Disclaimer: ...And they're still not mine. *sighs* Watase Yuu and her associates won't consent to handing them over to me. *pouts* I swear I would take good care of them!

Notes: Well... This seems to go along quite nicely...for now. __;; Anyway, this chapter was done a bit faster than the last one – which is one of the reasons for its shortness. (Am I making any sense here!? @__@;;)

Not Letting Go

by Hotaru Muraki

Chapter 4: Lights out

Suddenly it was dark, the light from my laptop the only source of illumination in the room. I looked at the built-in clock. Oh. So it was that late already...and I had accomplished only about half of what I had originally planned to do. Sigh. This arm of mine was already vexing me to no end, not mentioning the rest of my injuries. Well, at least those would heal a lot faster. But to have my [left/right] arm temporarily impaired... I did not like that. No, I did not like that at all. Thoughts of enemies trying to exploit what they might perceive as weaknesses chased through my head. Then I blinked, abruptly returning to reality. Now what had—?

.......Oh. My screensaver had kicked in, activating itself upon not receiving any instructions. Thinking of certain...events of this early afternoon, I smirked. As hindsight was ever perfect, now I knew why I had instinctively chosen those violet-grey lines twisting and turning, undulating against and mingling with sapphire ones. But enough of this. For now anyway.

I shut down my laptop and closed it, plunging the room in nearly complete darkness. Slowly my eyes adjusted. The lights of the ever-busy city outside provided some scant measure of aid with which I was able to see my surroundings.

After I could 'see' the layout of my room, I carefully placed the laptop on the chair next to my bed. I left the cord where it was. Hopefully, the battery would have recharged itself come morning. Having accomplished that I slowly sank back, finally coming to rest on the mattress.

Then, as I once again stared at another unfamiliar ceiling, all that had happened today came crashing down on me in force. And suddenly I felt so very, very tired... Want to sle—.......

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

In a room on the seventh floor of a hospital in present-day Tokyo, the body of one Kiryuu Nagare fell asleep. That person had been reincarnated into this world and this time. However, in another world and a totally different lifetime, the man who now was an influential business tycoon had been the equally powerful and gifted Shogun of Kutou, Seiryuu Seishi Nakago. And it was to this past that his mind turned in sleep. It simply would not let him rest this night...

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Flash-like images of a childhood lived mostly among a foreign people fly past, glossing over the scorn and disdain experienced at the hands of those people but not understood, barely slowing upon the loss of his mother. Only when the boy is brought in front of the Kutou-Emperor do the images come up more haltingly.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The figure on the hospital bed started  to twist and thrash uneasily, sheets bunching up in agitation. It's almost as if almost as if the one dreaming knows what will happen and, being unable to prevent anything, wants to thwart the dream from proceeding. However, no such luck. The sleeper does not wake...

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

A young boy grows up in a court where the weak are easily preyed upon by those of higher status or greater wealth and influence. Transgressions go unnoticed, crimes remain unpunished if the culprit is too high-ranked or too prestigious. Figurative as well as literal back-stabbing seems to be the order of the day.

Out of necessity, driven by the burning urge to survive, to revenge himself, the boy learns these lessons – and he learns them well. So well indeed that at the age of 21, he is already made shogun. About a year later, he controls over two thirds of this country's military. He no longer is weak, nor is he helpless. No-one dares to cross him. And of those few fools who actually do cross the blond-haired man, no-one lives to tell of it. No-one opposes him. No-one...

..............................

A man, no, still a boy, attacks, throwing himself forward in anger and fury. It is easy enough for Nakago to step aside and dodge the attack. Even though the boy must have seen the futility of persisting, he attacks a second time. Nakago is surprised at the fire blazing in the youth's violet-grey eyes. So surprised that he does not manage to fully pull away this time. The boy's blow actually succeeds in grazing the shogun's side. This has not happened in....a long, long time!

Nakago is...pleased? Maybe he is the one who...

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The boy arrives at the palace in Kutou's capital late, in the middle of the night. Nakago watches from a second-floor window, safely unseen, as he dismounts in the yard. And although the boy seems complacent enough, the shogun can sense this one's fiery rage even from where he is watching in silence. It is a good thing that Lady Yui went through with the plan he himself so very carefully instigated. Demanding this boy as hostage... This one is strong, full of fire and passion. Now all that remains to be seen is whether the boy's fire is hot enough to warm even someone as icily cold as Nakago...

