Chapter 27: Stripped Soul
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Who stole your heart, left you with a space
That no one and nothing can fill
Who stole your heart, who took it away
Knowing that without it you can't live
Who took away the part so essential to the whole
Left you a hollow body, skin and bone
What robber, what thief
Who stole your heart and the key
Who stole your heart
The smile from your face
The innocence the light from your eyes
Who stole your heart...
Tracy Chapman-Remember the Tinman
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Gohan groaned pitiably and wished that someone would have some sympathy and put him out of his goddamn misery. Moaning, he punched his bed in a fit of toddler proportions. His head was pounding severely and his stomach rolled at every little movement as if he was on a dinky skiff during a hurricane at sea. His morning orange juice and toast was reacquainting itself with Gohan's throat and, with a muttered curse, Gohan snatched up the bedside bucket to prevent himself from becoming exceptionally smelly and uncomfortable. The contents already in the pail were better left unanalyzed, though Gohan thought he could decipher the green gooey swirl in the middle as his peas from the previous night. The sour smelling, crusty looking regurgitation sloshed sickeningly at the sides as Gohan drew the bucket to himself. Gohan heaved into the putrid glop which made disgusting splatter noises as he added more half digested ingredients to the 'puke pudding.'
x
After several seconds of dry heaving and cursing the moron who invented chemotherapy, Gohan set the container to the side and wiped his mouth wearily. The water glass by his bed was empty and there were no tissues in evidence with which to blow his nose. Therefore Gohan was left to suffer the fetid taste and stench of regurgitated food without relief. This result acted as the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back; irritated beyond all comprehension, Gohan let out a screech of annoyance and kicked his feet in a full blown temper tantrum. Mentally, Gohan chided himself, but with no one present to witness his infantile behavior it was a moot endeavor.
x
Gohan proceeded to kick his blankets to the floor and writhe in aggravation on his confining bed. Gohan's mind was snarling curses that would have convinced even the most stalwart psychologist that he had Turret's Syndrome had he voiced them. Gohan tightened his fists against his naked head and was only further riled when he couldn't even yank on hair that had long since fallen out. Letting out a keening whine that was not unlike that of a child refused what he most desired in a candy store, Gohan flopped stiffly against his mattress. No sooner had his head touched his pillow then a soft knock sounded at the door. Gohan groaned and shoved a pillow stubbornly over his head. A light clicking noise and rhythmic steps alerted Gohan that his unwanted visitor had entered the room regardless of his wishes to the contrary.
x
"Go away." Gohan called in a stifled voice from under his pillow.
"I came to talk Gohan; don't act like an ass." Mirai Trunks' voice murmured reproachfully, barely loud enough to be heard through Gohan's fluffy blockade. Mirai Trunks took note of the fallen blankets littering the plain tiled floor and the unkempt state of Gohan's bed. The bedspread was wrinkled and bunched in several parts from when three corners were tugged free from their confining folds. Obviously someone had been having a juvenile moment before Mirai had interrupted him.
"I bet you nev'r talk'd t' Gohan...your time like that." Gohan grumbled in a muffled voice so that his assertion became slurred in the mass of cotton.
"The Gohan in my time tended to be polite and sociable, characteristics you clearly don't possess." Mirai Trunks deadpanned. With an exasperated sigh, Gohan removed the cushion for the sole purpose of glaring at the lavender-haired man.
x
Upon seeing Gohan's face Mirai cringed sympathetically. Gohan's eyes were familiarly red rimmed and baggy from lack of sleep as their glassy surface reflected the exhaustion he obviously endured daily. Gohan's lips were dry and slightly chapped for reasons unknown to Mirai, and being slightly parted, Mirai Trunks caught a whiff of acerbic breath that explained the subtle green tinge to Gohan's face. The paleness of Gohan's skin tone did nothing to improve his sickly appearance and, in fact, seemed to give him the deathly quality belonging to the supernatural. Prominent cheekbones and an obstinate jaw made Gohan seem even thinner then he truly was, though he was far from healthy weight either. The frail limbs and knobby joints attested to Gohan's degenerate state of being quite clearly. Mirai Trunks even caught sight of materializing bruises which were no doubt caused by whatever Gohan had been doing before he'd entered.
x
"Geez, Gohan, you look like death warmed over; sorry about..." Mirai Trunks started anxiously before he was rudely interrupted by a flying object colliding with his face. Gohan gave a wan smile of satisfaction as the lumpy pillow he'd chucked at Mirai Trunks' head fell to the floor. 'At least I've still got good aim.' Gohan mussed with prideful contentment. Mirai's mauve hair was mussed with little wisps floating about awkwardly, giving the impression that Mirai Trunks had just woken up. The jean clad man gaped either in shock or for the lack of sense to close his mouth after being cut short. Mirai Trunks' eyes, however, were narrowed and glowering at Gohan.
"You're catching flies Brief." Gohan remarked observantly with a tone of amusement. Mirai Trunks' jaw immediately recoiled with an audibly clack of teeth that made Gohan want to wince. Mirai's scowl intensified.
x
" Gohan, you may be ill, but that doesn't mean you can act so immature." Mirai commented as his fisted hands made residence on his slim hips. Gohan scrutinized the well-toned man before him with a humorous glint in his too often somber eyes. Mirai Trunks was clad in a pair of faded blue jeans that looked like they'd gone through one, or one-hundred, too many cycles of cleaning. Mirai Trunks' white wife-beater shirt was accompanied by a jean jacket, with the Capsule Corps logo on the sleeve, similar to the one Mirai had worn the first time Gohan had seen him. Mirai's jaw, which was every bit as mulish as Vegeta's and his own, jutted out irately as the annoyed man took an overbearing stance. The placement of his fists on that slender waist and the sweltering glare so resembled Vegeta's posture when pissed off that Gohan was hard pressed to contain his hilarious laughter.
"Of course it does." Gohan retorted cheekily and allowed his smooth, rich laughter to escape when Mirai spluttered.
x
The jocular sound filled the sunlit room like the rumbling of a rocky mountain slide, deep throated and wholesome. This visit was turning out to be quite entertaining in Gohan's opinion. Staring intently at Gohan, Mirai Trunks opened his mouth to counter Gohan's response, but after a moment of wordless mouthing he ground his teeth in aggravation.
"Well, it's good to see you're not depressed." Mirai decided before shrugging off their inane banter and taking a seat beside Gohan's bed. "I actually came to talk to you about something else entirely." Gohan stared intensely at the building tops and flitting birds outside of his window. He frowned at Mirai Trunks' assessment while completely ignoring what he said afterward.
"Dying's a depressing business." Gohan whispered gravely without meeting Mirai's searching gaze. Mirai, who'd been contemplating the grotesque science experiment that was Gohan's undigested provisions, tried to catch Gohan's averted gaze when he heard the serious tone to Gohan's voice. Mirai felt like kicking himself for ending the untroubled atmosphere. He especially regretted lapsing into such a staid mode of conversation when he came to the realization that he'd never heard Gohan laugh before that moment which seemed only a dim memory already.
x
Sighing, and feeling hopeless in the face of his friend's tremendous plight, Mirai Trunks was reduced to simply griping Gohan's shoulder comfortingly.
"I can't say that I know what you're going through or even what you've been through for that matter; but I know if anyone can pull through it's you." Mirai Trunks offered sincerely and waited for Gohan to meet his eyes before nodding and backing away again.
"Thanks Trunks, I'm afraid I've lost the optimism I held so close to me as a child." Gohan murmured quietly. Mirai Trunks smiled benevolently and then made a conscious effort to shake off the lethargic somberness of the moment by sitting more primly in his seat and telling Gohan the real reason for his intrusion.
x
"I actually didn't come here just to admire your hideous visage." Mirai Trunks announced sarcastically to which Gohan made a derogatory comment along the lines of Mirai's face looking like the nether regions of a crusty ape. "Anyway," Mirai continued after a few lewd comments of his own, "I came to tell you that my mother plans to contact the other z-senshi." Mirai announced with a pleased grin.
"What?" Gohan's voice became cold and his eyes narrowed until they were sinister slits of blind fury. If Mirai Trunks had imagined the news would thrill Gohan he was sorely mistaken as the livid expression spoke volumes for Gohan's dissatisfaction. All Gohan could think was, 'How could they do this to me? I don't want them all to see me like this! I'm a pathetic cripple who's decaying as I breathe. Mirai's pulling some sort of sadistic joke; he can't be serious!' Gohan looked frantically to Mirai's face to gauge his reaction; the apologetic and confused air surrounding Mirai Trunks' posture and facade confirmed that it was true.
x
"Arrrggg..." Gohan growled through clenched teeth and in a raging fit snatched his remaining pillow from behind him to throw clear across the room. Fatigued by his exertion and, lacking the support of his cushions, Gohan was left to collapse against his bed and consequently knock his skull against the headboard which wasn't as far away as he'd originally thought. Gohan let out a screech of pain and clutched at the back of his cranium while he thrashed about in an effort to suppress the stabbing pains.
"Gohan, are you alright?" Mirai Trunks questioned frantically as he hovered over the emaciated frame. Mirai didn't know what to do to help his friend and wondered belatedly if he should call a doctor. Meanwhile, Gohan had stilled and now only applied pressure to the injury, a tender lump that had a tiny cut where he'd hit the edge of the backboard. Gohan was breathing hard as he explored the broken skin; he couldn't feel any blood and supposed it was just a minor cut though the bruised part throbbed steadily.
"Gohan, do you want me to call the doctor?" Mirai asked nervously, looking completely out of his depth. He hadn't figured Gohan would take his news so aversely and in such an extreme manner.
"No, I'll be fine." Gohan ground out, having been reminded of Mirai Trunks and what he'd just come to tell him. "Get out; I don't want to see anyone right now." Gohan added scathingly. Mirai Trunks looked concerned and hurt, which almost made Gohan feel sorry for being so cruel, but Mirai respected Gohan's decision and left as commanded.
xxXXxx
Gohan stared sullenly at the door that Mirai Trunks had walked out of almost two hours ago. He hadn't received any further guests since the lilac-haired man's departure but Gohan wasn't fooled into thinking it had anything to do with his temperamental instruction. Mirai had most likely left the hospital to do something more worthwhile than entertaining a cranky, self-centered mortal with a lethal disease. 'Yeah, I just bet he's enjoying his various adventures outside, in the fresh air with the crowds and...arg.' Gohan thought despondently as he longed to leave the confining prison of his room. 'I don't see why you have any business to complain. You told Trunks to leave; it's your own damn fault you're alone.' Gohan told himself firmly. In answer to his self-accusatory thought Gohan rolled his eyes and told the annoying voice to shut its yap. Then, Gohan looked toward his floor where he spotted his pillows flopped on opposite sides of the room. He'd been too incensed to ask Mirai Trunks to give them to him before proverbially kicking the worried man out of the room.
x
With a profound sigh Gohan steeled himself to the necessity of retrieving the wayward cushions himself. Gingerly he swung his legs to the side and gently lowered himself with quaking arms to his feet. Sweat began to dot Gohan's brow and he mentally cursed his weak body. 'This is completely ridiculous; I'm trembling before I've even taken a single step. That damn disease has made my leg muscles useless.' Gohan cried mentally and almost fell because of his distraction. Deciding against taking the chance that he'd fall and be stuck on the cold floor until someone decided he might want some company, Gohan chose to concentrate. With deliberate shuffling steps of baby proportions Gohan made slow progress to his desired destination. However, the moment he reached the item in question Gohan was at a crossroad of how to go about actually picking up the pillow.
x
His breaths were coming spasmodically and Gohan felt somewhat lightheaded after having been bedridden for over a month now. As Gohan stood there dumbly in his perplexed state he heard the sound of the door open. 'Thank Kami, someone to help me.' Gohan thought before two blurs rushed him and he was tackled to the floor.
x
Pain exploded in the back of Gohan's head as it made contact with the cement floor. Two heavy bodies had swept him off his feet and Gohan currently lay under the suffocating pressure of both forms.
"Hey, the little man has returned!" a semi-deep voice called cheerfully before Gohan felt a fraction of the weight lift from him. An agonizing punch to the arm accompanied the voice and Gohan's mind was in a near panic as he couldn't tell if the force was trying to be friendly or not.
"Gohan, you're back!" A piping tenor shouted ecstatically as strong arms embraced him. Gohan was dazed as he wheezed in a breath and received a mouthful of thin black hair instead of the desired oxygen. Gohan began to cough and sputter, but without his arms, which were currently being pinned to his sides, his efforts to shove the form off of him were near useless. So, Gohan tried the next best thing, to at least get a good look at his assailant.
x
His sight was blurred around the edges from the shock of receiving multiple blows to the head in little more than three hours. Gohan perceived a round head of bowl-cut black hair, mischievous black eyes that alighted on everything around him, and a huge lopsided grin. Gohan didn't recognize the man and went rigid as chilly fingers of apprehension skated up his spine. 'Dear god, THEY've come to take me away again! THEY found out about what I did and now THEY want to shut me up in that torture chamber!' Gohan's mind lost all rational thought and was shrieking from pure panic now. With memories swirling insidiously through his fear deranged mind Gohan belatedly began to fight against his captors.
x
Gohan lashed out blindly against the small, heavy form with flailing limbs that practically bounced on impact. Kicking violently, Gohan tried to buck the stronger body off of him but he could tell immediately that his punches and slaps had little to no effect on his powerful adversary.
"Gohan, what the hell are you doing man?" the annoyed tenor voice demanded as the grip around Gohan tightened exponentially. Gohan whimpered as throbbing pain sprouted from where the arms encircling his chest bruised his fragile ribs. Gohan's thoughts were becoming so jumbled that he couldn't decipher exactly what was happening now as opposed to what had happened in the past.
