SUMMER DAYS

Disclaimer: I do not own Nintendo, or any Nintendo characters such as the ones in this story. If you have any, please send them to me. However, I own the rights to the name GameSpheroid™, so I'll cash in on that as much as humanly possible.

Chapter 4

The star F-Zero champion Captain Falcon woke up.
"Odd," he said. "This isn't my room."
He thought about that for a moment.
"Oh well," he said.
He collapsed back into the unfamiliar bed.
"Wait…" Falcon thought.
He turned to his side and saw whose bed he was in.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" said Captain Falcon in absolute shock.
"Mmph… what?" said the person who Captain Falcon had woken up next to.
"Not you!" said Captain Falcon.
Bowser opened his eyes. "Morning, Captain. What are you doing in my bed – oh."
Silence.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" said Bowser. "HELP! CAPTAIN FALCON IS IN MY BED!"
"Look, Bowser. I don't know how the heck I ended up here. Really."
Bowser cried, "Help! Captain Falcon is hitting on me! Someone! The scary man wants to hurt me! Mommy! Mommy! Oh, please help…" Bowser jumped out of his bed and made for the door.
Captain Falcon was shocked. "You're that easily scared? But Bowser, you're the evil monster out to kill Mario! Why should I scare you?"
Bowser stopped and turned around. "Good point," he snarled.
Bowser moved back towards C. Falcon.
"What you just heard… I can't let you tell anyone," said Bowser.
"Er… I think… maybe the whole 'nice' thing really suits you," said Captain Falcon desperately.
"You do?"
"Yes… er… you were kind of… cute like that?"
"Aha! You really did get into my bed!"
"No, no! I meant that -"
Bowser lunged.

"Good morning," said Princess Peach cheerily, indeed, so cheerily that if you heard her you would instantly have felt happy happy happy or have gone raving mad with a desire to rip out her throat to shut her up.
Fortunately, Ness, who had just walked into the giant cathedral-sized dining hall, was too far away to hear Peach, so he did not instantly feel happy happy happy or go raving mad with a desire to rip out her throat to shut her up. Instead, he walked several light years, finally reaching the table and getting himself some Ollie's Oatmeal ("Ollie's Oatmeal - It's the best choice for psychic pre-teen male geniuses who wear an annoying baseball cap all the time!"), some scrambled egg, milk, apple juice, and a cup of sugar.
"Young man, do you really need all that sugar?" said Peach sternly.
"Sugar…" said Ness, hypnotized by the thought of all that sugar. He snapped out of it. "What?"
"Here, try this porridge. I made it myself."
Ness decided that even if Peach was a princess he was not going to die eating toxic waste, and accordingly refused.
"Come on, Ness. It's good for you," said Peach.
"Um… I've been eating too much good stuff… so I need unhealthy stuff to balance it out…"
"Well, then, how about this deep fried piece of charcoal?"
"No thanks."
"Young man, do you have something against my cooking?"
Ness gulped. Should he be honest, or lie to Peach? His amazingly fast mind made millions of calculations, and he made his decision.
"Well, Princess, it's not that I like your food, it's that – look! It's Roy! Isn't he good looking?"
Princess Peach turned around, looking in all directions. "Where? Where?"
"Right there! Can't you see him?" said Ness, starting to eat.
Peach ran off in no particular direction.
"Ah! He's trying to murder me!" said Captain Falcon, running through the hall, being closely followed by a vicious looking Bowser.
Ness finished his high-high-high sugar cereal in exactly 2π seconds (he counted), and decided to get himself another couple of bowls (each bowl would have been about the size of his head).

