Disclaimer: These are getting repetitive. I NO OWN KONAMI.
Teenage Wasteland
Chapter 3: A Family Crisis
[Snake's Place]
Snake: So, what did I miss?
Big Boss: A chunk of crap on your shoulder.
Snake: Damn! (Runs back into the washroom)
Fox: Oh my god... you guys are twins?!
Liquid: Of course we are! Now die!
Meryl: Heehee, my face is red.
Liquid: Would you shut the hell up and die with dignity?
Natasha: Does this happen often?
Big Boss: Every holiday with presents for the last six years or so.
Natasha: Ah.
Liquid: I never get anything!
Big Boss: Then stop giving me viagra!
Liquid: What the hell else do you people like?
Big Boss: Hookers!
Snake: (comes out of the washroom) Alright, got it. Not again, what did wee miss this time? The anniversary of your first ass kicking?
Liquid: Shut up! I take all this to heart.
Natasha: That's an understatement.
Fox: Hmm, that's a better model than the one the Boss has in his warehouse. Where the hell did you get that one?
Liquid: Snake's smart friend.
Snake: (zipping up his jeans) Don't call Otacon a friend.
Big Boss: Alright, let's do what we always do, and talk whoever the hell it is out of his fit.
Liquid: That won't work this time!
Meryl: Hee hee.
Snake: You say that every damn time.
Liquid: This time I mean it!
Snake: You say THAT every damn time.
Liquid: No, this time I REALLY mean it!
Snake: That one too.
Liquid: Alright, start the pep talk.
Fox: Right.
Big Boss: Alright, what pissed you off this time?
Liquid: You people refuse to acknowledge me, even when I help you!
Big Boss: You see, its because you whine like a little English girl.
Liquid: Snake whines too!
Snake: You poured hot coffee on my balls, what do you expect to happen?
Fox: Excuses, excuses.
Snake: Shut the hell up.
Big Boss: And because you refuse to do any work.
Liquid: My beautiful silky hair would be ruined!
Big Boss: Act like a man!
Snake: Use a better shampoo!
Big Boss: And because you come off as gay.
Liquid: It's the accent isn't it? I can't help that!
Snake: We never even lived in England!
Liquid: You sent me away to boarding school!
Big Boss: Only because your teachers said they couldn't help your twisted little mind.
Snake: We got you every time, man.
Liquid: Dammit, I should pool ideas first!
Fox: Like you pool you 'friend's' phone numbers?
Liquid: I hate this family! When I'm in a high class residence I'll be laughing at you!
Big Boss: And when your man leaves you because you're too feminine, I'll be the one laughing.
Liquid: Bloody monster...
Big Boss: Liquid snapped again.
Snake: Pretty much.
Fox: I expect to get laid.
Natasha: I wouldn't.
Fox: Hell with this, I'm getting tanked.
Solidus: Oh, Liquid. I managed to bring that blond kid back with me.
Raiden: Hey Liquid!
Liquid: (angles around behind Snake) Dear Lord, distract him or something.
Snake: Hey Raiden. Been practising?
Fox: (finishes Meryl's drink) The hell? You've been with him?!
Snake: Now Fox, you're the only one!
Liquid: And you call me gay?
Solidus: You are gay!
Big Boss: You smell out your own kind, eh?
Raiden: Wow, you people are mean. Oh, I brought my girl Rose with me!
Liquid: Thank you Jesus.
Rose: Hello! Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise I'd be the prettiest girl here.
Meryl: Bitch! (Tries to throw a knuckle in her face)
Snake: Whoa, slow down girl!
Meryl: I thought you liked a fast girl?
Snake: Excuse us for moment.
Meryl: You lost your chance.
Snake: Shit!
Rose: Jack, I don't like the skanks here...
Natasha: Speak for yourself, bitch.
Raiden: Ah, come on Rose, Liquid's the man!
Solidus: Sure, assuming your looking for a good- (gets smacked on the head by Liquid)
Liquid: Don't motivate him!
Raiden: What does he mean, motivate him?
Snake: You sure are slow, aren't you?
Raiden: Hey Rose, he called me slow, what should I do?
Rose: Hit him or something.
Raiden walked towards Snake, going to give him a shot in the face. Fox caught him by the hair and took him down.
Fox: You've done a shitty job on this kid.
