Dr. Jomei felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth when he took note of Mirai Trunks' sprawled legs.

"No." Vegeta grunted in reply. Dr. Jomei silently agreed; they needed their rest and they would only be distressed if he woke them.

"Very well, how's Gohan?" Dr. Jomei felt an ache in his heart when he saw Dr. Grigson frown and slowly shake his head. "He's not d..." Dr. Jomei began worriedly.

"No, no! He'll pull through. The surgery went well; the only thing is…we won't be able to replace the reservoir." Dr. Grigson assured with an aggrieved expression.

"Well, that's not too bad." Dr. Jomei stated looking confused.

"The problem is that he needs a catheter to reach the CNS for his chemotherapy treatments. The only other option is that we install a catheter in the spine. We need to do the procedure as soon as he wakes so that he can get the treatments he needs on schedule. Because he's taken trauma to the head we can only use minimal anesthetic and he needs to be awake during the process." Dr. Grigson explained in detail. Dr. Jomei frowned as he remembered Gohan's reaction to the suggestion the first time he presented it.

"That does pose a problem." Dr. Jomei murmured quietly. Vegeta kept quite throughout the exchange but it was clear he was listening intently.

"Doctor Grigson, he's awake." a young man with sandy-blond hair suddenly called from the ICU doorway.

xxXXxx

The first thing Gohan felt was pain, burning down his body and pulsating in his head. With a guttural moan he tried to move and gave a tinny cry when spasms of pain danced upon his spine.

"Shhh...Just lie still. Rest." a smooth, honeyed voice whispered soothingly in his ear. Gohan tried to relax though most of his right side felt like the skin had been stretched painfully over his flesh. Some kind of dry, rough cloth was wrapped around various parts of his body that felt hot as if fevered. There was also a sort of pressure on his head that made the pounding in his skull vibrate dully. To relieve the pressure, Gohan turned his head sideways away from the bright, white light filtering onto his eyelids. Taking a shaky breath, Gohan opened his eyes, or at least he tried to.

"I...I can't open my eyes." Gohan whispered in a deceptively calm voice to whoever might hear. His hands gripped blindly at the starched hospital sheet covering the bed and spasms of pain lanced from his abused digits. He bit his lip on the hiss of pain and tasted a pinpoint of coppery blood in his mouth.

"Oh, that's the bandage, don't worry." the silky voice reassured quietly and Gohan felt a cool hand take his left hand, which was not bandaged, in a gentle reassuring way. His spastic grip on the sheet lessened some with the comforting contact.

"Where am I; what happened?" Gohan asked in a timorous voice and felt his chin quiver fearfully. 'Calm down Gohan, you're obviously in a hospital.' his mental voice scolded at the tearful reaction. He abhorred the crystalline tears that formed in his eyes and began dampening the gauze covering them.

"You are at the hospital; Dr. Jomei brought you in. You were burned in a fire and suffered some trauma to the head. You may not remember what happened. Don't worry about it. You'll be fine now." the velvety voice assured.

"W-Who are you?" Gohan stammered timidly. His heart ached for the encouraging presence of Videl. Even though this person was kind Gohan longed for the understanding and compassion that only the raven-haired girl could project to him.

"I'm your nurse, call me Sasa." Gohan felt the hand upon his give an almost imperceptible squeeze and managed an answering attempt at a smile.

"That's the spirit. Eric went to get Dr. Grigson who will explain everything to you. Meanwhile, would you like me to stay here with you?" Sasa inquired kindly. Gohan nodded and stifled a sob that threatened to escape his lips at the thought of being alone.

xxXXxx

"I'll be right there." Dr. Grigson acknowledged the young man with a wave and nod. Then he turned back to the other two men seriously.

"I'm going to go in there and tell Gohan that he needs the surgery. It's best if we don't give him time to actually think about it and get himself worked up. He is the same patient you said had an extremely averse reaction to the spinal catheter, right?" Dr. Grigson asked Dr. Jomei. An affirmative nod was the only answer to the inquiry.

"Alright, I suggest someone come in to sit with him during the procedure. Perhaps his father?" Dr. Grigson looked expectantly toward Vegeta. Dr. Jomei opened his mouth to refute the false assumption when Vegeta prevented him by nodding his acquiescence.

"Good, I want you to keep him calm. Follow me, I'll go in alone and tell him first and then you'll come in when he's ready." Dr. Grigson outlined simply. Then, together, the two men walked into the ICU toward Gohan's room.

xxXXxx

Gohan felt an impending sense of dread and it took all his might to stay calm. Sasa was moving about the room straightening various objects that either clinked or swished softly. Gohan followed her progress with his concentrated hearing as he carefully tested the extent of his injuries. His first relief was that when he wiggled his toes he could actually feel the movement. 'Good, you still have your feet.' his mind assured analytically. Next, Gohan tightened the muscles in his legs and received a twinge of pain in answer. 'Pain is good; it lets you know you're alive.' Gohan insisted though hot tears leaked into the fast cooling, damp gauze.

However, when Gohan started to turn his torso experimentally he could not contain the whimper that accompanied the jackknife of pain that exploded from his back. In an instant Sasa was at his side and inquiring what happened. 'What the fuck is wrong with you! Don't do that ever again you crazy bastard!' his mind screamed at Gohan in defense of his searing nerves. Gohan breathed raggedly, his breath hitching with each echo of pain. He shut his eyes tightly as the pain pulsated in time with his pounding heart within his head. Through the blur of pain and immense headache Gohan almost missed the sound of the door opening.

"What happened?" a male voice asked Sasa.

"I don't know, he just cried out and won't tell me." Sasa answered truthfully. Gohan could hear the apology in her voice as if his pain was a direct result of her inattention. Gohan wanted to tell the man that it wasn't her fault but he was convulsively swallowing the cries fighting against him for escape.

"Gohan, I'm Dr. Grigson." the male voice introduced himself calmly. Gohan opened his mouth to reply but his throat tightened painfully with suppressed sobs. All he managed was a slight nod that cost him dearly in pain.

"Don't move. You're suffering from the removal of your Ommaya Reservoir and we can't give you anymore drugs than we have for the pain. Just relax and stay calm, you're safe here." Dr. Grigson instructed firmly. Gohan felt like screaming at the man for his disingenuous expectations. Pain exploded behind his lids and he couldn't even move his back without suffering excruciating pain. Instead of snarling at the doctor Gohan waited stiffly for Grigson to tell him whatever it was that he needed to. Dr. Grigson must have picked up on Gohan's discomfort, as determined from what he said next.

"Maybe it'd be best if you can see. Your eyes were slightly damaged from the smoke and cinders but thankfully you weren't blinded. The right eye will need to be medicated for a while though, so don't be alarmed if you can't see very well out of it.' Dr. Grigson cautioned. Gohan heard the sound of running water and then the tell tale sound of a paper towel being used to dry hands. Dr. Grigson's shoes beat a tattoo on the hard tiled floor as he approached Gohan's bed and Gohan tensed perceptively.

Cold fingers brushed against his cheek as the doctor's hands moved to the coarse bandage wrapped around his head. Deftly, the fingers worked the cloth from his head though this was not without much pain. Every time his head had to be lifted Gohan felt a shock of pain at the base of his skull which he knew full well was probably from the removal of the catheter or the impact when he hit something, or both. As the cloth fell away completely Gohan blinked rapidly for several moments against the bright lighting as tears coursed down his cheeks in irritation. Gohan lifted his left hand with the intent to wipe the tears from his eyes, but was prevented by Dr. Grigson's restraining hand. Sasa brought forth a cloth and did the deed for him as expeditiously as a she was capable.

