Scars – Chapter 17A
After their late, and decidedly tense dinner together, the Son family broke into a more normal routine. ChiChi set to clearing the table, while Goku leaned back in his chair and told her how great her cooking was. Goten got up from the table and want to do his reading in his room, something ChiChi had worked into his daily routine for as long as the ten-year-old could remember. Every night after he ate, Goten was to read from a book to himself. He was allowed to read any book he wanted, and it didn't matter how fast or slow he went, as long as he read for a good half hour or so.
This was something Goten enjoyed as much as his attention span kept him from getting very far, he did like the stories, and Gohan sometimes went to the library with him and his mom to show him the really interesting books that he'd read when he was a kid. After all, ChiChi had made Gohan do the very same thing.
Speaking of the elder half-saiyajin, Gohan was also sitting back at the table while he listened to his mom wash the dishes. His mind was a little bit blank as he digested his food, and his eyes slid over to rest on his father's face. He contemplated the line of the man's jaw, and how that strong jaw seemed to accentuate his kindly, but stern expressions. It also made him look the part of the hero, and of course his warm dark eyes evened that look out easily.
Goku felt Gohan's eyes on him and turned his face to meet his son's stare. They looked quietly at once another for a few minutes, neither finding anything to say that would be more effective than the silence between them. Gohan finally turned his eyes away from his father, looking at the tabletop.
"So... what happened with you and Trunks today?" Gohan asked, still looking at the table He could feel anger bubbling in his tummy, but he pushed it down to keep it at bay. He was going to try as hard as he could to at least talk about something with Goku tonight, and not fight.
Goku's words were also carefully chosen, because he didn't want to start anything without intending to. He didn't want to set Gohan's temper off. "Well, I felt his energy flying around, and I thought maybe he'd come to warn us of a new threat, so I IT'd to his location, and I saw that he was really upset. He told me that he said something awful to you, and we found somewhere to sit, so we could talk. Well... he mostly did the talking... he seems pretty good at that. Heh. Uhm... he got upset... and he told me that I should tell you he's sorry for what he said today...to you. He misses the other Gohan... and seeing you today stirred that up, I guess. I asked Trunks if he wanted to eat dinner with us, but he said it'd be better if he talked to you in his own time."
Gohan considered this quietly, then he looked back up to his father. "Dad... about this morning..." Gohan trailed off, seeing the way his father's face softened and grew serious when he mentioned that morning. "Dad I shouldn't have yelled like that. But... the stuff I said... I meant a lot of it. I-
Goku shook his head, looking towards ChiChi. "Do you want to talk somewhere else, son?"
Gohan nodded and stood from the table, mirroring Goku, who also stood. He was going to walk to the door, when Goku came forwards and put a hand on his shoulder. He placed two fingers on his forehead, and the room vanished from before them.
The pair reappeared outside of their home. The light from the kitchen window shone around Goku's figure and made him appear only a large silhouette to his son. Gohan felt decidedly uncomfortable now. All of a sudden, he was forced to go one on one with the man he had the most mixed feelings towards in the world. He looked out across the grass, his fingers working themselves tensely at his sides.
"Dad, I-
"Gohan I-
They both began at the same time, cutting one another off. There was a long and stressful silence in which the sounds of cicadas rose deafeningly behind them. Goku began to walk in the general direction of the trees, heading for the path that would take them to the lake. He wasn't sure why, but it was easier to do this if he could release a little of the tension through walking around as they talked. Or argued... whichever happened.
Gohan's mind stirred with unease. "Dad... I hate that you left. Why don't you regret it? Why can't we be a normal family, like Trunks' family... or...well I guess Videl's life is messed up, but in high school my friends Erasa and Sharpner... they had normal lives. Were... I mean... I'm really sorry that I wasn't smart enough to kill Cell my first try... I know I should have, I know its my fault you died Dad. But at the same time... I never thought you wouldda left because I made a mistake, even a big, unforgivable one like that. That's why I said what I said. That you ran away from us. From me and mom and Goten, though I guess you didn't know about him then. Don't you like us?"
Goku breathed slowly, forcing himself to remain calm, because the thing he prided himself on, without even knowing it, was being able to keep his head in any situation. He liked to be in control, though he wasn't really aware of that either. How could he be, living with a woman like ChiChi? Whenever Goku got it in his head that he wanted to do something, he did it, and a lot of the time, he neglected to think about what he was leaving behind. He frowned, knowing that he couldn't say all of this in words as clear as the ones in his thoughts.
