SUMMER DAYS

DISCLAIMER: What is mine is not;
Nintendo does not own me;
This does not make sense.

Chapter 3

Link stumbled into bed, wishing that he could eat something classy. As in something which wasn't saturated with random ingredients.
Young Link walked in.
"Hi," said Young Link.
"Hi, Young Link," said Link.
"Why are you calling me young Link? My name's just Link."
"But it's confusing when there are two people with the same name."
"Are you me?"
"What?" said Link.
"Am I you?"
"I think that one day you will be me and that once I was you."
"What's the difference?"
"Hell, I don't know!"
"If you can say 'hell', can I?"
"No."
"Why?"
"You're too impressionable, that's why."
"But I'm going to grow up and say that word anyway."
"Not if you're good."
"But you're saying that word."
"Maybe I'm doing it to trick you."
"Why would you trick yourself?" asked Young Link.
"Because… it's late. Go to bed."
"No. I want to find out about my life."
"Okay…"
"Have you ever had sex?"
"WHAT? You're too young to be asking that. Besides, it's none of your business."
"Yes it is. I'm you."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am. Don't you remember having this argument once?"
"Um… vaguely."
"Well, then, how many fingers am I holding up?"
"I don't know."
"I don't know either. See? I am you. So, do I ever get to do it?"
"NO!"
"Is there anyone I'm going to have a crush on?"
Link sighed. "Fine. There's one person you'll think is kind of cute, it's…"

Kirby was walking through the hallways, attempting to swallow two princesses.
Zelda and Peach were struggling, trying to get out.
Ness ran up.
"Kirby!" he said. "Mewtwo just told me that Pikachu told him that Marth told him that Popo told him that Young Link told him that Link has a crush on Zelda!"
Kirby laughed out loud, accidentally spitting Zelda and Peach out of the window.
"And guess what?"
"What?" said Kirby.
"Link thinks he can kill his younger self! Is he stupid or what?"
Ness and Kirby laughed together, suddenly best of friends.

Mario and Luigi were taking a night time stroll outside the mansion when they heard screams. They looked up and saw Peach falling down.
The both caught Peach.
"I'm so glad I have the Mario Brothers to save me," cooed Peach.
Zelda landed face first on the ground.
"Where's Link when you need him?" she said.
Young Link ran past, closely followed by Link. "You dirty kid!" shouted Link. "I am so going to stab you when I get you!"
"Link has a girl-friend!" sang Young Link, running past.
"Why couldn't someone with a life save Hyrule for once?" murmured Zelda.

Kirby ran up to Jigglypuff. "Hi!" he said.
"Jiggly?" said Jigglypuff. The round thingy usually ran away from her.
"Jigglypuff, Ness just told me that Mewtwo just told him that Link has a girlfriend! It's Zelda!"
"Really?" thought Jigglypuff. "Puh?" she said.
"What does that mean?" said Kirby.
"Jig jig jiggly!" said Jigglypuff. (Translated: 'that's interesting!')
"I don't understand."
"Puff – jig – jiggly puff puff!" ('You must be deaf.')
Kirby, completely confused, wandered away.
Jigglypuff stood there, contemplating. Link was in love with Zelda? How romantic. Jigglypuff could almost feel the romance in the air tonight. Perhaps other people would fall in love tonight too. And they would live happily ever after. How sweet.
Wait!
Jigglypuff realised: everyone was unwell after they tried Zelda's magic soup. So they wouldn't talk to each other. So they wouldn't fall in love tonight! And they'd live… no happyishly ever after? Antihappily ever after? Sadly ever after?
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" thought Jigglypuff, smiling.
She must be the only person who realised this. Who could she confide in? Who would believe her? Who would understand her?
Come to think of it, who had ever understood what she was saying?
a) Ness
b) Mewtwo
c) herself
Hmm. Well, Ness had a weird name, so he couldn't help. And Mewtwo was a Pokemon! Jigglypuff knew that Pokemon never did anything right. A cherry told her so.
Which left herself. Well, Jigglypuff would have to save the world today. But she couldn't do it like this! Oh, no.
Jigglypuff ran into a store cupboard and evolved into…
Love-jigglypuff! (Jigglypuff wearing a pot on her head.)
Jigglypuff ran off to save the poor Smashers.

