Chapter 4- Moving on

The few days leading to Josh Evan's funeral Lily stayed with Frank and Alice Longbottom. Alice took the time off from work to stay with Lily during the day, though Lily was like a zombie, going from room to room, most of the time holding Catcher in the Rye in her hands even though she wasn't reading it. He fell off the cliff, she often thought during that time.

James had called Petunia to tell her about the funeral, but he left out the details of how Josh had died. The Muggle record keepers had been told he had died of a heart attack, and they accepted the answer easily. James had taken it upon himself to make arrangements for the funeral himself, which was why he thought it best for Lily to stay with Alice and Frank; that way she didn't have to be constantly reminded.

Lily didn't need to be there for the constant reminder, though. It was everywhere in her mind. The memory consumed her, yet she didn't want to let it go. She should have been able to do something to save him, but at the time there was nothing. My name is one you'll fear to speak, was a phrase that was repeated over and over in her head. No one ever told Lily how to feel, and that's something she was determined not to change. "Voldemort," Lily said out loud when she was alone in her room. For the first time since the night of her engagement, and her father's death, Lily grinned. Not because she was happy, but because she knew she could help defeat the monster that killed her father.

Not many people came to the funeral that afternoon. Petunia and Vernon had sat in the back row, even though the front ones were scarcely filled. James sat with Lily who looked empty of all emotion, her tears all being spent over the past few days. Sirius sat on Lily's other side, putting a comforting arm around Lily's shoulder. Remus was also there, sitting next to Sirius, looking solemn and keeping an eye out for any disturbance, as Dumbledore had requested.

Alice and Frank sat in another pew, having driven Lily to the funeral in a car Frank borrowed from a friend. Not all the members of the Order came, since this was a Muggle event. No other family had been able to attend since Josh's only sister lived in America with her family and his parents had died when Lily was very young. The pastor had been at that church when Josh and Violet had first got married.

Just before everything started Kyla and Michael Potter entered and sat in the pew across from the Dursleys.

After the funeral some ladies from the neighborhood had arranged a luncheon at the Evan's house. It was the first time Lily had been there since her father was killed, and she was nervous about entering, as if the house might just swallow her whole. James stood behind her, hoping things would be okay, and as they went in Lily noticed things looked exactly as they had been the night before.

"It's just such a terrible thing," one of the ladies, who Lily knew as Mrs. Tremble, was saying as they entered the dining area connected to the kitchen. "Oh, Lily dear," she said, stopping the comment she had been making and giving Lily a large hug. "How are you?" Mrs. Tremble asked, holding Lily's shoulders and looking at her sympathetically.

"As good as I can be, I suppose," Lily answered, attempting a faint grin.

"Come have some food, love," Mrs. Finklestein, Violet's old co-chair for the local women's society.

"Thank you," Lily said, taking a seat that James had pulled out for her. Having to take the Muggle way it took Remus and Sirius longer to get there, especially since Remus refused to ride Sirius's motorbike.

One of Lily's old grammar school friends showed up about a half an hour into it. Lily made her rounds, thanking people and agreeing that it was a beautiful service, though in her mind she wanted badly to remind them there shouldn't have been a service at all. Petunia never came. Lily was hurt by this, though James wasn't surprised. He had seen Vernon and Petunia leave just after the service, so if they were going to show up here, they would have been the first to arrive.

Three hours later everyone was leaving, and everything had been cleaned up. The last people standing in the living room were James, Remus, Sirius, and a distant Lily. "Did you want to come to our flat?" Sirius invited.

Lily shook her head 'no' and played with her sapphire necklace, mindlessly.

"Come on, Lily, why don't you come stay with us?" James asked. He was steadily getting worried about what she might do if left alone. At least when she was at the Longbottom's Alice was there.

"I said no," Lily stated firmly, looking James in the eyes for just a moment before examining the picture hanging to her left. It was a large portrait of her family only a few years ago. Violet was sitting in a chair, very prim. Petunia stood just off to Violet's left shoulder, Josh just behind the right one. Lily was sitting with her legs to the side, leaning against her mother's knee. They were all smiling in the picture. It was a happier time then, when Violet still fussed over bake sales and community events, and when Petunia would talk about the date she had had the night before.

The boys sat and watched Lily, whose expression wasn't changing. It was several minutes before she rose and walked up the stairs, not acknowledging the others in the room at all.

"I'll probably be staying here for the night," James told the others, and followed in Lily's steps.

Remus and Sirius didn't say a word, but both stood and left the house, going back to their own flat in case they were needed for anything.

"Lily?" James said from the doorway of Lily's room.

She was sitting at her vanity, brushing her hair slowly, stroke by stroke. "They're gone," she said.

"Lily I know this is hard, but he wouldn't want you to do this to yourself," James said. Lily didn't change what she was doing or have any response at all. James went to stand behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I love you Lily," he said, hoping these words wouldn't bounce off. Lily still did nothing.

