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Teenage Wasteland
Chapter 2
[Snake's room]
Snake's room is in disarray. Or, in English, it's damn messed. Clothes all over the place, a PS2 in front of his TV, plates and the like scattered around.
Snake: Crap-crap-crap! What the hell am I going to wear?
Snake's Mind: Jeans.
Snake: The hell?
Snake's Mind: Wear the jeans. And a T shirt. And boxers. You wear boxers, right?
Snake: (unzips his pants) Yup.
Snake's Mind: Good to hear. How's that rash doing?
Snake: Err, good, good. How's the ADD coming along?
Snake's Mind: Dude! We have the same name!
Snake: You're my mind.
Snake's Mind: I'm not a character? Nooooo....
Snake: Mind? MIIIIIIND!!
Big Boss' Voice: Shut up, we're plotting against you in here!!
Snake: Okay dad... plotting against me?
Liquid's Voice: Quit! You aren't supposed to let him in on it!
Fox's Voice: Can't we just kill–
Liquid's Voice: No killing!!!
Fox's Voice: Bakayaro!!
Big Boss' Voice: Frankie, we call people dumbasses around here.
Fox's Voice: There's a good reason, right?
Big Boss' Voice: You've met my sons, right?
Fox's Voice: Touche.
Snake: The hell? Hey mind, should I bring a pack of smokes, or a condom?
...
Snake: Damn, forgot! Alright... smokes! (Pockets the pack)
He leaves the room and sees Big Boss, Liquid and Fox decked out in military attire.
Big Boss: Snake's having Meryl over at around nine o'clock, and will most likely bring her to the cleanest place in the house, George's room, to avoid the crap and family that litters the house.
Liquid: We litter the house?
Big Boss: (smacks him with a pointer) No speaking out of turn! We'll strike him here- (points at a map, the kitchen) and here! (smacks the equivalent of the washroom) Any questions?
Liquid: Why the washroom??
Big Boss: Good question. (smacks him) We'll have Frankie here, who's stuffed on beans, crap his pants in the most horrible way possible when either of them uses it. The other will be disgusted.
Fox: An honour, sir.
Liquid: He spoke!
Big Boss: (smacks him) Live with it! Now, if it IS Dave in the washroom, you punch his nose in.
Fox: Sweet, teach him to skip a round with me.
Big Boss: And I've also poured Colon Blow into Snake's glass at dinner. Mine's a sweet, sweet coke that Snake loves so much.
Snake: (sneaks back into his room) Like I'll fall for that. I've got a plan of my own...
[Back in the livingroom]
Fox: (drops a Directional Microphone) He bought it.
Big Boss: Excellent. Liquid, got the girls drink ready?
Liquid: Yup, enough tequila to drop Fox.
Fox: Hey, I brought a bottle of it with me, on that topic.
Liquid: (shifty eyes) No you didn't.
Fox: Yes... I did.
Liquid: Bloody exoskeleton mainframe memory... thing.
Fox: It chafes my balls.
Big Boss: Too bad George isn't around, he would have enjoyed hearing that.
The front door gets kicked in. Solidus, looking disgruntled steps in.
Big Boss: Speaking of the devil. Or rather, fruity son who fails at politics.
Solidus: Let's see you be President.
Big Boss: I own a damn country you little date rape reject!
Solidus: (sniffles) That's hurting my feelings...
Fox: Like Vamp without the lube?
Solidus: Yup, just like– DAMMIT! Hell with this, I'm going to my room.
Liquid: NO!
Solidus: You can't keep me from my room!
Fox: What he meant was... wanna fight?
Big Boss: Way to take one for the team.
Fox: Well, one of us had to.
Liquid: Prick.
Solidus: Take one for the team? What the hell are you talking about?
Fox: Fight, now!
Solidus: (grabs him via tentacle and zaps the crap out of him) Done already? Haha! Didn't even have to crack the wall off your head!
Liquid: Don't you mean had off of wall?
Solidus: Not in my past experiences.
Fox: Damn... he's got a better suit. (starts to twitch) Ah hell, my suit short circuited.
Big Boss: George, here's a $50. Watch a movie or something.
Solidus: Sweet. See the lot of you in hell!!
Big Boss: My idea of Hell has you in it!
Solidus: Dammit!
He leaves.
Fox: Way to take one for the team sir.
Big Boss: Yup, that means we all did. Every single one of us.
Liquid: What about me?
Big Boss: Who the hell are you?
Liquid: Why must you bloody torture me like this?!
Big Boss: Because I hate you, Trebek.
Fox: Huh, that was one hell of a blatant rip off.