Kirby was walking to his bedroom when a big, blue penguin in a royal outfit and who bore a remarkable resemblance to King Dedede walked past him.
"Was it Dedede?" wondered Kirby. He decided that it couldn't possibly be. Perhaps it was a penguin going to the North Pole.
Kirby continued on to his bedroom.
This mansion was nice, but he wanted to go back to Pop Star again.
"Are there ice creams at the North Pole?" wondered Kirby.
Kirby ran off after the penguin.

Young Link dodged three knives, and dived sideways into an air conditioning vent.
"Come out of there now, you ----ing pig!" said Link.
"You're insulting yourself!"
"Come out now!"
"You can't stand there forever!"
"Oh, why not?"
"Because you'll die if you stand there too long!"
"Then so will you!" said Link.
"But you'll die first," said Young Link.
"How can I die first? What's happening to me will happen to you! You'll die first!"
"But you're me."
"Then we die together!"
"No, you die alone," said Young Link.
"What?"
"There's only one of us."
"But there's two of us," Link said.
"No, one."
"Look," said Link, " come out here and I'll talk to you rationally and punish you fairly."
"Really?"
"No."
"Then I won't come out."
"If you stay in there too long, you'll die," said Link.
"You'll die first."
"You just said I was you."
Jigglypuff sneaked behind Link and went into Marth's room. Marth was one of her best friends. At least, according to her.
With all her strength, Jigglypuff picked Marth up. Now, how to make her best friend find true love?
Jigglypuff decided that she would just dump Marth in Samus' room. Samus wouldn't mind, because Samus was also Jigglypuff's best friend.
Jigglypuff snuck into Samus' room, still holding Marth, and gently placed Marth next to Samus. Samus would be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pleased when she woke up! Jigglypuff, very proud of herself, snuck out of the room. Via the window. And fell. Out of the window.

Zelda, the Mario Bros., and Peach were still out on their quiet night time stroll when Yoshi walked by.
"Hi Yoshi, old friend," said Mario.
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi (translated: 'yoshi!').
Zelda whispered a random comment about stallions to Peach. They both giggled.
A loud shriek resonated from Samus' room.
"No!" shouted Marth. "I didn't sneak in here! Aah! Let me go! MY LEGS! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
A flaming body fell out of Samus' window.
"That's-a unusual," said Luigi.
"Hey baby," shouted Captain Falcon from his room. "Maybe you need someone like me to hug while you sleep."
Captain Falcon's room exploded.
"Samus really is too tense," said Peach. "Maybe I should teach her yoga."
"You don't-a know yoga," said Mario.
Peach pulled out a golf club from inside her nightdress and waved it threateningly.
"I mean-a, you are a yoga master," corrected Mario.
Peach smiled a really cute smile and instead hit Yoshi with the golf club, repeatedly.
Mario gasped. "Don't-a hit Yoshi! He's-a… uh…"
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi happily.

"You can't stay there forever," said Link.
"Of course not. I have to come out, otherwise I'll never become big and ugly and stupid," said Young Link.
Link got out a bomb. This had gone too far.

Jigglypuff was ecstatic. This would be the most romantic night ever and it would be for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever!
Hmm. Her best friend Captain Falcon was not being lucky in love. Jigglypuff went into his room.
How odd. It looked as if a psychotic bounty hunter had blown it up. Captain Falcon was asleep on the ground.
"Maybe," thought Jigglypuff, "Captain Falcon and Samus aren't meant to be. Maybe Captain Falcon hasn't met that someone special yet."
With all her might, she picked up Captain Falcon and walked to another room. He would be in for a special treat tomorrow! Because tonight was a magical night of love and romance and flying ponies…