Gohan had to adjust to the sight that greeted him. The vision of his right eye was indistinct and blurry which made him feel off balance until he shut it instinctively.

"Don't worry; I've got just the thing." Sasa smiled sweetly and left the room briefly only to return with a black eye-patch. Gohan allowed her to situate the patch over his right eye and realized it did help even though it made him look like 'a damn parody of a pirate.' Gohan started to feel less frightened, especially with his ability to see again. He was in a white washed room on a medical bed complete with safety rails that hung down at the sides, unused at the moment. There were the standard machines such as heart monitor and blood pressure gauge. The overhead lights used for surgery shined effusively onto his skin making it even more ghostly in appearance than usual. If someone were to take a picture the film probably wouldn't process or would come up as only a white glare.

Looking around the room Gohan could see the various metal instruments gleaming on the tables and trays. Though these surroundings gave him a moment of terror in reflection of days long passed, Gohan felt secure in the knowledge that he was indeed safe here, as Dr. Grigson said. It was with this sudden calm that Dr. Grigson dropped the bombshell and wrecked the whole serenity of the moment.

"Gohan, we weren't able to replace the Ommaya Reservoir. We still need to install a catheter so you can take intrathecal chemotherapy. The only option we have left is through the spine. It's best if we do it now." Dr. Grigson stated formally as he perceived Gohan's more lax attitude resulting from the ability to see again. Instantly Gohan's body went stiff and a wide terrified look entered his eyes.

"No." Gohan squeaked through a throat choked with fear and began shaking his head despite the blinding pain that resulted. Sasa tried unsuccessfully to calm him and hold him still at once.

"Gohan, you haven't got a choice in this matter." Dr. Grigson intoned sharply. The hope that Gohan would listen to harsh truth more then reason diminished quickly with Gohan's reaction.

"NO!" came the embarrassing squeal and the even more violent attempt to get up and run away. Gohan actually managed to buck himself off the bed and to the floor with a muffled scream of agonizing pain. "NO!" the shrill scream sounded as Gohan fought his spasms and shudders of pain. His trembling hands grasped ineffectually at the frigid tiled floor in an effort to drag himself from the room.

"Gohan!" Sasa tried to grasp his arms as Dr. Grigson moved to his legs. Together they tried to lift Gohan onto the bed but Gohan yanked his arms from Sasa's grasp and kicked out with his legs. He was dropped unceremoniously and completely by accident on his back. An unholy shriek emanated from Gohan's lips and the fringes of his vision darkened with threatening unconsciousness. The pain overwhelmed any idea of escape or fear into one tumultuous piece of mind shoved way back into the area of distant memory. All that he could focus on was the burning, never-ending pain that sliced through cognizant thought like a white-hot poker. Gohan curled in upon himself as sobs wracked his body and only contributed to the pain he felt. He did not even acknowledge the door opening.

Gohan felt two strong arms envelope him and lift him onto the bed. His brain could calculate nothing further then the added pain the pressure caused him. He jolted in the arms and whimpered gutturally. His throat was raw with tears and cries of pain. He couldn't form any kind of coherent thought besides a desperate plea for the pain to stop, for the hurt to end. Gohan quivered as he lay in the bed sobbing and clutching at himself for comfort and release.

"Stop that." a harsh voice commanded and somewhere in Gohan's pain hazed mind the voice penetrated. He recognized the deep tone of Vegeta and, like a bucket of ice water, rationality flooded his mind. 'No! You mustn't let Vegeta see you here like some sort of blubbering baby!' Gohan's mind admonished him. With a supreme effort born of stubbornness he swallowed the raising cry and blinked his eyes viciously against the tears clouding them. Taking a deep shuddering breath he forced his breathing to slowly return to normal. The pain seeped into his very heart, but he ignored it in the face of Vegeta's glaring eyes.

"What happened?" Vegeta demanded sneeringly.

"He doesn't want a catheter in the spine." Dr. Grigson informed the short stocky man. Vegeta was truly formidable standing there with his legs set comfortably apart and his arms framing his torso in that ready to fight posture. His eyes were cold like jagged chips of black ice and they looked on the cringing boy with disgust and dissatisfaction.

"Don't tell me that Kakarott's brat is afraid of needles like his father. Hn...You bring nothing but shame to your race." Vegeta snorted ruthlessly. Sasa gasped and hurried from the room on the verge of tears. Dr. Grigson glanced at Gohan who was, to his surprise, calming himself under iron clad control. The tears were gone from his eyes and the noises of agony had stopped issuing from his throat. In fact, the boy's eyes had gone cold and his expression was void of any emotion even though the blood staining the bandages on his back attested to his continued torture.

Dr. Grigson felt the fury rise within him toward the cruel man, but decided it would be best for him to get the job done while Gohan was calm. Wordlessly Dr. Grigson prepared his equipment and helped Gohan turn onto his side. Gohan drew his legs up and wrapped his arms across his chest without being told. The only reaction Gohan exhibited throughout the whole procedure was a flinch when the needle was inserted. Vegeta was present only until the procedure was finished and then he walked out without saying a word.

NOTE: Senzu beans restore the person to their previous state of being (health). Gohan's 'state of being', if you will, is with cancer. So, even if he was given a senzu bean he'd still have cancer. On the other hand, a bean would heal the burns and such, but I don't think any of the Briefs carry them on their person. Also, remember, Gohan was going into shock and not even Vegeta could've gotten to Korin's tower and back in time to help him. Hence, the hospital. Vegeta also couldn't fly Gohan to the hospital because burns can be seriously irritated and infected by air particles and the speed that Vegeta can go is phenomenal; it wouldn't be possible to shield Gohan at all.

DEDICATED TO LADY ANGEL FIREN

Chapter 24: Shame

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Here by my side, an angel
Here by my side, the devil
Never turn your back on me
Never turn your back on me, again
Here by my side, it's Heaven

Matthew Good-Weapon

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There stood the hospital in all its ivory glory looking peaceful in the half-light of just after dawn. Soft rays from the early sun refracted off of the dew dropped stems of the glistening, fall-turning grass. Small, broad leafed trees rustled in the delicate breeze and the sound of chirping could be heard within their depths. Up the smooth cement pathway and, past the electric swishing doors, the atmosphere was solemn and quiet. The sound of muffled squeaking echoed as if from afar along the geometric, brown and beige walkways. Trailing the length of the peach toned walls stood ominous doorways where the sound of faint weeping, or muted laughter could be perceived. The tranquility of the moment was captured in that quiet stillness. Then an earsplitting screech shattered the serenity of the previous moment. Down the long corridor and to the right of the Intensive Care Unit stood a black haired teenage girl looking for the world as the vengeful goddess, Nemesis herself.

"Who the hell do you think you are? You had no right to make that decision!" Videl screamed at Dr. Jomei. Tears pricked at her eyes but she brushed them away viciously with the back of her hand.

"This is the reason we didn't wake you." Dr. Jomei stated with an all encompassing gesture at Videl.

"Well I wouldn't be like this if you had woken me like you should have!"

"Please, this is a waiting room." a taupe attired nurse pleaded ineffectually.

Videl stood with her hands balled into fists on her hips. Her head was tilted regally in the fashion of one who knows she has every right to be offended. Her eyes were wet and her hair resembled a snarled mop head that had seen better days. The whole scenario would have seemed hilarious if not for the deep hurt reflected in her accusing gaze.

"Gohan did not need an emotionally distraught friend to cause him more anxiety when he himself was psychologically unstable." Dr. Jomei asserted firmly.