WARNING: SERIOUS RAPE SCENE AHEAD; GO TO CAPS IF YOU WANT TO SKIP
ooo
The hands that groped him painfully enticed him to scream in agony. Gohan bit his lip clear through as he shook his head sideways in a futile effort to escape the reality. The scorching pain of the intrusion was all consuming like a tremendous conflagration laying waste to all his idealistic childhood beliefs in its swift plundering course. The whispered platitudes of his rapist were like disturbing justifications for his mistreatment and made Gohan cringe all the more from their endearing sweetness. His own body responded to the attention by sending craving flames of desire to his wanton member, the traitor. Musky, slick sweat slapped sickly in the harsh half light of the swaying overhead beams. The robust man thrust deeply into Gohan's virginal backside sending blood trickling from between the boy's legs and coercing a guttural whimper from his abused lips. Gohan's mind was babbling incoherently as the very essence of his being was stripped away, leaving only the hollow shell of what once was a strong ardent youth.
x
In a last ditch effort to reclaim some part of his innocence, or at least some modicum of dignity, Gohan struggled against his abuser. His thrashing was feeble and useless and consequently caused him to tense up, which only made the brawny man grunt in pleasure. The hot breath on Gohan's neck sent shivers of passion to his loins and a shameful blush to his tearstained cheeks. The humongous man reached around to fondle Gohan's searing erection which made Gohan thrust involuntarily and half groan half sob with vexation. Along with the raw pain of the unlubricated infringement Gohan began to feel a perverted gratifying ache whenever the man embedded himself deeply enough to stroke a tender spot within him. The rapist began to speed up his pace and the heavy pounding against Gohan made him breathe spasmodically. Gohan's mind screamed at his traitorous body as he slowly suffocated under the unbearable weight...
ooo
THE SCENE IS NOW OVER AND YES I'M SERIOUSLY DISTURBED 0.o
"What the hell is going on here? Get off of him!" Mirai Trunks' shout failed to register in the far reaches of Gohan's traumatized memory loop. The weight that had been suffocating him, along with the bone crushing hold, suddenly disappeared and Gohan immediately scuttled backward with horror etched in every line of his face. The glassy, coal dark eyes flickered back and forth among the people in the room though they saw nothing.
x
"Wait, Krillin, Yamcha, you don't understand." Bulma rushed in calling to the two intruders while out of breath. Upon entering the room and seeing Gohan's frightened gaze Bulma turned malevolent eyes on the black haired entities. "What'd you do to him? You jerks! I told you there was something you needed to know first!" Mirai Trunks ignored his youthful mother and raced to Gohan's trembling form. Carefully the young man picked Gohan up and relocated him to the bed which he wondered vaguely how Gohan had gotten out of in the first place.
"What's wrong with him?" Krillin demanded; clearly he was upset by this strange terrified teen. Gohan had resorted to rocking back and forth while whispering under his breath continuously. His empty eyes stared blankly ahead as if whatever had been happening in his mind was over now and they were currently seeing the after effects.
x
"Gohan, it's me Trunks. Gohan, you're safe in the hospital; no one is trying to hurt you." Mirai Trunks whispered soothingly in his ear and laid a comforting hand on Gohan's shoulder. Gohan's shoulder jerked so violently from Mirai's grasp that the frail boy's elbow collided with his bedside table and sent his empty cup and pitcher skittering across the floor. Gohan's lips parted and a heart wrenching shriek issued forth as if from the very bowls of hell's tormented souls. Mirai stumbled back afraid he had hurt Gohan further and not knowing exactly what he'd done.
"What's going on? This isn't Gohan, he can't be!" Yamcha shouted while whirling on Bulma, who was trying to drag the two unwanted guests out of the room. "Bulma, what kind of a sick joke are you playing at!" The long haired, childhood friend of Goku peered over his shoulder at the pitiable mortal teenager fighting an invisible enemy.
x
Mirai Trunks was trying to reassure the boy with his voice alone having deduced that physical touch was what caused the distress. The way the lavender-haired man was speaking and the emotion behind his words only enforced the likelihood that the gaunt boy really was Gohan. As reality struck, Yamcha staggered and almost fell from the complete shock.
"No, this can't be." he whispered hoarsely as his heart clutched painfully in his chest. At that moment Gohan let out another anguished cry and lay still, breathing heavily. Yamcha, Krillin, and Bulma reached the door which promptly burst inward admitting a pigtailed teenaged girl.
"What happened, I heard him screaming all the way down the hall?" the girl queried worriedly as she approached Mirai Trunks and completely ignored the strangers. Yamcha and Krillin didn't get the chance to hear Mirai's explanation as they were dragged out of the room by a very irate Bulma.
DEDICATED to LADY ANGEL FIREN because her comments were spectacular!
Chapter 28: Perpetual Purgatory
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I've been watching you from a distance
The distance sees through your disguise
All I want from you is your hurting
I want to heal you
I want to save you from the dark
Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison
Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness
Give unto me all that frightens you
I'll have your nightmares for you
If you sleep soundly
Evanesence-Give Unto Me
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Bulma shoved Krillin and Yamcha out of the door which chinked shut and consequently hushed the harsh breathing of Gohan and the conciliatory voices of Mirai Trunks and Videl. Bulma was livid, and it was probably due to this fact that her voice came out strained as if she was trying her best not to screech; after all, there were other patients in the hospital.
"What in hell possessed you to do that? I told you to wait, that I had something to explain to you before you saw him!" Bulma snarled viciously while glaring between the two. Without waiting for a reply Bulma stalked down the hall, her shoes made a mad clicking staccato on the drab tiled floor. Yamcha hurried after her, his long strides eating up the concrete without a sound, looking perplexed and concerned. Krillin had a sort of stunned expression on his face after having watched his best friend's son have a psychotic episode.
x
Krillin lagged behind the other two as his mind was clearly occupied with concerns other then possibly knocking into people or walls. Those few people who were walking in the hall stared at the fuming woman and the two strangely dressed men. One doctor, pushing a gurney on wheels that squeaked obnoxiously, had to do some speedy maneuvering to keep from hitting Krillin as he'd been too entranced by the gorgeous woman in a tiff to pay attention to where he was going. Krillin walked on clueless with all his focus centered on the memory of Gohan and how he'd changed so drastically.
"What's wrong with him?" Yamcha demanded with an angry tone though both Bulma and Krillin caught the slight waver in his voice. Bulma failed to answer but the scathing look she sent over her shoulder made Yamcha cringe and look apologetic despite having no idea what he was apologizing for. Bulma quickly breezed through the door to the waiting room and Yamcha, after taking a deep breath, entered after her with Krillin not far behind.
x
"Hn...What happened now, woman?" Vegeta grunted the question, interest piqued as he noticed who followed his wife into the waiting room. Bulma ignored his inquiry in favor of rounding on her two unsuspecting victims and spewing forth her wrath.
"You will tell me immediately what the hell you did to make Gohan react that way! So help me God, if you've permanently damaged him I will personally rip you apart limb from limb, douse you in lighter fluid, and light the match that will set you aflame until there isn't even ash left!" Bulma sneered with utter disdain as her white knuckled fists clenched and unclenched in an unconscious preparation to strangle them both. Vegeta smirked with private admiration for Bulma's graphic threat and wondered what the two idiots had done to Kakarott's brat.
x
The other occupants of the waiting room: a plump woman with horrendous curly orange hair dressed in an appalling purple gown holding a snotty handkerchief to her red rimmed eyes, an elderly gentleman in a disheveled suit looking pale, and a woman with a large bruise on her face holding two squalling children around the ages of four and a few months, all backed away from the homicidal blue-haired woman. A nurse behind the receptionist desk stared in fear at the volatile situation but one menacing look from the short man leaning in the corner prevented her from calling for security or doctors.
"What is Gohan doing in a hospital...he can't be sick?" Krillin sounded bewildered as he ignored Bulma's command, and he looked around expectantly though the glazed look of his eyes proved he saw nothing. Bulma's chest puffed out and her hands grabbed Krillin by the shirtfront to jerk him around to face her.
"Not sick! Did you even look at Gohan?" the incredulous shriek broke on the name as she gave Krillin a jarring shake for emphasis. Krillin seemed to break out of the shock that threatened to detach him from reality.
"What's happened to him? Where has he been all this time?" Krillin's voice quivered noticeably. Bulma opened her mouth and, after two hopeless tries to utter something, closed it again. Tears began to form in Bulma's eyes; Krillin could see the grief and fear there and the answering emotions tightened his own chest.
x
Yamcha, still out of the loop of things, stepped up to Bulma with a scowl upon his lips. He was right pissed about the whole ordeal and he wanted answers.
"All we were doing was hugging Gohan, and then he fell down and started freaking out! Can someone please explain what the hell is going on?" Yamcha asked of no one in particular, running a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture of frustration.
"The brat has cancer. He's dying." Vegeta stated bluntly as he shoved away from his customary corner, unfolded his arms, and stepped up to the tense group. The other individuals who had already been cowering away from the deranged woman quickly recoiled further when the intimidating man with gravity defying hair approached the shouting faction.
x
Yamcha took the news like a blow to the stomach and backed away, shaking his head, until the edge of a chair ran into the back of his knees and forced him to sit down. Krillin gaped at Vegeta and slid boneless to his knees on the floor right where he stood. Bulma's grip had gone slack on Krillin's collar and now her hands hung listlessly at her sides.
"But...but that can't be. Gohan's a Saiyan," Krillin murmured tonelessly and looked to Vegeta as if for confirmation that this was, indeed, a sick joke of some sort.
"He's half human." Vegeta growled, disgusted at the sight of such a pathetic display of weakness. Yamcha just didn't seem capable of doing more then shake his head in denial as his brain failed, or refused, to process the facts. Bulma's silent tears fell but she wiped them away as quickly as they coursed down her cheeks. Tears wouldn't help Gohan, only support from his family and friends could make the situation, not better, but at least bearable.
x
"That still doesn't explain why he reacted so strangely to our embrace." Krillin whispered suddenly. Krillin's brain was obviously in overdrive and managing the information analytically, as a fighter might evaluate a situation during a battle between saving one friend over another.
"He was abused." Vegeta asserted point blank without preamble. This utterance was like an added slap in the face to the two men. Yamcha jumped to his feet with his fists clenched at his sides, shaking with barely restrained rage.
"That's a lie!" Yamcha bellowed mulishly in stubborn rejection. "Gohan may not have had his ki, but that doesn't make him helpless! He knows how to fight and he would never have let someone beat on him!" Yamcha contended confidently.
x
"But he did, let them beat on him that is...He thought he deserved it." Bulma murmured quietly. All the anger seemed to have left her in light of the anguish she could discern on Yamcha's face; Bulma laid a comforting hand on his bicep.
"What? How could he...what'd he...deserve it?" Yamcha looked to Vegeta who had shown surprising restraint in not clocking the weaker man when Yamcha had accused him of lying. Vegeta turned away from the imploring human; after all, Vegeta agreed whole heartedly that it was Gohan's fault his father died. Vegeta doubted Yamcha would appreciate his views on the matter and for some inexplicable reason he didn't feel like having to beat the man to a pulp when Yamcha would inevitably throw a punch for what he would say. Instead Vegeta remained silent and allowed Bulma to explain. However, before Bulma could say anything at all, a blur of black hair and sharp cerulean eyes flashed into the room.
x
"You bitch!" Videl screamed at Bulma and raised a hand to slap her across the face only to be prevented by an iron clad grip on her wrist from behind. Videl's hair was tousled and her clothes rumpled as if she'd been roughhousing only moments before. Videl's eyes were ablaze with righteous hostility as she regarded Bulma as if she were a bug Videl wanted to squash.
"Let me go!" Videl screeched and struggled valiantly in Mirai Trunks' arms. Instead of letting her go Mirai Trunks tightened his grip all the more on Videl's lithe frame. Bulma was at a lack for words as she watched Videl fight tooth and nail for release. Large, angry red marks began to appear on Mirai's arms from Videl raking her nails along them. "It's all her fault! Gohan was just starting to open up, starting to get better, until she brought them in!" Videl accused furiously with a sharp gesture at Yamcha and Krillin.
"Your hitting her will do nothing to help Gohan, Videl." Mirai Trunks muttered tiredly as he tried to force Videl to calm herself.
x
Mirai Trunks looked decidedly exhausted and he observed Yamcha and Krillin with sympathy.
"So you've told them then?"
"Yes...how's Gohan?" Bulma asked unsurely, averting her gaze from Videl who had calmed enough for Mirai to release her. Videl snorted and sneered at Bulma contemptuously.
"What do you care? You seem hell bent on driving him to an early grave." Videl remarked coldly. Bulma gasped and tears sprang to her eyes anew.
"That was unnecessary." Mirai Trunks commented firmly with a stern look to Videl before he turned his attention, once again, to his parents and friends. "The doctors were forced to sedate him. Whatever happened in there was just too much for Gohan to handle. We won't know how bad it is until Gohan wakes and, frankly, I'm beginning to wonder if Gohan wouldn't be better off never waking up again." Mirai Trunks admitted softly.
x
"What are you saying? Of course he'd be better off waking up!" Videl shrieked in horrified disbelief.
"Didn't you see his eyes? Didn't you hear his screams? God, Videl, he's living in perpetual purgatory; in a never ending nightmare. Do you really wish him to suffer through the rest of his life even if Goten is a match?" Mirai Trunks took Videl by the biceps and began to run his hands along her arms trying to console her. Videl turned her head away as crystalline tears slipped from the corners of her eyes.
"No, I want to show him everything that is worth living for," she sniffed, "I want to give him enough good memories to outweigh the bad ones." Videl turned to stare up into Mirai Trunks' forlorn gaze and then her eyes traveled to the others. "I'm not going to give up on Gohan; he needs me."
x
Bulma regarded the indistinguishable grey rug obstinately as she gently gnawed on her bottom lip in thought. Yamcha swallowed hard but the spark of determination in his eyes attested to his position. Krillin forced himself to his feet and solemnly nodded to Videl. Vegeta merely grunted and glared at Videl, daring her to demand anything more from him. Mirai Trunks breathed deeply and lay his forehead against Videl's.
"I hope Gohan realizes what a good friend he has in you Videl." Mirai Trunks murmured sincerely. Then he let out a conciliatory breath and blinked rapidly against the moisture in his too bright eyes. "Alright, we're agreed then. Let's try to get our friend back from the demons that haunt him."
xxXXxx
Gohan blinked slowly and stared up at the yellow ceiling above his bed. There was a brown stain toward the right of his vision with a crack spiraling off in uneven crookedness. 'I wonder how that got there?' he thought idly as the fingers of his right hand tapped falteringly against his cotton covered thigh.
Blink.
'Maybe someone threw a baseball against it and that's why there's a crack there...' Gohan felt a slight tingle in his foot, the same prickling feeling that meant the limb was falling asleep. He ignored it, atrophy was setting in, had been for a while, he was sure.
