Scars – Chapter 20
Gohan flew quickly away from Videl's quarters. His fingertips itched, a feeling he only ever got when he was experiencing regret for something he'd done or decided. And now was no exception, as Gohan felt definite guilt over his decision to let Trunks go and not come back. His stomach twisted uncomfortably as he hovered in the air above Satan City. He was attempting to decide if he should go tap at Trunks' window in effort to pledge an apology, or if he should try it another time and simply go home to get some sleep.
Gohan drifted aimlessly, looking around at the tiny tops of people's heads far below him as he drifted through the air. The windy nighttime bit at his bare arms and sent frigid coldness through the whole of his body. Gohan rubbed his arm and raised his power marginally to keep himself from being affected by the cold. He felt as if he deserved to be cold for the way he'd been to Trunks, more than once already today.
It was difficult for Gohan to place exactly how he perceived the scarred warrior. He had always looked at Trunks in the kind of light he'd looked at his father when the man was dead; golden. Gohan had always seen Mirai Trunks as a powerful fighter with a selfless heart and a strong will to do good. He had never really had any chance to find out who he was beyond his skill and his movements.
Gohan mused over the lost and sad look he had clearly witnessed in Trunks' eyes every time he'd seen him. There must be pain there... something making him ache helplessly while the rest of the world sped by him. And the way he backed down before any situation could escalate into one that would leave him in an unfavorable light...did the Trunks from the future lack confidence in himself, or was it something else?
The half-saiyajin continued to muse as he drifted along, considering what he'd learned about the young man earlier that day, when they had been speaking in Gohan's room. Trunks had explained that he'd come to this time because his own was demolished beyond repair, and because there were no others left alive with saiyajin blood in his time.
Trunks wanted to be close to people who were like to him... Gohan was familiar with that sense. He too experienced the feeling that he was alone in the world when he was in a place where there were no other saiyajins, or half-saiyajins. But... Gohan knew he had something that Trunks clearly didn't have; he had Videl, and he never got that alone, sick feeling he'd just been considering when he was near her.
On this line of thought, Gohan's mind wandered to considering the beautiful and fragile woman that he knew he was developing something of a fatal attraction to. He felt warm all over just thinking about her, and bad at the same time, because he knew that she probably didn't like him back. Gohan thought about how she'd been stroking his hair when he woke up in her house, on her floor. It was things like that, that made him feel like he needed Videl. Nobody else could possibly know so much about him, know how many awful decisions he'd made, know how strange he was... know everything that she knew, and still be his friend without any strings attached.
Gohan found himself drifting over Capsule Corporation when he finally remembered to look where he was going. He didn't even recall making the flight between Satan City and West City, he was just there all of a sudden. Well. That made his choice an obvious one.
He searched for Mirai Trunks' energy, discovering it at a specific point in the building and flying towards it. He came to a large window where the curtains were pulled shut to keep people from looking inwards.
Gohan knocked politely at the window, and floated back slightly to wait for someone to figure out he was there.
Gohan felt Trunks' ki stir slightly, and sudden anticipation, as well as unease filled him. He saw a light turn on in the room, a small bedside lamp, from the looks of it. A few moments later, Trunks' figure pulled back the curtains. He was wearing black boxers, and bright blue socks. He blinked slowly at Gohan.
Gohan flew closer to the window, looking hopefully at Trunks. The lavender-haired half-saiyajin pushed the window open and moved aside for Gohan to have room to enter. He closed the window and blinds after Gohan, returning to the huge, extremely comfortable looking bed and crawling in, obviously eager to hide his mostly bare body from Gohan's eyes.
Gohan silently entered and let his feet touch the carpet, which was white, like everything else in the room. Gohan instinctively looked round, and removed his shoes. Trunks was ignoring him. At least, he was not paying much attention to him, he was instead looking at his lap.