Jigglypuff walked into the pool hall (which was missing a pool table and equipment), quietly singing to herself a soothing lullaby of peace, happiness and utter predictability.
Mewtwo walked in. "Morning, Jigglypuff. Do you know who put me into Kirby's room? I woke up and the puffball was trying to eat me alive."
Jigglypuff thought about that. With absolute sincerity, she shook her head.
"I wonder why I even asked," thought Mewtwo. "Even if she saw anything, she's far too stupid to notice."
He glided gracefully out of the room.
Kirby walked into the room. "Hi!" he said. "Jigg, have you seen Mewtwo? Mmm… Mewtwo… have you seen him?"
Jigglypuff, who was a very honest Jigglypuff, shook her head.
"Oh well," said Kirby. "I'll have to find him later. Mmm… Mewtwo… Oh, what's this?" Kirby pointed at a magazine Jigglypuff seemed to be reading upside down.
Jigglypuff, who couldn't remember how to read, gave it to Kirby. Kirby flipped through it, stopping at one page.
"Ooh…" said Kirby.
Jigglypuff came over to look.
"Ooh…" said Jigglypuff.
"Ah! He's trying to hit on me!" screamed Bowser, running through the room, closely followed by Captain Falcon.
"Wow," said Kirby. "It looks amazing. Look at the high speeds!"
"Jig jig jiggly!" "Look at the pretty lights!"
"And what about that render quality? That's gotta be top of the line!"
"Jig jig jiggly!" "Look at the pretty lights!"
Kirby turned the page. "Wow. Look at the price tag on that. This we have to get!"
"Jig jig jiggly!" "Look at the pretty lights!"
"What does that mean?"
"Puh." "Duh."
"And what does that mean?"
"Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff, who was now utterly confused.
Kirby shrugged. "Come on, Jig. Let's go and ask one of the adults. Preferably the gullible ones."

In the turnip garden, Ness walked up to Zelda. "Hi, Zelda!" he said.
"Wha-? Oh, hi Ness," said Zelda.
"I'm worried that our lives may be meaningless."
"Really?"
"Yes. We're just here, wasting our lives on sitting around wreaking havoc when we could be back at our own daily lives."
"Indeed," said Zelda, sitting down. "But how do you suggest we improve the situation? Master Hand isn't letting us go."
"At least come up with something worthwhile; enjoyable; a life experience to help us pass the time."
"Like what?" asked Zelda.
At that precise moment, Kirby and Jigglypuff walked by, and Ness psychotelepathically sensed the amazing miracle they were thinking about.
"I know!" said Ness. "Let's get a GameSpheroid™!"
"A what?" said Zelda.
"It's a brand new console that runs games 32768 times as fast as any other!" explained Ness. "It hit shelves about 6 minutes ago!"
"No," said Zelda. "You children are impressionable. You'll go out and buy violent games or stupid games or decent games and it will warp your minds."
"No it won't," said Ness.
"Yes it will. You're too stupid to tell the difference between reality and this… er… warped reality."
"I'm not stupid!"
"Yes, you are."
"I'm smarter than you ever will be!"
"That doesn't change anything."
"Doesn't that make you really stupid, Zelda?"
"No, it doesn't."
"Why not?" said Ness.
"Look, if you play violent games, you'll grow up to be a violent genius. Like in that movie where the mad scientist takes over the world."
"Which one?"
"I don't know! But look at all the adults in the Smash Mansion. We never played all those gory video games, and now we lead lives which are respectable, peaceful, -"
"Boring," muttered Ness.
"- pacifist, happy and decent," said Zelda.
Bowser crashed through the roof of the room. A gloved hand which might have belonged to an F-Zero racer stuck out from under him. "Sorry, ma'am," he said, politely dragging the unconscious Captain Falcon out of the room.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" said Ness.
Zelda growled, and fished around her dress for a dagger. Damn, where had she put it?

--begin flashback--
Zelda stabbed Link in the back.
"Traitor! Backstabber!" cried Link.
Link ran off to the conveniently placed medical ward, with the dagger still in his back.

--end flashback--

"Hey! Look at this, Luigi!" said Falco, flipping through the pages of a library book, How to Trick Italian Plumbers.
"What-a?" said Luigi, coming over to look.
"Read this line here," said Falco, pointing.
"Uh… okay. 'Please read the line below' – okay – 'please read the line above again – please read the line below – please read the line above again'…"
Kirby, Pikachu and Jigglypuff ran up to Falco.
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" said Kirby.
"What?" said Falco, slowly reaching for his blaster. You never knew with kids these days…
"Mmm… Falco… er, I mean, can we borrow sixty five thousand five hundred and thirty five dollars and ninety-nine cents to get a GameSpheroid with?"
Falco, who had turned back to face Luigi, ignored Kirby. "Really?"
"What?" said Kirby.
"Mm-hmm."
"So can we get the money?"
"If you say so."
Kirby, Pikachu and Jigglypuff quickly ran to Falco's stash of credits, and plucked exactly $65536 out. (Kirby planned to use the extra cent to buy a candy-flavoured lollipop.)