At the same time, Goku did not want to lose his collectedness. He took another slow breath. "Son... I guess you think I made a mistake, huh? Well.. I wasn't thinking much... I got to Otherworld, and I found out that I could train there and get stronger... and there're so many great things to eat there! It was really cool! I almost wish I couldda taken you with me, so you could see too. I think time kind of doesn't matter there, so I got all settled in, and then all of a sudden King Kai told me I was going to be wished back to Earth."
Gohan's hands balled into fists, and he felt immediately betrayed for the guilt he'd piled on himself for seven years... longer... because of his father's choice to remain dead.
When he opened his mouth his voice was not his own, it'd gained pitch and his eyes burned teal. "You left to stay there and PLAY!? You DID! And you don't even feel GUILTY about it, DO YOU! To hell with me and mom, we can take care of ourselves, right? Screw this world, screw your life, screw all your friends.... Just fuck it all so you could PLAY! You knew we'd die eventually, and probably make it there, or so you probably assumed, so you just screwed us all and forgot about us! I KNEW IT! I KNEW you couldn't have really had a good reason to stay!! You just... just... arggg!!! Dad you're a PARENT! You have a RESPONSIBILITY to me and mom and you dropped it to play! Why did you tell us you were staying there to protect the Earth then? Why'd you LIE!? You don't lie, even I know that!"
Goku swallowed, not feeling anger inside himself, rather he felt a creepy sort of indifference that made him want to leave and come back when Gohan was calm again. He frowned slightly, looking off to think about a response.
"Well I did believe what I said... though I had other reasons that I didn't tell you guys when I said I didn't want to be wished back. I guess I didn't think it was that big of a deal. You guys always did fine... I mean you turned out fine... guess I was right, eh? Come on Gohan, lets go back in the house and see if ChiChi and Goten wanna watch some TV, ok? We shouldn't fight about this anymore, its not that important"
"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Gohan stomped his foot angrily in the dirt, standing in front of Goku to prevent him from walking any further along the path. His anger barred him from crying, as much as he knew he was going to after they were done fighting. "It IS important! I can't believe you could care so little! Is something wrong with you!? Are you just stupid? We NEEDED you! We really did! And you were skipping around learning to shoot a cooler looking Kamehameha Wave! We should never have taken you back. I can't believe you're even living with us... do you care at all? If something fun comes up are you gonna leave mom? Huh? And Goten??"
"No, 'course not Gohan... that was a different situation. I was dead... that was it. I'd lived my life, I knew I'd get to see you guys again, it never occurred to me to come back 'till I heard you were gonna wish me back, and by that time, I'd already accepted that I was dead."
"Shut UP! It doesn't matter what angle you try to say it from, you dumped your own family to play in the afterlife and that isn't RIGHT! I can't stand you... the longer I talk to you the more I wanna hurt you Dad... I'm still trying to think of what it would do to mom if she knew this. You listen to me. You make me a promise."
"What promise... can we go home after?"
"Stop that! Stop not caring! You make me a promise that you'll never tell mom or Goten how pathetic you are... grrr.... Don't tell anyone what you did! Promise it!"
Goku stepped back from Gohan now, offended by all the anger and disturbing emotion coming from his son. It was obvious that Gohan was really hurt inside, that he was bothered on a million levels that Goku knew he could never really understand. He looked into Gohan's eyes, which were glowing with fury that appeared to be hatred. He scratched his head.
"You mean don't tell them what you think I did?"
"Its not what I think Dad! Its TRUE! You're just too THICK to get it! Promise me you won't ever tell them how little you really care..."
"Well I wouldn't have died for you guys if I didn't care Gohan... you're really confusing me..."
Gohan let out a yell of frustration, stomping his feet and grabbing Goku by the shoulders. He shook the man roughly and put their faces so close that Goku could see the sweat beading on Gohan's forehead, even in the fairly dark nighttime.
Gohan's voice was calm and quiet when it next crawled from inside him –it was a hiss of anger. "Never. Tell. Mom. And. Goten. About. This. Conversation. PROMISE!" The last word was a shout that startled Goku to the point that he jumped slightly.
"Ok Gohan... I promise I won't tell ChiChi and Goten about how mad you are... and about how much you don't like me, and about all that other stuff you were yelling about. I don't really get a lot of it, so that shouldn't be too hard. Can we go home now? And... er... you're hurting my shoulders..."
Gohan let Goku go, pushing him backwards and shaking his head in attempt to clear the anger away. "You go... I don't know when I'm gonna talk to you again."
Goku nodded, feeling sad that Gohan was so upset, but knowing rather well that he was unable to do anything to help that. He turned around and walked back towards the house, leaving Gohan, breathing hard, in the woods.