"Trunks." Gohan began, taking a breath. Suddenly there was so much tension, where had that come from? He was sure he hadn't experienced it before. "My dad told me you said you were sorry about earlier today. You don't have to apologize, its alright. Don't worry about that, ok?"
Trunks nodded quietly, tugging the covers closer to his chin.
"Are you cold?"
Trunks shook his head. "No... why did you come here? So you could ask me personally if I rendezvoused with the crocodile? I'll pass, thanks." At this Trunks laid down and rolled on his side, so that Gohan could not see his face.
Gohan swam in his guilt, taking a few steps closer to the bed and thinking hard about how he should speak so that he didn't inadvertently set Trunks off. The other man seemed to be a ticking time bomb that would go off unexpectedly.
"No, I didn't. Videl is sorry... after you left she said it again... she was worried she upset you. I guess she did. I didn't come to argue Trunks, please, on the contrary... I want to be your friend."
"Why?"
"I've always been curious about you. You came from the future and disappeared again after helping us fight the androids and Cell. You just came, and went. You never asked for anything in return... you died here... that was my fault. I'm sorry."
Trunks snorted, still looking away from Gohan. He could feel the bed sink behind him as the son of Goku took a seat on the edge of it. Gohan's subtle warmth permeated the sheets and Trunks wanted to crawl closer to Gohan as much as he wanted to yell at him and tell him to leave.
"You know, as many times as you apologize, its not going to make a difference. I want to be alone Gohan."
"But you came here so you wouldn't have to be alone."
"Well I didn't come here to make friends with you! Go away! Every time I look at you I see him! This place is full of ghosts! I look at Mom and I see my mom... its all the same.... You're ghosts. I should never have come here."
Gohan put a hand on Trunks' side, shocked at what he was hearing. "Ghosts? You're not going to go back... are you?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
"No! You just got here! Give us some time Trunks.... It won't be so hard after a few weeks, maybe a few months. You'll-
"Forget him? Them?"
"Don't twist my words. You'll make new memories... ones that aren't about people you're never going to see again."
"I don't want to cover up the bad things with happy, flowery things! I can't! If I don't remember them, who will? Nobody!"
"Then keep your memories of them Trunks, but keep them in the back of your mind. You're depressed. You're unhappy and hurting and people here want to help you, but you won't let us. Its like you came here for attention but you're denying it.... Are you afraid that something will happen to us too? That we'll die and leave you too? We wont! Everybody here has been through many battles... just like you. I died... my mom and my little brother and everyone in the whole world was killed by Buu, and we got through it. Please look at me Trunks..."
Gohan rubbed Trunks' side in what he hoped was a soothing manner, crawling further onto the bed to get in a better position to soothe the man beside him.
Trunks felt his secret bubbling, trying to force its way out. Gohan's hands on him made him want to moan, and they made him want to cry at the same time. He couldn't stop the tears, though they came silently, and merely blurred his vision and stopped up his voice before he could utter the words he knew would completely change the light of their conversation.
"Y-you don't understand...." Trunks squeaked, trying to make himself smaller, even as Gohan's hand rubbed his side, and now his back, which was bare save the sheets.
"But I want to... You just have to help me. Maybe you need a little more time... take it. We have lots, as long as you don't go back there. Only a fool would purposely live in hell when they could be somewhere else."
"Gohan I was in LOVE with Master Gohan!"
Gohan's hand, Which was currently on Trunks' upper arm, gently massaging his muscles, stopped where it was. He replayed Trunks' words in his head exactly once, then felt uncertainty rising within him.
Well now, here was a situation he hadn't expected, nor did he have any certainty on exactly how one treated a gay person in comparison to a straight person. Gohan blinked and recalled his first, and until now, his only experience concerning homosexuals.
[[[ Videl and Gohan were walking through the mall in Satan City. Gohan hated the mall, there were so many people, and his senses of smell and hearing always went haywire whenever he was stuffed into a crowd, no matter where it was. He inched closer to Videl in attempt to quell the pounding of so many people talking and laughing, the incessant beeping of cash registers, and the hundreds, upon thousands of odors that assaulted him left, right, and center.