Big Boss: Shut the hell up before I rip your wires from your ass, and feed them back through your mouth!
Fox: Yes sir (shudders)
Liquid: Yeah you tell him dad!
Big Boss: Be quiet you English imposter!
Liquid: If you guys rip on me 40-60 more times I'm gonna do something about it..
Fox: What are you gonna do? Cry to your boy friend!?
Big Boss: Oooh! Nice burn! (gives fox a high five)
Liquid: (starts to sob and runs) Dammit, where's Raven when I need him?
Big Boss: Probably with a photo of you. What he's doing I'll leave to your imagination.
Fox: Alright, let's set up for this evening... MuaHaHAhaahahahaAHHAA!!!
Big Boss: He still needs to work on that.
[Later that evening, in the kitchen]
Snake sneaks into the room, decked out full camo, and rolls behind a chair. His arms reach up to the table and swaps his glass with Big Boss', then mixes Liquid's and Big Boss' drinks together. He then rolls out of the kitchen, crawls beside the couch to avoid being seen, pick up and hides under it. He sets up a series of mines and chaff grenade in the washroom, so whoever goes in gets either blown the hell up, or if Fox has his infrared on, get's chaffed into a psycho dance, THEN blown the hell up.
Snake: Perfect. Tonight's going to go over perfectly. I can see it now, me and Meryl enjoying our... (shifty eyes) love with Fox's and dad's screams on the wind.
Snake's Mind: Dude, I'm back.
Snake: Don't need your sorry ass anymore.
Snake's Mind: Damn, man.
[Later that evening... again]
Fox drops out of his stealth, Snake having left a half hour before, and surveys the kitchen. Snake's glass is pumped full of laxatives, Meryl's is morethan half tequila, Liquid and the old man's are half coke, half orange juice.
Fox: Damn, orange coke. Yup, it's all set. Wait a minute, where's my drink?
Naomi: (over the codec) Hey Frankie, I got an A+ on my math test.
Fox: Good enough, I guess. As long as your passing.
Naomi: (over the codec) I made supper, it's chicken stir fry!
Fox: ... I'm going to be... late tonight.
Naomi: (over the codec) How late?
Fox: ... how late is Nastasha on her period?
Naomi: (over the codec) Pretty damn late. Oh, right! Natasha (his girl from Metal Gear 2) called, and I sent her over.
Fox: Wha- Damn!!
Naomi: (over the codec) Gotta go, supper's getting burnt.
Fox: May as well tell the Boss...
[Even later that evening]
The doorbell rings.
Snake: I'll get it!
Big Boss: Go get yourself, you little bastard.
Fox: ...
Big Boss: Yes, I have protection.
Fox: ..?
Big Boss: Stole it from Dave.
Fox: Score!
Big Boss: Shut the hell up.
Fox: Sir...
Snake: (opens the door) Hey Meryl!
Meryl: Hey Snake!
Natasha: Hey Snake!
Snake: Hey... do I know you?
Natasha: I'm Frank's girlfriend.
Snake: Meh?
Natasha: You know, half Vietnamese, drinks like a fish, half of the time he's conscious he's drunk.
Snake: Oh, Fox.
Meryl: Why do you guys go by animal names?
Snake: My dad has war flashbacks, so we go by military codenames
Big Boss: And the fact that Fox looks like he in the Vietcong army doesn't help!
Fox: You enjoy senility, don't you?
Snake: Well, come on in.
Meryl: Hello mister...
Snake: (whispers) Big Boss.
Meryl: Big Boss.
Natasha: Hey.
Big Boss: Well hello little ladies. You know, if these knuckle heads don't make the cut, my rooms upstairs.
Fox and Snake: Err...
Big Boss: Let's eat.
The group eats. Snake sits next to Meryl, Fox and Natasha, and Big Boss at the end of the table with an automatic rifle taped to the under side of the table about three inches to his left.
Snake: So dad, hows your drink? (Evil glint in his eyes)
Big Boss: It's a delicious coke, like the one I set at YOUR place. (insanely evil glint in his eyes)
Snake: Somehow I don't feel comfortable.
Meryl: Wow, this drink is strong.
Fox: Yup.
Natasha: Mine's milk... why am I the only person with a glass of milk?
Fox: (takes a shot of whiskey) No reason.
Snake started to piece things together. The drink, Meryl's, Fox being at the table.
Big Boss: Oh, Snake, did you hear? Fox has a new Directional Microphone. He might of been listening in on you after we were chatting in the living room.
Natasha: Why would he do that?
Fox: Heh, no reason?
Natasha: You're so cute when you fake innocence.
Fox: Yeah, I know.
