Disclaimer- Tortall does not belong to me. It belongs to Tamora Pierce.

Chapter three

So he was coming and there was nothing she could do about it. Kel had resigned herself to it. She wasn't looking forward to it but she'd manage because she had to. She'd manage because she owed it to the people of New Hope. She couldn't be seen to treat this one man any differently from the others. She had accepted convict soldiers who might have done all sorts of terrible things. There was a small nasty part of her mind that said 'ah yes but none of those men are so filled with hate that they would an attack an innocent girl and feel no remorse just to get at you now would they?' but she ignored it.

Serene in her new found resignation she fielded questions from angry villagers who 'didn't want him coming here' and calmed Merric who was ready to go out with a boulder and batter Joren to death if he dared even talk to them. Her serenity carried her stomach.

She waited in the courtyard to greet him herself, ostensibly so that she could show that she held no animosity towards him, but really so that she could get it over and done with as quickly as possible. She didn't want to look at him. Every time she saw him she almost felt sorry for him but she didn't want to feel anything towards him.

So she looked up and there he was. He had lost the insolent air that hung around him as a boy. The scar on his face had disfigured him horribly. As Kel looked at him she had a reaction right from her gut. She hated this man more than words could express. She hated him even more than Blayce. Blayce had been evil but deranged, Joren had no such excuse. It was times like these she was glad she was 'the lump'. Her features tightened but it wasn't something you would notice unless you were paying close attention. But Joren was paying close attention.

Joren didn't like the Lady Knight but he wasn't obsessed with her anymore. Before he had believed that she was an insult to him and his country. Now she was only an embarrassment to herself and the idiots who encouraged her. That didn't mean he couldn't get a kick out of knowing that he had affected her so easily. He bowed to her and was amused to see that when he rose the look in her eyes said she would have liked to kill him right there and then.

'Lady Keldary' he said by way of a greeting.

'Sir Joren' Kel couldn't bring herself to tell him that he was welcome. As far as she was concerned he would never be welcome to her. The silence dragged on. Both were unwilling to speak first, it seemed like somehow that would be admitting a defeat. They might have stood there forever if Joren hadn't remembered that he didn't care about this.

'I am rather tired after the ride ma'am. I wonder if there might be somewhere I could sleep?' Kel looked as if she would have liked to tell him that he could sleep in the mud but she was to polite.

'Tobe will show you to your room. As a knight you have the right to ask for your meals in your room but I would prefer it if you would eat in the mess hall at least some of the time.' She wasn't sure if she meant that. What she really meant was that if he didn't eat in the mess hall at least some of the time it would be very hard to convince people that she didn't hate him and as she needed him to be a productive member of staff she couldn't have riffs displayed openly. 'You will be given your orders tomorrow morning. Nine o'clock in my office. Tobe will show you where.' He nodded and left following Tobe and that was it. She had seen him again.

She wondered if perhaps she could say that he was unqualified because he could only see out of one eye. No that wouldn't work; she would have to except that he was staying. She saw off everybody and then went to her office locking the door behind her. She let out a long breath. How was she going to do this?

She was Yamani calm, she was fair and people respected her for that. She was confident in her ability to do her own job and she didn't listen to other people who would say otherwise. She was happy; all her dreams had been fulfilled. She wasn't done yet: there were things that she still wanted to do and one day she hoped to have a family of her own but for now she was content to let her life carry on the way it was.

And then this one man came in and it was as if everything she had strived for was meaningless. He could not only shatter her inner peace he could also shatter the harmony in New Hope. It wasn't fair that someone who had done so much wrong was still free to wreck people's lives. How was she going to deal with him?

Joren had been in New Hope for a week now and he was driving Kel mad. He had not put a foot wrong. She wanted him to do something so she could get rid of him but so far he had carried all his duties out so that even she couldn't find fault with him. He had not been rude to the townspeople and he was respected by all the village elders. Partly because he ha obviously gone through something terrible and come out the other end and partly because he was willing to help anyone who asked him not that many asked. Most people were afraid of him and he did nothing to make them more comfortable in his presence.

Luckily she wouldn't have to deal with him often. He would come in weekly to the meeting of all the commanders at New Hope but other than that they could completely ignore each other.

The King was 'dropping in' next week. He was taking a tour of the border area and he wanted to see a refugee community. Raoul had claimed that the reason New Hope had been chosen was because it was the best defended but Kel knew the real reason was that this was a good refugee camp with enough water and food. Others were ridden with disease and crime. As many bandits came out of there as out of Scanra. The King had to be protected from these realities or at least from first hand experience of these realities. So soon she would have the King and Joren to deal with. 'Great' she thought 'my two favourite people'.

Joren was surprised to find that he actually enjoyed being at New Hope. There was good food and clean beds but most importantly there was plenty of work. Joren had always loved work. It took his mind away from any troubles. Before those troubles had been with his growing obsession with defeating the Lady Knight now his mind was taken away from the almost constant, pressing memory of getting his scar. It tormented his mind day and night. A large shapeless thing that he couldn't put to a name to. It had come and engulfed him completely. He had been drowning in that bitter darkness and felt as if he would never come out. He didn't know how he had escaped only that he had woken up hours later in a bed having come out of the chamber alive.

When he was working he forgot the feeling of drowning, when he was sleeping he was oblivious to everything but when he was awake he felt as if he was still there. As if the shadow had followed him out of the chamber and the only time he got himself out of it was when he worked so he worked hard. He did any favours asked of him going well beyond the call of duty in his desperation to make it all go away.

He hadn't made friends but then Joren had never valued others as anything except ways to get what he wanted. His feelings were ambivilant towards the rest of the human race. The only person who inspired any sort of feeling in him was his Knight Commander Lady Keldary and then he only felt amusement, after all who wouldn't think it funny to see such a paragon of virtue struggling to keep a homicidal rage in check. If he had ever felt any urge to make a nuisance of himself Keldary's sheer frustration that he hadn't already was enough to keep him on the straight and narrow. Not that he felt much these days just a sort of blankness as if all his previous character had been erased but that nothing had been put back in its place.

Okay well that's it for another chapter. Sorry about the long dwellings on feelings I'll add some action next time.

thanks to all my reveiwers i love you (ina not wierd way)