Susan walked into the lounge, a cardboard box in her hand. She walked toward the locker, keeping her eyes fixated on the small nameplate, stopping when she was in front of the locker. She let the box fall to the floor, the sound of it hitting the floor echoing in the deserted lounge. She sighed as she silently read the nameplate to herself. Kovac, it read. She opened the locker unceremoniously. She had removed the lock a few days ago but couldn't bring herself to actually open the locker. She gazed at the items inside the locker, letting her mind wander back to a month ago.
a month earlier...
Susan stared at Luka's back as he walked away from County, watching him until he was a small dot among the throngs of people. She folded the coat as she turned to walk back into the ER, planning to put the coat into her locker so she could return it to Luka later. The rest of the work day passed in a blur. Susan, weary, walked into the lounge to gather her things and then, whether Luka liked it or not, was going over to his place. She had a bad feeling about something, though she couldn't put her finger on it. Susan noticed that Abby was in the lounge, standing next to the coffee pot. Abby glanced up, noticing Susan, too.
"Hi." she said, in a friendly voice, smiling. Susan returned the smile.
"Hey." Abby laughed at Susan's tired and unenthusiastic reply.
"You sound tired." Susan nodded.
"Which is why I am getting the hell out of here." Susan walked toward the door but Abby reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her. Abby leaned in and spoke in a quiet, somber voice.
"I heard about Luka." Susan sighed. "Is he okay?"
"I don't think it went over that smoothly." Abby nodded.
"I didn't think it would." Susan stood there, thinking about Abby's comment. Susan spoke.
"Did you know what Kerry was going to do?" Abby looked Susan, a quizzical look on her face.
"Yeah, didn't you?" Susan shook her head.
"No but how did you know?" Abby paused a moment before speaking.
"Kerry talked to me." Abby didn't like where the conversation was going so she changed the subject. "I'm worried about Luka." she said. "I don't think he's getting any help. I know that he's the kind of person that would rather do a bowel reconstruction that ask for help." Susan walked over to a chair at the table, sat down, then spoke.
"I know what you're saying. If he would just talk to someone, anyone..." Abby sat down across from Susan. Susan stopped, not sure if she wanted to continue her thought. She continued to speak. "I went over to his apartment one day and we talked." Susan looked up to see Abby staring at her intently. "He told me what happened to his family, it totally blew me away. He feels so guilty, so responsible for their deaths." Susan sighed. "I just wish he could see that
it's not his fault." Susan looked at Abby, waiting for her response.
"All he ever told me was that they were killed in the war." Abby said, quietly. "Susan, I'm glad he opened up to you." Susan nodded, standing up.
"I've got to go." she said. Abby stood up, also.
"Yeah, I should get back to work." Susan waited for Abby to leave, then left the lounge herself. She left the ER and headed in the direction of Luka's apartment.
Susan sat the el train, looking out the window at the building and sights of Chicago passed her by. the train was almost deserted, only a few other sleepy passengers joined her. The train jolted to a stop and she stood up. Susan stepped out into the cool night air, wrapping her arms around herself. The cold went right through her long sleeved shirt. She walked down the almost deserted streets, the street lights shining their amber lights on the sidewalks, casting everything in an eerie glow. Susan played potential conversations with Luka in her mind until she found herself in front of his apartment building. She quickly pressed the buzzer to his apartment, once, twice, three times, getting no answer. She was about to leave when a man came out of the building. He walked past her and Susan caught the open door, slipping inside. She made her way to Luka's apartment, staring at the faded black door and the gold numbers that were on the front. Susan brought her hand to the door, paused a moment, then knocked. No answer. Susan knocked again.
"Luka, it's Susan, are you in there?" she called. Susan's reply was silence. Susan turned and began to walk away but when she was halfway down the stairs, she stopped. Something wasn't right. She turned back around and walked back up to Luka's door, putting her hand on the doorknob. It was open. Susan carefully opened the door, looking inside the dark apartment. She felt along the wall for a light switch, finding one, she flipped on the lights. Her eyes immediately fell on Luka, who was on the couch. Susan smiled, relieved he was just sleeping. Susan was about to leave, when something orange caught her eye. She looked at the coffee table, a terrible feeling washing over her. There were five pill bottles arranged neatly in a row, all empty. Susan ran over to Luka, checking for a pulse and not finding one. Susan let her hand fall to her side as she stared at Luka in shock. He was dead. She sat down next the couch and took Luka's hand. She cringed at how cold it was. She glanced at his face noticing that it finally looked peaceful.
"Luka." Susan whispered. " You didn't have to do this. I would have helped you." Susan let go of his hand and stood up. It was then she realized she was crying. Susan found Luka's phone and made the necessary phone calls, then waited in the silence for the coroner and the police. She didn't taker he eyes of Luka, until his face was covered and he was being taken out of the apartment. A middle aged police officers with a kind face walked up to her.
"Do you need a ride somewhere, miss?" he asked her. Susan nodded.
"County General."
Susan stood numbly at the doors to the ER. Finally, she took a deep breath and walked in. She wondered who was working that night. Abby, she knew for sure. She looked around the ER for some familiar faces. She saw Abby, Carter, Chuny and Jerry standing by the admit desk. She made her way toward them. Carter was the first to look up. Susan realized she was crying again. Carter walked toward her.
"What's wrong? What Happened?" Carter asked. Susan wiped her eyes then glanced at Abby, trying to tell her what happened without speaking. She watched as Abby's face fell and her hand go to her mouth.
"What?" Carter asked, confused, glancing between Susan and Abby. By then, Chuny and Jerry were listening with intent, also. Susan took in a slow breath, trying to calm herself.
"I was worried about Luka." she began. "So I went over to his place..." Susan tried to get the words out but could barely get anything out over the lump that was forming in her throat. She could see the tears running down Abby's cheeks and the concerned looks on the others' faces. "He's dead." she said finally, through her tears. " I found him. He...he took an overdose of pills." Three jaws dropped and Abby's sobs increased. "When I got there...he had probably been dead for a few hours." Susan watched as Carter walked over to Abby, pulling her into a hug. He looked up at Susan.
"Oh, God." he said "I thought he'd be okay."
"So did I." Susan replied, almost silently.
Present...
Susan stared at the now empty locker, all of it's contents in the box she was holding. She set the box down on the table, then sat down herself, rubbing her temples with her fingers. The door opened and a doctor she didn;t recognize walked in with Kerry. Susan sat silently, watching as Kerry gave the new doctor Luka's old locker. She watched as Kerry removed Luka's nameplate and replace it with a new one. It read 'Richards'. The new doctor quickly put his belonging into the locker and followed Kerry out of the lounge. That's when a realization hit Susan. Luka was really and truly gone.