She wanted to be a child again, have her dad tease her with silly names, and have her mum scold her for stealing a couple cookies before dinner. She wanted to know she was safe and taken care of.

Lily gingerly touched the deepest cut she had received only a few nights before on her left cheek. Most had been healed instantly, but that one still remained. Lily pushed back the chair and walked into the hallway until she arrived in her parent's bedroom. She looked on the nightstand and there was the lamp she had thrown, intact as if nothing had occurred, as if her father hadn't been murdered, as if she had him still.

James stayed in Lily's bedroom, and was there when she returned. Lily didn't acknowledge James, but went to her four poster bed and laid down on her side. James carefully did the same, and put his arm around Lily. Lily placed her hand on top of his, and they fell asleep.

Four days later

Lily had been feeling better, and decided to go through things at the house. Things needed to be settled for her to have any closure on the situation. James had been staying with her in her parent's house, and had helped her get through the past week.

She was starting to go through her mother's clothes, something Josh hadn't even been able to do, piece by piece. Lily planned on letting Petunia have it if she wanted, and if Petunia declined, Lily wanted to donate it to one of the places her mother always was giving things to.

Lily was going through the dresses when Petunia showed up. "What do you think you're doing?" Petunia demanded. James had been in the bathroom, getting ready when Petunia came in.

Lily was so shocked by Petunia's tone that she wasn't sure how to respond. "I was just-"

"What are you even doing here?"

"She's been living here," James said after opening the door to the bathroom and looking out at Petunia.

"And you brought him in here too?" Petunia asked incredulously.

"He's my fiancé, Petty," Lily said, using an old nickname.

"Don't call me that," Petunia said.

"Why are you being so hostile to me?" Lily asked, upset and hurt rising in her voice.

"They said Dad died of a heart attack," Petunia said angrily. "That's bollocks and you know it just as well as I do. It had something to do with your kind."

Lily took a deep breath, her eyes shifting while she was still looking at the floor guiltily. "He didn't die of a heart attack, but we had to tell the Muggle police that. Dad was killed by Voldemort," Lily said.

James was shocked to hear the name from Lily's mouth and Petunia just became angrier, "Vernon was right about you," Petunia said. "You and you're kind, you're all a bunch of weirdoes, and look where it got you."

"Don't talk to Lily that way!" James shouted at Petunia. "This wasn't her fault!"

"Of course it's her fault," Petunia said, staring down James. "If she hadn't gotten herself involved with the likes of you I'd still have my father."

James's temper was starting to flair as he noticed Lily's tears starting to pour down her cheek. Petunia froze as James pulled out his wand on her. "That's not true! She could have been killed trying to save him!"

"James put the wand down," Lily said, trying to stay calm. James hesitated a moment, but did as Lily asked. "Petunia, is there anything here you wanted to keep?"

"I was going to get my things, but you can have it all," Petunia said to Lily, though she was looking at James. "I don't want anything tainted by freaks," she added, then turned away quickly and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind her.

"There's no one left in the field," Lily said, sitting on the edge of her parents' bed and placing her head in her hands.

"I'm there, aren't I?" James asked rubbing her back. Lily looked up at him, curious to know whether he actually knew what she meant. James pulled The Catcher in the Rye out of his back pocket and showed Lily. "It only took me four days," he said. "Not bad reading either."

Lily allowed herself a grin. "I didn't catch a snitch, though," she said, grabbing the book, and flipping the pages.

"You did something better," James said, with a confident smile. "You caught a Chaser."

Lily hit James in the chest with the book. "Sure I did," she said, and walked back into the closet to sort things, now wondering how much of this would go to someone who didn't know how special it all was.

"Let me help," James said, pulling things out of the closet and putting them on the bed.

"Thank you," Lily said.

"Any time," James said sincerely, then leaned over and kissed Lily.

A/N: More sadness, I know, but hopefully in the next one, things will get a bit better. Please Please PLEASE review if you're reading this, and tell me what you think.

Thank you:

Cilverblood: I thought it would be an interesting way to bring in the name 'Harry' because I don't like to do what everyone else does. I also thought it would be funny because Harry would then be named after his mother and father (Harry James Potter) in a way. Yes I feel bad for Lily because that's a lot for someone her age to deal with, then, as you'll notice in this chapter, she has to deal with Petunia blaming her. It's so sad, but that's how it is…

Slytherin Girl Gryffindor Girl: What does Slytherin Girl have a problem with reading a story about a Muggle born??? Just kidding! I'll go as long as it makes sense to go, if you know what I mean. I'm not going to drag on with chapters that are nonsense to what I'm trying to write just so it would be longer, because then your rating would lower for the simple fact that it wouldn't be as well written.

A special hello to those of you who regularly review for me but can't right now, or haven't read it because you're on vaca or something of the sort =) Hope you're all having a safe and happy summer!