"So you sent in that unfeeling bastard instead?" Videl demanded incredulously, pointing to where Vegeta stood menacingly in the corner. "Who knows what he did to Gohan." her voice took on an anguished tone. Dr. Jomei's shoulders slumped as he seemed to lose his conviction with a frown. Raking a hand through his own tousled hair, Dr. Jomei sighed and regarded Videl's trembling lips tiredly. Bulma suddenly came forward and laid her hands on Videl's shoulders comfortingly.

"What's done is done. There's nothing we can do to change it now." Bulma murmured gently as she rubbed Videl's arms consolingly. Videl sucked in a shaky breath and her lips quivered on the edge of tears. Instinctually, Bulma wrapped her arms around the young woman and whispered soothing nothings into her ears as Videl's shoulders shook with her silent sobs. Bulma's own eyes were dry as she scrutinized her husband for any clue about what did happen with Gohan. Vegeta stared back stoically impassive and unmoved. Bulma relinquished her stare with such an apathetic response from the callous man.

"What's going on?" Mirai Trunks asked as he returned from taking the younger boys to the cafeteria and noticed the tension in the air. Goten looked highly distressed by Videl's crying and stuck a thumb in his mouth though both his mother and his father often told him he was too old to be doing so. Chibi Trunks observed his father's emotionless expression and his mother's concerned facade. The lavender-haired boy knew something unpleasant had transpired in the time they'd been gone.

"Come on, Goten, let's go wash our hands." Trunks suggested taking his younger brother by the hand and leading him to the nearby restroom. Once the boys were safely gone, Mirai Trunks repeated his question.

"Gohan's awake." Bulma answered simply. Mirai Trunks looked taken aback for a moment before he grinned wide.

"What's there to cry about that? That's great news." the teen exclaimed jubilantly.

"Y-Yeah, but not when h-he was awake hours a-ago and no-no one told us." Videl countered in hitched breaths. Her eyes were fast becoming red with her tears and she looked miserable in the knowledge that she hadn't been there for Gohan when he woke.

"You mean he woke up while we were asleep?" Mirai Trunks asked for clarification.

"Yes, and he had to have a catheter installed in his s-spine. The k-kind doctor sent him in with Gohan instead of someone else." Videl stuttered sarcastically as she tried to calm herself. Mirai Trunks looked somewhat confused with this information, but he did recognize the folly of sending his father in with Gohan. Before Mirai Trunks could state as much, the doctor who had performed the surgery on Gohan entered.

"Oh, I see you've all woken up." Dr. Grigson observed and smiled kindly at Trunks and Goten who approached from the bathroom. "Gohan is resting in a private room now. I will allow visitors one at a time, excepting him." Dr. Grigson announced motioning at the last to Vegeta. This restriction seemed to confirm Videl's worst assumptions concerning Vegeta and she burst into tears again. "I'm afraid I can't allow anyone to see Gohan who might upset him further." Dr. Grigson added with a meaningful look in Videl's direction.

"That's all right, I'll go first." Mirai Trunks declared stepping forward as if to quell any objections.

"Very well, if you'll follow me..." Dr. Grigson bade as he turned intentionally away from the emotional scene.

xxXXxx

Gohan stared at the canary yellow walls unseeingly with a frown turning at his mouth. His back ached in a dull echo of pain and he held himself still for fear of causing himself further discomfort. His breakfast tray sat almost untouched on the bedside table. The grey porridge had congealed into a pasty mess that could easily pass for cement. Soggy canned fruit swam in the saccharine liquid it usually came in; and it mixed with a dab of cinnamon applesauce that had spilled over the side of its own designated tray area. The sickly sweet smell churned Gohan's stomach and made him grimace in distaste. He gazed at the wall in the attempt to keep himself from heaving up the contents of his stomach which consisted of a glass of orange juice and some burnt toast he'd managed to choke down.

The room he was in could easily pass as the liveliest of any he'd occupied before. Not only were the walls painted brightly, but cheap paintings of flowering meadows and blue skies hung about the room. The curtains to his window were wide open allowing for the sunshine to enter and the warm rays to caress his skin. Gohan peered out the window for lack of anything else to do as he picked at his cotton lilac bedspread. A small ball of lint came away from the covers and Gohan rolled the piece between his pointer finger and thumb thoughtfully. 'How could I involve them? Vegeta as much as said it was my own fault I'm in this mess and that Goten can't help. Besides, how can I expect him to go through the pain and confusion of the tests and finding out that I'm his brother,' Gohan snorted to himself, 'Brother, like I've ever truly been his brother.' Gohan sighed dejectedly. 'It would be better to have never been born.' Gohan thought and squeezed his eyes tightly against the tears that threatened to spill. Gohan had a niggling suspicion that he hadn't ended up in that fire by accident. 'I wonder what they think of me now. Probably think I'm a weak coward...' The sound of soft knocking on his door snapped Gohan from his depressed thoughts.

"Come in." Gohan mumbled far too quiet for those on the other side of the door to hear him. Either way, the door did open and Mirai Trunks stuck his head around the obstruction to peer into the room hesitantly. Catching sight of Gohan awake and propped against a mound of pillows Mirai Trunks smiled tentatively and stepped into the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

"Hey Gohan, how're you doing?" Mirai Trunks whispered as if afraid to break the ambience of quietude. Gohan averted his gaze from the compassionate countenance of a man who he had, once upon a time, been the influencing force. 'How could I have grown to be so strong that someone like Mirai Trunks looked to me as a master and best friend,' a vindictive voice quickly replied, 'Because in that timeline you didn't kill your father.'

"Gohan?" Mirai Trunks' concerned tone brought Gohan from his introverted thoughts.

"'M'fine." Gohan mumbled with downcast eyes and a habitual shrug.

"Bullshit." Mirai Trunks spat angrily. Gohan's eyes snapped up to meet Mirai Trunks' piercing gaze. He could discern in the turquoise depths both fury and immense affection. Gohan couldn't bring himself to hold the stare and bowed his head shamefully. "Gohan, why do you torture yourself like this?" Mirai Trunks inquired, fraught with emotion.

Gohan avoided the question in favor of watching a small robin cock its head and peck at the windowsill. Mirai Trunks followed his friend's gaze and sighed with a shake of his head.

"You can't avoid everyone like this." the murmur hung between them ominously.

"I'm dying Trunks." Gohan whispered suddenly and the words seemed to make the atmosphere of the room more oppressing. Mirai Trunks was at a loss for words and looked about in search of something to anchor himself. The soft admission was like a blow to the young man's gut. Gohan watched as Mirai Trunks' eyes seemed to glaze over with painful memory. Then the boy shook his head with a grimace.

"I won't let you die and I definitely won't leave you alone this time." Mirai Trunks articulated fiercely and gripped Gohan's hand in desperation.

They stayed like that for a while, Gohan sitting against his mountain of pillows and Mirai Trunks holding his hand while he stood watch over the smaller boy.

"Trunks?" Gohan ventured faintly after a long silence.

"Yes, Gohan?" Mirai prompted tenderly.

"I'm afraid to die." Gohan whispered and his voice cracked with suppressed anguish. Mirai Trunks gripped Gohan's hand tightly and allowed the tormented soul to weep inexhaustible tears as his body shuddered agonizingly. Mirai did not offer words of condolence or try to embrace Gohan in any way, but he stood beside Gohan so that he would not be alone in his fear and grief.

xxXXxx

"How is he?" Bulma asked when Mirai Trunks finally returned from seeing Gohan. Bulma was gripping her hands anxiously and her eyes held worry in their azure depths. Trunks took note that his father hadn't moved from his position and Dr.Jomei was nowhere to be seen. Videl had been staring blankly at a magazine when he'd entered, but at Bulma's inquiry she dropped all pretense of reading the out-of-date material. The black-haired teen was the one who looked the most distraught on behalf of Gohan. Mirai was left wondering how she and Gohan came to be together as he searched for his younger brothers. There, Trunks and Goten were playing with some children's toys in the far corner of the waiting room. Trunks seemed oblivious to his older counterpart's return, but Goten watched him curiously from under his bangs with a thumb in his mouth. Mirai Trunks had to restrain himself from telling Goten to stop sucking his thumb, after all, the boy was entitled to feel insecure right now.

