Disclaimer.
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This episode is set 3 months on from the series finale.
Main Characters in this Story are from the friends tv series.
This is a fan fiction type story and Any new characters in this story are fictitious. They are not based on actual people as far as I know. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.
This story is supposed to be original.
I apologise in advance for any references to similar storyline ideas that may have been used in the show.
Ive seen lots of episodes and Its a big influence when trying to write one for yourself.
Hope you enjoy it anyway!
Simon
"The One Three Months on"
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In the 'Central Perk' coffee house in down town New York, Joey Tribbiani sat in an armchair looking curious (as he often did). His friend Phoebe Buffay sat on an old style but comfortable looking sofa, she was knitting.
Joey looked at the huge woollen triangle that Phoebe had been knitting,
"So Phoebe, what are you knitting?".
"Just knitting Mike a jumper", she paused and looked at him strangely, "you still have your gloves Joey?".
"Yeah! I still use them lots Pheebs!".
"I thought you were upset because they only had four fingers on each hand!", she looked confused.
"No they come in very handy", he said, removing one of the gloves from his jacket.
Phoebe became intrigued.
"They keep my mini pizza slices warm!".
From within the 'glove', he took out a fluffy pizza slice and gave a huge thumbs up.
oooooo oooooo
Ross Geller, dressed in a smart 'Armani' suit and sporting his usual generous amount of hair styling gel, strolled up the stairs towards the foyer of the newly built 'Beverly Hills Auditorium'.
Trying to take in the sheer size of the building. He became nervous with every step he took, thinking this place is so huge! Joey could get lost here. Actually, I could lose everyone here.
Casting his eyes upwards as he entered through revolving doors he almost got his nose pushed against the glass.
The swish of the air conditioning caught him off guard as he entered the foyer.
There was a 'ping' and a green light caught Ross's attention somewhere to his right.
A burly security guard approached him. He started to feel intimidated, his voice about to croak an explanation, half expecting to be forced to his knees at gunpoint and to be left pleading for forgiveness.
"Dr Geller, we've been expecting you!", the guard spoke like someone from a 'James Bond' film.
Thrusting one hand towards Ross for a strong handshake and waving what looked like a high tech organiser around with the other.
"Welcome to the BHA, please stand still while I make you up an ID pass".
"Make up an ID pass", Ross mumbled under his breath, still feeling a bit shell-shocked.
The 'organiser' gave a hum and a click as it took a picture of Ross, a blue flash taking him a little by surprise.
As if by magic an ID badge popped out just as the guard had predicted.
Ross took it and found it was not sticky on one side, I'm certainly not that new to security procedures he thought as he tried to stick the non sticky ID label onto his breast pocket.
"You'll need this Dr Geller", the security guard handed him a clip. Ross took the clip and sighed with relief, clipping it to his pocket. He tried desperately to insert the label into the clip.
"It's magnetic", the guard reached out a large hand and with one swift movement aligned the two, they stuck together with a small click.
"That's really terrific!", Ross said as though he was five years old again, his voice almost to match.
"It's developed from the NASA technology" the guard grinned, looking almost friendly and angelic like a really nice guy that had come to collect someone's daughter to take them to high school prom.
He waved Ross towards the information desk. "Enjoy your stay Dr Geller!".
Ross shuffled off to book in at the reception desk.
oooooo oooooo
Chandler Bing sat like an eccentric English gentleman in his obsessively clean suburban abode.
He was relaxing in his favourite armchair, glasses on and reading a copy of the New York Times. His legs were outstretched onto the table next to a mug of coffee that had long since gone cold.
His wife Monica Geller walked in.
"Chandler, how many times have I told you? Please use the foot stool!".
Chandler glanced over the top of the paper and in a mock London-Businessman accent, he joked, "Not just now dear, I'm checking my share prices!".
She shifted the footstool and peered over the top of the paper, "I like that accent, shame you haven't the suit to match!".
He folded up the paper and tossed it aside.
"Here's your coffee Chandler", Monica picked up his mug and handed it to him.
"Sorry honey, I was just catching up with the local news", he sipped some coffee and promptly spat it back out again, "Eugh!", he frowned, smacking his lips and putting the mug down.
"Chandler, you let your coffee go cold again!".
"Must have lost track of time!", he tried to explain.
Monica looked at the paper, the source of the lost time.
"It's Ok buying the New York Times but we DON'T live in New York anymore!", she sighed, her sympathetic brown eyes staring directly into his, "Besides, it must cost us a fortune having these sent here from New York".
"Oh and who else is gonna keep Joey informed of auditions?", Chandler defended himself, "The only thing he reads are comic books and women's lingerie catalogues!".
She picked up the paper, folded it with perfect precision and placed it squarely on the table.
"I know you miss New York, but we have a home here now", she sat on his lap, "and a loving wife!".
Chandler smiled.