Blink.
"Gohan?" a soft whisper against his ear like the wisp of a breeze. The fingers at his side stilled for the briefest of moments before once again picking up their impromptu patter.
Blink.
'Maybe they painted the room yellow because white wouldn't have covered the crack as well.' Gohan suggested mentally.
"Gohan?" more insistent and in a deeper voice that seemed much more threatening. Gohan whimpered gutturally and his fingers clenched his blanket as tears pricked the corners of his eyes. Gravity pulled the salty drops down to his pillow where the lumpy cotton soaked them up and became damp where the sides of his head touched it. 'THEY're here, here to take me again.' His chest hitched and his breathing became erratic as he felt the air pressure change. 'The crack, the crack is like a spider's web,' closer, ever closer comes the figure, 'the crack is craggy...the cr-crack...' Gohan's focus spiraled out of his grasp until he couldn't even recall what he'd been thinking as he felt the pressure on his hand. Gasping and groaning he tried to recoil from the figure's touch, 'Why can't they ever let me be? Why can't they leave me alone?' He whimpered again but now it was like a sob and more tears made their way to his head support.
x
"Gohan." Videl murmured soothingly as Gohan began to cringe and cry out more loudly and desperately as she touched his hand. Mirai Trunk's voice seemed to be the initial cause of Gohan's discomfort; before that he'd just been staring at the ceiling even when Videl had whispered his name. Videl had motioned for the others, Vegeta, Bulma, Yamcha, Krillin, and Mirai Trunks to remain quietly seated as she began to rub her fingers over Gohan's clutching hand. Gohan withdrew his hand but in such a way that he seemed to expect her to grab it back or slap him for the motion. Videl glanced to Mirai Trunks, who scrutinized Gohan with a single minded focus. Mirai caught her eyes on him and gave her a nod of encouragement to continue. Yamcha and Krillin looked at a loss and Vegeta simply observed the whole situation in a clinically detached manner. Bulma gave the impression of wanting to be the one in Videl's position but was unsure if Gohan would react badly to her voice; the risk of seeing and upsetting him further was too high to try. So, Videl continued in her slow ministrations until Gohan seemed to calm perceptibly.
x
"Gohan, it's me, Videl." Videl whispered in her most restful voice that just exuded peaceful energy. Gohan seemed to relax a tad further and, embolden by this sign of trust, Videl with achingly slow movements pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed beside Gohan. Gohan started violently and began to curl into himself and mewl pitifully. Videl felt her heart constrict with pain but she continued to maneuver herself until she had Gohan's back leaning against her chest. Her legs fanned out on either side of his fragile torso and ended short of his ankles. She wrapped her arms around Gohan's chest and tucked his head under her chin even as he fought feebly to curl into a fetal position. Videl shushed him and instinctually began to rock him back and forth as if he were an infant. Gohan wept desolately in resignation to his fate, but Videl did not try to undress him; she did not try to feel him up as so many others had done before. Gohan's mind gradually began to realize that the person holding him was obviously not one of them. THEY showed no mercy and none of them had tried to comfort him.
"You're safe Gohan. No one will hurt you here." Videl promised soothingly then ran her lips lightly against his pale head, a butterfly kiss.
x
"Videl?" Gohan's voice croaked hoarsely through his abused throat.
"Yes, Gohan?" Videl rejoined in a pacifying tone. Gohan crooked his head until he caught sight of Videl's face. Videl's eyes glistened in the dim lighting of the bedside lamp but a feeble smile graced her lips.
"Stay with me?" he whispered the question in a frightened voice; afraid that she would rebuff his request no doubt. Videl's grip on Gohan tightened ever so faintly and she smiled wider then before.
"Of course I'll stay. Do you want me to do anything? Sit by the bed or..."
"Just hold me, please?" Gohan plead quietly as his own hands reached up to Videl's encompassing arms, gripped them gently, and pulled them tighter against his bare skinned chest.
x
Videl felt her own chest swell happily and she increased her hold on Gohan, not so much to make him feel like he was imprisoned, but enough to lend security. Gohan sighed contentedly and, seemingly ignorant of the spectators, buried his face in the crook of Videl's neck and drifted to sleep. Videl tried to reach for the blankets that had fallen to the foot of the bed but halted with fear of waking Gohan. Surprisingly, it was Vegeta who took hold of the blanket and gently lifted it over the two figures before perfunctorily tucking it around them. Videl stared at the contradictory man and it was because of this unblinking scrutiny that she caught the flicker of emotion in the usually harshly closed off man. Vegeta was a lot more then he appeared and Videl vowed to understand just what that look had meant. Gohan remained undisturbed as the five lookers-on made their way stealthily to the door and exited.
x
NOTE: None of the lesser characters (Puar, Oolong, Roshi, etc.) will be featured in this story unless in passing. This is not because I don't like them or something as arbitrary as that but simply because I find writing about many people in one scene tends to detract from the overall effect of the story.
DEDICATED to FIREBIRD9900 for the kick in the rear review!
Chapter 29: Irritating Imp and Stoic Statue
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Now would you mind if I bared my soul
If I came right out and said you're beautiful
Cuz there's something here I can't explain
I feel I'm diving into driving rain
You get my senses running wild
I can't resist your sweet, sweet smile
So take this feeling'n make it grow
Never let it - never let it go
Bryan Adams-Don't Let Go
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Videl watched contentedly as Gohan's pale, hairless chest rose and fell in peaceful tandem. The lanky, ill boy lay ensconced in her arms with Videl's breast serving as a pillow for his limp skull. The smooth pallid scalp was marred at the base by a bump with a purplish-blue bruise and a small congealed cut in the middle. The mark was evidence of where Gohan had hit it the other day. Lower, the pallid, sun warmed sheets of the hospital bed twisted around Gohan's torso and unsettled with every expansion of his ribcage. Videl blushed to see that the rhythmic movement had gently pulled Gohan's loose fitting, cotton plaid sweat pants lower on his hips, thus affording her a glimpse of his abs and the hem of his boxer shorts. Feeling the blood rush to her cheeks, Videl tore her gaze from the scarred expanse of flesh to search Gohan's slumbering facade.
x
His seemingly translucent eyelids were closed; tiny blue and purple veins interweaved under the thin skin like gossamer webs. His black eyelashes made a startling parallel to the bruised bags of insomnia under his eyes. The skin of his face was colorless and tight over gaunt cheeks with stress wrinkles around his eyes and forehead. However, despite the apparent sick tone to his skin, Gohan's expression was one of peace. The pinching pain and barely controlled fear was gone from his countenance, and not for the first time did Videl secretly wonder if he was better off sleeping forever. Mirai Trunks' words had played in her head on more then one occasion and each time she had to convince herself that she'd said the right thing in return.
x
Videl was suddenly broken from her musings as Gohan snuggled further into his cocoon of safety. Catching sight of the pleased smile that traced his lips, Videl felt an answering curve to her own. Quickly she chided herself mentally for her morbid thoughts and began to tenderly massage Gohan's cranium. Her deft fingertips caressed the smooth temples and intermittently trailed downward to stroke a jutting cheekbone or trace the stubborn jaw.
"Mmmm...That feels good, don't stop." Gohan implored in a voice still husky with sleep. He felt Videl's chuckle even as the delicious sound reached his ears.
"Hmmm...I guess you like it?" Gohan could envision the smirk on her face as she purred teasingly. He didn't bother with an answer above a satisfied sigh, keeping his eyes closed as he had since waking to the sensual touch on his bare skin.
"A g'morning...to you too." Gohan bade amid a huge yawn before a grin split his face.
x
Videl's warm fingers traveled down the back of his head and fluttered across his neck to his shoulders. Gohan shivered as a tingle traveled up his spine and sent goosebumps breaking out along his arms and back. Videl spotted the gooseflesh and giggled as her hands began to gently knead the tired boy's shoulders. Her eyebrows drew together in deep concentration and the tip of her tongue poked slightly out of the side of her mouth as she focused on avoiding the catheter. Gohan winced imperceptibly and pursed his lips to prevent the hiss of discomfort whenever Videl accidentally put too much pressure near the catheter. The terminally ill boy was enjoying the massage too much to take the chance of Videl stopping.
x
In all probability, it was the profound absorption on both Gohan and Videl's parts that prevented the two from noticing the soft click of the door opening and closing. Therefore, the petite figure that crouched below the window looking out to the busy corridor beyond completely escaped their attention. Said figure stood at the intimidating height of four feet-six inches, when she wasn't skulking behind hospital doorways that is. A sandy haired head peeked covertly above the window frame before deftly dropping again and sending a three foot long braid undulating wildly. Shifting from foot to foot, mischievous eyes glinting in anticipated delight, the girl carefully began backing away from the tell-tale pane of transparent glass. Sadly, with her focus solely on the porthole, the girl failed to avoid the trolley of untouched breakfast and clean bedpans. Crash!
x
Not even Gohan or Videl could ignore the deafening clangor wrought by sterile bedpans striking hard tiled floors. Not to mention the screech of the metal trolley, the clatters of the plastic tray, the wet splash of mesh hitting the floor, and the startled yelp of surprise. Both alarmed occupants flinched visibly; Gohan becoming tense with panicky fear and Videl letting out a short, shrill cry. Ebony and sapphire eyes riveted upon a sprawling mass of slender limbs and torso in a tangled sea of hospital apparatus. The girl paid no heed to the residents as her diminutive nose wrinkled in disgust.
"Eeugh!" The repulsed exclamation had Gohan relaxing a fraction as he raised a curious brow. Oblivious to her audience, the slight girl began the difficult task of extricating herself from the mess of pulverized food and sterling metal.
x
The strange girl flung a bed pan from her right elbow and sent the trolley, now lying on its side, skidding a few inches with a well placed kick. The din raised by these various actions made Gohan cringe, but he took the time to observe the elfish girl's bedraggled appearance. Immediately he took note of the common, shapeless, plaid sweats she wore, albeit splattered with provisions and damp with two percent milk. 'Two sizes too big.' was the thought that came to Gohan's attentive mind when he monitored the way the baggy, draw-string sweats hung low on her hips and the shirt draped lopsidedly leaving one alabaster shoulder bare. The clothing was an indication of her status as a patient. Gohan also wore the hospital provided sweats, sans the shirt having woken nauseous and heaving too often come morning. The bald teen did not relish having a vomit laden shirt lifted over his head for removal.
x
Next, Gohan surveyed the stranger's face as she made the attempt to stand. Attempt being the operative word as the hospital mesh splattered across the floor, trying to pass itself off as edible rations, had the same consistency and effect of a liberal coat of wax. In spite of this, the motion of her slipping, sliding, and ultimately falling did nothing to detract from Gohan's appraisal. The abundance of braided sandy mane had copious smatterings of cinnamon highlights Gohan suspected were entirely natural.
x
Escaped wisps of disheveled hair framed a heart shaped face that looked all the more delicate with her lily white skin. An abundant fringe of hair hung enchantingly above overly large, almond-shaped eyes the most stunning shade of amethyst ringed by cobalt blue on both sides of the irises. Those enigmatic eyes peered out of an enticing visage wrought with the definition of dainty in mind. A tiny, slightly upturned nose and a shapely rosebud mouth, not too full or thin but uniquely suitable, completed the strikingly conspicuous features. As Gohan settled for the one word delineation, adorable, the girl finally gained her footing and consequently the knowledge of her spectators as well.
x
"Um...hi!" Gohan felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. The girl's voice was a lilting alto that bubbled with nervousness. Self-consciously she tried to stroke away some of the fast coagulating cuisine from her clothing while offering Gohan a rueful pout. Gohan turned his head ever so slightly in order to gauge Videl's reaction to this intruding vixen. The onyx haired teen's lips twitched in a failed attempt to suppress a smile and her bottle-blue eyes gleamed with good humor. Gohan directed his attention back to the girl as the sound of shuffling feet and an anxious giggle reached his ears.
"Well, you sure make one hell of an entrance." Gohan offered for the first time since the disruption.
x
A spectacular, lopsided grin split the impish face, transforming the charmingly fragile girl into a seductive temptress. However, before the undersized girl could say anything by way of explanation the door burst inward. A harried boy of Chinese decent with tightly bound, shoulder-length, midnight-black hair entered the room. His sharp chert-flake gray eyes, set in a subtly angled, golden complexioned face, took in the scene in one cursory, passing glance. The boy seemed to come to some supposition, judging by his stony expression compounded by a tightening of his jaw and a throbbing vein at his temple. Gohan tensed drastically as agitation and distress were brought on through the boy's aggressive behavior. Gohan felt Videl's hand run soothingly along his arm to clasp his hand, though he did not once take his eyes off the newest intruder.
x
"Miss Hajime, Dr. Jomei is searching all over for you. How you can be so rude as to violate the privacy of another patient is beyond my understanding!" The boy's tone was condescendingly accusatory and censuring as he glanced surreptitiously at Gohan and Videl before quickly averting his eyes.
"You're one to talk, bargin' in and all! And how many times I gotta tell ya to call me Kaname, Makie?" the girl demanded while practically bouncing over to throw delicately boned arms around the stern looking boy. The young man, also a patient judging by his hospital garb, bristled dimly at the contact.
"My name is Makekeru," he said through clenched teeth, "Not Ruru, not Keru, nor Keke; and most certainly not Makie. Now, I believe you've harassed these good people long enough with your presence." Makekeru huffed while pointedly ignoring the embracing limbs Kaname had deemed unnecessary to remove during his tirade.
"Aww, people might get the impression that you don't like me." Kaname whined in a falsetto voice of feigned woe. The impact was lost as she said it with a grin and a wink to the stoically unsmiling boy.
x
Makekeru harrumphed and rolled his eyes skyward.
"Astute deduction," Makekeru replied dryly before turning to Gohan who went even more rigid at the sign of direct interest, "I apologize on behalf of my roommate; she can be quite discourteous. I can see quite clearly she's disgraced herself and hope you weren't too badly offended by her impertinent clumsiness." Makekeru bowed formally as Kaname spluttered and sniffed haughtily in the background. The pint-sized girl had released her severe-faced roommate in favor of crossing her refined arms in front of her chest and sticking her nose rudely in the air.