"Well?" his mother hissed impatiently. Mirai Trunks shoved his hands into the pockets of his blue jeans and shrugged. Bulma opened her mouth, no doubt to shout at him for the glib reply, but Mirai held up a forestalling hand.

"He's not good, but I don't think I have a right to go into detail without his permission. I don't think he should be alone though." Mirai finally announced with a pointed look at Videl. Videl leapt from her seat, dropping the magazine to the floor in the process, and stepped forward eagerly. Mirai Trunks nodded and gestured for her to follow him to Gohan's room.

Once they reached the door Mirai Trunks stopped Videl from entering with a deterring arm. Videl gave the young man a miffed stare and looked expectantly at his arm barring the door.

"Listen, before I left, Gohan was upset. I stayed with him until he fell asleep." Mirai Trunks explained shortly. Videl peered at him for a moment and then nodded to show she understood his implication. Mirai gave a curt nod in return and headed back down the hall with the vague intent to get some coffee. Videl watched Mirai Trunks' back until it disappeared around the corner. Gently she turned the handle and pushed the door open slowly until the crack she created was large enough for her to slip through.

The room was dark, the lights off and the curtains drawn. Videl trailed her hand along the wall in the dimness of the room until she reached the bed. There she felt around for a chair and, when she couldn't find one beside the bed, ventured to drag one from by the window. Once the surprisingly semi-comfortable chair was settled by Gohan's bed Videl sat and reached to take Gohan's hand in hers like she'd done many times before.

Gohan moved restlessly and took a deep breath at the contact but exhaled and fell still when Videl began to rub the hand soothingly. As Videl's eyes grew accustomed to the shadowy darkness she could pick out Gohan's facial features. His unnaturally bald head was pale to the point of being ghostly and her fingers itched to feel the unmarred roundness. She reached out tentatively with her other hand and satisfied her urge by gently caressing the naked flesh. He looked so peaceful with his dark lashes arranged against his pale cheeks.

A warm smile curved her lips as she observed Gohan's gentle snores. His lips were slack in sleep, only disturbed by his rhythmic breathing. Videl yawned and laid her head on the bed allowing the cadence of Gohan's breathing to lull her to sleep.

ooo

Heat...Burning...Fear...Pain...Fire...Flames flickering in the darkness...Someone laughing cruelly...Darkness and preying shadows. He opens his eyes blurrily to be greeted with pitch blackness. Next, he turns his head to look out into the ominous, velvety blackness but can discern nothing. Loud groans of wood come from above as feet tread by. An incessant dripping noise reaches his awareness. Drip...drip...drip. The sound registers in his memory as the broken faucet in the basement.

Hadrian's tied him up again. For what, he's unsure. Gohan tries to move his legs but they feel like lead, probably because they've been curled under him for an indeterminate amount of time and have fallen asleep. His arms are trussed up behind him and the chafing ache to his wrists tells him he tried to escape before he'd been knocked unconscious. Gohan takes a moment to congratulate himself for not surrendering to his mistreatment though it's a weak consolation. There is a pain in his stomach that he's all too familiar with. Hadrian was using the brass knuckles again; he must've done something serious. The boards creak in protest to the weight traveling across them. The steps come to a stop roughly above Gohan and he knows. He knows that Hadrian stands at the door above the windowless cavern he's trapped in.

The door is thrown open with a violent bang! That makes Gohan jump and knock his head painfully against the support pole he's fastened to. Bright electric lighting floods into the darkness, illuminating the whole of the cement prison and blinding Gohan briefly. Once his vision clears of the light spots he can see the basement in all it's tainted glory. Over there, in the corner, is the leaky faucet with the pail underneath to catch the water. Only when he catches sight of the rusted washing machine and dryer does he hear the low rumble that accompanies the constant drip. Boxes covered in cobwebs and a moldy, moth-eaten carpet are the only other objects in the room. It's a good thing too because Gohan doesn't have the time to survey any more as a right hook cracks sickly against his jaw. Gohan's head is thrown sideways and his ears ring with the impact. Through unfocused, pain hazed eyes Gohan notices that Hadrian is saying something but he can't seem to hear what it is. Forgetting himself, Gohan works his jaw to tell Hadrian as much but the shooting pains and grinding of bone convince him it's probably broken. Admittedly that's a good thing as Hadrian probably wouldn't have taken kindly to being told he wasn't being listened to.

Hadrian's fist plows into Gohan's already sore stomach and proves erroneous as Gohan can't control the urge to hurl. The regurgitated food catches Hadrian's right leg and both feet. Gohan can't help but smile grotesquely at Hadrian's mixed look of disgust and fury. Seeing the amused expression on his face, Hadrian only becomes more furious. With a sadistic glint in his eye the man pulls the bindings from Gohan's wrists and then tells him to run.

It's the old game of cat and mouse, and Gohan knows what's coming. He bolts up the stairs on wobbly legs with that sharp pins and needles feeling from waking limbs. He sprints in a desperate attempt to reach the bedroom. If he could get to the bedroom then Hadrian wouldn't do...it. Forget the fact that he hadn't ever made it before. He could take the beatings, he even thought he deserved them, but he couldn't take this torture, not without a guise of trying to escape.

Gohan had just reached the top of the stairway when he felt a hand clamp around his leg and jerk hard. The floor came up at an alarming rate to greet him and Gohan stuck out his hands to prevent his face from slamming into the tiled floor. A sickening snap and an explosion of pain in his wrist resulted from the impact and heralded a broken bone. Ignoring the pain, he tried to kick at his pursuer, but the hand remained fastened to his foot. Then he felt himself being dragged back into the depths of the hellhole he'd almost escaped. Hadrian sniggered repugnantly and Gohan was able to get one last glimpse of the kitchen and hope before Hadrian pulled him uncouthly into darkness...

ooo

Gohan gasped with his eyes clenched tightly shut as he felt the slicing pain along his body. THEY were holding him down and making him hurt. He fought against the arms, but THEY wouldn't release him! He didn't want to be hurt anymore; he didn't want to feel pain anymore. Why couldn't they just let him die in peace?

"Let me go! Let me go! Let...me...go!" Gohan screamed in a strangled voice and began crying in frustration. His body shook violently in fear; he felt a warm wetness between his legs and the foul stench of urine permeated the air.

"Oh God, let him go!" a shrill voice cried out frantically. Almost immediately the grasping, groping hands were removed and he was left trembling. Gohan wrapped his arms around himself and curled his legs in a quivering mass of pained existence.

"Gohan? Gohan, it's me, Videl. You're ok, we're sorry. You were crying out in your sleep, we were trying to wake you up." Videl choked out apologetically in a high pitched voice. She reached out to take his hand but Gohan let out a strangled whimper and recoiled from the slightest contact.

"What's wrong with him?" Mirai Trunks asked in a fearful sort of awe. He stood wide-eyed beside the bed looking down at the huddled body of his one time mentor. Bulma stood in the door frame looking quite distraught with tears welling in her eyes. She had a hand over her mouth to stifle the screams that threatened to come out and probably wouldn't stop once released. A sort of keening moan issued forth past her lips in a constant accompaniment to Gohan's tormented whimpering. She couldn't force her feet to carry her out of the room, but stood staring transfixed at the teen that no longer resembled the boy she once thought she knew.