Snake: (sinks into his seat) Not good...
Meryl: What... (blinks) what's not good?
Snake: Oh! The, uh, potatoes!
Big Boss: (glares at him) Don't insult my cooking.
Snake: Heheheheheh...
Fox: Mm, good stuff. BURNS all the way DOWN.
Snake: Shut up...
Big Boss: Be polite to the guests.
Meryl: Heehee, yeah Snake.
Snake: (stomach grumbles) Oh man...
Meryl: That didn't sound so good... heehee, I sound like a girl.
Snake: Gottago. (He runs for the washroom)
Fox: (takes a shot) Watch out for the trip wire I set.
Snake: Huh? (Trips over it and lands in the washroom)
A series of pops and explosions come from the washroom.
Natasha: What the hell was that?!
Fox: Oh, you know, Big Boss and his war flashbacks.
Big Boss: We're under attack! (Winks at Fox)
He grabs the gun and runs to the washroom, then fires off an entire clip.
Big Boss: I'm good. Who wants desert?
Natasha: Oh... my... God...
Snake: (walks out, bloodied, bruised and reeking) You bastards.
Fox: Any apple cobbler left?
Big Boss: You had better believe it. Snake, you reek. Take a shower, I'll just get your lady friend a REFILL of that DRINK she had.
Snake: You bastard!
Big Boss: Oh, and no hug from you tonight.
Snake: (walks back into the washroom mumbling vulgar things)
Meryl: Heehee, I feel warm and tingly.
Fox: Really? Ironically, the only french sentence I know is Menage A Trois.
Natasha: Frank.
Fox: Got it, backing off.
A knock at the door.
Fox: May as well get it.
He get's it.
Fox: Oh my God...
He prays to God.
Fox: Lazy ass narrator.
Liquid: Oh daddy! Someone's got pent up rage!
Big Boss: It had better not be my mail man! I had to kill the last one!
Fox: No, it's Liquid. (sighs) And he's got REX.
Natasha: Is that a bad thing?
Big Boss: Holy crap!
Fox: And he painted blue!
Big Boss: Holy crap!
Liquid: It's aqua you moron!
Big Boss: Holy crap!
Snake: (comes out wearing a towel) What did I miss?
TO BE CONTINUED... HOLY CRAP!
R/R, you know the routing. You read it, review me!
Teenage Wasteland
Chapter 2
[Snake's room]
Snake's room is in disarray. Or, in English, it's damn messed. Clothes all over the place, a PS2 in front of his TV, plates and the like scattered around.
Snake: Crap-crap-crap! What the hell am I going to wear?
Snake's Mind: Jeans.
Snake: The hell?
Snake's Mind: Wear the jeans. And a T shirt. And boxers. You wear boxers, right?
Snake: (unzips his pants) Yup.
Snake's Mind: Good to hear. How's that rash doing?
Snake: Err, good, good. How's the ADD coming along?
Snake's Mind: Dude! We have the same name!
Snake: You're my mind.
Snake's Mind: I'm not a character? Nooooo....
Snake: Mind? MIIIIIIND!!
Big Boss' Voice: Shut up, we're plotting against you in here!!
Snake: Okay dad... plotting against me?
Liquid's Voice: Quit! You aren't supposed to let him in on it!
Fox's Voice: Can't we just kill–
Liquid's Voice: No killing!!!
Fox's Voice: Bakayaro!!
Big Boss' Voice: Frankie, we call people dumbasses around here.
Fox's Voice: There's a good reason, right?
Big Boss' Voice: You've met my sons, right?
Fox's Voice: Touche.
Snake: The hell? Hey mind, should I bring a pack of smokes, or a condom?
...
Snake: Damn, forgot! Alright... smokes! (Pockets the pack)
He leaves the room and sees Big Boss, Liquid and Fox decked out in military attire.
Big Boss: Snake's having Meryl over at around nine o'clock, and will most likely bring her to the cleanest place in the house, George's room, to avoid the crap and family that litters the house.
Liquid: We litter the house?
Big Boss: (smacks him with a pointer) No speaking out of turn! We'll strike him here- (points at a map, the kitchen) and here! (smacks the equivalent of the washroom) Any questions?
Liquid: Why the washroom??
Big Boss: Good question. (smacks him) We'll have Frankie here, who's stuffed on beans, crap his pants in the most horrible way possible when either of them uses it. The other will be disgusted.
Fox: An honour, sir.
Liquid: He spoke!
Big Boss: (smacks him) Live with it! Now, if it IS Dave in the washroom, you punch his nose in.
Fox: Sweet, teach him to skip a round with me.