"I know and we have two children that are currently asleep for the afternoon", he paused to look at Monica but she didn't catch on to his train of thought.
Monica glanced at the table, noticing some coffee had been spilled when Chandler had put his mug down.
"I shall need to clean that up!", she said, pointing it out.
Ok, so this is one thing I don't miss! He thought, kissing Monica on the forehead before she rushed off in the direction of the kitchen.
"Honey, do you think I've been a good loving husband?", he enquired.
When she returned she was wearing an apron and pink rubber gloves and carrying various cleaning products.
In a 1950's accent she said "Oh of course you have dear".
"Do you think we should get a maid in?", Chandler joked as he watched Monica mop up the spilt coffee and then wipe the table dry.
"You are enjoying this aren't you Chandler Bing?", she looked at him sternly.
"Oh yes Monica and I think if I continue to leave coffee to go cold for too long I shall have to buy you a French Maid's outfit!", he chuckled.
She tried to make herself look sexy whilst being surrounded by her cleaning equipment, but decided it wasn't working.
"I'm sorry Chandler, but I just don't feel sexy when I clean up for you", she took off her apron and gloves.
"That's a shame", he paused, "how about if I dress up as the maid?".
He realised it was a silly thing to say but he couldn't stop himself.
"Have you been watching that 'Queen' music video again?", she walked up to him and kissed him on the forehead, "It does sound kinda fun though!".
He gulped, "Yeah and you can dress up as….", he tried to think of something nice to say but this one time he was lost for words, "Oh my god what has happened?".
"You lost your thoughts", Monica joked, cuddling up to him.
"Yes, I think I may have, I will have to rely on just actions rather than my words", he grinned.
"As long as some actions are still funny ones", she started dragging him in the direction of the bedroom.
"But Monica, the children may wake up!", he jokingly protested.
"Then we will have to be extra quiet!" she whispered, tugging his arm and looking toward the bedroom, "Come on, I need you now Chandler, be my loving husband!".
In her haste to drag Chandler towards the bedroom she knocked over a potted plant.
"Oh Shoot!", Monica cursed as she watched earth cover the carpet.
"Leave it, I'll clean it up later Monica!", he said.
Monica, faced one of her worst moral dilemmas, she found she just had to put on her apron and gloves.
"You go, I'll catch you up!", she said, pushing Chandler in the direction of the bedroom.
He put on his best cockney accent, "Ok then mate, I shall get the bed ready for you!".
oooooo oooooo
Joey walked in to the 'Central Perk' coffee house, flashing a smile at Phoebe who sat sipping from a huge mug of hot chocolate.
"Hey Pheebs".
"Hey Joey, you look happy!", she put her mug down and placed both hands up to her head as if she was trying to pick up his brainwaves.
"Oh!", Phoebe took a huge breath, almost making Joey jump, "you met a girl this morning!", She was teasing him but he seemed to be impressed.
Joey held up his hand, almost like 'Columbo' would do, "That's amazing", he began to gasp, "how can you possible tell that?".
"I've always told you I'm a teeny bit psychic but you always doubted me Mr Tribbiani", she said, shaking a fist.
"Well I guess you proved it this time Phoebe, I'm so impressed, so how d' you do it?".
Joey sat down on the arm of the sofa looking a little bit shocked.
"When you walked in you were grinning like you normally do when you meet a girl!".
Joey began to doubt Phoebe's psychic ability.
"Oh and you still have some lipstick on your chin!", she broke into a small fit of high-pitched giggling.
He flashed her with one of his evil then friendly glances and puffed his chest out a bit.
"So, tell me about her Joey, is it anyone we know?".
Joey was now bursting to share news of his good fortune with Phoebe
"Yeah you may have seen her before. She's the blonde girl that works at the grocery store, she's kinda hot!", he stopped and stared into space, obviously re-living the moment in his mind once again.
"I'm not sure which one you mean!", Phoebe frowned.
He threw up his hands, "There's only the one girl, the other people that work there are guys!", he explained.
"I think I know the one", she smiled and put her hands together as though about to pray.
Joey put on his best I've just made out with a girl voice.
"Yeah, It was worth the trip to the store just to get a passing glance of Erin in her cute hat, gutting some smelly fish or something".
"So romantic!", Phoebe tried to stifle her giggles, kicking her legs up in the air like she was a nursery school girl having a tantrum.
oooooo oooooo
Back in Beverley Hills Ross walked the few stairs into the main auditorium, tempted to sing out loud if it wasn't for the many people walking around with TECH SUPPORT in large letters on their shirts.
He had a look around, there must have been a thousand chairs all facing the podium.
Trying to swallow he thought Oh my god, I'm so nervous. This is so much bigger than anything I've done before.
"Dr Geller", a tech support guy held out a hand to Ross. He reached out for a handshake but ended up with a headset like something you would see in 'Star Trek'.