"Okay, okay," said Bowser. "Let's pretend for a moment that you're straight."
"I am straight!" protested Captain Falcon.
"No you aren't."
"I am!"
"Then why do you keep hitting on Samus?"
"You mean… Samus is a man?"
"Yes," said Bowser.
Captain Falcon stared wide-eyed into empty space.
"Ha ha ha! I was just kidding! You idiot!"
"That's not funny at all, Bowser," said Captain Falcon, sulking like a girl.
"Yes it is! You should have seen the look on your face! Oh, wait…" Bowser pulled out a digital camera and showed it to Captain Falcon.
Captain Falcon gasped. "I looked like that?"
"Yep."
"Er… what were you saying?"
"Captain Falcon, if you didn't try to get into my bed, then how did you get there?"
"I don't know… wind?" guessed C. Falcon.
"I think someone must have put you into my bed."
"Oh… I see where this is going…" said Captain Falcon.
"Really?" said Bowser, who knew that the chances of C. Falcon guessing who he was thinking of were below zero.
"It's Samus, isn't it?"
Bowser gasped. "That's exactly what I was thinking!"
"You're surprised I guessed right?"
"No, I'm surprised that you're fat."
Captain Falcon stared in shock. Bowser pulled out the digital camera and took another photo. "Of course I'm surprised you guessed someone who might even possibly be the mystery person. After all, you're really stupid."
"Hey, is that an insult?"
"No."
"Okay."
"Right."
"Right," said Captain Falcon.
"I think that Samus tried to embarrass you by putting you into my bed. She thought I'd tell everyone. But I'm smart. I can see right through her little plan."
"You can?" said Captain Falcon, shocked.
Samus walked in, saying "Morning, Bowser. Morning… oh, it's just you. Have any of you been able to get the electricity to work this morning? Everything's shorted out. And the newspaper says that there'll be a giant heat wave in a few hours."
"Don't try to change the subject," said Bowser.
"What?" said Samus.
"We know what you did," said Captain Falcon.
"What do you think I did, boys?"
"Well," said Bowser. "After you blew up Captain Falcon's room for no particular reason last night, you decided to embarrass him by making it look like he's homosexual, when he obviously is after you. So you took Captain Falcon out of his room, dumped him into my room, and went back to yours. You then waited until the morning when I woke up, hoping that I would spread the rumour that Captain Falcon is gay. But it didn't work, Samus. You see, after I was worn out from removing Captain Falcon's left eye forcefully, I stopped to think about it, and realised what you had done. So ha!"
"Yeah, like he said," said Captain Falcon, unable to think of what to say.
Silence.
"Are you trying to hit on me?" said Samus.
"Don't play games with us, babe," said Captain Falcon. "That's not to say that you can't play games with me, 'cause I'd love it if you'd play games with me, the fun sort of game, in bed, of course, but I mean that I don't want you to play the sort of games that make people confused, kind of like mind games except more lying-like, if you know what I mean, babe."
"What?"
"Ignore him," said Bowser, placing a giant paw in front of Captain Falcon's mouth. "The point is, we know what you did. And I'd like to blackmail you for it. Give me lots of money. Lots of it."
"And take off that suit," mumbled Captain Falcon through the claws lodged in his throat.
"For goodness sake, I did not do whatever you think I did! I spent last night sleeping. You know?" Samus pantomimed sleeping in case they needed a visual aid. "Besides, why would I care about that piece of dirt -" she pointed at Captain Falcon – "enough to drag him out of his room at night? He's not worth it!"
Samus shot a super missile at them, and stormed out of the mansion and out into the grounds.