Big Boss: And I've also poured Colon Blow into Snake's glass at dinner. Mine's a sweet, sweet coke that Snake loves so much.
Snake: (sneaks back into his room) Like I'll fall for that. I've got a plan of my own...
[Back in the livingroom]
Fox: (drops a Directional Microphone) He bought it.
Big Boss: Excellent. Liquid, got the girls drink ready?
Liquid: Yup, enough tequila to drop Fox.
Fox: Hey, I brought a bottle of it with me, on that topic.
Liquid: (shifty eyes) No you didn't.
Fox: Yes... I did.
Liquid: Bloody exoskeleton mainframe memory... thing.
Fox: It chafes my balls.
Big Boss: Too bad George isn't around, he would have enjoyed hearing that.
The front door gets kicked in. Solidus, looking disgruntled steps in.
Big Boss: Speaking of the devil. Or rather, fruity son who fails at politics.
Solidus: Let's see you be President.
Big Boss: I own a damn country you little date rape reject!
Solidus: (sniffles) That's hurting my feelings...
Fox: Like Vamp without the lube?
Solidus: Yup, just like– DAMMIT! Hell with this, I'm going to my room.
Liquid: NO!
Solidus: You can't keep me from my room!
Fox: What he meant was... wanna fight?
Big Boss: Way to take one for the team.
Fox: Well, one of us had to.
Liquid: Prick.
Solidus: Take one for the team? What the hell are you talking about?
Fox: Fight, now!
Solidus: (grabs him via tentacle and zaps the crap out of him) Done already? Haha! Didn't even have to crack the wall off your head!
Liquid: Don't you mean had off of wall?
Solidus: Not in my past experiences.
Fox: Damn... he's got a better suit. (starts to twitch) Ah hell, my suit short circuited.
Big Boss: George, here's a $50. Watch a movie or something.
Solidus: Sweet. See the lot of you in hell!!
Big Boss: My idea of Hell has you in it!
Solidus: Dammit!
He leaves.
Fox: Way to take one for the team sir.
Big Boss: Yup, that means we all did. Every single one of us.
Liquid: What about me?
Big Boss: Who the hell are you?
Liquid: Why must you bloody torture me like this?!
Big Boss: Because I hate you, Trebek.
Fox: Huh, that was one hell of a blatant rip off.
Big Boss: Shut the hell up before I rip your wires from your ass, and feed them back through your mouth!
Fox: Yes sir (shudders)
Liquid: Yeah you tell him dad!
Big Boss: Be quiet you English imposter!
Liquid: If you guys rip on me 40-60 more times I'm gonna do something about it..
Fox: What are you gonna do? Cry to your boy friend!?
Big Boss: Oooh! Nice burn! (gives fox a high five)
Liquid: (starts to sob and runs) Dammit, where's Raven when I need him?
Big Boss: Probably with a photo of you. What he's doing I'll leave to your imagination.
Fox: Alright, let's set up for this evening... MuaHaHAhaahahahaAHHAA!!!
Big Boss: He still needs to work on that.
[Later that evening, in the kitchen]
Snake sneaks into the room, decked out full camo, and rolls behind a chair. His arms reach up to the table and swaps his glass with Big Boss', then mixes Liquid's and Big Boss' drinks together. He then rolls out of the kitchen, crawls beside the couch to avoid being seen, pick up and hides under it. He sets up a series of mines and chaff grenade in the washroom, so whoever goes in gets either blown the hell up, or if Fox has his infrared on, get's chaffed into a psycho dance, THEN blown the hell up.
Snake: Perfect. Tonight's going to go over perfectly. I can see it now, me and Meryl enjoying our... (shifty eyes) love with Fox's and dad's screams on the wind.
Snake's Mind: Dude, I'm back.
Snake: Don't need your sorry ass anymore.
Snake's Mind: Damn, man.
[Later that evening... again]
Fox drops out of his stealth, Snake having left a half hour before, and surveys the kitchen. Snake's glass is pumped full of laxatives, Meryl's is morethan half tequila, Liquid and the old man's are half coke, half orange juice.
Fox: Damn, orange coke. Yup, it's all set. Wait a minute, where's my drink?
Naomi: (over the codec) Hey Frankie, I got an A+ on my math test.
Fox: Good enough, I guess. As long as your passing.
Naomi: (over the codec) I made supper, it's chicken stir fry!
Fox: ... I'm going to be... late tonight.
Naomi: (over the codec) How late?
Fox: ... how late is Nastasha on her period?
Naomi: (over the codec) Pretty damn late. Oh, right! Natasha (his girl from Metal Gear 2) called, and I sent her over.