"Thanks!", Ross said, smiling and putting it on backwards.
The tech support guy re-adjusted the headset and gave Ross a device that looked like a small remote-controller.
"Press once to talk and twice to translate….", the tech support guy explained, his voice went on but Ross was not paying attention.
"With all this technology I feel like a spy!", he smiled, once again feeling like a child.
"Can you hear me?", the tech support voice boomed through his headset.
"OW!" , Ross tried to snatch the headset off, "ITS'S TOO LOUD!", he shouted.
"Sorry!".
A small adjustment was made.
"How about now?", the guy smiled at Ross giving a thumbs up signal.
"Thankyou, that's just right!". Ross said, smiling back.
Ross thought about the many urban legends that went with radio-headsets, "Can I leave this on when I go to the bathroom?", he asked jokingly.
"No problem, it doesn't work like those old fashioned radio mikes, this one is a bit special, you'll see later when everyone gets here", with that he left.
Ross, who's nerves had calmed down a bit, started pretending to be a starship captain.
oooooo oooooo
Joey sat alone in his apartment counting his fingers and daydreaming about nothing in particular. The phone rang and he jumped straight up and answered it.
"Hey Joey, it's Chandler!".
"Hey Chandler", he replied sheepishly as if expecting someone else on the phone.
"That's not bad Joe, I got 2.5 seconds, you there alone again my friend?", Chandler teased in a booming voice. He drew a breath, "Sorry Joe but I've no doubt whatsoever that you've been spending far too much time pursuing inappropriate women!".
Oh my god I'm giving advice about dating women! Chandler thought to himself.
For Joey loneliness was being last in the queue as 'Pizza Hut' closed it's doors for the night.
He thought about Erin and his fun morning amidst trays full of crushed ice. It would have been like waving a red cloth in front a bull trying to explain it to Chandler, so he decided against it.
"how's it going?" he had started to sound concerned then switched to cheeky, "how's the wife? how's the kids?".
"Oh they're good Joe and I think after all this time I've finally convinced young Jack that I don't have breasts to feed from!", he touched his hand to his chest and winced.
Monica walked in, leaned over Chandler and rested her head on his shoulder.
"Put it on speakerphone!", she said, making a grab for the handset.
Chandler quickly arranged it like a properly trained househusband that he had become.
Monica joined in the conversation, "Hi Joey? How's things?"
Joey frowned a glum expression, reached out a hand to wave whilst talking and then remembered he was talking on the phone.
"Well I got turned down for an audition for a new film as a cab driver".
Chandler's quick thinking matter of fact humour was quick to shoot him down,
"Would that be because you have absolutely no sense of direction Joey?".
Joey shook his head and sighed, "No, the cab was just part of the set. I don't understand, it was PERFECT I got in the back and said", he switched to a perfect Robert De Niro voice, "Take me to new york!".
Monica and Chandler looked at each other, then back to the phone in dis-belief.
Chandler put his hand to his forehead, trying to feel sorry for Joey whilst suppressing a laugh, "Joey, did you not see the film Taxi Driver? he was so NOT the passenger!".
Joey, stunned for a second, swallowed.
His eyebrows met and he realised his big mistake.
There were a few seconds of silence and then Monica comforted him a little, "Don't worry Joey, you'll find a good job to be snapped up, with lots of money, you keep trying you hear me!".
Joey, thinking of something to bring back his credibility with his friends cheered up, suddenly, "Oh hey! I met the new girl that's got your old apartment this morning!".
Monica and Chandler moved nearer to the phone, as though curiosity was tugging at their soul.
"What's she like Joe?", they both said in perfect unison, almost scaring themselves.
"Mmm, very nice, she was wearing this business suit and kitten heels and smelling so nice" his voice drifted off.
Monica and Chandler imagined the scenario. Monica realised where the conversation was going and prodded Chandler in the ribs as a huge smile spread across his face.
"We meant what is she like as a person Joey?", Monica snapped, raising her voice as years of head chef experience had taught her.
Joey paused again, switched to his most sincere voice, "I'd need to get to know her first, introduce myself as a famous actor, meet up for coffee-".
"Mmm…cool", Chandler smiled.
Both Chandler and Monica began wondering if Joey was finally wanting to settle down.
"Then sleep with her!", Joey said, a huge boyish grin on his face, his dark Italian eyes like saucers.
Monica and Chandler looked at each other, once again they were speechless.
There was a knock on Joey's door.
"Hey you guys….I gotta go….there's someone at the door….oh and Chandler, don't worry about me here on my own, as long as there's food there's always a happy Joey Tribbiani".
"Bye Joey".
"Bye Monica".
The knocker tried again, this time a bit slower and louder.
"Joey, sorry to cut you short but you may want to answer that now!", Chandler said in a military tone of voice.
"I'm coming!", he shouted, jogging to the door and hanging up the phone on the way past.