"Look, Ness," said Zelda. "I don't care how much you beg, but there's no point! If we let you get that GameSpheroid™, you might have fun! And let me tell you something, growing up is not about having fun! It's about discipline, patience and building character."
Ness interrupted. "But you just said -"
"I don't care what I just said! Circumstances have changed!"
"In the last forty-two seconds?"
"Yes." Zelda looked around and saw Samus Aran. "Samus! Do you think that it's a good idea to let these kids have fun and waste their childhoods on enjoyment while we have to live with the fact that our lives weren't as good?"
"Mm-hmm," said Samus distractedly, as she wondered whether or not she could lock Captain Falcon and Ridley in a room together.
"SAMUS!"
"What?" said Samus, looking at Zelda.
"Should we allow these young impressionable minds be tainted with emotion, violence, far-fetchedness, gore, horror and death?"
"Yes," said Samus sincerely, and went back to imagining Captain Falcon being strapped to the F-Zero track in Mute City.
Zelda stormed off angrily, muttering "drastic action… I'm going to call a meeting at once… I need support of the adults who haven't lost their minds… sensible, non-violent people… need to get that dagger back from Link…"
Ness and Samus watched her go.
"What's her problem?" said Samus.
Ness utilized his psychic powers. "She thinks that the kids, Pokemon and Captain Falcon are getting out of hand. And she wants to kill us all while we're taking a shower."
Samus nodded, not really caring.
"Samus? Couldn't you just strap him to the back of the Great Fox's engines and launch it? It would be a heck of a lot easier than the whole elephant stampede thing."
"Ness, that is a brilliant idea!" exclaimed Samus, running off to put it down on paper before she forgot. Captain Falcon would be sorry he ever flirted with her…
Nana ran up to Ness, shouting words which Ness hoped were Japanese.
"You --insert Japanese--! You cheated last night! You're a dirty rotten cheater and you think you can --insert Japanese-- get away with it! Well, I'm not playing blackjack with you ever again. Ever!"
"What about poker?"
"Okay… wait! You'll --insert Japanese-- cheat again." Nana produced a giant plank of wood with a rusty nail through it, and aimed…
Desperately trying to escape the psycho chick, Ness said "Nana, have you heard? There's a new games console out."
"Really?" said Nana, pausing in mid-strike. The nail could only have been two nanometres from Ness' head.
"Yes, really. It's called the GameSpheroid™. It's supposed to be really good. The GameSpheroid™ is supposed to run much faster and with higher quality than any non-GameSpheroid™ games console. And apparently all the other games companies are selling illegal fingernails!"
"Is Master Hand going to install a power point for it?" said Nana.
"Who cares? The point is, Zelda will blow us to Mars if we buy it. Literally."
"But we're getting it anyway, right?"
"Yep."
"Cool…" said Nana, dreaming of being blown to Mars by a princess.

"Uh… 'please read the line below – please read the line above again – please read the line below – please read the line above again – please read the line below…'" said Luigi.
"Wait!" said Falco.
"What?" said Luigi. "Now you've-a made me lose-a my place!"
"Kirby, Pikachu and that dumb pink thing…" said Falco. "They just said they were going to buy a flashy games console!"
"Really?"
"And they didn't tell me!"
"Yes they did-a, they did when I started reading that-a very interesting story."
Falco stood up and brushed dust off his clothes. "Those kids aren't going to get away with this. I'm going to stop them right now! They'll never see the light of day again. Until they go outside. But that's beside the point. They'll wish they hadn't messed with me!"
"They-a didn't mess-a with you -"
"Yes they did. Now, read this sentence."
"Er… okay. 'This sentence is wrong.' Okay… wait… but… but… that can't-a be… but.."
Falco pulled out his blaster and headed for the door. "Join me when you're done," he said, knowing full well that Luigi would be there for at least an hour.
"Okay! I'll-a see you. But… it can't… so it's right… but then…"
Falco ran out, leaving Luigi to ponder the mysteries of How to Trick Italian Plumbers.

"Okay, here's the plan," said Kirby. "Jigglypuff, you run in and distract the adults. Pikachu and I will run out of the Smash Mansion grounds, and then we'll buy the GameSpheroid™. It's foolproof. The only way it could go wrong would be if someone like Zelda knew that we want a GameSpheroid™ and called all her friends together to stop us from leaving the grounds."

Zelda knew the Pokemon and kids wanted a GameSpheroid™, so she had called all of the adults she could trust. "We have to make sure they don't leave the grounds," she said, leading them outside.

"Got it?" said Kirby.
"Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff.
"I hope that means yes," said Kirby.
"Pika pi!" said Pikachu. He and Kirby headed outside.
Jigglypuff ran to the room where all the adults usually talked in at this time of morning (6am). "Jigglypuff!" she said, and began he ultimate distracting dance routine! Cartwheel! "Jiggly!" Jump! Somersault! Backflip! Leer! Sing! Duck! Break dance! Kick! Techno music! Play the viola! Jump! Hop! "Jig – guh – ly – puff!" Somersault! Twist! Contort! Jumping 1024 degree pirouette! Duck! Attempt to fly! Pose! Fighter stance!
Jigglypuff finally noticed that the room was empty.
Not good.
Oh no! Maybe the plan had gone wrong! "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" thought Jigglypuff, smiling.
She had to warn the others! Without fear, Jigglypuff bounded out of the room! Via the window. And fell. Out of the window.

To be continued (or possibly discontinued, depending on whether the author decides that the story is not worth continuing)