Vegeta wasn't looking any better under the circumstances. He wasn't sneering or making crass comments, but rather stood as if dumbstruck by the sight of the broken and bleeding Saiyan soul. His arms hung lax at his sides as if he didn't know what to do with them, no longer being employed to hold down the earlier thrashing demi-Saiyan. The way the boy had reacted to his ministrations made him feel like some sort of lecher or filthy bug. The only reaction Vegeta felt natural in expressing was anger, and he indulged himself while the banshee teen tried to bring Gohan around.

"What the hell's wrong with him?" Vegeta growled dangerously as he grabbed Dr. Grigson by the collar and lifted him off his feet. Dr. Grigson had also been present in the room when they attempted to wake Gohan. He'd been stunned by Gohan's violent reaction as well because, according to Gohan's file, he'd never been prone to showing an aversion to human touch before. Dr. Grigson had been intrigued because, he knew well, there was ample reason for Gohan to be so. When the intimidating man picked him up he could have cared less if the man could smash him into indistinguishable bits with his bare fists, Dr. Grigson was pissed.

"What do you expect from someone who's been beaten and raped for several years?" Dr. Grigson snarled back wrathfully. "I wouldn't be surprised if this whole episode was brought on by what you told him before the operation." At these words there was a hideous choking scream from the doorway and Bulma turned to stumble blindly out of the room. Mirai Trunks looked like he'd been slapped in the face and instantly his eyes filled with sympathetic anguish for his friend's ordeal. Videl looked not to have heard, but if anyone focused closely they could see that her hands trembled as she held them clasped together. Vegeta showed no outward signs of comprehending Dr. Grigson's assertions, but his eyes seemed to glaze over as if preventing any emotion from slipping into their onyx pools. Everyone else's eyes were riveted on the hot-tempered pair waiting for a reaction from Vegeta.

"P-please help me." Gohan's whispered plea snapped everyone out of the tense moment. Immediately Videl hurried to give him a hug which he accepted though reluctantly and with a slight shudder.

"What do you need help with?" Videl asked teary eyed and with a wavering smiling.

"I soiled myself." Gohan whispered shamefacedly having seen Vegeta and Mirai Trunks also present besides the doctor and Videl.

"All you ever had to do was ask." Videl assured as the tears spilled over in the face of such innocent concerns in someone so heinously violated.

NOTE: An Ommaya Reservoir is almost like a catheter in the head that allows chemo drugs to reach the brain fluid which is the same as the spinal fluid. I did mention it earlier but it was in passing and a while back. The Reservoir is also used when people have brain tumors and other related diseases. The important part is that Gohan's broke and had to be replaced with a catheter in the spine (back to the good old spinal tap).

Chapter 25: Emotional Upheaval

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I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

Evanescence-My Immortal

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"I wish you wouldn't look at me like that." Gohan whispered tonelessly. His balled fists clutched painfully at the starch white hospital sheets. He sat in his bed, in his disgustingly cheerful room, surrounded by Dr. Grigson, Bulma, Mirai Trunks, Videl, and even Vegeta though he didn't hover like the others.

"Like what?" Videl met Gohan's gaze, her eyes bleeding the sickening pity he so despised. Gohan averted his gaze to his bloodless knuckles in time to see Videl take his hand into hers. The delicate diminutive fingers were stunningly soft and smooth from what could only be continuous administration of hand creams. As her fingers entwined with his long tapered, skeletal fingers, Gohan imagined what it would be like to fall once again into that easy comfort but struck down the weak neediness.

With a deliberate firmness Gohan removed his appendage from her grasp. Videl's bottle-blue eyes widened and her soft lips parted in an expression of utter astonishment and hurt. Gohan resolutely raised his composed stare to her questioning gaze and shook his head almost imperceptibly. For a moment he couldn't believe that he'd gotten so dependent on Videl's comforting words and touch. He felt ill that he could be reduced to such a state of dependence; not only that, but he'd had the notion that he deserved the consolation. 'Murderers don't deserve such mercy. Stop dragging them into this; they shouldn't feel obligated to care or worry for you.'

Suddenly, Gohan turned his attention to Dr. Grigson, his eyes went cold and his tone was glacial.

"Doctor Grigson, any further divulgence of my medical records will find you up on charges for violating the doctor-patient confidentiality agreement. I may be a minor, but in that case only Mr. Satan has the right to know my files." Gohan clenched his jaw and raised it in a clear indication of challenge.

"Gohan!" Videl spluttered incredulously while Dr. Grigson mouthed wordlessly.

"Videl, I'll ask that you leave if you can't control your emotional outbursts. Dr. Grigson had no permission to give away such information which I am entitled to disclose at my discretion." Gohan's tone was dead serious and Videl gapped at him in shock. Gohan applauded himself for such superb acting abilities. If he pushed them far enough away then it wouldn't hurt him or them when he did die.

"Gohan, what's going on? Why are you acting this way?" Bulma pleaded, arms held out in entreaty, with the self-same look of pity that Videl had displayed moments before. Gohan shook his head and ignored the questions with the disregard of one fully aware of the implications of answering. Gohan's dark eyes were red rimmed from lack of sleep, though their inner depths showed no trace of his fatigue. The sharp regard and the frigid reception enhanced the idea that the once passionate fires that had burned so brightly in Gohan's youthful eyes were now smothered into fast cooling coals of deadness. Their haunted depths were shuttered to the world as if, should he reveal the inner demons, Gohan would never be able to go back to being the lost son of Goku. Instead he would become an absolute stranger, a shattered soul of a friend long dead only breathing in the shell of what once was.

"Bulma, Vegeta, whether you chose to have Goten tested is completely up to you; I'll adhere to it and any decision on your part regarding the blood relation between myself and Goten. However, if you do decline to have him tested I'll ask that you leave now...and don't ever come back." Gohan stated emotionlessly and resolutely watched for their reactions. Vegeta grunted and shifted menacingly in his arms crossed posture. Bulma looked staggered; Gohan deduced that she probably would've taken the proclamation better had he shown some vindictiveness or accusation in his eyes instead of the emotionally devoid emptiness.

They just couldn't understand that he wasn't the Gohan they knew; Gohan had grown up long ago tied to a bed in a grey room with his innocence being stripped away as easily as rent paper. Inside, his mind begged them to stay and tell him that everything would turn out fine in the end, but the self-incriminating side of him declared him undeserving of such kindness. Too long had Gohan been exposed to the depths of human cruelty and made to believe he was deserving of such treatment, that he should even enjoy it and thank his tormentors for their dispense of justice. What more could they expect of him?

"What! How can you say that? Of course Goten'll be tested!" Mirai Trunks suddenly shouted furiously. Gohan regarded his friend blankly; Mirai Trunks looked livid but there was also a trace of helplessness to his voice.

"That's not for you to determine." Gohan murmured monotonously but with an underlying firmness. At these words Mirai Trunks became enraged and, in a fit of passion, slammed a fist through the hospital wall. Yellow tinted flecks of cement flew everywhere and Dr. Grigson stumbled backward from the irate man. Dusty particles sprayed onto Gohan's bed making him cough and wheeze slightly as he observed Mirai's actions.