Standing at the door was a brunette girl wearing light-green velvet dungarees.
Joey recognised her straight away as the new girl in the apartment opposite.
"Hi, I live across the hall, I was wondering if I could borrow some sugar?" she said in a quiet voice.
He had decided to turn his charm on her and had already started to hold his stomach in and stand more upright.
My my, what a fine young lady, he thought.
He suddenly switched into acting mode as he often did when there were women around that he was trying to impress.
For a few seconds Joey was in character, "Well Hello, I'm Joey and you're?".
"Out of Sugar!", she tried to force a smile, looking at Joey as though she was trying to see what makes him tick but couldn't.
The obvious knock back made Joey slip out of character very quickly, "Oh! sorry, err, yeah my friends sent me some in a food parcel.".
"Aren't you a little old to be a student?", she asked.
Joey, distracted with his task of finding sugar reached into a large box on the kitchen counter, "There it is, I knew they sent some", he handed her the jar, "Here, I won't use it much anyway since my friend Chandler took his blowtorch with him to his new house".
"Thanks", she replied looking a bit confused.
He noticed her confusion, "What, you never spun sugar before?".
"Can't say I have, but it sounds interesting", she smiled, this time a genuine one.
Joey began, "well you get a spoon" and reached for what looked like a large burnt matchstick.
He grinned, "of course at first I didn't know it had to be a metal spoon! I'd have to show you sometime".
Looking at the remains of the spoon in his hand and shaking his head he drew a large intake of breath through his teeth, "Monica would kill me if she found out!".
The girl smiled as he looked up. She started to see him in a slightly different light. She thought of staying for just a little more conversation.
"Have we met before?", she paused to catch his name again, "Sorry I didn't quite catch your name", she started to get a little embarrassed, wishing that she'd paid a bit more attention earlier on.
Joey was taken off guard, She's using one of my best lines!
"I'm Joey, but you can call me….err….Joey!", he looked sincere, raised an eyebrow and threw the burnt "spoon" onto the kitchen worktop, "I saw you in the hall this morning!".
She frowned, trying to think.
"Sorry I can't remember", she shrugged and held out her (free) hand.
A little late he thought but he shook it anyway, Her skin is so soft!
"My names Amber by the way!".
"Nice name…".
"Thanks!".
"So why the Sugar?", Joey just had to ask.
"I'm baking some cookies".
"Cool, my favourite!", hoping to be invited in later Joey turned on the charm and got away with it.
"I'll save you some, if you come round in a few hours time", she promised, smiling a little.
"EXCELLENT!".
He nodded his head and smiled back as she turned to go, "Just one more thing Amber", she stopped and turned on her heels.
"Do YOU have a blowtorch?".
oooooo oooooo
Rachel Green lay on the sofa in her apartment trying to think of something to do. The magazines, empty takeaway boxes and chocolate wrappers on the coffee table gave away what she'd been doing for the last day.
Her daughter Emma was fast asleep in her room and there was nothing on the television worth watching. She was missing her boyfriend Ross a great deal.
Rachel groaned and got up.
Now where did Ross put the schedule for his day?
She swept the table litter away with her hand and found it, swept her finger down the list and checked her watch.
10:00 am Sign in.
10:20 am Sound check 11:00 am Introduction by the founder of the BHA 11:20am Opening speech by Dr R. Geller 12:00pm Interlude and light refreshment break.
Rummaging on the sofa, Rachel located the telephone.
Oh I may just be able to catch him before the introduction speech
She dialled Ross's cell phone number.
"Hello?", Ross answered, his voice sounding a bit croaky.
"Ross!".
"Is that you Rachel?", he began to sound nervous.
"Yeah it's me-".
"Look I don't have much time before this all starts".
"I know Ross, I just wanted to tell you that I'm missing you so much!".
"Yeah I'm missing you too Rach, look, I'm gonna have to call you back".
There was a male voice in the background.
"OK, I'm hanging up!", Ross said to the 'voice'.
"ROSS?", Rachel thought he had got annoyed with her.
"No, sorry I wasn't talking to you Rachel, I'll call you back in the interval".
"OK Ross, good luck and hope it all goes well for you", she smiled.
"OK, thanks, bye Rach".
Rachel hung up the phone and sat back on the sofa feeling a little better knowing that Ross was Ok.
Now where did I put that emergency chocolate? She thought, scrambling off the sofa and strolling to the kitchen.
oooooo oooooo
Amber opened the door to her apartment, her face and clothes had smears of flour on them.
"Hello again neighbour!", Joey said.
"Hey Joey!", she smiled, a genuine cute smile this time, making the skin around her nose wrinkle up.
Joey noticed that the apartment's purple hue had been re-painted in a nice yellow colour.
"Cool! I really like the yellow colour!".
"Oh that, yeah it's called 'Narcissus' my sister said I would like it and I did! Oh sorry, where's my in Joey!", she stood aside to let him in.