"Hey Gohan, lets get outta here... I guess Erasa forgot we were gonna meet her. I hate this place, come on. Gohan?"
This was before Videl had known any of Gohan's secrets, she knew only that he was unnaturally strong, and that he ate enough for twelve people. Gohan hadn't heard Videl. She tugged his arm, and he didn't move.
"Hey Videl... look."
Videl turned her eyes in the direction Gohan was looking, and saw two teenage boys kissing one another and sharing a hug. It was obvious to Gohan that they were kissing very intently, they didn't even seem to notice anybody else around.
Videl had shrugged and tugged Gohan's immoveable form towards her again. "So... lets go."
"Ok... but... why are those boys kissing like girlfriends and boyfriends do?"
"Duh Gohan... obviously they're going out... jeeze you know you're really friggin strong? Come ON!"
"Boys can't do that... Mom said that boys like girls, not other boys."
"Reality check Gohan, you live in the middle of nowhere, so does your mom. She needs to update herself a little. People who are attracted to other members of their own sex are called 'homosexual,' so those two guys back there would fit into that category. Oh hey, I see Erasa... she brought Sharpner too! Lets go! ]]]
Gohan frowned at Trunks, who was laying on the bed, caught up in that awful moment one experiences whenever one is waiting for an ultimatum. Would Gohan be alright with this, would he be disgusted... something else?
"Oh... does that mean you're....oh what did Videl say... 'homosexual' Trunks?"
Trunks rolled onto his back, recognizing that Gohan's tone was more curious than anything else. "Y-yes Gohan." He sniffled, wiping his eyes with the sheet and hiding himself under it right up to his neck again.
"Uhm... and you loved the other me?"
"I s-s-till do..." Trunk's eyes pooled with tears again as he pictured his Master laying with a huge hole burned through his chest, and one arm completely missing. Gohan had died with his eyes open, staring blankly at the rainy sky. Trunks closed his eyes, his face burning red with embarrassment at his tears.
Gohan stared down at Trunks uncertainly, feeling uncomfortable now. He wasn't used to people being so emotional. His mother was, but she was never vague with her feelings, and she was as predictable as sunrise and sunset. His father was never one to just up and cry, and Videl was usually best at anger, other feelings didn't come really easily to her. Gohan realized that he had no idea what to do. He thought about Trunks telling him that every time he looked at him, or talked to him, he saw the other Gohan, the dead one. Gohan watched Trunks closely, assessing him.
"Trunks... don't cry... I'm sorry. I didn't know... I guess I must look lots like him... Did the other me... uhm... did he love you back?"
"Gohan I was thirteen... I never said anything. Besides, he was nine years older than me. I'm pretty sure it was just me. Master Gohan was very quiet about things like that... actually he was very quiet in general. I suppose its because he was afraid... It...it was best that he died instead of me... if I had died, then he would be the only one left... and he'd already seen Goku, and my father, and so many innocent people lose their lives. But... still I wish I could have him back. Gohan you won't... you know...tell this stuff to anyone, will you?
Gohan shook his head, still slowly trying to process all the different things that Trunks was saying. He began to rub Trunks arm again, hoping that Trunks' tears would stop and stay stopped. "I won't say anything, not even to Videl."
"Thanks Gohan."
Trunks' tears did stop, slowly, and no words were necessary for the pair on the bed. Gohan continued to rub Trunks soothingly, hoping that his touch wasn't agonizing to Trunks because of his painful memories. It didn't seem to be, Trunks closed his eyes, and eventually Gohan realized that the other half-saiyajin was sleeping.
"G'night Trunks..." Gohan said quietly, slowing his motions to a stop and removing his hand. Trunks didn't move at all.
The black-eyed man got up carefully and pulled the blanket from the foot of the bed over Trunks' form. He went to the window and quietly let himself out into the night.