"Actually I...I don't really m-mind the intrusion." Gohan anxiously acknowledged the apology with a jerky nod of his head. Videl ran her remaining, unbound hand in circles along Gohan's taut lower stomach muscles.
"Calm down Gohan or you'll make yourself sick." Videl urged in a gentle whisper leaning directly next to Gohan's ear. Another quiver raced along Gohan's nerve endings as Videl's heated breath caressed his ear and tresses of shadowy hair tickled his neck and left shoulder.
x
"HA! Take that you anti-social, unemotional buddy-o-mine!" Kaname crowed with a complimentary slap on Makekeru's back, utterly unmindful of Gohan's apprehension. "Some people actually appreciate company. Am I right or am I right?" the hyper pixie turned naughtily glinting eyes on Gohan and Videl. Gohan mouthed wordlessly as he caught sight of Makekeru's disdainful gaze that seemed to cry 'do not humor her!' The bedridden teen settled for a taciturn grin and a deep chuckle. Kaname laughed uproariously while Makekeru glowered mulishly.
x
"Ah, I see you've found your new room." a familiar voice penetrated the atmosphere among the four teens. Gohan balked violently from the deep voice, his episode the previous evening far from resolved. Videl wrapped her arms around him snuggly and squeezed lightly before becoming lax to prevent Gohan from feeling trapped. This abrupt reaction caught Makekeru's attention though the boy schooled his features into cool indifference before nodding solemnly in acknowledgement of the doctor's presence.
"Hey Dr. Jomei! Is it true this is our new room?" Kaname questioned excitedly as she bounded over to the familiar figure. Gohan winced from the loud shout and Makekeru frowned in disapproval. Dr. Jomei answered her with a smile and nod before he brought his attention to Gohan ensconced in Videl's arms.
x
Dr. Jomei approached Gohan cautiously and stopped a good ten feet away after he discerned Gohan trying to scoot further into Videl's embrace.
"Gohan, I'd like you to meet Hajime Kaname," Dr. Jomei motioned to the girl. Kaname grinned and waved enthusiastically. "And, Chou Makekeru." Dr. Jomei indicated the rigid youth who bowed stiltedly. "They will be your new companions." Dr. Jomei announced with a slight, somewhat forced smile. Gohan edgily glanced between Dr. Jomei and the two adolescents with a doubtful look. Videl gaped wordlessly for a moment before voicing what Gohan was undeniably thinking.
"Do you really think that's wise, Dr. Jomei?" Dr. Jomei grimaced as Kaname sent him a questioning look. Makekeru scrutinized Gohan with a closed facade.
"We need the room." Dr. Jomei replied simply then turned to Kaname and Makekeru.
"This is Hakusho Sesshomaru, who prefers being called Gohan. And Satan Videl, Gohan's girlfriend." Dr. Jomei introduced. Gohan blushed resplendently and shot a fleeting glance Videl's way to gauge her response. Videl simply smiled before shifting away from Gohan in preparation of getting up.
x
"Well, to be honest, I've got to get going to school." Videl announced, slightly annoyed as she glimpsed the clock's digital numbers reading six thirty-two.
"No!" Gohan shouted vehemently to the surprise of all present, including himself by his startled expression. Gohan fidgeted perceptibly as his stare locked on the only man in the room. Videl followed Gohan's line of sight and took Gohan's right hand in both of hers comfortingly. Dr. Jomei also noted Gohan's returned disquiet and took the hint to leave.
"I'll be going now. You two settle in and get acquainted." Dr. Jomei instructed Kaname and Makekeru. The two bid the man goodbye then considered the confusing boy in the hospital bed. Videl had released Gohan's hand when he visibly calmed after Dr. Jomei's departure.
x
"I'll be back after school." Videl assured Gohan tranquilly. Gohan had a vaguely desperate glint to his eyes as if he was begging inaudibly for her to stay. Videl shook her head regretfully and felt like cringing in the face of the pain that filled his eyes with her answer. Gracefully she leaned over, cupping the back of Gohan's head in one hand, to press a calming farewell gesture upon his mouth. Gohan felt the soft lips brush like butterfly wings across his tremulous mouth. A warm breath ghosted across his slightly parted lips before a supple pink tongue darted coaxingly inside.
x
The world dropped away and he could only feel those passionate lips against his, the satiny hand caressing his neck and, the powerful but gentle grip on his shoulder which she used to keep her balance. Gohan surrendered to her ministrations as his heavy lidded eyes drooped languidly then closed. The slick pink invasion adroitly stroked the roof of Gohan's mouth in a soothing rhythm. Videl dominated the slow burning kiss, compassionately conveying her deep love and affection to the scared boy. Gohan clung to the proffered heat, clutching twin fistfuls of Videl's shirt to urge her closer. Obligingly the trim body suffused itself against Gohan's barely clad form. Intoxicating swirls of emotions wrapped preciously in the twin bows of luscious flesh were gifted to the misfortune fraught boy. The pacifying souvenir Videl gave was meant to tide him over until her promised return.
x
They parted torpidly, achingly. Their lips, swollen with passion, withdrew from each other's. A low, guttural moan escaped between Gohan's liberated lips, begging to be captivated again. Gohan's eyes fluttered open, the shadowed eddies seemed to shift and flicker with depthless desire, pain, fear, depression, resignation, and love. Each emotion churned and melded together like a murky watercolor until not one could be discerned separately from the others.
"Be strong." Videl implored, teasing and nibbling his bottom lip seductively, before turning away and grabbing up her bag. "It was nice meeting you two. I'm sure I'll see you around." she called over her shoulder with a negligent wave to Kaname and Makekeru before stepping out of the room.
"See ya!" Kaname belted out as if she would have exploded had she kept silent any longer. The door closed with a faint snick.
x
For a moment the room was entirely silent as each person regarded the unknown factor. Kaname was the first to avert her attention with a tongue-in-cheek expression on her face. Even then she was silent as she scrutinized the bare, bright yellow walls which weren't much different from the mundane white walls they'd been during Gohan's first stay in the selfsame room. The staff had painted the walls yellow during Gohan's sojourn in the emergency ward after his suicide attempt. Kaname held her hands folded together behind her back, braid thwapping jauntily against them with each step. The girl seemed to have an eternal spring to her step as she traversed the perimeter of the room.
x
While Gohan's eyes followed the constantly moving figure; Makekeru took the time to analyze the boy in the hospital bed. Makekeru felt the beginning twinges of pain that signaled fatigue, so he took a seat on one of the three unoccupied beds. The boy, Gohan, had pulled the hospital sheet up to his chin, whether from cold or self-consciousness he wasn't sure. Makekeru could see the tubing that undoubtedly flowed into the catheter he'd spotted in Gohan's shoulder. Another tube led into the bundle of blankets, but Makekeru couldn't see where. The boy looked a right state, as if he'd been a ward of the hospital for a long time. Makekeru shuddered at the idea that he himself might have to stay for an indeterminate amount of time. Gohan was anorexic thin, pasty white, tiredly bruised, and generally resembled death warmed over. Makekeru hoped fervently that he would never look like the boy directly across from him. The Chinese boy was suddenly interrupted from his observations by the obnoxious woman.
x
"Your room is freakin' dull." Kaname exclaimed as she halted in front of Gohan's bed. Gohan blinked a few times in sheer befuddlement. Kaname ignored his confusion in favor of changing the subject entirely. "So, what kind of leukemia you got?"
"Hajime!" Makekeru snapped in exasperated objection to the vulgar question.
"What? It's not like it's some big secret we've all got Leukemia." Kaname countered pointedly, jutting out her jaw obstinately. Makekeru opened his mouth to say something reproachful, no doubt, but was prevented by Gohan's hesitant voice.
"You two have...cancer...also?" Gohan managed to ask the question in a voice slightly louder than a whisper. Kaname blinked and then inspected Gohan curiously.
"Well, yeah; haven't you noticed you're in a wing full of cancer patients?" Kaname prompted, suddenly becoming still. Gohan could feel the change of mood in the air and shivered.
"Should I have? I...I mean I haven't left my room except to undergo treatment." Gohan murmured feeling ashamed at the admission.
"What?" Kaname screeched in disbelief. Even Makekeru raised an eyebrow at Gohan's reluctant answer. "How do they expect you to get better if you don't exercise and get some sun?" Kaname wondered rhetorically, waving her arms extravagantly in the air for emphasis. Gohan felt like lead had just dropped into his stomach and hung his head.
"..." He mumbled under his breath but the sound was muffled by his sheet.
"Come again?" Makekeru asked politely, proving he too was interested in the reply.
"I said they don't...expect me to get better, that is." Gohan sighed dejectedly, refusing to raise his gaze from the stunningly artistic weaving of his bland sheet. 'Please don't say you're sorry; please, please, don't pity me...I don't deserve it.' Gohan plead mentally with his eyes squeezed tightly shut. He almost missed the harshly indrawn breath from the direction of Makekeru.
x
"At least you have people who care for you here." Kaname finally retorted with a decidedly flippant tone of voice. Gohan's head wrenched up to regard her in astonishment. "I know; I'm a bright ray of sunshine aren't I?" Kaname spoke sarcastically. "You have to understand that this is my second time around. I went into remission two years ago and just recently had a relapse. As far as I'm concerned, if it's your time to go there isn't anything you can do about it. That doesn't mean you should get all sulky and depressed; enjoy what time you've got left!" Kaname advised exuberantly.
x
Gohan watched the enigma that was Kaname as she started twirling and dancing clumsily across the floor, tripping and bumping into things often. Makekeru scowled and snorted at the girl's words. Gohan's eyes flitted over to meet the overcast gray ones across the room. A fierceness and determination to live glared full force from the cold stormy pits. Even so, Gohan could spot the fear lurking upon the surface despite Makekeru's attempts to hide it. It was perhaps this fear that allowed Gohan to relax his guard in regard to the boy.
x
"Are you ever gonna answer my question?" Kaname demanded in annoyance, breaking the staring contest between the boys. Gohan raised an eyebrow at the girl he was beginning to suspect was bi-polar or something based on the way her emotions fluctuated from one second to the next.
"Huh?" he grunted eloquently as he stared at Kaname blankly.
"What type of Leukemia have you got?"
"Oh, Acute Myeloid."
"Huh, that's strange." Kaname remarked bluntly.
"R-Really...why?" Gohan speculated aloud haltingly. 'Do I really want to know?' his mind asked in trepidation.
"Nothing earth shattering, it's just that type usually affects adults. Acute Myeloid is uncommon in children." Makekeru dined to explain as briefly as possible.
"Yeah, see I have the most common acute form of Leukemia in kids which is Lymphotic cancer. We commonly call it ALL." Kaname explained rapidly. Gohan had to wait a moment for the information to sink in and make coherent sense.
"So...you two have this other Leukemia." Gohan made the sentence a statement.
"No, I have ALL. Keru has Chronic Myelocytic Leukemia which is a lesser form of yours, but just as deadly." Kaname corrected while shaking her head emphatically. Gohan heard a chuffing noise and saw Makekeru stiffly turn away from the two of them.
"Shut up." the Chinese boy ordered through clenched teeth with a sharp edge to his tone. He contemptuously ignored the way Kaname mangled his name.
x
"Don't mind him; he's only been privy to this for two weeks so far. Besides, who wants to talk about terminal diseases anyway?" Gohan was hard pressed to restrain himself from pointing out that Kaname was the one who'd brought the topic into discussion. "There are so many more interesting things to talk about. Like Gohan, for instance." Kaname chattered, boisterously bouncing over to Gohan and clapping him on his shoulder. Gohan recoiled from the touch and adeptly shrugged the offending appendage from his shoulder. Kaname seemed oblivious to his reaction and chose instead to flop unceremoniously, without permission, on Gohan's bed. Gohan drew his knees up to his chest protectively and cringed at the foodstuff now staining his sheets. He didn't really see Kaname as a threat, but after witnessing her constant unbalance he was afraid to somehow get dragged into her clumsiness.
x
"Leave him alone Hajime."
"Aww, you mind your own damn business and pull that stick from your ass before you hurt yourself." Kaname snapped back to Gohan's unreserved surprise. Makekeru bristled furiously, his cheeks flaming from embarrassment, and his eyes flashing dangerously. Gohan was becoming steadily more uncomfortable with the proximity of the two loggerheads as the tension rose a notch. 'Is Dr. Jomei insane? Does he really expect me to remain under control with two hormone driven teens duking it out in my room!' Gohan sighed in defeat, consequently bringing Kaname's attention back to him.
"So, Gohan, what do you do when your not disgustingly ill and dying?" Gohan gaped at the, now, grinning girl looking up at him from his considerably rumpled sheets. "Well?" she prompted impatiently before she reached out a hand to pinch his calf lightly. Gohan jerked roughly from her grasp and gave her one lethal glare to rival Makekeru's.
"Do. Not. Touch. Me." Gohan enunciated clearly in a scathing tone. Kaname merely pouted and flipped the end of the cover-blanket over Gohan's head.
"Geez, you're as much fun as Mr. Granite-face over there." A sour expression graced Kaname's sprite features, "I was only asking about your hobbies."
"Martial arts."
"Huh?"
"I like to practice martial arts when I'm not laid up and dying." Gohan gritted out halfway before giving up his anger and mumbling the rest.
"Really? What form?" Makekeru suddenly asked verifying he'd been attentively listening the whole time.
"Does it matter now?" Gohan growled evasively with a touch of bitter self-pity.
Makekeru shrugged, a frown marring his otherwise nicely complexioned face, before lying down and turning away from them once again.
x
"A nap actually looks good...right about now." Kaname commented around a yawn as she stretched luxuriously on Gohan's bed. Gohan pointedly eyed the bed sheets that were now thoroughly soiled because of Kaname's movements. "Sorry." Kaname chirped hopping into a kneeling position before vaulting from Gohan's bed to the one beside it. Next, she bounced out of her chosen bed and slipped over to Gohan's dresser.
"We should really call a janitor to come clean this up." Kaname observed eyeing the catastrophe still in evidence. Streaky footprints lead to where Kaname stood in front of Gohan's dresser. Leaning over and reaching out, the urchin girl pushed the call button on the side of Gohan's bed. Gohan grimaced as something cool and squishy dropped onto his chest. The red glob looked decidedly like a piece of the red Jello that came with his breakfast. "Sorry." Kaname apologized sheepishly with a shrug as she began rummaging through Gohan's things.