Joey threw up his hands, "Hey it's so great in here now and with the room brighter it seems like there's so much room-".
He tripped over the low-slung designer sofa that was not far from the entrance to the apartment.
He had landed quickly as Amber was closing the door, she didn't notice what he'd done.
She breezed past him, heading straight for the smell of freshly baked cookies.
Arranging some cookies on a plate she called over to Joey,"I'll be right with you Joey….do you prefer Joe or Joey".
"Whatever, I don't mind, my friends call me both", he shrugged, then sat up as straight as he could on the low but surprisingly comfy sofa, "are the cookies cool enough to eat yet?".
"Here you go Joe, some may still be a bit hot so be careful", Amber placed the plate of cookies on a small glass table.
Joey picked up a cookie almost as soon as she had taken her hand away from the plate, he took a big bite, luckily it was not too hot and he chewed away merrily.
He thought back to when he'd seen her in the hall when he was on his way home from 'Central Perk', "So, you work in the city?".
"No I'm looking for work at the moment", she took a cookie from the plate.
Joey grinned in those kinda clothes, cool.
"Same here, when I'm not eating….I'm an actor", after he'd said it a look of confusion came across his face.
"Apart from a cereal commercial I was in once in".
Amber Nodded.
"Oh and one for a salad cream", he paused, thinking again, "and one for mustard".
She smiled, "You are a funny guy Joey!".
Joey looked confused again thinking she meant funny as in strange, "I'm looking for work all the time now".
"My dad used to be a plumber, I used to help out here and there, now I'm a fully qualified plumber, but there's not much work here locally here unless I ride the subway outta town", she sat down on the sofa next to Joey.
"If you have any problem with your plumbing Joey I can fix it", she realised what it sounded like, looked at Joey for a reaction and there wasn't.
"Well no, not at the moment, but my dads a plumber too, he probably knows your dad", he smiled, we have something in common now.
"He may have known my dad, he died of a heart attack one morning", she looked downwards.
"Hey, I'm sorry", Joey moved closer to her, looking sheepish.
"It's Ok, he died doing what he was best at", she sighed, "un-blocking a large pipe….later when the police found him, he'd un-blocked the pipe and died of a heart attack and with the force of the water got stuck in the pipe", she sighed once more. "He had stopped drainage working for four blocks!".
"Man that's bad!", Joey put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder.
"It's Ok, he was a good man".
There was a small moment of silence.
Amber thought about things to ask Joey.
She started with his acting career, "Hey have you ever played the part of a plumber?".
"Nope.", he said confidently, "I can't say I have!".
"Oh", Amber sighed, thinking of other things to ask.
"Plumbers never, ever repair any pipes in any films I've seen!", He flashed her a sly grin.
They chuckled together.
"Oh!", Amber jumped up, "I almost forgot!".
Joey's watched as she went to the kitchen area.
"Guess what I found when I was looking in the cupboard earlier Joe?", she opened a cupboard and fished out a huge metal kebab skewer.
"This any good for spinning sugar?", she asked with a cheeky smile on her face.
oooooo oooooo
Ross stood at his podium, feeling like the president addressing his public in the speech before the next election.
"And that my good friends is the first stage of evolution", he put his hands together and smiled.
"Dr Geller you can take your break now, make sure your headset microphone and translator are switched off before you leave the podium", the voice in his ear faded to almost silence as a huge wave of applause roared in his direction.
Ross took a small bow and the audience applause seemed to go up in volume yet another level.
"Thankyou", he raised his hand, feeling like Moses about to part the red sea,
"We shall now have a short break for refreshments and will be continuing at twelve twenty".
Ross checked the remote for the headset controller that was in his pocket, fumbling the button a few times until the green light went out.
A few students approached him and they shook hands briefly. Not meaning to be rude, Ross left them and made his way outside the auditorium to find a quiet corner to phone Rachel.
Rachel answered the phone in a dreamy voice.
He was very excited, "Hi Rachel!".
"Hi Ross, so how is it going?".
"Yeah, it's going really well, so how are you? You all alone?".
"Yes Ross, it's just me on the sofa with a huge tub of ice cream", she paused "Oh and for the record I'm missing you so bad and can't wait 'til you get home!".
Ross gulped, "Really?", he smiled, some people smiled at him as they walked past. He waved at them and smiled back. They giggled and walked off.
"Oh and Ross", she said, wrapping the phone cord around a finger, "You know when you let me wear the top of your t-rex pyjamas?".
His voice began to croak again "Yes…. ?".
"Well, when you get back I'm only going to be wearing the bottoms!".
Ross's giggling was cut short when he felt someone tapping on his shoulder, he tried to wave them away.
"Hmmmm", He tried to imagine the scenario but was again distracted by someone, this time they were trying to get his attention by waving at him.