Big Boss: You want to hear about doing a shitty job on a kid? Listen to this. A couple years back, George over there wanted a coke. I told him to piss off. Some old bitch told me how to raise my kid. I told her to piss off. All the while, dipshit here stole a drink. The old bitch made another comment on my parenting. I showed her how responsible I was by taking the shit down and feeding him my boot. That hag ran for some help and I had to disappear her. Anyone want some coffee?
Solidus: Thanks for brining up some painful memories.
Big Boss: I was shocked when you stopped pissing the bed.
Liquid: Ha!
Raiden: Heheh, that is kind of funny.
Meryl: Yup. My face is really tingly. Hee.
Natasha: So, you trying to date rape her or something?
Snake: I'd rather not, but if I can...
Meryl: So your using me as a last resort?!
Fox: You bet your fine ass on it!
Natasha: Frankie!
Fox: What?!
Big Boss: Arg! I'm in a room with a bunch of idiots....
Liquid: Dad?
Big Boss: What is it?!
Liquid: Were made from your DNA right?
Snake: Don't be stupid! Of course we are...
Liquid: Well I guess that make you an idiot as well, papa?
Big Boss: ARG! (Walks out of the room chanting) Don't kill the boy, don't kill the boy.
Raiden: HAAAHAAAHAAAA! Isn't that great liquid?!
Fox: I guess I'll finally be able to kill that would be British pansy.
Raiden: Your own dad wants you dead! Cool, huh?
Liquid: You're a bloody idiot.
Snake: Meryl, you okay now?
Meryl: Don't even talk to me!
Snake: Another drink?
Meryl: Hit me.
Fox: Damn, me and that chick would be a perfect couple. Drink?
Natasha: Don't push your luck.
Fox: Damn Slovak.
Natasha: What was that?
Fox: Kid's got no comeback.
Solidus: That boy ain't right.
Big Boss: Bad enough to pick a kid up, but his ditsy girl too? You got some fetish.
Solidus: I'm going to sue you when I need money for therapy.
Big Boss: I'll see you in court.
Solidus: I don't need help yet.
Big Boss: Oh, you do.
Solidus: I hate you.
Big Boss: It looks like we both got something in common, boy.
Snake: Meryl, you want to get out of here?
Meryl: Hee, sure. As long as I don't have to see that bitch.
Rose: Ho!
Raiden: Now girls, we don't want to be fighting...
Snake: That girl puts out, don't she?
Raiden: Damn right.
Rose: Jack, not here!
Meryl: Who's a ho now, ho?!
Rose: You want some of this?!
Meryl: I don't want what pansy boy already has!
Rose: That's it! Jack, let's go!
Raiden: See ya, Liquid!
Liquid: Err, right.
Raiden: (grabs his bag on the way back) See ya sir!
Big Boss: (salutes) There goes a true American.
They leave.
Big Boss: You can actually deal with that little turd?
Liquid: I knocked around some guy who was trying to have his way with him.
Snake: You're heroic.
Liquid: Don't patronize me, I've got nothing you want.
Fox: Maybe he wants some of that brotherly love.
Liquid: You tanked?
Fox: Well, I'm not sober.
Liquid: I had figured as much.
Solidus: Oh, shit!
Big Boss: What's the problem, you late?
Solidus: That kid swiped my (flips off Big Boss) bag!
Big Boss: Oh, he has your bag alright.
Snake: That's vicious.
Meryl: That girl is going to get hers. hic
Solidus: You don't understand! That has the identity of the Patriots in it!
Fox: Not a football man I take it.
Solidus: Not them!
Big Boss: Patriots you say? Last I saw of them, they gave me the name Big Boss. I lost an eye in operation Snake Eater and I get a freaking codename. I HAD A DAMN CODENAME! I WAS SNAKE! YOU HEAR ME!?
Solidus: I hear you. Do you hear me?
Big Boss: MY HEARING'S GOING, SPEAK UP!
Snake: Is that a bad thing?
Solidus: I need those names to know who to kill!
Liquid: Kill yourself.
Solidus: (gives Liquid a shot to the head) And I won't be able to liberate the mindless masses of the United States of America!
Big Boss: You want to liberate the masses? I want to create a land where our own are treated like heroes instead of baby killers! And I say to them, if I wanted to kill a baby, ain't none of you left alive in this room!
Liquid: Senile fool.
Solidus: I need that bag!
TO BE CONTINUED
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