"What are you doing?" Gohan demanded churlishly. 'I guess I need a nap too.' He thought despondently, 'God knows I'll need the rest with this little hellion running amuck.'
"Well, since my clothes are a disaster and the nurses have yet to bring Makekeru's and my things, I decided to borrow a pair of your clothes. After all, it was your breakfast that was dumped all over me." Kaname reasoned perversely.
x
Gohan opened his mouth to point out the various actions, none of which he'd performed, that got her into the mess she was in. Before he could even draw breath Kaname superseded him by whipping out a pair of sweats from his drawer.
"Thanks!" Kaname enthused gratefully, descending to drop a chaste kiss on his shallow cheek. Kaname skipped into the adjoining bathroom failing to witness Gohan's stock still form.
x
After the bathroom door closed behind Kaname Gohan felt his body start trembling. 'God, you are pathetic. She didn't even mean anything by it!' Gohan snarled mentally at himself. The quaking did not cease with these thoughts and Gohan, frustrated, gripped his hands together to try and still them. 'Breathe Gohan, just breathe. In...Out...In...Out...In...' Gohan coached while trying to project a serene picture in his mind. He was dimly aware of Makekeru's deep and steady REM breathing. Latching onto the calming rhythm Gohan focused intently on the rise and fall of Makekeru's covers. The opening of the door escaped his awareness, and it wasn't until he heard the confidant voice that he jolted from his semi-meditative state.
"Everything alright, dear?" a kindly voice questioned carefully. Gohan startled and came face to face with a grandmotherly woman sitting on his bed. She had thinning blond-ash hair and perceptive sky blue eyes that crinkled at the corners when she smiled, like she was doing just then.
"Uh, yeah, I mean, yes ma'am." Gohan nodded jerkily and blushed endearingly at his own lack of manners.
x
Trying not to seem impolite, Gohan attempted to edge away from the stranger imperceptibly.
"I'm Doctor Kalinin Kaiya. I offered to answer the call when I realized it came from the room Kaname and Makekeru were to be moved to." the woman explained benevolently as she surveyed the mess on the floor. "I take it that is the reason you called?" Dr. Kalinin inquired motioning to the disarrayed apparatus and scattered food. Gohan nodded absently, more absorbed in his endeavor to put some distance between himself and the doctor than her bothersome questions. Gohan's nerves were strung out enough as it was with Makekeru and Kaname's presence that he didn't fancy the added burden on his overtaxed muscles.
x
Gohan was just contemplating pushing the encroaching woman off his bed when the bathroom door burst outward and Kaname pranced back into view. The girl's hair was a sopping rope rapping against the back of Gohan's shirt with a consistent wet slap. In her right hand she held Gohan's superfluous brush and comb; in the left his toothbrush and toothpaste. Gohan's brows drew down together in aggravation but neither conscious occupant paid him any mind.
"Dr. Kalinin!" Kaname cried out joyfully and sprung forward to throw her arms around the compassionate woman. Heedful of the dying child, 'Thanks ever so much,' Dr. Kalinin stood up to accept the embrace.
"Well, how's my little Energizer Bunny?"
"Great! I was just getting ready for a nap. Did you come to visit?" Kaname inquired eagerly. Gohan felt a pang of jealousy squeeze his heart. 'I wish someone would drop by to keep me company.' Gohan thought resentfully.
x
Dr. Kalinin shifted over to sit on Kaname's bed and began relating news on their mutual acquaintances. Gohan felt like an outsider and berated himself for eavesdropping on their conversation. 'Idiot, can you be anymore selfish? You don't deserve all the support you're getting. Bulma and Vegeta don't owe you a goddamn thing. Goten is their son and they've done a lot more by him then you ever could. As for Videl and her parents; you have no right to intrude on their budding family. You aren't Gohan anymore, get the fuck over yourself and go to sleep Sesshomaru!' Gohan ordered scornfully.
"You ok, Gohan?"
"Wha? Uh, yeah, I'm just tired." Gohan lied through his teeth to a concerned Kaname.
"Ok, we'll let you get to sleep." Kaname declared with a heartening smile, "And, hey, thanks for letting me borrow your things." Gohan felt distinctly more self-depreciating in the wake of Kaname's cheerful innocence. Kaname pranced back to her bed and said her farewells to Dr. Kalinin who promised to send a janitor to clean up the Kaname-made chaos. Dr. Kalinin bid Gohan goodbye and left, discretely closing the door behind her. Kaname yawned hugely and bid Gohan goodnight. Gohan deemed it futile to call attention to the fact that it was only early afternoon.
Chapter 30: Silent Reverie
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Do I expect to change
The past I hold inside
With all the words I say
Repeating over in my mind
Some things you can't erase
No matter how hard you try
An exit to escape
Is all there is left to find.
Trapt-Echo
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ooo
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Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For the break that would make it okay...
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Reddish-brown on black leather, smeared to fascinating abstraction. Forest green stems slicked wetly against the side of smooth, squeaky soles. Clumps of olive blades laden by dull glass beads of water. Murky splashes of churned mud interspersed amongst the muted turf. Long lines of bleak blue, mournful black, drab brown and gloomy green ended in a sea of patented leather loafers, heels, and pumps. Nipping wind sent coarse, unbuttoned material flapping chillingly against double breasted, pinstriped, and white clad chests. Pale, golden toned hands rubbed forlornly against slender arms scantily clad in sheer silk or gossamer rayon. They stood in communal silence whilst looking down on the over large, soulless shell dressed in a dignified suit of midnight darkness. Seemed only fitting to the boy who eyed the soggy cemetery, head bowed, that the man should lay for eternal rest dressed in the color of nightfall. The boy stood isolated under the overcast sky whose dreary canopy dimmed the vibrant colors of the world until all that remained were the lackluster tones of decay and death.
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There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day...
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Surrounded by people, the boy felt more alone in his skin then ever before. Soft murmurs carried from the huddled mass like a dull roar. Faint weeping rustled the edges of transmitted sound. The low timbre of the priest broke into the already muted lamentations, bringing with it a spattering of icy rainwater from the heavens. As the sky shed crystal tears for the shrouded man, the boy raised his perpetually bowed head a fraction so that he could peer into the open casket. A shaggy head of hair and equally untamable beard graced the familiar kindly face. Crows feet were etched deeply at the corners of forevermore closed lids; testament to the deceased's enjoyment in life. The brawny frame, that not even fatality could diminish, appeared constricted by the pine box.
x
The expression of tranquility on the lifeless corpse gave the impression that he was only sleeping peacefully, and at any moment the man who was larger than life would sit up and grin professing the whole ordeal an elaborate joke. But the boy knew better, he looked down at callused hands that had hewn the pine trees and constructed the coffin with careful diligence. A single tear trekked erroneously down one cheek though it was indistinguishable from the rain that now gushed from the heavens like sobs of grief. The boy was oblivious to the torrential rain that had soaked him in a matter of seconds. He stared blankly as gravediggers nailed the hand crafted coffin shut.
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I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release...
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"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." The words were mere brushes against the boy's conscious mind as he no longer saw the gravediggers lowering the once vivacious relative into the ground, but rather replayed in his mind's eye the events leading to the sorrowful funeral.
oo remembrance oo
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Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh, and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight...
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He flew in a brilliantly blue sky with a glittering sun providing a breathtaking backdrop to one of the few days left in a dying summer. Minute clouds of fluffy, cotton softness dotted the far horizon like dimples on a child's face. The air was sun-warmed with a hint of crispness heralding fall's fast approach. Below, the forest floor whizzed by in a flurry of high green tree-tops. In spite of the breathtaking beauty before him, Gohan's mind was overcome with morbid thoughts of his father's death.
x
He steered the Capsule Corp jet with the absentmindedness of a genius on autopilot. The granite orbs stared unseeingly at the clear, open atmosphere. He knew deep down that his father's death was a direct result of his own prideful stupidity. He could see that accusation reflected in his pregnant mother's eyes. He could practically hear her blaming him for stealing away the baby's father every time she slanted that glare his way. She didn't have to say anything out loud, they were in unspoken agreement about the whole incident...no, crime. She barely spoke to him except to have him run errands and do chores. Gohan was quick on the uptake, she was avoiding him.
x
Whenever he was home, Chi Chi would find some task outside that needed to be carried out immediately or, some forgotten ingredient she needed to cook dinner with but didn't have on hand. If neither of those scenarios were handy his mother would profess a desire to visit Bulma or take a walk. Gohan had obligingly begun to spend copious amounts of time in the woods. The other Z-senshi seemed unaware of the dynamic change in his and Chi Chi's relationship. Then again, Gohan was forced to acknowledge that he'd driven them away until the only reason they infrequently came by was out of a sense of obligation to their deceased friend.
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You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there...
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Gohan was forced to swerve wildly out of the way when his inattention almost brought him to a head-on collusion with a freight plane. Berating himself for the near miss, and cursing profusely for the slow reaction time of the machinated jet, Gohan took a more serious approach to piloting. When he looked below him to judge his location Gohan was chagrined to realize that he'd long since flown past his destination. Grudgingly, the eleven year old boy steered the jet around and backtracked to his intended objective. Within minutes he reached the relatively small cottage nestled in a clearing, surrounded by towering trees.
x
Gohan landed with the utmost efficiency and began to hike his way to the timber house. As the shadows, offset by the scanty shafts of light, slashed across the forest floor and Gohan's ambling form, the boy's mind circled back to his subject of brooding. He deserved to die for what he'd done. Gohan had even considered just ending his existence, had come quite close the previous evening while cradling one of his father's shaving razors in hand. The only thought that had kept him from hacking his wrists in reckless abandon was the fear that should his mother go into labor she would be without someone to take her to the hospital. 'Perhaps when the baby is born I will atone for my sins.' Gohan contemplated absently.
x
His train of thought was once again cut off as Gohan reached the clearing. He took a moment to admire the wooden cabin. It wasn't often that one came across a hand built home these days, what with the convenience of capsule homes. There was just something truly comforting about the stubbornly rooted cottage that appealed to Gohan. The strong lines and sturdy setting of the logs brought the owner to Gohan's mind. Allowing himself a small smile, the first since he'd woken from his strange coma-like state, Gohan moseyed up to the door and rapped sharply on it. There was no answer.
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So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back...
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Gohan knocked more loudly on the heavy set door, a frown deepening his expression and causing his brow to wrinkle. 'He should be here.' Gohan mentally insisted with a rueful pounding on the door. Here his mother had sent him to retrieve their dinner guest and the man refused to answer his door or was otherwise out doing only Kami knew what. Gohan sighed and slumped onto the porch steps to think. He'd honestly been looking forward to seeing the man. After all, he was the only one to treat Gohan the same as he always had after Goku's death. 'Of course, that's selfish of you to want to be regarded in the same manner after murdering your father.' Gohan snarled viciously to himself.
x
Raking a hand through his hair in what was fast becoming a gesture of frustration, Gohan decided the lodge proprietor would not mind if he waited for him inside. Gaining his feet once more, Gohan tested the knob to ascertain if it was locked. Indeed it was, so Gohan pulled a lock pick from his pocket and jiggled the handle while prodding the mechanism with his pick. He was most satisfied to hear a tell-tale click that signaled his success. 'At least I'm improving on my breaking and entering skills.' Gohan snorted derisively.
x
Turning the knob and stepping into the darkened living room Gohan had the sudden urge to call out a greeting like those seen in sappy sitcoms. Instead Gohan contented himself with flicking on the light switch which was powered by a generator. The room was familiarly disarrayed in the fashion of most bachelors though Gohan was forced to admit that it was stylishly so. He well knew that the clutter and thrown-where-it-lay look was intentional.
x
The furniture was all hand crafted with durability and utility in mind, though the unique pieces had a muted elegance about them. The couch was more like a broad bench with an almost naturally curving back. A thick blanket was thrown across the wooden bars along with a few throw pillows that made the sofa a slice of heaven on earth. A, Gohan could only describe it in one way, masculine rocking chair sat in one corner of the room facing the same direction as the couch. Both items faced a small television set that Gohan distinctly identified as the one with only thirteen channels on it. The few days he'd spent in the company of that television as a child had been a battle against boredom which he'd sadly succumbed to within an hour of watching it.
x
Interspersed amongst the two large pieces of furniture were low lying coffee tables and shelves of various sizes, colors, and grains. The dusty wooded surfaces were completely covered with painstakingly hand carved knick knacks. Mostly the carvings were of animals found in the outlaying forests, wolves, bears, mountain cats, monkeys, birds, etc. A few sculptures were fanciful beasts only found in childhood story books. Gohan retrieved a goblin from one overpopulated shelf, reveling in the fond memories of an afternoon constructing a fairytale involving a band of renegade goblins stealing away a princess who couldn't be saved by anyone other than the Saiyan warrior.
x
Gohan released a regretful sigh; those carefree days were long done with, a figment of the past best left forgotten. Though, as his eyes alighted on the stacked puzzle boxes under one coffee table his lips twitched infinitesimally upward of their own accord. Gohan decided then that since he was in the process of perusing old memories, he should canvass the entire cabin. Feeling an admittedly traitorous sense of anticipation and eagerness, 'Father can't enjoy life so why should I be take pleasure in anything. I don't deserve any form of happiness,' Gohan made his way to the bedroom where he'd hid under the bed in many a game of hide-and-seek.
x
Gohan traversed the short hallway; only glancing into the sparse kitchen that displayed a deep basin sink and an open fire pit with a grill; and briefly peeking into the dinky bathroom with toilet and cubical shower without a bath. He reached the bedroom door and without a moments hesitation threw it open. What Gohan saw upon entering stopped him in his tracks and wiped the glint of life from his eye. There the man sprawled seemingly asleep in the heavy oak bed with the royal blue covers rumpled underneath him. The picture would not have appeared so disturbing if it weren't for the fact that the man had been in the middle of getting dressed by the looks of it. One hand was entangled in the unbuttoned farmer's shirt above his heart while the other gripped the pants that were halfway pulled on.
x
"Grandfather?" Gohan approached the considerably larger man cautiously. Unsure of exactly what had happened, he was leery about getting too close. What if he'd been drinking and had passed out or something? The only problem with this line of thinking was that Gohan had never once in his life seen the old man drink alcohol. "Grandpa?" Gohan called again though slightly louder then before and in the manner he used as a small child; he felt so much older now with the blood of murder staining his hands.
x
Despite his appeals the figure on the bed remained stubbornly motionless. Finally, Gohan stood beside the bed close enough to peer into the face of his beloved grandfather. The expression on the Ox King's face looked peaceful, but what startled Gohan were the blue lips and death-tone to his skin. Extending a trembling hand to the rope-like neck, Gohan checked for a pulse. For several moments he held his breath until he could no longer delude himself into thinking the desperate flutters of imagination could upstart a heartbeat long since stilled. Gohan gazed at his grandfather in a silent rictus of emotional pain. Soundless tears budded under his lashes and ghosted down his cheeks. No longer able to hold back his collected anguish from both loses, father and grandfather, Gohan buried his face in his grandfather's shirt to stifle the gasping moans and miserable sobs.