After their late, and decidedly tense dinner together, the Son family broke into a more normal routine. ChiChi set to clearing the table, while Goku leaned back in his chair and told her how great her cooking was. Goten got up from the table and want to do his reading in his room, something ChiChi had worked into his daily routine for as long as the ten-year-old could remember. Every night after he ate, Goten was to read from a book to himself. He was allowed to read any book he wanted, and it didn't matter how fast or slow he went, as long as he read for a good half hour or so.
This was something Goten enjoyed as much as his attention span kept him from getting very far, he did like the stories, and Gohan sometimes went to the library with him and his mom to show him the really interesting books that he'd read when he was a kid. After all, ChiChi had made Gohan do the very same thing.
Speaking of the elder half-saiyajin, Gohan was also sitting back at the table while he listened to his mom wash the dishes. His mind was a little bit blank as he digested his food, and his eyes slid over to rest on his father's face. He contemplated the line of the man's jaw, and how that strong jaw seemed to accentuate his kindly, but stern expressions. It also made him look the part of the hero, and of course his warm dark eyes evened that look out easily.
Goku felt Gohan's eyes on him and turned his face to meet his son's stare. They looked quietly at once another for a few minutes, neither finding anything to say that would be more effective than the silence between them. Gohan finally turned his eyes away from his father, looking at the tabletop.
"So... what happened with you and Trunks today?" Gohan asked, still looking at the table He could feel anger bubbling in his tummy, but he pushed it down to keep it at bay. He was going to try as hard as he could to at least talk about something with Goku tonight, and not fight.
Goku's words were also carefully chosen, because he didn't want to start anything without intending to. He didn't want to set Gohan's temper off. "Well, I felt his energy flying around, and I thought maybe he'd come to warn us of a new threat, so I IT'd to his location, and I saw that he was really upset. He told me that he said something awful to you, and we found somewhere to sit, so we could talk. Well... he mostly did the talking... he seems pretty good at that. Heh. Uhm... he got upset... and he told me that I should tell you he's sorry for what he said today...to you. He misses the other Gohan... and seeing you today stirred that up, I guess. I asked Trunks if he wanted to eat dinner with us, but he said it'd be better if he talked to you in his own time."
Gohan considered this quietly, then he looked back up to his father. "Dad... about this morning..." Gohan trailed off, seeing the way his father's face softened and grew serious when he mentioned that morning. "Dad I shouldn't have yelled like that. But... the stuff I said... I meant a lot of it. I-
Goku shook his head, looking towards ChiChi. "Do you want to talk somewhere else, son?"
Gohan nodded and stood from the table, mirroring Goku, who also stood. He was going to walk to the door, when Goku came forwards and put a hand on his shoulder. He placed two fingers on his forehead, and the room vanished from before them.
The pair reappeared outside of their home. The light from the kitchen window shone around Goku's figure and made him appear only a large silhouette to his son. Gohan felt decidedly uncomfortable now. All of a sudden, he was forced to go one on one with the man he had the most mixed feelings towards in the world. He looked out across the grass, his fingers working themselves tensely at his sides.
"Dad, I-
"Gohan I-
They both began at the same time, cutting one another off. There was a long and stressful silence in which the sounds of cicadas rose deafeningly behind them. Goku began to walk in the general direction of the trees, heading for the path that would take them to the lake. He wasn't sure why, but it was easier to do this if he could release a little of the tension through walking around as they talked. Or argued... whichever happened.
Gohan's mind stirred with unease. "Dad... I hate that you left. Why don't you regret it? Why can't we be a normal family, like Trunks' family... or...well I guess Videl's life is messed up, but in high school my friends Erasa and Sharpner... they had normal lives. Were... I mean... I'm really sorry that I wasn't smart enough to kill Cell my first try... I know I should have, I know its my fault you died Dad. But at the same time... I never thought you wouldda left because I made a mistake, even a big, unforgivable one like that. That's why I said what I said. That you ran away from us. From me and mom and Goten, though I guess you didn't know about him then. Don't you like us?"
Goku breathed slowly, forcing himself to remain calm, because the thing he prided himself on, without even knowing it, was being able to keep his head in any situation. He liked to be in control, though he wasn't really aware of that either. How could he be, living with a woman like ChiChi? Whenever Goku got it in his head that he wanted to do something, he did it, and a lot of the time, he neglected to think about what he was leaving behind. He frowned, knowing that he couldn't say all of this in words as clear as the ones in his thoughts.