Gohan flew quickly away from Videl's quarters. His fingertips itched, a feeling he only ever got when he was experiencing regret for something he'd done or decided. And now was no exception, as Gohan felt definite guilt over his decision to let Trunks go and not come back. His stomach twisted uncomfortably as he hovered in the air above Satan City. He was attempting to decide if he should go tap at Trunks' window in effort to pledge an apology, or if he should try it another time and simply go home to get some sleep.
Gohan drifted aimlessly, looking around at the tiny tops of people's heads far below him as he drifted through the air. The windy nighttime bit at his bare arms and sent frigid coldness through the whole of his body. Gohan rubbed his arm and raised his power marginally to keep himself from being affected by the cold. He felt as if he deserved to be cold for the way he'd been to Trunks, more than once already today.
It was difficult for Gohan to place exactly how he perceived the scarred warrior. He had always looked at Trunks in the kind of light he'd looked at his father when the man was dead; golden. Gohan had always seen Mirai Trunks as a powerful fighter with a selfless heart and a strong will to do good. He had never really had any chance to find out who he was beyond his skill and his movements.
Gohan mused over the lost and sad look he had clearly witnessed in Trunks' eyes every time he'd seen him. There must be pain there... something making him ache helplessly while the rest of the world sped by him. And the way he backed down before any situation could escalate into one that would leave him in an unfavorable light...did the Trunks from the future lack confidence in himself, or was it something else?
The half-saiyajin continued to muse as he drifted along, considering what he'd learned about the young man earlier that day, when they had been speaking in Gohan's room. Trunks had explained that he'd come to this time because his own was demolished beyond repair, and because there were no others left alive with saiyajin blood in his time.
Trunks wanted to be close to people who were like to him... Gohan was familiar with that sense. He too experienced the feeling that he was alone in the world when he was in a place where there were no other saiyajins, or half-saiyajins. But... Gohan knew he had something that Trunks clearly didn't have; he had Videl, and he never got that alone, sick feeling he'd just been considering when he was near her.
On this line of thought, Gohan's mind wandered to considering the beautiful and fragile woman that he knew he was developing something of a fatal attraction to. He felt warm all over just thinking about her, and bad at the same time, because he knew that she probably didn't like him back. Gohan thought about how she'd been stroking his hair when he woke up in her house, on her floor. It was things like that, that made him feel like he needed Videl. Nobody else could possibly know so much about him, know how many awful decisions he'd made, know how strange he was... know everything that she knew, and still be his friend without any strings attached.
Gohan found himself drifting over Capsule Corporation when he finally remembered to look where he was going. He didn't even recall making the flight between Satan City and West City, he was just there all of a sudden. Well. That made his choice an obvious one.
He searched for Mirai Trunks' energy, discovering it at a specific point in the building and flying towards it. He came to a large window where the curtains were pulled shut to keep people from looking inwards.
Gohan knocked politely at the window, and floated back slightly to wait for someone to figure out he was there.
Gohan felt Trunks' ki stir slightly, and sudden anticipation, as well as unease filled him. He saw a light turn on in the room, a small bedside lamp, from the looks of it. A few moments later, Trunks' figure pulled back the curtains. He was wearing black boxers, and bright blue socks. He blinked slowly at Gohan.
Gohan flew closer to the window, looking hopefully at Trunks. The lavender-haired half-saiyajin pushed the window open and moved aside for Gohan to have room to enter. He closed the window and blinds after Gohan, returning to the huge, extremely comfortable looking bed and crawling in, obviously eager to hide his mostly bare body from Gohan's eyes.
Gohan silently entered and let his feet touch the carpet, which was white, like everything else in the room. Gohan instinctively looked round, and removed his shoes. Trunks was ignoring him. At least, he was not paying much attention to him, he was instead looking at his lap.
"Trunks." Gohan began, taking a breath. Suddenly there was so much tension, where had that come from? He was sure he hadn't experienced it before. "My dad told me you said you were sorry about earlier today. You don't have to apologize, its alright. Don't worry about that, ok?"