"Ok, Rachel, I shall have to go now, you make sure you save some of that ice cream for me!".
"DR GELLER!" The voice barked at him in an anxious tone.
Ross hung up his cell phone to see a Tech Support guy looking very worried.
Somewhere within the auditorium came a small bubbling noise.
"I'm sorry Dr Geller, but I tried to get you through your headset but it had been switched off".
"I was on the phone!" He tried to explain.
"But you don't understand Dr Geller", the man paused as another bubbling noise came from within the auditorium.
Ross recognised the bubbling noise. It was people chuckling.
The tech support guy demanded Ross hand over his headset remote. He reluctantly did so, not understanding what all the fuss was about.
"Sorry, but I switched it off! The green light went out!", Ross was again distracted, the chuckling noise turned into a wave of laughter.
"But your translator is still on Dr Geller! I'm sorry, this has never happened before, it's all new to us too!".
The tech support guy led Ross up the stairs into the auditorium, the laughter rose to a level that made Ross feel uncomfortable.
There was a very large screen above the podium, the tech support guy tried to explain that the translator would display speech on it but Ross had already seen his mistake.
Ross saw the words displayed on the screen In two foot high letters;
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU LET ME WEAR THE TOP OF YOUR T-REX PYJAMAS.
Ross reached out to grab the tech support guy, struggling to maintain his anger, "DON'T JUST STAND THERE, TURN IT OFF!".
oooooo oooooo
Joey and Phoebe were once again sitting in 'Central Perk', Phoebe still knitting and Joey fascinated by the clickety-click of the needles.
She looked out the window and got agitated, stuffing her knitting into a huge flowered bag, "It's Mike!", she shouted, "and he's not supposed to see the jumper, it's a surprise!".
Joey tapped his nose, "Mums the word Phoebe", he flashed her a smile as Mike opened the door of the coffee house and walked in.
Phoebe greeted her husband Mike with a kiss and with a look of surprise noticed his freshly pressed shirt, "Nice shirt Mike, is it a new one?".
"Yeah, I don't normally go for yellow but I thought what the hell!".
He smiled, smoothing his shirt with his palms.
Joey waved to catch Mikes attention, "Hey Mike….your shirt….it's Narcissus!".
"Actually I thought it was rather nice!" Mike said in a stern tone, thinking Joey had said an Italian swearword.
"No, I mean it's Narcissus yellow", Joey said, trying to look knowledgeable.
Both Mike and Phoebe smiled back at Joey.
"Ah, I see", Mike nodded, taking a seat next to Phoebe.
Phoebe and Mike started to cuddle and Joey, realising he may feel a bit awkward left them to catch up, ordering a cappuccino at the counter.
Rachel walked into the coffee house, greeting Phoebe and Mike on the way past and headed to the counter to join Joey.
"Hey Joe!".
"Hi Rachel, where's Ross?".
"Oh, he's at that big conference centre in Beverley Hills with the giving a lecture to hard of hearing students", Rachel explained.
"Yeah, not sure how that would work", Joey shrugged.
"I'm not quite sure myself Joe, but Ross had some flyers about it sent to him".
"Cool, you read them?", he became intrigued, wanting to learn more.
"Well, I started to read one of them and then Ross thought he had better read one to me", she sighed.
He just had the urge to ask, "Is that bad?".
"Well, you know how Ross has to explain everything to me".
Joey nodded, "So, did you learn some good stuff?", his curiosity for knowledge was now on full steam ahead.
"No, because he kept going on and on and I had to put Emma to sleep", she laughed, "you know he didn't even realise I'd left the room!".
"You guys are Ok though aren't you?", he looked concerned.
"Oh of course! And now he's gone away for these few days I miss him so much….he phoned earlier to see how I was and although we didn't speak that long on the phone, I just know he's having too much fun with all that technology!".
She paused, imagining what Ross was doing at that precise moment in time.
"So how are you Joey? You been busy today?".
"You know me, I always have a plan", he held up a hand, "Hey! Speaking of plans, I have a date tonight!".
"What time you meeting the lucky lady Joe?".
"Ah, I said I'll meet her around eight….You know what, I want to make a good impression with her, she's so cute!".
Rachel checked her watch, showing it to him. It showed just after 8.
"Oh No! NO!", he said, taking a huge swig from his mug and leaving a huge cappuccino moustache.
He ran so fast out of the coffee house that no one had time to tell him to wipe his face.
oooooo oooooo
Joey's date with Erin had been going surprisingly well.
She was impressed by the stories of his acting career which he had explained to her whilst trying not to get ketchup on his shirt from a hotdog they had shared.
Later, a moonlit stroll in the park had taken them to the ice rink.
The romantic aspect was almost there but Joey had said "Sorry, I don't do skating Erin, I'll stand by here and watch you, you have fun out there, go on, enjoy yourself!".
