THREE WEEKS LATER

Okay, just a little pin prick. There'll be no more, but you may feel a little sick. Can you stand up? I do believe it's working. Good. That'll keep you going for the show. C'mon, it's time to go.

Three weeks ago, I tried to kill myself. I could say that it was a mistake but then I would be lying. I tried to convince myself that what I did was a moment of temporary insanity but I realized it wasn't. I am no longer in the hospital and I am thankful for that. Therapy... God, how I hated it. I kinda got the hang of it after awhile. You just tell them the things they want to hear and they leave you alone. I am still supposed to see a therapist every week but I doubt it will happen.

There is no pain. You are receding. A distant ship's smoke on the horizon. You are only coming through in waves. Your lips move but I can't hear what you say. When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse. Out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look but it was gone. I cannot put my finger on it now. The child is grown. The dream is gone. I have become comfortably numb.

Luka walked into the ER for the first time in three weeks. He looked around the busy ER and smiled. It did feel good to be back. He just prayed that he wouldn't see Abby. Seeing Abby would be like rubbing salt in the wound. It would just open up feelings he never wanted to feel again. He could still see her face the day she told him.

Luka was torn from his thoughts as the doors opened and a patient was being wheeled into the ER. Luka ran over to doors along with Carter. The medics began to give him the vitals of the patient.

"Got a twenty three year old male, a little agitated, stab wounds to the left lower calf and thigh. BP and oxygen levels good." Luka and Carter started wheeling the man towards one of the trauma rooms.

"I don't need no god damn medical attention! I want out of here!" the man screamed as Carter tried to figure out the extent of the damage. The man began flailing his arms and screaming. Carter frowned as the man kept kicking his legs.

"Luka, can you hold him still? He's gonna further tear the wound and I can't see what the hell I'm doing." Luka nodded an okay and approached the man.

"Get away from me!" he screamed, still kicking.

"Sir, just calm down. We're just trying to help you." Luka tried to hold the man still, without success. Luka noticed the man's hand going to his pocket. Confused, he watched as the man pulled a small knife.

"Carter, he has a knife! Watch out!" Luka tried to jump back as the man swung the knife at him. The knife connected with his arm and Luka cried out in pain as it slid across his skin, leaving a trail of red.

"I said leave me alone!" the man screamed. Carter's eyes opened wide as he watched the man. He could feel his body turn cold and he froze. The light caught on the knife and for a moment Carter was back on the floor looking at a dying Lucy. The man was still swinging the knife. Carter felt a hand on his shoulder and he was jerked back. Everything was hazy as he realized Luka was dragging him out of the room. He could hear Luka calling for security but his voice was distant. A moment later he snapped out of it and turned to eyes towards Luka. Blood had soaked his coat sleeve and was dripping to the floor. Carter closed his eyes, a memory of bringing his hand towards his back and then to his face came to his mind. He could feel the warm liquid on his hand. He could see it. His shook his head to get rid of the memory. He could hear Luka saying something but wasn't quite sure what it was. He opened his eyes again.

"Carter...Carter, are you all right? Did he get you? Carter?" Luka was asking him. Carter looked at him blankly, shaking his head. He could see Abby and Susan walking towards them.

"What happened?" Abby asked. Carter looked over at Abby.

"Help him." He said, nodding Luka. "I have to get out of here." Without wasting a second, Carter left.

Abby turned to Susan.

"Can you handle Luka?" Susan nodded and Abby turned and began to follow Carter.

Susan turned to face Luka. She took a look at his arm and quickly removed her coat and wrapped it tightly around the cut.

"What happened?" She asked as they walked towards one of the curtained off rooms.

"That man had a knife." Luka said simply. Susan raised her eyebrows.

"Introducing the ER at County, home of psychos." She said with a laugh. "We sure know how to welcome people back, huh?" Luka laughed as he sat down.

"Yeah, you sure do. Sorry about all this." Luka said, motioning to his arm. "It looks like it going to need stitches." Luka watched as Susan unwrapped the coat from around his arm and carefully cut the sleeve of his coat off.

"Hey, it's my pleasure. It saves me from dealing with the old man who is throwing up all over the place in curtain six. Weaver's gotta deal with him now." They both laughed. Susan tried to make small talk as she began to suture Luka's arm.

"So, are you glad to be back to all this craziness?"

"Yeah, it sounds crazy. I mean who would miss all this? I did though." Luka said, then winced as Susan pulled a little to hard at the cut.

"Sorry." Susan apologized. "I know, what you mean though. I would miss all this too.
There, all done." Luka smiled as Susan cleaned up.

"Thanks." Susan gave him a smile.

"No problem, just take it easy on your arm though. Maybe Weaver will let you take the rest of the day off."

"Nah, I'm fine." Luka said as he stood up. He started to walk, then stopped. Susan gave him a funny look.

"Luka, are you all right?" Luka didn't answer. His vision began to get hazy and there was ringing in his

ears. He could feel his legs start to give and he knew he was going to pass out. One moment, he was looking at Susan, the next everything was black.

Carter walked as fast as he could away from the trauma room, away from the man with the knife. Just one look at the man and brought every memory, every emotion back. Carter ducked into a deserted room and shut the door. His entire body shook as he sat down. He tried to calm himself down.

"I'm over this. It's over. He's not here. He can't hurt me." He said out loud to himself. He could feel tears springing to his eyes as the guilt of what happened came flooding back. He jumped as he heard the door open. He looking up to see Abby in the doorway. She walked tentatively towards him.

"Carter, what's wrong?" She asked as she sat down next to him. She noticed how he was shaking all over. Carter hung his head, wringing his hands. "Carter...please, just tell me what's wrong." He slowly raised his head. He took a breath in before speaking.

"Abby, that man... the man had knife. I guess I just panicked." Abby reached over and took his hand.

"It's okay now. He didn't hurt you. He can't hurt you." Carter nodded slowly. Abby shifted and turned to face him. She could see so many emotions in his eyes. She wrapped her arms around him. She could feel his trembling start to cease.

"Thank you Abby." Abby just kept her arms around him.

Susan watched as Luka's eyes rolled back and he fell to the floor.

"All right, my ass." she murmured. She kneeled down on the floor next to him. "Luka? Luka can you hear me?" In a few moments Luka opened his eyes.

"Did I pass out?" he asked. Susan nodded her head. She knew Luka well enough to know that he wasn't going to take it easy. She helped him up and he sat back down.

"Hey, I get off in a few. Why don't you come back to my place?" She began "There's no way I'm letting you drive home by yourself." She waited for his reply. He hesitated a moment before answering.

"Susan... I'll be fine. I just got up too quickly. I don't need to go home." The real reason Luka didn't want to go home was that if he went home he would be alone with his thoughts. He knew what would happen then. Susan gave him a look.

"Or the reason you passed out was that you just lost a pretty good amount of blood. Seriously, what can you do with an injury like that?"

"I can do plenty." Luka said indignantly.

"Like what?"

"Like... well... I can do..uh." Susan smiled as Luka stuttered.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Luka closed his mouth. He knew he wasn't going to win this one. " So, I'm off in a few. Just wait for me, okay?" Luka sighed.

"All right. I'll be in the lounge." Luka went to stand up but Susan stopped him. Luka gave her an impatient look.

"How about you just sit here? I don't want you passing out again." Luka looked up at Susan for a moment and their eyes connected. Luka felt a surge of energy go through him. Did she feel that too? He thought to himself. He opened his mouth to give her an answer.

"All right. How much longer is your shift?"

"About twenty minutes. I'll be back in a few... see ya then" Susan walked away, leaving Luka alone.