"Oh grandfather, my grandfather. Dear God, what will I tell mother?"
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The storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack...
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oo back to the funeral oo
A muffled thud brought Gohan's eyes to focus on the casket now settled in the hole. The priest stepped aside for the purpose of providing room to Gohan and Chi Chi so that they could throw the first fistful of dirt into the cavity. Gohan hung back as his mother walked forward and deposited her pitiful mound into the gaping fissure. As she turned, their eyes met and the regret, grief, accusation, and finally hatred he read in her steady stare forced him to avert his gaze.
x
She had blamed him, of course, because he hadn't arrived at the cabin in time to save his grandfather. Gohan's shoulders slumped in acknowledgement; he'd accepted the blame for his grandfather's death with the ease of one well versed. Gohan couldn't help but consider whether his grandfather would still be dead had he not been sidetracked into flying off course. The autopsy had placed the time of the heart attack near the instance when Gohan had been flying to the cabin. As the handful of dirt, kept dry under an umbrella, sifted from Gohan's fingertips he promised to himself that he would atone for his crimes.
x
His eyes stayed riveted on the slowly buried coffin as acquaintances and the Z-senshi offered their condolences to Chi Chi for her loss. Gohan stood with dripping head bowed, not even acknowledging the sympathetic pats on the shoulder. The gathering slowly made its way to the reception at the funeral home, leaving Gohan staring desolately at the quickly filling grave. Gohan shivered against the nipping wind and reproached himself for that small sign of discomfort as he imagined how cold it must be for his grandfather in the unyielding, barren, cold ground. The gravediggers finished filling the hole and shaping the mound, and then they too walked off.
x
Left completely alone, Gohan fell to his knees begging any God listening to strike him dead where he knelt. Death would be a release from the torment that was living. Since his grandfather's death, Chi Chi had stopped speaking to Gohan, pointedly ignored him until it was as if he didn't exist in the eyes of the one who bore him.
"Someday," he whispered fervently, "Someday I'll end it all and serve my sentence in hell." Gohan promised himself.
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It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees...
Sarah McLachlan-Angel
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ooo
Gohan woke in a cold sweat, the memories of his grandfather's funeral still flashing in his sleep fogged mind. Quick to follow was the feeling of self-loathing for his selfish attitude all those years ago. He had already deprived his little brother of a father, a grandfather, later a mother, and there he was intending to confiscate Goten's elder brother. Gohan passed a hand over his face as the pain clutched at his heart. Both unworthy of life and unworthy of death, all he could think to do was exercise in the art of self-flagellation. Pushing such negative thoughts to the back of his mind for later perusal, Gohan wondered for a moment what had woken him up when he heard Kaname's shrill voice.
"Hey, ya no good cheater, that ain't how ya play the game!" Kaname screeched giving Makekeru a firm thump on the cranium. When Gohan looked up, he was stunned to see the remarkable change wrought to the room during his state of unconsciousness. It was apparent that while he'd been asleep Makekeru and Kaname's things had been moved in.
x
The wall directly across from Gohan was decorated with three cloth scrolls of Chinese calligraphy directly above Makekeru's headboard. To either side of the scrolls were colorful lanterns with beautifully illustrated pictures on their delicate crepe exterior. On the ceiling hung a virtual flock of Japanese origami cranes in sea green, pale blue, sterling silver, glinting gold, royal purple, rose red, fiery orange, dusk blue, smooth crème, pure white, and every other color imaginable. The slight sounds of rustling paper were soothing in their own right. The only other adornment of notable interest was the diminutive yet elegant shrine positioned tactfully on the polished dresser. The graceful lines of the simplistic, nevertheless magnificent shrine were pleasing to the eye in its subtlety and loveliness. Gohan managed to discern a grayed, black and white photo of a young girl smiling adorably on the Shrine's surface.
x
Kaname's small corner of the room unsurprisingly resembled that of a disaster area, it even had a streamer of "Do Not Cross This Line" police tape draped over and spilling from her dresser. Clothes had been haphazardly shoved into the drawers so that bits of various articles poked from the seams. Board games inundated the immediate vicinity of her bed which was currently littered with small wooden Scrabble© pieces. Tacked on the walls were posters galore sporting anything from pop singers to quirky adages. Spread helter-skelter between, and even on, the posters were photographs of family and friends. As if that weren't enough, Kaname's wall was further obscured by shimmering smiley-face stickers, some sporting hats, haloes with devil horns and goatees, scuba gear, or otherwise goofy expressions. In retrospect Gohan realized just how much his section of the room bore a resemblance to the unoccupied bed diagonal to his.
x
Belatedly Gohan spied the ADD (attention deficit disorder) afflicted teen sitting next to Makekeru on her hospital bed. Gohan had the sudden urge to edge away from the irate boy, even though he was clear across the room, when he caught sight of a tick throbbing furiously in Makekeru's left temple. Kaname's sense of self-preservation must have kicked in, or she too glimpsed the spastic vein, because the next moment she had pranced off the bed. Gohan watched the braided imp wearily as she made her way toward him, Makekeru asserting in the background that the word he was using in the scrabble game was not a cheat because it was a real word in his native tongue and therefore permissible.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, it's still cheating!" Kaname called over her shoulder with a negligent wave of her hand and a shrug of her shoulders.
x
"So, you're up, finally! What do you want to do? I was thinking a nice stroll in the garden out back, or perhaps a trip to the mall." Kaname chattered inanely to Gohan who just stared.
"I'm not going shopping with you ever again." Makekeru bit out heatedly upon hearing the girl's suggestions. Gohan, on the other hand, was still staring uncomprehendingly at the perpetually excited girl.
"We're allowed to leave the hospital? How can I with my treatments?" Gohan questioned, purposely presenting a confused facade. Kaname rolled her eyes and muttered what suspiciously sounded like 'stupid doctors' under her breath. Gohan raised a brow as a smile tugged at his lips; at least he and Kaname had one thing in common. Noticing Gohan's expression, Kaname blushed sweetly before she pounced on Makekeru again.
"I guess that settles things; we're going to the garden! Makie, get up and get dressed, we're going out." Kaname ordered whilst tugging ineffectually on the Chinese teen's arm. Makekeru grumbled a bit, but ultimately strode to his bed, grabbed some day clothes, and sequestered himself in the bathroom to shower and change.
x
"You still haven't told me about how I'm going to get around my chemo." Gohan reminded the already dressed occupant.
"Oh, that's nothing to worry about. Makekeru and I start our chemo treatments this afternoon as well. You'll have to be in a wheelchair, hospital policy and all, but the chair has these pegs on them where they hang the drips." Kaname described utilizing a great deal of unnecessary hand gestures. "So, you want to play Scrabble with me until Ruru gets out of the lavatory?" Gohan shrugged and in the next instant Kaname had overturned the board on her bed and scrapped all the pieces into the box to carry them over to Gohan's bed. Gohan sat up, cross legged, to make room for Kaname who promptly bounced into place across from him and consequently sent several wooden squares clattering to the floor.
"I think they're mixed up enough, grab your letters. You can go first; you do know how to play, right?" Kaname inquired briskly, blatantly disregarding the fallen pieces as unnecessary to the fulfillment of the game.
x
Gohan nodded mutely as he selected his bits of overturned engraved wood and looked at the letters. He had two Bs, an S, a triplet of Ds, and an A. Setting his first three letters down to spell 'SAD' he scrutinized Kaname as she studied her own hand.
"Darn, this sucks." Kaname scowled before adding an N to Gohan's A to spell 'AN' as Gohan avoided the temptation to select pieces facing upward from the box. "How come you never asked to leave the hospital or go outside?" Kaname asked with genuine curiosity. Gohan glanced up from where he'd placed his B to spell BAN and shrugged.
"I always figured I wasn't allowed to leave." Gohan murmured quietly, tallying up his points to write on the score sheet. Kaname reached over and slapped Gohan lightly on the arm, causing him to flinch and glower at the vixen in the disguise of a fairy.
"You idiot, you didn't even bother to ask did ya?" Kaname huffed, unashamedly snatching an up faced letter I from the box. "Anyway, where did you meet your girlfriend? Videl, right?" Kaname interjected swiftly before Gohan could answer. Gohan contemplated on what to say as Kaname spelled SIT, using his previously placed S, which also spelled IN using the N in BAN.
"We met at school. I sat by her on my first day." Gohan explained briefly. He smiled slightly as he set his letters B, R, U, N above the T in SIT. Kaname growled and looked at her letters, J, Q, P, K, D, Z, and Y. Then, in a move that stunned Gohan, Kaname swiped an arm over the board sending all the mixed letters skittering across the floor.
"I never did like that game." she professed with a casual flick of her braid.
x
A moment later the door to the bathroom opened and Makekeru stepped out holding a damp towel and toiletries in his arms. Narrowed eyes took in the game pieces dispersed on the floor and then glared toward the likely culprit. Kaname grinned mischievously and winked at Gohan before she turned to Makekeru.
"It's about time Keru."
"My. Name. Is. Makekeru." Makekeru articulated with meticulous precision. Gohan noticed the tube of toothpaste in the boy's hand was being twisted within a white knuckled fist.
"Are you going to pick those up?" Gohan asked quickly in an attempt to prevent Kaname from aggravating Makekeru further. However, this was apparently not the thing to say because Makekeru gave him a look of incredulity and Kaname smiled indulgently at him.
"Her, pick up after herself? Have you seen her pigsty!"
"Hey!" Kaname stuck out her tongue at Makekeru who snorted derisively what could have been distinguished as the word 'juvenile.' "Take that back, you jerk. My part of the room is not messy. I know perfectly well where everything is." Kaname ordered, shaking a fist in Makekeru's direction.
x
The Asian boy turned his back on his roommate while he put his things away. When he turned back around he held a comb in hand and a special roll of tape for his hair which hung in damp tresses about his shoulders.
"It's the truth; I'll not repeal what I said." Makekeru ran the comb through his hair in a proficient manner and then tied it back in the familiar tight tail.
"You uncouth, egotistical, male chauvinist!" Kaname shouted in mock anger. Gohan could see the glint of delight in the girl's eyes as she trounced the severe looking boy on his bed. Makekeru struggled against the wriggly imp who had begun to tickle him mercilessly.
"Ha ha, get off, hehe, now (pant) you (giggle) unbalanced, hah, fool!" Makekeru gasped breathlessly while making the effort to sound stern, which fell flat the second he giggled. Gohan felt an answering smile tug at his lips and was helpless to muffle the chuckle that escaped his throat.
x
"Uh-uh, don't think you're getting off easy!" Kaname crowed as she made a beeline for Gohan. Perceiving the intent gleaming ominously in her eyes, Gohan tried to set up a barrier against her. Alas, the scant protection of cotton encased in cloth did not survive the first assault. No sooner had Kaname leapt onto his bed then Gohan found himself writhing under her nimble fingers. Gohan tried to hold the laughter in, thus the sounds escaping his mouth were sporadic splutters and yelps. He squirmed in her grasp which was surprisingly strong for a girl her size.
"Lemme go." Gohan wheezed before a feeble laugh passed his lips. Kaname grinned in triumph and redoubled her efforts.
"Never turn your back on the enemy." a voice said from behind, Gohan spotted a flash of Makekeru's humored smile before the other young man joined in the fray and began tickling Kaname. Kaname shrieked and tumbled sideways from where she'd straddled Gohan to better tickle him. Makekeru grinned devilishly, continuing to tickle the twisting form of Kaname. Makekeru's hair was no longer immaculate but extremely mussed with long strands framing his well contoured face. Kaname didn't look any better for the wear on her braid and both their clothes were rumpled disgracefully. Kaname refused to give up on tickling Gohan, and as her hands wriggled against his ribs Makekeru weighed down Gohan's drawn legs. Makekeru had to sprawl in order to tickle Kaname who was almost out of reach.
x
One moment Gohan was laughing freely with the two rumpled teens then the next he was struggling frantically for release.
"Please get off, please get off." Gohan began gasping as unwitting tears coursed down his cheeks. His chest was heaving, his breath came in quick, short gasps and Gohan could feel his heart thundering rapidly against his ribcage. 'Oh God, oh God, please stop it.' Gohan begged mentally as what felt like a heart attack escalated.
"Wait, stop, stop Makekeru! Gohan? Gohan, are you okay?" Kaname, having abruptly realized Gohan was not enjoying the tickle war, asked in an earnestly concerned voice. When Kaname had called him by his full name, and yelled, Makekeru had become instantly aware that something was amiss. Gray eyes turned to the figure drawing in hitching breaths under him.
"Gohan, what's wrong?" Makekeru demanded, competently reigning in his emotions and locking them within the back of his mind.
"Pl-plu-please...get...o..." Gohan couldn't get out the words as he struggled to calm his breathing without success. Gohan reached up a hand to grasp at his still bare chest, eyes wide in fearful panic.
"We have to call the nurse." Makekeru announced, his critical eye assessing the situation and deeming the two of them unsuitable for handling it. As he reached for the call button though, Kaname grabbed his hand.
"No, he'll be fine, just give me a minute. He's having a panic attack." Kaname murmured expertly. There was no longer any trace of a smile on Kaname's face.
x
The petite young woman, for she could only be described as such in the face of her solemnity, maneuvered until she stood behind Gohan. Reaching down she placed her hands on the middle of Gohan's back.