"Pika pi!" whispered Pikachu. Translated, that means: "Quick, follow me."
"Pichu!" said Pichu. That means: "I'm Pichu!"
"Ka-chu pi pichu! Pika pi chu!" "I know you're Pichu. Follow me NOW!"
The two electric Pokemon snuck out of their room.
"Pikachu, chu chu?" "Are we going to get on a train, Pikachu?"
"Pika chu pichu chu, pi kachu chukka ka ka pika pi, pi ka; pi piki; pi-chu chu! Ka pika; pika pika pi pi pika pi!" "No."
Pikachu and Pichu snuck through the hallways. They knew exactly where they were going.
"Pika!" whispered Pikachu! Footsteps! Pikachu and Pichu ducked down.
Jigglypuff walked past, humming to herself and pulling Mewtwo, who was in a state of deep trance.
Jigglypuff decided that Mewtwo should fall in love with Kirby, because, after all, Kirby had red shoes. So Mewtwo and Kirby live happily ever after. She gracefully threw Mewtwo into Kirby's room. Wait! Where was Kirby? Would Kirby and Mewtwo fall in love? Would peace be restored to the world? Would evil prevail? Would she get a life?

Kirby continued to follow the penguin through the mansion. It wasn't slowing down. He supposed he would have to ask.
"Mr Penguin?" said Kirby.
The big blue penguin who bore a remarkable resemblance to Kirby's nemesis King Dedede turned around. "Yes?"
"Do you have any ice cream?"
"Why… er… certainly, Kirby."
"Can I have it?"
"Just step into here and I'll give you some," said the penguin.
Kirby followed the penguin into the menacing room from which spooky noises were emanating, ignoring the warning signs posted in 28 different languages.

The explosion blew Link and Link through 2 doors, 7 walls and Jigglypuff before they landed on the ground in front of the Mario Bros., Zelda, Peach, and Marth.
"Have you two been arguing again?" said Peach to Link and Young Link. "That's just stupid. You shouldn't expect other people to have to do what you say. Not even if you're responsible for the well-being of your kingdom. Not even if you do have handsome blond hair!" Strangely enough, they both ignored her.
"Well," said Luigi. "I suppose you two have learnt-a your lesson. If you're going-a to attempt to murder a younger incarnation of yourself-a, don't-a try to do it using a bomb."
"Yes," said Young Link. "I'll remember that."
"No you won't," said Link. "If you remembered that, then I wouldn't have tried."
"Maybe you ignored it."
"Maybe you're stupid."
Young Link pulled out a bomb and lit it.

Pikachu and Pichu quietly made their way to the electrical power station super weapon death ray laser beam room. You see, they were heading there… because… they had lost… um… their minds… and left them there?
The point is that they were heading to a room where nobody would notice if they fought to the death with deadly electric rays.
In case you can't tell, they were going there so that they could fight to the death with deadly electric rays.
They had almost made it! It was just down the hallway.
Suddenly, loud noises came from right behind them. They jumped into a convenient vase, and listened to voices of people running past them.
"Aaah!" came a voice which sounded like Zelda. "Why does the saviour of Hyrule have to be so stupid?"
"I'm sorry, miss. I didn't mean to light that bomb."
"Keep-a running! The further we are from the bomb-a, the safer!" said Mario.
"Oops," said Young Link.
"YOU'RE STILL HOLDING THE BOMB?" said Zelda.
"I forgot to throw it away," said Young Link.
"Then throw it NOW!" said Marth.
"Um, okay," said Young Link, throwing the deadly bomb into a conveniently placed vase.
They all ran off.
"Pika pi pi pichuka," said Pikachu. "They're gone."
"Pichu chu pichu!" "Look! I have a ball!"
"Pichu, pika chu chuuuuu pika ka ka ka?" "Pichu, why does it look like a bomb?"

"Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff. She was sooooooooooooo proud of herself for making everyone live happily ever after. She supposed that she had better get back to bed.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" screamed Link, Young Link, Mario, Luigi, Marth, Zelda, and Peach, running together and tripping over Jigglypuff.
"How odd," thought Jigglypuff. She could have sworn she heard something.

Pikachu and Pichu, after some discussion, decided that it was indeed a bomb which they were sitting next to.
"Pika…" said Pikachu. "Wait…"

"Ooh," said Peach. "Fireworks!"