Fox: Wha- Damn!!
Naomi: (over the codec) Gotta go, supper's getting burnt.
Fox: May as well tell the Boss...
[Even later that evening]
The doorbell rings.
Snake: I'll get it!
Big Boss: Go get yourself, you little bastard.
Fox: ...
Big Boss: Yes, I have protection.
Fox: ..?
Big Boss: Stole it from Dave.
Fox: Score!
Big Boss: Shut the hell up.
Fox: Sir...
Snake: (opens the door) Hey Meryl!
Meryl: Hey Snake!
Natasha: Hey Snake!
Snake: Hey... do I know you?
Natasha: I'm Frank's girlfriend.
Snake: Meh?
Natasha: You know, half Vietnamese, drinks like a fish, half of the time he's conscious he's drunk.
Snake: Oh, Fox.
Meryl: Why do you guys go by animal names?
Snake: My dad has war flashbacks, so we go by military codenames
Big Boss: And the fact that Fox looks like he in the Vietcong army doesn't help!
Fox: You enjoy senility, don't you?
Snake: Well, come on in.
Meryl: Hello mister...
Snake: (whispers) Big Boss.
Meryl: Big Boss.
Natasha: Hey.
Big Boss: Well hello little ladies. You know, if these knuckle heads don't make the cut, my rooms upstairs.
Fox and Snake: Err...
Big Boss: Let's eat.
The group eats. Snake sits next to Meryl, Fox and Natasha, and Big Boss at the end of the table with an automatic rifle taped to the under side of the table about three inches to his left.
Snake: So dad, hows your drink? (Evil glint in his eyes)
Big Boss: It's a delicious coke, like the one I set at YOUR place. (insanely evil glint in his eyes)
Snake: Somehow I don't feel comfortable.
Meryl: Wow, this drink is strong.
Fox: Yup.
Natasha: Mine's milk... why am I the only person with a glass of milk?
Fox: (takes a shot of whiskey) No reason.
Snake started to piece things together. The drink, Meryl's, Fox being at the table.
Big Boss: Oh, Snake, did you hear? Fox has a new Directional Microphone. He might of been listening in on you after we were chatting in the living room.
Natasha: Why would he do that?
Fox: Heh, no reason?
Natasha: You're so cute when you fake innocence.
Fox: Yeah, I know.
Snake: (sinks into his seat) Not good...
Meryl: What... (blinks) what's not good?
Snake: Oh! The, uh, potatoes!
Big Boss: (glares at him) Don't insult my cooking.
Snake: Heheheheheh...
Fox: Mm, good stuff. BURNS all the way DOWN.
Snake: Shut up...
Big Boss: Be polite to the guests.
Meryl: Heehee, yeah Snake.
Snake: (stomach grumbles) Oh man...
Meryl: That didn't sound so good... heehee, I sound like a girl.
Snake: Gottago. (He runs for the washroom)
Fox: (takes a shot) Watch out for the trip wire I set.
Snake: Huh? (Trips over it and lands in the washroom)
A series of pops and explosions come from the washroom.
Natasha: What the hell was that?!
Fox: Oh, you know, Big Boss and his war flashbacks.
Big Boss: We're under attack! (Winks at Fox)
He grabs the gun and runs to the washroom, then fires off an entire clip.
Big Boss: I'm good. Who wants desert?
Natasha: Oh... my... God...
Snake: (walks out, bloodied, bruised and reeking) You bastards.
Fox: Any apple cobbler left?
Big Boss: You had better believe it. Snake, you reek. Take a shower, I'll just get your lady friend a REFILL of that DRINK she had.
Snake: You bastard!
Big Boss: Oh, and no hug from you tonight.
Snake: (walks back into the washroom mumbling vulgar things)
Meryl: Heehee, I feel warm and tingly.
Fox: Really? Ironically, the only french sentence I know is Menage A Trois.
Natasha: Frank.
Fox: Got it, backing off.
A knock at the door.
Fox: May as well get it.
He get's it.
Fox: Oh my God...
He prays to God.
Fox: Lazy ass narrator.
Liquid: Oh daddy! Someone's got pent up rage!
Big Boss: It had better not be my mail man! I had to kill the last one!
Fox: No, it's Liquid. (sighs) And he's got REX.
Natasha: Is that a bad thing?
Big Boss: Holy crap!
Fox: And he painted blue!
Big Boss: Holy crap!
Liquid: It's aqua you moron!
Big Boss: Holy crap!
Snake: (comes out wearing a towel) What did I miss?
TO BE CONTINUED... HOLY CRAP!
R/R, you know the routing. You read it, review me!