In a far corner of Gohan's mind he wondered vaguely if the young man would deem him deserving of punishment like so many others had. What made any human different from another? Mirai Trunks had the same urges as any human and the only thing that held the furious brutality at bay was restraint, which was an exceedingly thin virtue among Saiyans. On the surface, Gohan's gaunt face held no expression though his emaciated, frail body trembled like a branch blown in gusty winds. Unaware of Gohan's condition, Mirai Trunks whirled around and grabbed Gohan by the front collar of his hospital gown. Gohan flinched in the face of such a volatile temper.

"How can you be so indifferent? What the hell is wrong with you!" Mirai shook Gohan fiercely for emphasis. The raucous sound of rent cloth split the air as Gohan's flimsy gown gave way under Mirai Trunks' rough grip. Gohan's head bobbed with the motion and his teeth clattered achingly against each other in time with the harsh jerking.

Gohan could smell the distinct scent that was reminiscent of days spent being slammed into concrete walls and he could see the fine grey powder covering Mirai Trunks' unmarked hand. Gohan was so focused on the stalwart grip that held him, and on the opposite fist he was sure would plow into him at any moment, that he didn't realize his whole being was trembling and that he wasn't breathing.

"Stop! You're scaring him! You damn bully!" Videl screamed hysterically and raced forward to pound her fists against Mirai Trunks' back. The shouted claim and the desperate, albeit ineffective, physical onslaught was like a slap to the face. Mirai Trunks looked horrified by his actions as he took in Gohan's glazed eyes and quivering, oxygen deprived form. Gohan was not seeing his violet-haired assailant anymore; he was recalling something else from long ago...

ooo

"What's wrong with you, damn mute bastard?" the hulking form of Hadrian demanded as he gave a fell swooping kick to Gohan's ribs. There was a cracking sound not like a pop but more like a subdued crunch that signaled a broken rib or two. Gohan coughed up saliva and blood from an earlier kick to the mouth. His arms were curled around his midsection as he writhed in a futile search for oxygen to breathe. "You're nothing, a damn waste of food and air. Get up!"

Hadrian yanked Gohan up by a shock of ebony hair and Gohan winced as his starved lungs gasped for air. The indrawn breaths were accompanied by a rasping gurgle noise resultant from inhaling the blood along with the air. Gohan's eyes leaked tears as he began to cough violently and his chest constricted painfully. Flecks of blood and spittle sprayed from his mouth which only enraged Hadrian further.

"You fucking bastard!" For a moment he was weightless as he sailed through the atmosphere only to slam sickeningly into the concrete wall of the basement.

Breathing heavily, albeit haltingly, Gohan slumped against the cool stone. He begged silently for unconsciousness or, better yet, a more permanent respite from his living hell. The solid tromp of Hadrian's steel-toed boots signaled his approach. Gohan braced himself in a desperate attempt to stem what little pain and damage he could. The subtle sound of displaced air and the swish of cloth rubbing against cloth was all the warning Gohan perceived before a swift kick to the stomach doubled him further into himself. He struggled for breath but none was forthcoming and he began to panic in the face of his suffocation...

ooo

"Gohan! Breathe!" Videl's shouted order snapped Gohan out of the trance he'd fallen into. He inhaled deeply and swayed dizzily as his deprived lungs expanded with oxygen. Gohan felt faint and looked around dazedly from his position on his bed. Videl had the ever familiar look of concern on her face and fidgeted restlessly, no doubt battling with her instinct to hold his hand. Mirai Trunks was assessing the true craftsmanship of his tennis shoes with a decidedly shameful expression on his face. Dr. Grigson was by his side studiously taking his pulse and looking him over for lasting damage. Gohan endured the doctor with the patience of one already experienced in hospital procedure. Bulma, having returned during the commotion, was staring helplessly at Gohan. Lastly, Vegeta was not looking at Gohan at all. Gohan almost gaped at the arrogant prince who was currently scowling in the direction of Mirai Trunks.

"Gohan, I'm so sorry! I really didn't think...I was just...it's like you want them to...do you truly want to die?" Mirai's heartfelt inquiry made Gohan frown guiltily.

"Hn. You're nothing but a coward." Vegeta's rumbling voice carried through the room like an ominous rain cloud.

"Why don't you just get the hell out of here if you don't want to help him!" Obviously the frustration of Gohan's rejection combined with nerves wound tighter then piano strings had finally taken their toll on Videl. She marched up to the Saiyan Prince and glared with enough antagonism to rival the hot-tempered royalty. "If you aren't part of the solution then you're part of the problem! It's you and your endless criticism that's reduced him to this." Videl snarled viciously with an encompassing gesture at the room and Gohan. "It's you and people like you that did those bad things to Gohan!" Videl poked the broad, well toned chest in front of her for emphasis. She opened her mouth to spew forth more insults, no doubt, but Vegeta snagged her wrist in a painful grip that made her gasp and tears spring to her eyes.

"You know nothing of the matter, damn woman. That idiot doesn't need or want your pity. He's a coward running from life because of past mistakes." Vegeta snarled every bit as venomously as Videl, and then some. Videl scowled and struggled against the vice-like grip on her wrist.

"No one is perfect; how can you judge him? He's lived through more then most adults could have, or even you." Videl whispered harshly as her eyes sparked with engulfing hatred.

"You presume too much you stupid girl. He isn't the only one who has had to suffer death on his conscience and he won't be the last." Vegeta growled dangerously. Videl jerked at her arm in a futile attempt to break the bruising hold.

"Well Gohan's not a murderer! And, he's atoned plenty for whatever happened with his father and mother. He doesn't need your added grief!" Everyone in the room was riveted on the pair of them standing toe to toe; the lookers-on weren't exactly sure who had the upper hand in the argument.

"I'm not trying to drive him to his grave! I'm trying to make him stronger!" Vegeta suddenly shouted at the girl and then scowled to realize he'd said it out loud. Gohan stared in wonder at this confession and the others looked on with identical expressions of shock or surprise. The fight seemed to leave Videl and, as she went limp, Vegeta released her wrist which had bruised imprints where his fingers had gripped. "I won't allow Goten to be tested until you desire to live. I won't have you put the burden of guilt on my son if you truly wish to die and he forces you to live." With a veiled look in Gohan's direction Vegeta turned and stalked out. Gohan sat stunned by the words and their implications.

xxXXxx

Gohan sat silently contemplating Vegeta's words as Videl fed the chemotherapy needle into the catheter imbedded in his shoulder. Mirai Trunks watched avidly with a sick sort of attraction to the spectacle. Everyone else was gone; Dr. Jomei had been called for another patient a while ago, hence his absence lately, and Dr. Grigson was attending to other patients. Bulma had taken the boys back to Capsule Corps with a promise to visit later on and Vegeta hadn't been seen since his heated debate with Videl. Gohan had been returned to his previous room in the hospital, the one he was assigned to during his chemotherapy treatments. Mirai Trunks had made all the obvious comments about sterility and lack of decor before sitting in the rough upholstered chair that Videl had so often occupied.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Mirai Trunks asked suddenly, motioning to the catheter, as he shifted uncomfortably in the chair. All animosity from the afternoon had dissipated and Gohan could see how Mirai Trunks was only now becoming consciously aware of his delicate state.

"Not really, although I seriously wonder why I'm still taking chemo when it's already failed." Gohan replied with a bored sigh. He fidgeted restlessly in his wheelchair and watched as Mirai Trunks gave up any pretense of actually wanting to remain seated. Gohan had the sneaking suspicion that Mirai Trunks felt awkward having to look down at him. The young man began pacing about the room in search for some item to interest him besides the deteriorating body of his future best friend, or past depending on the perception of the person. He finally stopped to admire the view outside the one window, which consisted of the hospital grounds and the outlaying buildings of Satan City.