Trunks nodded quietly, tugging the covers closer to his chin.
"Are you cold?"
Trunks shook his head. "No... why did you come here? So you could ask me personally if I rendezvoused with the crocodile? I'll pass, thanks." At this Trunks laid down and rolled on his side, so that Gohan could not see his face.
Gohan swam in his guilt, taking a few steps closer to the bed and thinking hard about how he should speak so that he didn't inadvertently set Trunks off. The other man seemed to be a ticking time bomb that would go off unexpectedly.
"No, I didn't. Videl is sorry... after you left she said it again... she was worried she upset you. I guess she did. I didn't come to argue Trunks, please, on the contrary... I want to be your friend."
"Why?"
"I've always been curious about you. You came from the future and disappeared again after helping us fight the androids and Cell. You just came, and went. You never asked for anything in return... you died here... that was my fault. I'm sorry."
Trunks snorted, still looking away from Gohan. He could feel the bed sink behind him as the son of Goku took a seat on the edge of it. Gohan's subtle warmth permeated the sheets and Trunks wanted to crawl closer to Gohan as much as he wanted to yell at him and tell him to leave.
"You know, as many times as you apologize, its not going to make a difference. I want to be alone Gohan."
"But you came here so you wouldn't have to be alone."
"Well I didn't come here to make friends with you! Go away! Every time I look at you I see him! This place is full of ghosts! I look at Mom and I see my mom... its all the same.... You're ghosts. I should never have come here."
Gohan put a hand on Trunks' side, shocked at what he was hearing. "Ghosts? You're not going to go back... are you?"
"I don't know. Maybe."
"No! You just got here! Give us some time Trunks.... It won't be so hard after a few weeks, maybe a few months. You'll-
"Forget him? Them?"
"Don't twist my words. You'll make new memories... ones that aren't about people you're never going to see again."
"I don't want to cover up the bad things with happy, flowery things! I can't! If I don't remember them, who will? Nobody!"
"Then keep your memories of them Trunks, but keep them in the back of your mind. You're depressed. You're unhappy and hurting and people here want to help you, but you won't let us. Its like you came here for attention but you're denying it.... Are you afraid that something will happen to us too? That we'll die and leave you too? We wont! Everybody here has been through many battles... just like you. I died... my mom and my little brother and everyone in the whole world was killed by Buu, and we got through it. Please look at me Trunks..."
Gohan rubbed Trunks' side in what he hoped was a soothing manner, crawling further onto the bed to get in a better position to soothe the man beside him.
Trunks felt his secret bubbling, trying to force its way out. Gohan's hands on him made him want to moan, and they made him want to cry at the same time. He couldn't stop the tears, though they came silently, and merely blurred his vision and stopped up his voice before he could utter the words he knew would completely change the light of their conversation.
"Y-you don't understand...." Trunks squeaked, trying to make himself smaller, even as Gohan's hand rubbed his side, and now his back, which was bare save the sheets.
"But I want to... You just have to help me. Maybe you need a little more time... take it. We have lots, as long as you don't go back there. Only a fool would purposely live in hell when they could be somewhere else."
"Gohan I was in LOVE with Master Gohan!"
Gohan's hand, Which was currently on Trunks' upper arm, gently massaging his muscles, stopped where it was. He replayed Trunks' words in his head exactly once, then felt uncertainty rising within him.
Well now, here was a situation he hadn't expected, nor did he have any certainty on exactly how one treated a gay person in comparison to a straight person. Gohan blinked and recalled his first, and until now, his only experience concerning homosexuals.
[[[ Videl and Gohan were walking through the mall in Satan City. Gohan hated the mall, there were so many people, and his senses of smell and hearing always went haywire whenever he was stuffed into a crowd, no matter where it was. He inched closer to Videl in attempt to quell the pounding of so many people talking and laughing, the incessant beeping of cash registers, and the hundreds, upon thousands of odors that assaulted him left, right, and center.