He watched from the edge of the guardrail. Erin, who had obviously been skating for many years, seemed to glide perfectly on the ice.
Her shoulder-length blonde hair flicked around as she performed spins and turns like a true professional.
Even to the casual observer, who also happened to be Joey, she was a pleasure to watch.
Erin gracefully skated toward Joey and came to a complete halt, kicking her heel at the last minute, sending a small flurry of chipped ice fluttering harmlessly past him.
As she took a breather Joey tried to admire the simple curves of her body as much as he could past the pink jacket she was wearing.
"Hey, you were great out there!", Joey said, he flashed her a smile.
"I like to skate a little!", she shrugged and grinned coyly.
She moved closer to Joey, looking deep into his chocolate brown eyes, "You want to come out on the ice with me now?".
She did a perfect spin on the spot, just close enough to brush her hair against Joey's cheek as she came to a halt.
"I'd love to, I really would, but I'm afraid I can't speak and skate at the same time", he confessed, feeling a little embarrassed.
"Awww, poor you", Erin reached out and stroked the side of his face with a gloved hand.
They kissed, briefly.
Joey switched to his knowledgeable mode, "Hey, I was watching this thing on the Discovery Channel about ice the other day".
Joey had Erin's full attention.
"Did you know that by 2055 the whole of the worlds icebergs will start to melt?".
"I didn't know that", Erin shrugged.
Joey grabbed her arm, checking her watch, "That means that we've only got 5 minutes!", he chuckled.
Erin burst out laughing, clutching her ribs after a few seconds.
After a few minutes of cuddling and kissing, she broke away from him, "I'm going to go out once more, you don't mind do you Joey?", she snuggled up to him.
"Ok, no problem!".
Watching Erin's blades Joey daydreamed of when he'd first seen her, unloading fresh fish at the back of the store and placing it neatly on a slab.
It was hardly the ideal setting for meeting someone but Joey had managed to get some pleasure out of it so far.
After a short while Erin signalled that she was leaving the ice and he met her at the gate greeting her with a "How you doin' ?" before lifting her off her feet just a little.
"I'm doin' just fine!", She said in a mock Dolly Parton accent.
Whilst removing her gloves one fell to the ice.
She paused, shook her head and on picking it up said slowly, "This reminds me of that film with John Cusack, don't you think?", she looked at Joey for recognition.
"Why, is there a plane flying over?", Joey ducked and looked around, worried that a jumbo jet may pass low over head.
"Serendipity not Pushing Tin, Joey!", She giggled.
"Yeah of course, I know that!", he straightened up, holding up his two thumbs, masking the little white lie he'd just told.
In a sweeping gesture he lifted Erin off her feet.
His backwards steps whilst trying to impress her had been mis-judged and they both fell backwards.
She landed on him, chuckling.
Trying to make it look like it was meant to happen he Joey stayed on the floor and made the most of the moment. They hugged tightly, sharing a long kiss.
"You know Joey, I've really enjoyed myself tonight!", she confessed to him.
"Me too! It's been great!".
She stood up (as best she could with her skates on) and pulled Joey to his feet.
Joey waited for the moment where she would make her excuses and leave, but it never came.
"You know anywhere I can buy you a coffee round here?", she asked, tilting her head.
"Hmmm…..maybe", he smiled, stroking his chin.
oooooo oooooo
Rachel made her way to the counter of 'Central Perk', a tall blonde man with a green shirt and lilac tie greeted her with a smile.
"You must be Rachel Green, right?", he smiled, looking into her eyes.
"Ok, so you're not Gunther", she noticed the odd colour clash of his clothes but dismissed it, "but you're obviously working here and you seem to know me".
"That's right!", he reached into his back pocket, fumbling for something.
"Did we have that one date back in high school where we made out near the baseball field?", she chuckled, saw his smile drop and she started to blush.
"Oh, I wish", he said quietly, starting to get a bit embarrassed and in his fumbling took out his wallet, "but…no….you'll have to guess again!", he said, removing what looked like an old photograph from his wallet.
Rachel looked him up and down, making a mental note of the strange dress sense and the slight nervousness. He handed her the photograph.
It looked old and faded and the quality was not too good but Rachel clearly recognised that the man on the right as Gunther. The small boy on the left was a much younger version of the man that stood before her now.
"Ahhh…I got it!", Rachel clasped her hands together, you must be Gunther's younger brother!", she grinned, handing him back the photo.
"Son!….I'm Gunther's son!", he slowly stretched out his hand for Rachel to shake it.
"my name's Doug by the way".
"I never knew Gunther had a son!", she shook his hand and continued shaking it, "he never mentioned you before….but then again Gunther is usually quiet most of the time".
"He does keep me quiet, but he also talked about you a lot Rachel, he….", he paused as if not sure how to word it, "….used to write about you in his letters, he used to tell me you were one of his best waitresses".