At the same time, Goku did not want to lose his collectedness. He took another slow breath. "Son... I guess you think I made a mistake, huh? Well.. I wasn't thinking much... I got to Otherworld, and I found out that I could train there and get stronger... and there're so many great things to eat there! It was really cool! I almost wish I couldda taken you with me, so you could see too. I think time kind of doesn't matter there, so I got all settled in, and then all of a sudden King Kai told me I was going to be wished back to Earth."
Gohan's hands balled into fists, and he felt immediately betrayed for the guilt he'd piled on himself for seven years... longer... because of his father's choice to remain dead.
When he opened his mouth his voice was not his own, it'd gained pitch and his eyes burned teal. "You left to stay there and PLAY!? You DID! And you don't even feel GUILTY about it, DO YOU! To hell with me and mom, we can take care of ourselves, right? Screw this world, screw your life, screw all your friends.... Just fuck it all so you could PLAY! You knew we'd die eventually, and probably make it there, or so you probably assumed, so you just screwed us all and forgot about us! I KNEW IT! I KNEW you couldn't have really had a good reason to stay!! You just... just... arggg!!! Dad you're a PARENT! You have a RESPONSIBILITY to me and mom and you dropped it to play! Why did you tell us you were staying there to protect the Earth then? Why'd you LIE!? You don't lie, even I know that!"
Goku swallowed, not feeling anger inside himself, rather he felt a creepy sort of indifference that made him want to leave and come back when Gohan was calm again. He frowned slightly, looking off to think about a response.
"Well I did believe what I said... though I had other reasons that I didn't tell you guys when I said I didn't want to be wished back. I guess I didn't think it was that big of a deal. You guys always did fine... I mean you turned out fine... guess I was right, eh? Come on Gohan, lets go back in the house and see if ChiChi and Goten wanna watch some TV, ok? We shouldn't fight about this anymore, its not that important"
"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Gohan stomped his foot angrily in the dirt, standing in front of Goku to prevent him from walking any further along the path. His anger barred him from crying, as much as he knew he was going to after they were done fighting. "It IS important! I can't believe you could care so little! Is something wrong with you!? Are you just stupid? We NEEDED you! We really did! And you were skipping around learning to shoot a cooler looking Kamehameha Wave! We should never have taken you back. I can't believe you're even living with us... do you care at all? If something fun comes up are you gonna leave mom? Huh? And Goten??"
"No, 'course not Gohan... that was a different situation. I was dead... that was it. I'd lived my life, I knew I'd get to see you guys again, it never occurred to me to come back 'till I heard you were gonna wish me back, and by that time, I'd already accepted that I was dead."
"Shut UP! It doesn't matter what angle you try to say it from, you dumped your own family to play in the afterlife and that isn't RIGHT! I can't stand you... the longer I talk to you the more I wanna hurt you Dad... I'm still trying to think of what it would do to mom if she knew this. You listen to me. You make me a promise."
"What promise... can we go home after?"
"Stop that! Stop not caring! You make me a promise that you'll never tell mom or Goten how pathetic you are... grrr.... Don't tell anyone what you did! Promise it!"
Goku stepped back from Gohan now, offended by all the anger and disturbing emotion coming from his son. It was obvious that Gohan was really hurt inside, that he was bothered on a million levels that Goku knew he could never really understand. He looked into Gohan's eyes, which were glowing with fury that appeared to be hatred. He scratched his head.
"You mean don't tell them what you think I did?"
"Its not what I think Dad! Its TRUE! You're just too THICK to get it! Promise me you won't ever tell them how little you really care..."
"Well I wouldn't have died for you guys if I didn't care Gohan... you're really confusing me..."
Gohan let out a yell of frustration, stomping his feet and grabbing Goku by the shoulders. He shook the man roughly and put their faces so close that Goku could see the sweat beading on Gohan's forehead, even in the fairly dark nighttime.
Gohan's voice was calm and quiet when it next crawled from inside him –it was a hiss of anger. "Never. Tell. Mom. And. Goten. About. This. Conversation. PROMISE!" The last word was a shout that startled Goku to the point that he jumped slightly.
"Ok Gohan... I promise I won't tell ChiChi and Goten about how mad you are... and about how much you don't like me, and about all that other stuff you were yelling about. I don't really get a lot of it, so that shouldn't be too hard. Can we go home now? And... er... you're hurting my shoulders..."
Gohan let Goku go, pushing him backwards and shaking his head in attempt to clear the anger away. "You go... I don't know when I'm gonna talk to you again."
Goku nodded, feeling sad that Gohan was so upset, but knowing rather well that he was unable to do anything to help that. He turned around and walked back towards the house, leaving Gohan, breathing hard, in the woods.