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Days pass by. The boy, Tamahome, alternates between brooding silence and restless agitation. Lady Yui spends most of her time with him. She tries to win him over from that other girl by any means she can conceive of, never once realizing how futile her efforts are. Nakago just watches her dispassionately. She is but a means to an end. Nothing more. But the boy... The boy definitely has the potential.

Overhearing them spak one day, Nakago idly wonders what it would be like to have this boy...to have Tamahome speak to him this way. Maybe he would even say his name in a warmer tone of voice than Nakago has ever heard from any of those surrounding him. Maybe... Nakago blinks. Yes, and if wishes were horses...

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

A clatter of feet running down a wood-panelled hallway. The boy actually tries to escape, reneging on his promise in order to rush to his beloved priestess. Fool! Does he really think he will succeed? Nakago won't allow that. Why should Tamahome escape where Nakago could not? With a sharp crack, the shogun snakes out his whip and traps the boys ankle. He moves towards him, smirking sinisterly. Tamahome will have to be shown the consequences of breaking such a promise...

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Flashes of Kudoku-influenced Tamahome. Even though the ogre-symbol will never again blaze on his forehead, he still is a warrior to be reckoned with. Fierce, strong and determined. Nakago privately thinks that black suits the boy even more than the dark blue colours he wore before. Although... Their daily practice sessions leave the blond shogun feeling as if something... undefinable is missing. He still enjoys his time with the former Suzaku Seishi but...

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Tamahome is walking the hallway of the palace, slowly drawing nearer. The mission Nakago has send him on must have been successful then. Wait, something is different about the boy. Although Lady Yui has yet to notice, Nakago somehow knows immediately. And the scroll Tamahome is carrying... The shogun looks closer, then imperceptible draws back. Impossible! How did he...?

Only when Tamahome answers does Nakago realize he spoke out loud. Only when violet-grey eyes meets sapphire-blue ones, once again proud, fierce – only then does Nakago understand what has happened. And only when he is alone this night does Nakago allow himself feelings of remorse about that loss.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

A scene of burning destruction. Pieces of crushed buildings and wrecked cars. Screams and sirens wailing helplessly somewhere in the background. The goal is near, so near... Not even Tamahome, powerless as he is right now, will be able to stop him. He knows it. Tamahome must know it, too. ...So why in Seiryuu's name does that boy still persist? Why does he keep attacking even though he must know how futile his paltry efforts are?

If Nakago wants to triumph, he will have to kill the one who has managed to thaw him with his fire. To finally achieve all that he has striven for for so long, to reach the goal he set for himself since the age of six... Or to spare a boy who is a constant source of irritation, defying, opposing and stubbornly resisting him at every turn. To live...or to live with himself...

The question is what Nakago places more importance on.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Floating in a sea of darkness, content and finally at ease. But somehow, there is still this maddening feeling of being...incomplete. Searching seemingly forever....yet not knowing what for. Then...in the distance, a violet light appears. It grows.

...Or is it he who draws nearer? It really does not matter.

As he gets closer, he can see that the violet radiance is tinged with shining, silvery grey. The light of this...sun feels warm to him, a soothing balm on the torn edges of his self, his soul. He can feel the void where his heart is start to fill, his mind really at peace now. For the first time he can remember, he starts to feel completely content,.......happy. Finally—

—But then, Nakago is cruelly ripped away from his amethyst heaven. A cold white light pulls him into an equally cold unknown place. No! NOOO!!! He wants to go back, back to his light. Where is his haven? He is crying. Now he has to look for it all over again! Bleakest despair descends...

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

...and I sat up in my bed, at this precise moment not knowing whether I was Nakago or Nagare, my heart beating too fast for comfort. I looked at the pre-dawn-lit hospital-room without really seeing it. After a while, my heartbeat slowed down again and reluctantly, a sizeable amount of normalcy returned.

I took a deep, shuddering breath. I remembered...everything. Yes, I remembered the...dream, especially the heart-breaking feeling of loss, the forced separation at the end. Then I thought of the time he had seen and felt that violet-grey...whatever. Dwelling on this for a moment, I could feel my whole body heat up rapidly.

And as the pearly grey light of early dawn tentatively crept into the room, I decided that he really needed a shower. A long, long shower. Only to...rid myself of the last...vestiges of this night's dream, of course.

TBC

Notes: ......and now what? *sighs* Ah, don't you just want to hug and cuddle him?? *looks at suddenly blazing symbol on forehead* Errr… Then again, maybe better not. *hides behind confused Tamahome/Taka* *mutters to self* I wonder what he'll do in the shower, though…

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- Ish: Thanks for considering this fic an enjoyable tiny part of your life. (Even though this part's waaaayyy too short! ^^;;)