"Now listen to me Gohan. You're having a panic attack. What I need you to do is to blow gently and slowly out of your mouth, as if you're blowing up a balloon. Do you understand Gohan?" Kaname asked in an encouraging voice without a trace of jittery nerves. Gohan nodded vigorously and, as he strained to follow her instructions, he could feel Kaname press on his back. It wasn't a harsh shove or the pressure of a hug but more of a pumping action like that of a bike pump; press, release, press again. Nothing seemed to happen, and then slowly Gohan felt as if he'd crested a hill and the feeling as if he'd have a heart attack gradually subsided. He was still catching his breath when the door opened and a jovial voice called out briefly before stuttering to a halt.
x
"Hey, Gohan I brought...some...uh...Gohan...Perhaps we should come back later?" Mirai Trunks stood in the doorway surveying the three teens. Kaname blushed a brilliant scarlet when she saw the drop-dead gorgeous man in the archway. Makekeru schooled his expression into one of disinterest, as if hovering over his very male roommate was a natural thing to do. Gohan closed his eyes and groaned under his breath. 'Just what I need, more visitors to see me at my weakest.' Gohan thought despondently even as his body stiffened in the face of the larger man. 'It's Trunks you dimwit! Trunks wouldn't hurt you.' Gohan scolded himself viciously even as he called out.
"No, do come in. Who's with you?"
"Trunks, mom insisted I take him away, she didn't care where as long as it was away from her." Mirai Trunks explained with a hint of a smile. Indeed, when Gohan opened his eyes the lavender haired man was smiling in good humor as he stepped into the room, trailed by the devil's spawn trying to pass himself off as a demi-Saiyan. Chibi Trunks did not look delighted in the least to be dragged around a virus infested hospital; the scowl on his face was proof enough.
x
"So, who're your new friends?" Mirai Trunks asked with his tongue clearly in his cheek. Kaname rapidly rose from behind Gohan and, using his shoulders as leverage, got out of his bed. Awkwardly she tried to smooth out her rumpled clothing and her messy plait of hair. Makekeru simply sat back and scrutinized the stranger directly, not really caring what the other thought of him.
"This is Kaname and Makekeru. Guys, this is my..."Gohan trailed off, unsure of exactly what they were to each other, friends, comrades, acquaintances through their parents?
"I'm Mirai, Gohan's elder brother, and this is Trunks, our younger brother." Mirai Trunks supplied quickly to which Gohan had to keep himself from gaping.
"Gohan, how come you didn't tell me you had a hunk for a brother?" Kaname demanded in a hissing whisper that Gohan well knew Mirai Trunks heard with his Saiyan ears. Gohan, however, was still staring at Mirai, burning with the desire to ask why Mirai had introduced himself in such a way. Makekeru, who had caught Kaname's rude whisper, rolled his eyes. With natural elegance he swept from Gohan's bed to his own so Gohan would have a bit of privacy. Kaname ignored the uptight boy and refused to move from her spot standing next to Gohan's bed.
"Hi, I'm Kaname, Gohan's new roommate." she announced redundantly while she held out a petite hand. Mirai indulgently shook the proffered hand before his gaze returned to the ill boy in bed.
x
Mirai's keen eyes picked up on the tensed muscles and the hazy fear despite Gohan's efforts to conceal them.
"So what were you guys doing just then?" Mirai asked conversationally, leaning against the wall a good few paces away from Gohan with his hands shoved non-threateningly in his pockets. The young man was doing his best to appear harmless to the skittish boy who turned away at the inquiry.
"We were just having a tickle war." Kaname explained obligingly when Gohan didn't answer. "Gohan just got a bit upset and we had to calm him down is all." she added as an after thought. Mirai examined the diminutive individual before him with interest. 'How,' he wondered, 'did this little slip-shod of a girl get Gohan to participate in anything physical after the episode yesterday?'
x
"Look, you saw Gohan and he's fine. Can we go now?" Trunks whined petulantly from where he stood by the door. Mirai gave his younger self a warning glare that spoke clearly of consequences in the Gravity Room should he rush Mirai. Chibi Trunks huffed and plopped into a sitting position on the floor.
"Actually, leaving is an excellent idea! We were planning on going out to the garden; would you like to come with?" Kaname offered excitedly.
"Kaname, you're not sure if Gohan still..." Makekeru began in a censuring tone but was cut off by Gohan.
"Yeah, let's get out of this room." Mirai looked to Gohan who was obviously steeling his nerves for the inevitable physical contact that would come from moving him to a wheel chair. Seeing the new defiance in his once mentor's eyes, Mirai Trunks smiled and graciously accepted the invitation, hoping briefly that he would get the chance to speak with Gohan privately about why he'd come.
DEDICATED to SAH-RAE HYJO whose constructive criticism is so fashionably written that it resembles praise rather than criticism. THANX for the inspiration!Chapter 31: Significant Green Extraterrestrial
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm looking at you
Old friend of mine.
It's no use pretending
That everything's fine.
Now don't be so brave.
Don't be so proud.
I want you to know that I'm here for you now
I can see you hurting and it's hurting me
It doesn't have to be this way...
Michael W. Smith-Let Me Show You the Way
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Gohan winced as the weak, early-afternoon sunlight struck his sensitive retinas. He held up a pale boney hand to shield his eyes and shifted his gaze downward. Sitting to one side of his wheelchair, beside the entranceway, stood a foo lion statue chiseled from white marble. It stood regally on its square pedestal with a head resembling a traditional dragon more then a lion. Gohan felt a small smile tug his lips as he spotted the ball under one of its paws. Looking to his left, Gohan was unsurprised to find an almost identical sculpture, only this one had a cub underfoot. Gohan recognized the ancient protectors against evil spirits, and he found humor that they were placed so ironically in front of a hospital entrance. 'Evil spirits have long since infested that building. Setting out such archaic symbols of safeguard is cruel and unkind to those who know they are tainted and without hope.'
x
Gohan's thoughts were bitter and his softly smiling expression turned into a brittle smirk.
"God, smell that fresh air! Ain't nothin' like it!" Kaname exclaimed to nobody in particular, breaking Gohan from his fast turning morbid thoughts. Trunks let out a petulant huff but Gohan was inclined to agree with Kaname as he dragged in a lung full of crisp, cold air and let it out in a stream of white smoke. The thin, chilling air sent a shiver through his body though he was securely wrapped in two blankets to ward off the effects of low temperature. Gohan's lungs, so used to the heated and sterilized air of the hospital, rebelled the foreign freshness and he coughed through a few succeeding breaths.
"Gohan, would you rather go back inside?" Mirai questioned concernedly from the handles of Gohan's wheelchair. The struggling teen shook his head vehemently and waved a negligent hand to signal his desire to go forward.
x
The inlaid stone walkway was glistening with a fragile, paper-thin sheet of ice that cracked and melted as the wheels churned over it. Lush grass the color of flaming scarlet, from autumn's influence, was turning bronze as the early frost clung to the abundantly slim blades framing the walk. Little sparkling dots of dew were slowly appearing as the growing temperature melted the effects of a light snowfall. Other ornamental grasses, silver and wheat colored with wispy, feathery dried flowers covered the expanse of the winter scene in profusion.
x
Gohan admired the gently swaying, over grown grass and allowed his eyes to travel along the low laying shrubs. The evergreen Aucuba with its fanning lime green-yellowish leaves and small red berries offered a pleasing spectacle. The flowerless shrubs of dark green, sometimes blue, clung to the trunks of trees like children at their mother's skirt. Camellias of the purest white running to the deepest ruby burst in rounded blooms he longed to cup in his hands. Azaleas of watermelon-pink and white with burgundy flares graced the dull backdrop of olive leaves. Bronze-green leafed rhododendrons had transformed into reddish-purple patches of winter color. And overlaying all was a bare inch of fluffy white substance bestowing an enchanting appeal to the beholder.
x
The amazing range of tones took Gohan's breath away after so long cooped up in an austere room. Small pink and white budded Sakura trees were slowly preparing to open their beautiful blossoms as the downy whiteness settled genteelly on skeletal branches. To either side stood elegant maples and evergreens with leaves the warmest hue of crimson and the richest shade of jade. Fallen leaves littered the pathway in a plethora of claret designs that enticed the eye. The new fallen snow dusted the beautiful and unique branching patterns of deciduous trees, highlighting their interesting bark textures, tints, and configurations. Most alluring of these was the weeping birch that had peeling, white bark and dark brown stems and twigs that cascaded from the mushroom-shaped top to the ground sporting miniature icicles.
x
Next to draw Gohan's gaze, like a moth to a flame, was a Japanese apricot tree set to the forefront of a clump of evergreens. Premature neon pink, ruffled flowers bloomed magnificently like a cumulus cloud above a twining, scaly, gray trunk. The rich and spicy fragrance of the delicate blossoms carried over the air to assault Gohan's senses, and he breathed deeply the essence of winter. Gohan sorely missed the experience offered by being out of doors. Gurgling water, stone lanterns of exquisite design, and smooth rock walkways created a soothing embrace around the nature starved invalid. In peace Gohan allowed his eyes to drift closed. Dapples of sunlight shone on his upturned face creating a blood red vision beneath his closed eyelids.
x
"Nothing measures up, does it?" Gohan's eyes cracked open to cast a fleeting look at Mirai Trunks who stood behind him. The young man was peering down at Gohan, smiling knowingly, as he pushed Gohan's wheelchair. Gohan's gaze lightly skimmed the flowering azalea and camellia shrubs arranged in such a way to create the illusion of wild abandon. Red blossoms faded into pink then into white, intermingled in a fashion that blended well with the surrounding moss covered outcroppings. Even the stone lanterns were placed strategically to appear more real and primordial as if they had grown divinely from the emerald tufted rocks beneath them.
x
Gohan's practiced eye alighted on a zenigata, or stone water basin in the shape of an antique coin, with a kakei, or bamboo spigot, the source of the burbling water. With the trees' canopy overhead and the jade foliage surrounding him on both sides Gohan felt enveloped within the heart of Mother Nature. He had never felt so loved by the world since before he had been taken from his secluded mountainside home. 'It's like a slice of home carved away and settled here just for me.' Gohan thought with wonderment.
x
Conflicting feelings rushed up to choke him until all he could do was nod jerkily to Mirai's question. 'How could I have let them take me?' Gohan felt a soft breeze waft through the rustling tree leaves. Garnet colored Maple leaves floated to the earthen path, some brushed against Gohan's exposed skin and settled on his lap. 'I should never have let them take me, or Goten.' Gohan affirmed forlornly.
x
Gohan's thoughts returned to that small, rounded abode secluded in the forested mountains; to that darkened corner where he had curled himself into a fetal position around a tiny squirming body. That fateful day his infant brother had to be pried from his spasmodic grasp. He could still recollect the anguish written on Goten's face as the baby wailed in pain. At least the memory of the gaping mouth was an indication of Goten's discomfort for Gohan could not recall any sounds of hysterical bawling. His mind had been a blur filled with the sounds of running water and the vision of red-tinted tile. His own feelings had been like so many waves beating down on him with crushing strength, leaving him with nothing to cling to except one soul devoid of any understanding in the matter.
x
A small cherubic face was all that remained in Gohan's sketchy reminiscence of the time after he'd walked in on his mother's corpse. Fat dollops of salty tears had trailed Goten's pudgy cheeks and Gohan had only gripped tighter in answer. The teary, innocent eyes had gazed up at him as if pleading for a reason behind the mistreatment. Gohan had responded by clutching his brother steadfastly against his chest. 'It was a wonder he didn't suffocate.' Gohan thought self-depreciatively.
x
He reached up a hand wearily and rubbed at his temples. Kaname's chattering as she skipped about the garden path and Chibi Trunks' muttered curses and complaints only served as indistinct background noise to Gohan's morose thoughts. 'Oh, Goten, I shouldn't have let you go.' Gohan could still feel that ghostly, incessant tugging that he attributed to the doctors and police as they had tried to get him to release his brother. 'If only I had held you longer or refused altogether to let you go. Perhaps we could've been together and I could've been your big brother.' Gohan grimaced suddenly and his eyes focused on the bundle of energy that was Kaname. The girl was grinning like a Cheshire cat as she glomped Makekeru, interrupting the boy's quite contemplation of the zen garden nearby. 'What I wouldn't give to be like that.' Gohan sighed wistfully as his heartache grew and a twinge of shame assaulted him. 'You have no claim to contentment or enjoyment after what you've done.'
x
Clackety-clack-clackety...clack-clack-clackety...clackety-clack-click...the wheelchair sounded as it traveled along the charming six-post bridge. Gohan frowned as his hollow stare was lured to the glistening pond below.
"Humph, serves him right the jerk. What'cha thinkin' about Gohan?"
"Home." Gohan murmured, desolately absorbing the abundantly green undergrowth encompassing the gleaming pond half shadowed by the trees. In answer to a simple hand gesture, Mirai halted the wheelchair next to the shimmering pool. Beneath the surface of the water Gohan could see the golden and pearly white koi swimming sedately amongst themselves. The light snowfall the previous evening had caused the fringes of the pond to crystallize but had not depleted the warmer temperature of the pool enough to force the fish into hibernation. The tranquil surface was undisturbed and refracted the beams of light that managed to stab through the dense foliage.