"Hey Gohan, lets get outta here... I guess Erasa forgot we were gonna meet her. I hate this place, come on. Gohan?"
This was before Videl had known any of Gohan's secrets, she knew only that he was unnaturally strong, and that he ate enough for twelve people. Gohan hadn't heard Videl. She tugged his arm, and he didn't move.
"Hey Videl... look."
Videl turned her eyes in the direction Gohan was looking, and saw two teenage boys kissing one another and sharing a hug. It was obvious to Gohan that they were kissing very intently, they didn't even seem to notice anybody else around.
Videl had shrugged and tugged Gohan's immoveable form towards her again. "So... lets go."
"Ok... but... why are those boys kissing like girlfriends and boyfriends do?"
"Duh Gohan... obviously they're going out... jeeze you know you're really friggin strong? Come ON!"
"Boys can't do that... Mom said that boys like girls, not other boys."
"Reality check Gohan, you live in the middle of nowhere, so does your mom. She needs to update herself a little. People who are attracted to other members of their own sex are called 'homosexual,' so those two guys back there would fit into that category. Oh hey, I see Erasa... she brought Sharpner too! Lets go! ]]]
Gohan frowned at Trunks, who was laying on the bed, caught up in that awful moment one experiences whenever one is waiting for an ultimatum. Would Gohan be alright with this, would he be disgusted... something else?
"Oh... does that mean you're....oh what did Videl say... 'homosexual' Trunks?"
Trunks rolled onto his back, recognizing that Gohan's tone was more curious than anything else. "Y-yes Gohan." He sniffled, wiping his eyes with the sheet and hiding himself under it right up to his neck again.
"Uhm... and you loved the other me?"
"I s-s-till do..." Trunk's eyes pooled with tears again as he pictured his Master laying with a huge hole burned through his chest, and one arm completely missing. Gohan had died with his eyes open, staring blankly at the rainy sky. Trunks closed his eyes, his face burning red with embarrassment at his tears.
Gohan stared down at Trunks uncertainly, feeling uncomfortable now. He wasn't used to people being so emotional. His mother was, but she was never vague with her feelings, and she was as predictable as sunrise and sunset. His father was never one to just up and cry, and Videl was usually best at anger, other feelings didn't come really easily to her. Gohan realized that he had no idea what to do. He thought about Trunks telling him that every time he looked at him, or talked to him, he saw the other Gohan, the dead one. Gohan watched Trunks closely, assessing him.
"Trunks... don't cry... I'm sorry. I didn't know... I guess I must look lots like him... Did the other me... uhm... did he love you back?"
"Gohan I was thirteen... I never said anything. Besides, he was nine years older than me. I'm pretty sure it was just me. Master Gohan was very quiet about things like that... actually he was very quiet in general. I suppose its because he was afraid... It...it was best that he died instead of me... if I had died, then he would be the only one left... and he'd already seen Goku, and my father, and so many innocent people lose their lives. But... still I wish I could have him back. Gohan you won't... you know...tell this stuff to anyone, will you?
Gohan shook his head, still slowly trying to process all the different things that Trunks was saying. He began to rub Trunks arm again, hoping that Trunks' tears would stop and stay stopped. "I won't say anything, not even to Videl."
"Thanks Gohan."
Trunks' tears did stop, slowly, and no words were necessary for the pair on the bed. Gohan continued to rub Trunks soothingly, hoping that his touch wasn't agonizing to Trunks because of his painful memories. It didn't seem to be, Trunks closed his eyes, and eventually Gohan realized that the other half-saiyajin was sleeping.
"G'night Trunks..." Gohan said quietly, slowing his motions to a stop and removing his hand. Trunks didn't move at all.
The black-eyed man got up carefully and pulled the blanket from the foot of the bed over Trunks' form. He went to the window and quietly let himself out into the night.