Mario's Bestest Adventures
Chapter 2: The Ultimate Crossover
by capgamer
Ding dong.
"Could you get that Mario?" pleaded Peach in that sickeningly sweet voice of hers.
"Fine..." sighed Mario. The princess had decided that now was a wonderful time to throw a party since the Luigi menace had been killed. Everyone that she knew had been invited to this party-even mascots from other companies! So it didn't surprise Mario when he opened the door to find Link, Sonic, Samus, Jak, Geno, Megaman, Tails, Zelda, Marth, Roy, Kirby, Pikachu, Jigglypuff, Daisy, Yoshi, Boshi, Malon, Flurrie, Koops, Goombella, Goombario, Parakarry, Twink, Vivian, Bobbery, Ms. Mowz, Bombette, Kolorado, Spyro, Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Dixie Kong, Zero, Jill Valentine, Ico, Cloud, Tifa, the zombie of Aeris, Tony Hawk, Tidus, Luke Skywalker, that guy from Doom, that other guy from Halflife, that guy from Morrowind who got knocked out by a witch and had all his clothes stolen, a hell of a lot of other people, and Bowser.
"Sup?" they asked. Mario waved them inside to enjoy the festivities. Bowser was the last to enter.
"My god! You party-wrecking fiend!" Without hesitation, Mario broke out a double flip crescent kick in slow-motion Matrix style. (This is a high budget fanfic, folks.) It sent Bowser flying about 20 feet, but did surprisingly little damage. When Bowser recovered, he had this to say.
"Bu..but I just wanted to join your party!"
"Well you can't, so screw off! Ha ha ha what a loser!" Mario was enjoying his enemy's plight.
"FINE! I'LL MAKE MY OWN PARTY! AND IT WILL KICK THE ASS OF YOUR STUPID PARTY!" yelled Bowser, flush in the face.
"Ooooooh. What do you think about that, guys?" Sonic, Link, Yoshi, Koops, Goombario, Spyro, Tony Hawk, and that guy from Doom all started to laugh along with Mario.
"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! I DEMAND YOU SHUT UP!"
"I think he's gonna cry..."
"I'M GONNA MAKE THE COOLEST SUPER-VILLAIN PARTY AND I WON'T INVITE YOU LOSERS AND WE'LL MAKE THE BEST EVIL PLAN AND KILL YOU ALL!" Bowser stormed off, determined to make good on his promises.
-Later-
Mario was snickering. "Hey guys...I spiked the princess's drink. This is gonna be so awesome!"
"Hehehe. I wonder what the broad will be like with a little booze in her?" giggled Sonic, Geno, Donkey Kong, Luke Skywalker, and Boshi.
Meanwhile, at Bowser's party.
"Why hello there Dr. Wily, Sephiroth, Ganondorf, Smithy, Gnasty Gnorc, Baron Praxis, Shadow Queen, Mother Brain, Darth Vader, Nemesis, Dagoth Ur, Hitler, King Dedede, Giovanni, Hugh Hefner, Purple People Eater, and whoever the hell you are!" beamed Bowser as he welcomed his guests. The last of which was a small, puffy little creature named Mallow.
They all walked inside and took a seat in Bowser's entertainment room. Nobody said a word. They all just stared at each other. Dr. Wily started twiddling his thumbs.
"Nice decorations you have here," remarked Ganondorf. The walls were covered with paintings of Bowser.
"Thanks," responded Bowser.
Things were silent again.
"So uh...where's the cake?" asked Mallow.
-Back at Mario's Party-
"Uh Mario, I think we've run out of punch," remarked Goombario. In reality, there was plenty of punch-he just wanted to leave. The music was dull. It was that same old dodododododo...DO that everyone had heard millions of times before. Even the most energetic of mascots was just sitting in his or her chair, with a look of boredom on their face. Fortunately, that spiked punch had just done its trick on the princess. She had gotten clumsily up on a table and started trying to boost people's morale.
"Come on everybody!" she slurred, jerking her arms to the sky. "Its a damn party you sad sops!" People were ignoring her and getting up to leave. "UP!" she jumped on the table and flailed her arms sporadically. Unfortunately, (or fortunately for some) this caused her dress to (erm) lower itself to an inappropriate level.