When Kirby had followed the big blue penguin into the electrical power station super weapon death ray laser beam room, the penguin had stopped.
"Now can I have ice cream?" he asked.
The big blue penguin who bore a remarkable resemblance to Kirby's rival King Dedede (hint: hint) turned around and laughed evilly. "So, Kirby, you thought you could get away with consistently embarrassing me. I brought a few friends of mine. They're going to teach you a lesson."
"What about the ice cream?"
"That was just a ruse, to lure you into this trap. We're going to electrocute you. And maybe then we'll dump you into a pot of marbles. You see, I don't like it when people question my authority. You've done that one too many times. This time, I've learnt my lesson. Now you shall learn yours!"
King Dedede (yes, the penguin was indeed King Dedede. Are you surprised?) pulled out a giant mallet and waved it, aiming at the top of Kirby's head. "Any last words, Kirby?"
"So no ice cream?"
"NO! I ALREADY TOLD YOU… oh, never mind. Is there anything remotely cool you want to say before I destroy your reputation?"
"Aren't you going to… you know, kill me?"
"No. Once we're done with you, I'll draw glasses on your face with permanent marker."
"Mr Penguin, permanent marker washes off."
"No it doesn't, it's permanent!"
"But I use this new brand of detergent. It washes off everything!"
"We'll see about that…"
Three hundred of King Dedede's sub-intelligent minions suddenly attacked Kirby.
"Mmm…" thought Kirby. "Fast food…"

Forty-six seconds later…
Kirby inhaled a fireball to become – FIRE KIRBY!
Kirby inhaled a giant boulder to become – STONE KIRBY!
Kirby inhaled two rat-like Pokemon who had just run into the room to become – ELECTRIC KIRBY!
Amidst all the confusion, King Dedede quietly slipped out.

"Oh," said Mario. "It's-a Jigglypuff."
"Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff.
"Excuse me, little girl," said Marth. "What are you doing out of your room this time of night?"
Jigglypuff considered for a moment, then replied: "Puff jig jigglypuffy puffy puff jig jiggly jig jig jiglly jiggly jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig, jiggly jigglypuff puff puh-jig jig, jigpuff jigglypuff igglybuff wigglytuff jiggly iggly pu puff puh puff jig puff puh puff puff jig puff pupuff jiggly jiggly jiggly puffy jig puffy gly puffy guff puffy puffy puffy jiggly jipuff puff jipijuff puff jig tuff puff puffy tuffy jiggly piggly iggly jig jig puff puff jiggly puff, jiggly igglybuff jig jig jig jig jigglypuff puff! Jig puff jiggly, Jigglypuff!"
Translated: "There was love in the air but the love was going to die so I had to make people fall in love with the magic of the bedroom and then I dragged a few people into each other's rooms including Marth which is you because you had to fall in love and if you didn't the night would be ruined and we would all be unhappy for ever after! And I'm not a little girl, I'm Jigglypuff!"
"What did that mean?" wondered Marth.
"I think she's hungry," said Young Link. "Let's go to the kitchen -"
"Oh, no you don't," said Peach. "It's been a late night."
"Yeah," said Link. "What we need is beer -"
"Excuse me?" said Zelda.
"- and… er… undying love. For you. Zelda."
Peach smiled. "How sweet."
Zelda slapped Link in the face and bodily threw him down a stairwell.

Just as Kirby was swallowing the last Waddle Dee, the electrical power station super weapon death ray laser beam room exploded.
"Oops?" Kirby said.

The lights went out.
"Just my luck. Now I'll never find my way back to my bedroom," said Peach. "I'll probably end up having to sleep on the couch – or wake up early!" Peach and Zelda shivered, imagining such horrifying horrors.
"Don't-a worry, Princess Peach. Here, I'll show you the way," said Mario, grabbing Peach's hand and leading her to where he thought the door was, but which actually was a hole in the ground. (See previous chapter where Yoshi gets stuck in a flamethrower and explodes, unfortunately failing to die) "Pika…" moaned Pikachu, stumbling along drunkenly along with Pichu as if they both had just been eaten alive by Kirby. Which, coincidentally had happened.
"Ah!" said Luigi. "The ghosts are here!" He pulled out a vacuum cleaner.
"The sooner I get back to Hyrule without Link, the better," said Zelda. "I think I'm going mad. Don't you agree, invisible pony?"
And so the Smashers ended another eventful day, filled with fun and violence and candy.

Next time: will Jigglypuff die? Will the power consistently refuse to work? Will Bowser kidnap Peach in an attempt to destroy the Mario Brothers but inadvertently be defeated by them? Do you care?