"And where's that?" Kaname demanded coming up beside Gohan and tossing a pebble into the calm water. Ripples distorted the surface and the fish darted away from the tumult. They swam deeper into the shaded area of the pond where it was harder for Gohan to distinguish the fish. Gohan sighed lowly in annoyance before turning his attention inward once more.
ooo
Globules of thick redness fell with a soft plop that was drowned out by the hum of rushing water. Quickly they spread thin until diluted to a pastel pink and soon after washed away only to be replaced by more dollops of crimson dye. Each drip distorted the puddle of accumulated water, tainting the translucent pureness like an insidious disease. He made a choked sound between a snort and bark of laughter at the analogy. Frigid droplets of crystal liquid beaded on his puckered skin like clammy gooseflesh. He closed his eyes and raised his face to the stinging spray. A sheet of ice water slapped against the pale planes of his boney face and cascaded down his skeletal frame. Obsidian pools of emptiness traced the rivulets as they streamed over protruding bones, gathering a rose-tinted hue, before being inexorably dragged to the drain.
x
He regarded his flesh with disgust and noted with shame the many blemishes to his skin. Each mark was an equivalent to a prompt that would forever remind him of his imperfections. He was simply a flawed design; for what other reason could he warrant such punishments? There could be no question in his mind that he was to blame, that he deserved every painful bruise, cut, and invasion. Gohan fisted his hands and watched his gruesomely chafed wrists bleed sluggishly. There had to be something wrong with him, some default trigger inside of him that mad him inherently evil. He blew up his father, stopped his grandfather's heart, and drove his mother to suicide through various actions he could not decipher the origins of. The scars that littered his body served as testament to his sinfulness.
x
For a moment his mind warred with itself as one half screeched indignantly that he didn't take pleasure in sin while the other half whispered sinisterly about his erection and orgasm. Gohan released a strangled cry of distress and felt overwhelming disgust in his adulterous body. He briefly entertained the idea of drowning himself but dismissed the notion almost instantaneously with the air of one well versed in futility. THEY never allowed him to take in something he could use to plug the shower nor was the stall deep or wide enough to plausibly drown in. Similarly the sink was without a plug. Gohan thought regretfully of a time when he'd tried to drown himself in the toilet but THEY had caught on and now the water level was low enough to prevent any of his suicidal tendencies from manifesting. Of course, he could just chew through his wrists but every time Gohan contemplated the idea his mother's corpse flashed through his mind. Then he was suitably averted from the desire to end it all, or at least in a manner similar to hers.
ooo
Gohan cringed at the memory even as his eyes continued to watch the last ripples ruffle the surface of the pond. He shuddered minutely as his mind easily conjured the feeling of the roaming hands groping at him. 'No! Knock it off you idiot! Stop letting them in!' Gohan snarled mentally while his agitation demonstrated itself physically through the hands that fisted on his lap. He was suddenly very grateful his body was completely covered by the blankets and long-sleeved sweater. He could not deal with the sight of his sickly mutilated body. A toxic mixture of shame, repugnance, and self-hatred assailed him and he labored to pull himself from the tumultuous quagmire. 'You could not control your body's reaction to outside stimulation. The response was natural and in no way infers that you experienced pleasure.' Despite the facts Gohan passed through his mind he still grappled under the weight of his emotions. The facts remained that his body was soiled and he could find nothing but revulsion in it.
x
"Okay there, Gohan?" Mirai Trunks questioned quietly so as not to disturb or alarm him. Gohan startled anyway and, after noticing his clenched fists, made an effort to relax his tense limbs. He blanked his mind of all negative thoughts, pushing them to the farthest reaches of consciousness and turned his undivided attention to Mirai.
"Yes, I'm fine." Mirai Trunks studied him skeptically for a moment before he decided to let it slide and simply nodded his acceptance of the answer. The young man restlessly ran a hand through his lavender hair making it roguishly disarrayed before he leaned comfortably against a tree. Gohan recognized the nervous preparations for an uncomfortable conversation and noted simultaneously that the two were alone.
x
Kaname, losing interest in Gohan's stimulating silence, had wandered off to a separate part of the garden. Gohan could see the minx busy plucking flowers and creating garlands with which she would no doubt wreck havoc with Makekeru's patience. The said victim—ehem—Makekeru was standing stiffly by the zen garden. Gohan could see by the rigid stance that the boy was struggling internally with himself. The faint line of worry in his brow and the stubborn set of his jaw left little to the imagination concerning what had Makekeru so torn. It was a hard pill to swallow acknowledging that you are, in fact, dying. Gohan just hoped that the stern boy could attain some peace of mind from the reflective garden. The last presence Gohan observed was the devil's advocate who was leaning, much like his counterpart, against the hospital wall. However unlike Mirai, Trunks was scowling and sending dark looks toward his future self in a decidedly homicidal manner.
x
Doing his best to ignore the deadly piercing eyes of a second grader, Gohan turned his wayward stare onto Mirai Trunks. When the taller youth remained silent Gohan felt like squirming in his seat. Instead Gohan let out an impatient sigh and gestured for Mirai to continue. Mirai looked down momentarily and Gohan found his eyes darting in the same direction to see what was so fascinating. Mirai merely scuffed his shoe on some snow making it compact and creating prints of the underside of his shoe. With his hands in his pockets Mirai Trunks looked like a recalcitrant child who knows he did something wrong but doesn't want to get in trouble for it.
x
"I want to know why you told Kaname that you're my brother. And, I want to know what you have to speak to me about." Gohan stated as matter-of-factly as he could. Mirai did not look up but continued to pat down the snow while it melted beneath his glitzy sneakers. "Stop acting like a damn child and tell me!" Gohan snapped impatiently. Mirai's head jerked up so fast that Gohan felt sympathy pains for his neck. The older boy's face had darkened exponentially and it was apparent that he was suppressing a reflex reaction to Gohan's words.
"Quite frankly, you aren't one to talk of childish behavior. Has it occurred to you that I am trying to think of the best way to inform you of potentially disturbing news?" Mirai Trunks' tone was dangerously flat and his expression was unsmiling. Mirai no longer looked anything like a child and Gohan wondered briefly if he'd hallucinated the whole episode. Instinctively his body twitched and tensed from the intimidating male, though Gohan knew in his mind that Mirai Trunks posed no threat.
"I just want to get some answers, alright?" Gohan asked tiredly, pleading silently to the serious man.
x
Mirai nodded gravely and took a deep breath before hunching slightly to obtain a more unthreatening pose as well as be closer to eye-level. Gohan's body calmed slightly and he nodded to Mirai to signal his thanks and that he was ready.
"I know that Goten's test isn't a sure thing and that you have a long way to go yet before you're better. You'll be spending quite some time in and out of the hospital even if Goten is a match. The question is where do you want to go?" Mirai began hesitantly looking everywhere but at Gohan until the final question, at which his eyes bore deeply into Gohan's. Gohan frowned and opened his mouth before closing it again, perplexed.
"What do you mean?" Gohan asked after a moment in confusion.
x
"My mother has missed you a great deal these past long years. She and Father have raised Goten as their own child, as my and Trunks' brother. She feels torn now, what with you turning up, and she wants Goten to know you. Mom is offering you a place in the family, Gohan. In fact, she's started talking to the Satans to obtain legal custody of you." Mirai's voice was modulated into a soothing baritone. Gohan simply gaped at him and mouthed wordlessly. Casting about for something to say he finally managed to grasp reality.
"What would they tell Goten?" Gohan asked almost breathlessly. He felt as if he'd been socked in the gut. 'This is unbelievable! I could be Goten's brother again! I can live in the same house as him!' Gohan didn't even notice a giddy smile crossing his face as he waited anxiously for Mirai's answer. Disappointingly the lilac-haired man shook his head and shrugged.
"I'm not sure what they plan on telling him. I mean, he doesn't remember anything since he was so young and Mom was worried about him becoming depressed if he thought he was adopted, that his parents were dead and his brother missing. Basically she was working on the premise that she'd tell him when he was ready to know the truth. I suppose she'll speak to you about it." Mirai explained in a subdued voice as if to make the conversation more private and intimate. Gohan could understand the secrecy, no saying how good Saiyan ears were.
x
"What about Vegeta?" Gohan thought suddenly out loud. And then his smile disappeared as his thoughts were brought sharply into focus. 'What the hell are you thinking? You are currently planning to disrupt and corrupt their lives by integrating your tainted self into their happy family! How could you, Gohan? You bastard!' Gohan berated himself unmercifully. A small voice protested that he'd been fine about living with Videl and asked if she was somehow deserving of his sordid company. 'Videl's different...she's...she's too pure to be tarnished...even by me.' Gohan's answering thought sounded tinny even to him.
x
"...get over it, but I'm not so sure he'd appreciate Goten knowing anything. Father is strange about Goten; I think he's fond of the boy to tell you the truth. Either way, Mom will have the final say in things and the most he'll do is warn you to keep your distance." Gohan caught the tail end of Mirai Trunks' answer and wondered whether Mirai meant Vegeta would warn him to stay away from Vegeta himself or Goten. Silently he cursed himself for not paying attention.
x
Mirai abruptly stood straighter, making Gohan flinch, and called out to Trunks. The miniature Mirai ran over looking relieved to finally be leaving. "Well, I think we should go now. I want you to think about what I told you." Mirai Trunks intoned cryptically. Gohan shook his head and gave Mirai a scrutinizing look.
"I don't see what there is to think about. What you're telling me is the process is already in the works. Knowing Bulma, I won't get any say in it at all."
"Even Mom can't persuade you not to throw yourself into another fire." Mirai Trunks deadpanned callously. Gohan flinched as if he'd been slapped and watched as the two brothers walked away.
x
"Perhaps it is time you truly decide whether to live or not." Gohan jerked in his chair and gasped at the deep gravely voice. His shoulders tensed until the weak muscles corded tautly beneath his heavy garments. With trembling, fumbling hands on the wheels Gohan maneuvered himself to face the, until then, bodiless voice. Leaning unperturbedly against a tree with his cape fluttering minutely in the motionless air was Piccolo. The Namek didn't look a day older then the first time Gohan had met the stoic fighter. Piccolo's true age could only be discerned by the depth of pain and wisdom embodied within his coal-colored eyes, and that penetration was unfathomable. Those eyes now regarded Gohan with cold compassion; Gohan would not find a single tear for him in this man.
x
Piccolo would say pitying someone was a waste of time and effort, but pitying oneself even more so. Gohan swallowed convulsively and cringed at the hard look in his sensei's eyes. He hastily searched for Kaname and Makekeru, making the excuse to himself that he wanted to be sure they didn't notice the significant green extraterrestrial in their midst, though the real reason was to avoid those intense globes of granite.
"What are you doing here; and how long have you been spying on me?" Gohan questioned in an undertone out of the side of his mouth. Meanwhile his gaze raked over the garden to see Kaname busily trying to drag Makekeru from the doorway where he was trying to go inside. They looked far too involved to perceive Piccolo's presence let alone to see that Mirai Trunks and Chibi Trunks had gone. Regretfully, without a viable reason to compel Piccolo to leave, Gohan was forced to direct his attention to the impassive alien who had patiently delayed his answer until then.
"A certain pair of z-senshi came to the lookout spouting hysterically about a returned Son Gohan and the condition of his life interim after he went missing. I've been watching you since this morning." Piccolo leveled Gohan with an unsympathetic look that conveyed quite clearly how he felt about what he'd heard and seen.
x
Like Vegeta's usual stance, Piccolo's arms were crossed over his chest and Gohan felt properly intimidated by the unyielding nature of his one time friend and confidant.
"Why did you bother to come here if all you're gonna do is tell me what a screw-up I am? Huh?" Gohan hated the quiver in his voice and balled a hand into a fist. 'Why am I always so weak!' he wailed internally.
"I don't believe I have given you any reason for why I am here and would appreciate if you did not put words in my mouth." Piccolo said relentlessly, his position and expression giving nothing away. Gohan felt his lips tremble and bit down hard to quell the building sob. All he really wanted was to throw his arms about Piccolo and use the man's sturdy shoulder to cry on. He'd missed the easy companionship, the long restful silences and meditations, the philosophical ponderings, and, most of all, the profound feeling of trust and safety in the man's presence. There was just something about the predictable, stalwart Namek that soothed his jaded soul. He regretted most how they'd parted on such bad terms all those years ago. Now Gohan couldn't help but feel threatened with Piccolo even at arms length. He hated himself for it.
x
"So why are you here?" Gohan asked dolefully as he valiantly tried to repress his fear and hide his tears. Not for a second did he believe that he was succeeding in fooling the perceptive being.
"I thought you'd benefit from a gift. That is, if you have plans to continue breathing anytime in the near future." Gohan almost saw a smile twitch at Piccolo's lips and caught the glimpse of warmth in his eyes before it was gone, replaced by the cool indifference once again.
"I do want to live Piccolo. I...I just don't...feel...like I should want to...or deserve to, for that matter." Gohan started anxiously before dying into a mumble and then he ducked his head shamefully.
"Krillin told me about some things, some things done to you. Kid, there is nothing that you could have done that merits your death." Piccolo's voice was gruff and the words were spoken softly, but it wasn't so much the words themselves as the epithet. Gohan could hold back no longer, a strangled whimper escaped his throat sounding peculiarly like the mewl of a kitten. In the next instant Piccolo was being accosted by a distraught teenager who practically collapsed under his own weight after having vaulted from his wheelchair.
x
Instead of pushing the boy away, green and rose colored arms enveloped the frail body offering strength even as he made shushing noises to calm the sobbing patient. Piccolo did not lower Gohan to the ground but rather held him up, in a loose grip to prevent the feeling of entrapment, and rubbed his back. Even as Gohan sought comfort Piccolo could feel the quailing body rejecting the close quarters. The Namek thought of dark alleys and a few choice beam cannons he'd like to deliver to the ones at fault for the fear in his deshi¹.
"I brought you some senzu beans." Piccolo explained briefly to take Gohan's mind off their proximity. The ill child drew his head back from Piccolo's thoroughly soaked shoulder and sniffed. Piccolo held back a cringe at the idea of his gi being used as a snot rag. Instead he focused on Gohan's curious, tear-streaked face.
"Why? I thought...They can't cure cancer, can they?" Gohan looked only mildly hopeful and his reservations were confirmed when Piccolo shook his head. Reaching into his gi with one hand while holding Gohan in the crook of the other, the Namek brought out a brown cloth bag to present to his charge. Gohan only looked more bewildered, he reached up a hand to wipe at the drying tracks on his face, the evidence of his brief crying jag.
"What use are they for me now?" Gohan asked desolately.
"They may not cure you but they'll give you strength and perhaps give you more time." Piccolo clarified before subtly shoving the bag into one of Gohan's limp hands. The pale, boney fingers clasped tightly around the course cloth just as Kaname's voice shrilled his name. Gohan balked in reaction and Piccolo carefully lowered him back into his wheelchair. The boy looked wistful for a moment then peered up at his sensei with desperation in his eyes.
"You'll come again right?" Gohan questioned tentatively.
"Sure Kid." Piccolo assured and reaching over he rubbed at Gohan's bald head.
x
Seconds after Piccolo disappeared into the dense foliage Kaname happened upon Gohan and wondered loudly and obnoxiously about how rude his brother had been to leave him in the garden all alone.
x
x
NOTE: ¹deshi- student, apprentice, etc. (I thought it only fitting to use the Japanese word for student since everyone, including myself, always uses sensei for teacher.)
TBC