The party was back on.
-Back at Bowser's party-
The mood had lightened somewhat. Various super-villains were talking of their evil deeds and brilliant schemes.
"So then I killed his girlfriend, Aeris!" chuckled Sephiroth.
"Oh that's a good one! Bwahaha!" Ganondorf suddenly looked sad. "See now, that was always my problem, I'd reveal my evil scheme right before the giant fight. They always saw it coming and foiled my plans!"
"Well you can't be too harsh on yourself...I've lost to Mario more times than I care to mention," several other villains murmured agreement.
Mallow, finally realizing that he had come to the wrong party, tried to blend in while he figured a way to sneak out.
"Uh yeah...Those darn heroes are pests..."
"Yes!" cried Darth Vader. "And what about you my little friend? What evil had you planned?"
"Uh...well once," oh god time to bs it "there was this little kid. I was all like 'give me your money bitch' and he was gonna do it until that Mario guy came by and decided to save the day. I was all like 'keep out of my business pooface' and he was like 'no' so I was like 'it's on'."
-Back at Mario's party-
"Whoooo! Shake it!" All the men were gathered around the princess, who had decided it was time to strip tease.
"Get off that table, you floozy!" yelled Goombella, Samus, Zelda, Daisy, and Dixie Kong.
"Bring it on whores," the princess cried, drunk as you can get. She leapt from the table and tackled Samus to the ground.
"And to think I was worried I'd miss Jeopardy tonight!" giggled Megaman, which caused more guffaws to erupt around the room.
-Meanwhile the super villains were scheming-
"And if I move myself here..."
"And if you can do that, just at the right time..."
"Maybe I could back you guys up?"
"This plan may just work!"
"Now...HIT IT!" ordered Bowser.
As it turned out, many of the villains were musically inclined. Nemesis could play a mean fiddle, while Dagoth Ur was a master of the trumpet. Smithy took a place at the drums while the rest clapped along to the tune of "Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing" (I love that song).
-Back at Mario's party...AGAIN-
Nobody knew how someone so drunk could fight so well. Even though it was three on one (Daisy had gotten a black eye, and Samus was out cold) Peach didn't show a single sign of stopping.
"Oh you little bitch! You're going to be so sorry when I master these damned timed-hits!" screeched Goombella as she dove at Peach. Dixie Kong was busy trying to restrain Zelda and Peach from killing each other.
"You think you can stand up to the triforce of wisdom you dirty (bleep)," asked Zelda, her eyes bloodshot and her fists bleeding from the multiple hits she had swung.
Peach, on the other hand, said nothing. She was too busy going psycho-bitch on everyone in her way.
The doorbell rang. Mario reluctantly turned away from the action and answered it.
"Hello, sir. I've had numerous calls that this castle is causing a domestic disturbance." It was the police.
"Uh...well..." Mario panicked, knowing that there was no way he could make up a good excuse. One police officer glanced inside and saw the action.
"Hey Bob! Isn't that princess Peach in there with her clothes ripped to shreds?"
"Damn skippy it is! Come on Bill! Screw crashing this party! It's too damn late to be working anyway."
"Come on in officers," Mario motioned slyly.
-Back at the dastardly party of the Koopa King-
"Bingein!" yelled Hitler, as he had just gotten the last needed number.
"Its 'Bingo' not 'Bingein'!" shouted Mother Brain who had also just gotten a bingo.
"Close enough," smiled Bowser as he handed out the prize.
"Well Mr. Koopa king, I'm afraid I have to be going." Mallow wasn't making excuses anymore, he just needed to get some sleep.
"Hey kid, you come back any time. You're possibly the most dastardly person I've ever known! Keep rockin' on, my friend. We'll get that blasted Mario someday!"
Mallow left, realizing that had been the best evil party he'd ever been to.
---
Let me tell you, this was a fun chapter to write!
I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
The next chapter in this epic saga will be entitled:
The Ultimate Story About Me
Which will mock all those obnoxious and stupid fan fictions where a person puts themselves in the story.