"Dr. Jomei said chemo can't cure you, that doesn't mean that chemo can't help slow the cancer down." Videl huffed exasperatedly as Gohan shifted again in place and she had to readjust her grip on the catheter. "Gohan hold still." Gohan rolled his eyes and stilled long enough for Videl to finish installing the medication so it could drip steadily into his veins.

Mirai Trunks, who had turned at Videl's irate tone, laughed at the expression Gohan wore on his face of a childlike pout. Videl yielded a smile of her own and ran a loving hand over Gohan's naked skull as she made her way to the vacated contraption trying to pass itself off as a chair. As she plopped into the folds of the canvas mesh she caught the distasteful appraisal of Mirai Trunks.

"You could always sit on the bed you know." Videl offered with a slight smirk and received a snort from Mirai in reply. Gohan's smile dimmed to one of soft sorrow, 'Could life really be as simple as this? Us just sitting around here, teasing and laughing at each other?' Gohan shook his head in resignation, one way or the other he would not be staying here much longer.

"Gohan, are you all right?" Videl's concerned tone only made Gohan feel guiltier for ruining the moment for them. When he failed to answer right away, Videl dragged the chair next to his own and, wringing her hands, waited for him to answer while showing her support. Mirai Trunks walked over and placed a calloused hand on Gohan's shoulder and offered a small smile of encouragement. Gohan caught Videl's saddened expression as she spotted Mirai's hand on his shoulder and took up her hand in his own. Videl drew in a shaking breath but her eyes remained dry as she met Gohan's gaze.

"I guess I'm just not sure what I want in life...or death," Gohan murmured quietly.

"What do you mean?" Mirai Trunks asked quietly for fear of startling Gohan to silence.

"I mean...I guess that I'm scared to hope for too much in life. I mean, what if I decide I do want to live and then Goten isn't a match?"

"Are you saying that you'd rather die then face the possibility that you might die?" Videl sounded confused as she inquired.

"Not of the possibility, more like...of not having a choice." Gohan mumbled ashamedly.

"You're afraid of losing control." Mirai Trunks whispered suddenly. Gohan went wide-eyed and thought hard about this new inference. It made sense.

Gohan couldn't prevent the gasp from escaping his lips as his mind processed this new facet to his existence. All that time, the beatings, the starvation, the mutism, he'd always been in some modicum of control and that was why he'd allowed it to happen. His whole existence after the Cell Games was a struggle in restraint, all the abuse was a test to see if he could control himself. For a fighter who trained all his life, and had to focus on strength to be aware of his potential to hurt people, the loss of control was devastation beyond any comparison.

Gohan felt the trembling in his limbs as he thought of those instances where he'd felt hopeless and yet he'd been in control. All he had to do was open his mouth and tell someone, anyone. He'd known all along that he could've ended it with one muttered allegation, but the guilt stopped him. Not only guilt over his parents' deaths, but the fear also, the fear of going over that edge. He had to keep tossing himself in harms way just to see if history would repeat itself. Gohan felt a rift heal itself within his heart and that uncertain place in his mind begin to comprehend as he gained this new insight into his own psyche.

"I want to live." Gohan heard himself claim with conviction he hadn't known he possessed. Gohan felt more then saw Mirai's elation as the hand on his shoulder squeezed tenderly and an exuberant whoop filled the air. Videl bit her bottom lip to stem her tears and laughed joyously before enveloping Gohan in a bone crushing hug. Gohan smiled and realized he'd have been an idiot to throw away such genuinely caring friends. "I'm sorry I've been acting like such an ass." Gohan muttered sincerely into Videl's ear.

"As long as you promise never to push me away again, I'll forgive you." Videl asserted with a playful whack to Gohan's shoulder. Gohan took Videl's face between his hands and kissed her soundly on the lips while she blushed an endearing scarlet.

"How's that for a promise?"

NOTE: Why can't the Dragon balls heal Gohan? That's a toughie to explain! Huh, I guess I'll start with the rules; the Dragon balls can't revive anyone who has died a natural death, correct? In my mind things like Leukemia are included in the realm of natural death because it's a sign of the body deteriorating and in most cases is not caused by anything outside the body or at least it hasn't been proven. So, to my way of thinking if the Dragon can't bring anyone back to life from a natural death then he can't cure anyone of the fated disease either because that'd be disrupting the natural balance of things. I hope that is a good enough explanation for you but if not, then take to heart that this IS a FANFICTION and things in my story are bound not to correlate with the real thing, ok?

Chapter 26: Monkey Jumping on the Bed

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
I want to go back to
Believing in everything

Evanescence-Field of Innocence

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The calm breeze filtered in through the curtained window to gently caress his face and flutter the pages of the book he was currently reading. Gohan smiled quietly as he shifted contentedly against the cool bedspread. His ears were slightly chilled from the tender draft but he declined having the window shut. The wind carried with it the faint scent of sunshine and crisp autumn air which was reminiscent of days long past when Gohan used to explore the woods of his remote mountain home. The sound of twittering birds came from a distance, somehow tempered to a bearable cacophony that melded into the serene background. Gohan yawned while stretching his arms, consequently losing his page to the vacillating breeze, and heard the tell-tale snick of the door opening. He peered languidly at the entryway and caught sight of a violet haired head that reached just above the doorknob.

Trunks shoved the door the rest of the way open with an officious huff and a petit right shoulder. Gohan noticed the reason for such a struggle as Trunks carried a pitcher that chinked noisily in one hand and an average sized cup in the other. Closely following the scowling demi-Saiyan, and carefully balancing a hospital food-tray, was a shy Goten.

"Mom said to bring you this ice-water and the tray." Trunks grumbled as he set the pitcher down on the bedside table with an audible thump. Next, the chibi prince slammed the hard-plastic cup down beside the jug for good measure. The squat prince wore a decidedly dour expression and his arms, after being released from their employment, crossed over his chest in the likeness of his father's common posture. Trunks wore blue-jeans, a jacket with the capsule logo on it and a red T-shirt that read 'I can only please one person a day. Today isn't your day and tomorrow isn't looking good either.'

Gohan offered Trunks a slight smile as Goten quickly followed his brother's lead and slid the tray beside the decanter, though he was decidedly less brutal with the inanimate apparatus. Gohan was silently thankful that the pint-sized Goku hadn't dropped the tray on the table. If he had, Gohan would have most likely been wearing his food rather than eating it, or wasting it, as the case may be.

"Thanks Trunks, Goten." Gohan bade sincerely. Trunks rolled his eyes, heaved a sigh only a seven year old sent on an inconvenient errand could, and muttered a "welcome." Goten nodded shyly to acknowledge the gesture of appreciation but opted not to speak. Gohan hid an indulgent smile, knowing full well how touchy Trunks was even in the short time he'd known him, and cracked open his book with the intention of finding his previous page.

He'd just found his place again when the muffled sound of the door closing rent the silent air. Gohan blindly pulled at the sheet bunched around his torso in an attempt to achieve some modicum of warmth in his arms and hands. His eyes continued to scan the black ink as he unconsciously improved his status of comfort. He had just settled down, and turned the page as another breeze sailed its way across the planes of his face, when Gohan felt the mattress beneath him shift faintly. Slowly he lowered the book he held until he could easily peer over it to see the intruder; he raised a bald eyebrow curiously.

"Whatcha readin'?" a piping voice asked timidly. The elfin Goten was perched on the edge of Gohan's bed wearing a sky-blue gi and dark-blue T-shirt under it. The diminutive child cocked his head sideways as if the shift in perspective would help him to decipher the meaning of the letters on the cover.