"Awww….Gunther is such a nice man", Rachel nodded her head.
"He sent me a photo of you and him together once, it must have been christmas because he had on this really large santa hat, either that or he was just into dressing up in a strange way!".
They both laughed out loud.
"I guess I kind of take after him a little in the strange dress sense department", he paused, hands pointing to his shirt and tie.
"You know I kinda get where you're coming from there Doug".
He seemed to switch into nervous mode once ?".
"A coffee? yes, sure you can!", Rachel punched him playfully on the arm and he began to relax a little. He rushed to fulfil her request.
"So Rachel?", he looked back at her sheepishly, "are you….seeing….anyone…at the moment?".
There was a long silence.
"I sure am, he's a real sweetie", she thought about Ross, realising she was missing him again.
"So, Doug, is there any space for another waitress around here lately?".
Doug smiled, "For you Rachel, there would always be a space, err, I would have to clear it with my…errr…Gunther first though".
"What if I said it was not me but a friend of mine - a nice blonde girl?".
He tried not to sound too keen, but it was no good, "Of course, any friend of yours is a…friend of…mine….Gunthers…of course!".
"Thankyou so much", she grabbed his arm, "I shall have to get her to drop in sometime and do a bit of fill-in work, just so she can get used to it".
"No problem!", Doug held up a hand.
Someone coming into the coffee house caught his attention.
Erin came through the door, looking around she noticed Rachel.
"Well speak of the little devil! Erin, over here!", Rachel beckoned her over.
"Hi Rachel!", she said and stuck her head out the door, looking back for Joey.
"You waiting for someone?", Rachel called back.
"Well, I'm on a date and I bet that I could make it to here before him!", she laughed.
"Well, I think you won that bet!", Rachel began to giggle, "So who's the guy?".
At that moment an exhausted Joey walked in, one hand on his chest, breathing heavily.
"You Ok Joey?", Erin giggled, trying to hug him.
"You!", he said to Erin in a firm but jokey tone, "are gonna give me a heart attack one day!", he hugged her.
Joey noticed Rachel, "Hey, I want you to meet my friend Rachel – ", he began.
"It's Ok, I know Rachel, she's been in the store many times", Erin smiled, then whispered cheekily in his ear, "you want to skip coffee and go back to your place?".
Joey stood for a second looking torn between two choices. It didn't take him long to make up his mind.
"Hey Rachel, I'll see you later!", he shouted, grabbed Erin's hand and ran, almost pulling her off her feet.
oooooo oooooo
Ross stood at the podium, his audience's light applause fading as a tall, balding man walked towards him.
He waited for a voice in his ear-piece but it did not come.
Dennis Ryder Joined Ross on at the podium and introduced himself as the founder of the Beverly Hills Auditorium, making a little joke at Ross's expense, referring to the earlier incident as a slight technical glitch that would be put right in the future.
"Please give a very warm thankyou to Dr Ross Geller!", he shook Ross's hand and the applause grew louder by the second. A small group of students gave him a standing ovation and soon others began to follow the trend.
Another group of students seemed to be signing to each other, then they all faced Ross and signed to him in unison.
Dennis began to chuckle.
He nudged Ross and whispered, "That group over there are saying you are very intelligent and by the way, where did you buy your T-rex pyjamas!".
They chuckled together and after a while it turned into belly laughs.
Ross had not turned off his translator once again and the screen behind him soon filled with random characters, attempting to convert Ross's snorts and wheezing sounds to text.
oooooo oooooo
Joey left his apartment, hoping to meet Erin at the grocery store as she started her shift.
As he closed the door to his apartment he noticed the woman coming up the stairs, she was dressed in a pin-striped trouser suit with high heels and Joey recognised her instantly.
"Oh hey!", he said, waving his hands at her, "I have a small problem with my plumbing that I'd like you to help me with later, if you don't mind".
She looked at him a little strangely, "You know, although you look very cute and I'd love to help you out, I think you're confusing me with-".
"My Sister", he heard two voices at the same time and turned to see Amber in the doorway of her apartment. He looked back at the identical person that had just reached the top of the stairs.
Amber began to chuckle, "Sorry, I should have said, Joey, this is-".
"Jane", the smartly dressed brunette smiled and held out her hand for him to shake.
He shook her hand with confidence then stood back, stroked his chin and looked her up and down.
"How you doin' ?" he asked, waiting for a response.
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Acknowledgements
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I would first like to say thanks to Eilidh for giving me the nudge to complete the entire thing….to Jay, his mobile phone's ability to store countless text messages from me (probably to be used later in evidence no doubt!) gave me the ability to include certain lines….to Wayne, without realising it, he's actually supplied a (relatively good) character line….to E4 for showing so much 'friends', making me want to write my own episode…to Tesco's in Gillingham for supplying me 'Frazzles', the source of my munching and thinking sessions in front of the television watching E4!