For want of a better marker then memory, Gohan turned down one corner of the page he was on and closed the book with only an imperceptible wince for the mistreatment. He was highly in favor of holding his first conversation with his little brother instead of reading. 'He's not really your brother though.' his mind objected but Gohan quelled that notion the moment it entered his mind. Goten was staring at Gohan with his innocently expressive black eyes and a frown tugging at his lips.

"D'you wants me to go?" Goten questioned looking quite dejected and apologetic at once.

"No!" Gohan shook his head vehemently and offered Goten a weary smile. Goten grinned at such a reception and Gohan could clearly see how the minor gesture had bolstered the boy's self-confidence substantially. "This is just a book I'm required to read for school, the Biography of Hercule Satan according to Toidi Emertxe." Gohan answered belatedly with a vague wave toward the book beside his lap.

"Isn't he the person who got beat by Cell and said he won afterwards?" Goten crawled up to Gohan's side to peer at the obnoxious man on the book-cover dubiously.

Gohan felt himself stiffen at Goten's obvious knowledge regarding the egotistical fraud and posed his next question tentatively.

"Who did beat Cell?" At this question Goten gave Gohan a shocked look that said quite plainly that Gohan should've known this very essential fact. The boy's eyes had grown wide and his supple pink lips gaped cutely.

"Goku beat him of course." Goten stated assuredly with a buoyant bounce on the bed for emphasis. Gohan sighed and smiled contentedly at Goten who, just having discovered the superb spring quality to the bed, began bobbing vigorously on his backside as he studied the teenage specimen before him. "Mommy says you're sick; do you got a stomachache or a cough?" Goten inquired naively.

Gohan felt a grin spread across his face and couldn't help but shake his head benignly at his untainted brother. Gohan wondered vaguely, had the past been different, if he would've been just like Goten at that age instead of fighting off Saiyans bent on the destruction of the human race. Deciding almost at once that such stipulation was useless and unproductive, Gohan turned his attention back to the question at hand.

"Actually, I have a problem with my bone marrow." Gohan started and then stopped at a loss for how to explain to a six-year-old the term Leukemia. Goten remained silent and attentive though he continued to fidget inexhaustibly as Gohan thought through his reply.

"It's kind of like...Well, you know about ki right?" when Goten nodded he continued, "You know how ki travels all through your body; in the same sense there's a disease traveling through mine inside my bones." Gohan finished lamely and observed Goten for his reaction. If Gohan was expecting confusion or an interrogation he was sorely disappointed as Goten simply shrugged offhandedly and continued on with the conversation.

The small boy's sky clad legs were folded about one another and they moved up and down energetically, sending Goten thumping upon his bum every other second. Gohan's eyes followed Goten's bobbing head as the dainty boy smiled wonderingly at the fun he was having with the supposed invalid. Goten had thought the visit would be worse than it was turning out, what with the occupant not complaining about his inability to stay still. Gohan was truly a very intriguing person; Goten's mommy wouldn't tell him a thing besides that the young man's name was Gohan and that he was very sick. The teenager was strange looking; the fingers that were aimlessly plucking at the bedspread were thin and Goten could see the shape of the bones under the pale skin. Every joint was like a knot sticking out sharply against the backdrop of pale hospital sheets and embarrassingly unrestrictive garments. Goten wondered how someone could get that way as the thought of not eating was so foreign as to be unimaginable. Either way, Goten really liked this gangly, bald-headed patient.

"Papa says that I might be able to help you and that I'm gonna take tests today to see if I can." Goten announced cheerfully as he got to his feet to jump more effectively on the bed. Gohan felt like he'd been socked in the stomach and had to struggle hard to swallow with a mouth gone suddenly dry. Gohan could feel his heart pounding speedily against his ribcage and couldn't for the life of him decipher whether it was from fear or hope. Goten was completely oblivious to Gohan's distress and jumped higher on the bed while consequently jarring Gohan's fragile body. One particularly spectacular leap sent Goten shooting toward the ceiling and Gohan slamming backwards into the headboard. Gohan grimaced and stifled a cry of pain as he clutched at his now pounding skull.

"GOTEN BRIEF!" The bellow reverberated off the walls and Gohan winced noticeably as the jackhammer in his skull became an electric powered drill. Bulma stood with her hands splayed on her jean clad hips and her countenance radiating fury. The loose fitting T-shirt that read 'Angel' and the red ball cap on Bulma's head did nothing to detract from her awesome rage. Her eyes were narrowed and for a moment Gohan thought he saw sparks emanating from their cerulean depths. If her fuming ire had been directed at him Gohan knew he'd be trembling from fear. As it was, Goten dropped from the air with an alarmed shriek and landed with a muffled umph! The momentum and pressure of Goten's plunge and consequent landing, respectfully, sent the chibi bouncing again, but this time off the bed. Goten eeped in surprise and landed in a heap of tangled limbs and blankets on the floor. Bulma took all this in with an apprising glare and tapped her foot threateningly as she scowled at Goten.

After finally managing to free himself from the clutches of the ensnaring bed sheet Goten was greeted with the sight of his royally pissed mother. Goten gulped audibly and shuffled backward while tossing a desperate pleading look Gohan's way. Bulma took a menacing step forward and Goten cowered away with hunched shoulders and nervously gripped hands.

"I've told you before not to jump on beds! Look what you've done to Gohan; you've hurt him! I told you he was sick." Bulma ranted deafeningly while shaking her fist angrily in the air. Gohan cringed at the volume and debated whether to ask her to tone it down. The request was shot down almost immediately as Gohan thought of the how vociferous she'd get if provoked. Goten resembled a whipped dog with trembling lips and teary eyes; Gohan longed to just embrace him comfortingly and never let him go.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt him." Goten whimpered pathetically and burst into tears. Bulma stopped yelling at this extreme reaction having been too annoyed to see the warning signs earlier. The blue-haired woman now seemed concerned and more than a bit confused. Goten was curled on his hunches with his arms hugging his knees as sobs wracked his whole body.

"It really didn't hurt that much Bulma." Gohan lied while trying to keep himself from grinding his teeth in pain. Bulma shot Gohan a sardonic glance and looked pointedly at his white-knuckled fists. Gohan's cheeks were graced with a pink tinge as he was caught in the fib. "Well, so what? It's not like he did it on purpose or anything." Gohan remarked defensively. Bulma sighed and turned her attention back to Goten who had settled into weeping on his gi pants.

"Goten, why are you crying? I yell all the time, you know that." Bulma murmured quietly to the distraught boy. Goten sniffed pitifully and rubbed the tearstains from his cheeks with the back of a fist. He took a shaking breath and nodded in agreement to his mother's statement. "Then why are you crying?"

"I...I didn't want to hurt him...I was just having fun." Goten whispered in shame and ducked his head.

"Hey, kid, it's ok. I'm fine, really." Gohan offered a weak smile in consolation. Goten considered Gohan's assurance and then gave a hesitant smile in return. Bulma smiled too and clapped her hands suddenly.

"Well, now that that's cleared up, Goten it's time to get those tests done." Bulma announced and deliberately avoided meeting Gohan's searching gaze. Gohan sighed and flopped listlessly onto his pillows with only a slight twitch at his jaw to reveal his pain. Bulma took Goten's hand and lead him out the door throwing an order for Gohan to eat his lunch over her shoulder as she went.

Gohan glared in annoyance at Bulma's retreating back and, with a humph, considered finishing his reading assignment Videl had brought over earlier that day. He groaned and shoved the book off the bed so that it landed with the cover satisfactorily facing down. Then Gohan curled up in his bed and closed his eyes while the warm sunlight washed over his soon sleeping form.

TBC