Sue H: Mwahahaha, I WILL seduce him and he shall be my sexy hot sexy elven
prince for ever and ever and always! Thanx for the review!
Shadow Faerie of Twilight: Thanx for the reviews! Hopefully you wont be saddled with a baby for school. Though I fell in love with mine and miss him terribly.... But I've resurrected him for my story, so its all good. Thanx a bunch! And I LOVE legendaryfrog, it is the source of many a joke between me and my friends (
Pippinsgal011890: Darning socks is fun, your friends should try it sometime! As always, I'll update asap! Thanx for your continued support and reviews, I really appreciate it!
Rohanshieldbitch: WHAT? IF I don't get a makeout scene with Legolas you don't get 3 bitches!!! Ve dormir con el Diablo! (Any Spanish speakers forgive the bad grammar)
Bosie: A little heterosexual meaning he need to be more gay?....Review and clarify, please ( Hope your enjoying it (.
Dawn: Buckets of thanx! I will definitely keep writing, and awesome reviews like yours keep me going!
blackbeltchick06: ...Damn prophetess...attack is going well, I empathize about the nails, I broke mine off like 3 hours after I got them done the first time!
Chapter Fourteen (A/N: Wow, 14 chappies already? Damn)
Kelsey looked at Legolas, her mind plotting. If she was friends with him now, she could seduce him later! It was a foolproof plan. (A/N: poor, delusional Kelsey)
"Okay, friends?" she asked, holding out her hand for a handshake. Legolas, confused, took her hand and kissed it.
Kelsey giggled and told him "No, you shake it, silly." She showed him how to shake hands, solidifying their bond.
Gandalf then remembered which tunnel to take to Moria.
"He's remembered!" said Pippin/Merry (A/N: cookie to who tells me which!)
"No, the air smells less foul down there. When in doubt, follow your nose."
"Oh my god, he's toucan sam! Can I have some fruit loops?" asked Carolyn.
Kelsey and Jenneva looked at each other, then at Carolyn.
"Okay, where have you hidden the caffeine and how much did you have?" asked Jenneva crossly.
"Well, there was a pop in Kelsey's lunch. And I gave some of the chocolate in her purse to Merry-"
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Kelsey startled everyone by cackling insanely. "WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" This went on for about 5 minutes before she was able to speak at all. Tears were streaming down Kelsey's face, and she was gasping for breath.
"That....chocolate.....was......a..........LAXATIVE!!!!"
"What?!" asked Carolyn, her eyes wide in horror.
Jenneva was now in a helpless laugh fest with Kelsey. Having another person laugh with her only made Kelsey laugh harder. The males in the group were looking at each other in confusion. Carolyn seemed to be the only sane one (for the moment) so they chose to ask her.
"Carolyn, what is a laxative?"
Carolyn, the reality of the situation hitting her, began to cry.
"It.....makes.....you....have to.....poop....a LOT! Oh, shit, there's NO TOILETS HERE!! I'm sorry, Merry!"
This revelation of Carolyn's made Kelsey and Jenneva laugh harder, if that was possible. The males shifted their weight uncomfortably, and Gandalf spoke up first.
"We should be moving on, now. This place isn't safe."
The girls got up, stumbling, tears streaming down all of their faces for different reasons. Carolyn felt horribly guilty. The group moved on, and the girls quieted down, Carolyn still sobbing silently. They came upon the giant tall room, and Gimli ran off to find his cousin, or some such nonsense.
Kelsey looked up at the high ceiling, and said, "Do you think the dwarves are compensating for something?"
Jenneva laughed, and Carolyn gave a puff that was assumed to be laughter. The rest of the fellowship didn't get it. Kelsey, high on her own adrenaline and endorphins from laughing, blatantly explained the joke.
"It is said that when a builds a really big or tall house it's to compensate for shortcomings elsewhere... You know where, think dirty! Since the dwarves built a tall room....."
The males chuckled and followed after Gimli. They found him crying in front of a stone coffin. Kelsey went to him and patted him on the back. Not knowing what else to do, she walked over to the well where Pippin knocks over the armor.
Aha, I shall stand guard! Gandalf won't have to die if the orcs aren't alerted!
Jenneva joined her, and getting the idea of what was going on, helped patrol their quadrant. Which was like 4 feet. So it didn't take long to patrol, and the girls got dizzy. They stopped and sat down, still guarding the well.
Gandalf was reading out of the dwarf logbook or whatever it was, and the time came where Pippin was going to knock over the armor. He drifted over to the well, but the girls spotted him. They charged him, and like football players, carried him across the room, away from the well. Satisfied, they dusted off their hands and did a high-five.
Just then, the silence was shattered by the biggest fart ever uttered in Middle Earth. Everyone turned to look at Merry, who was blushing like a beet.
"It was her fault!" he pointed at Carolyn. "She fed me the chocolate!"
"It wasn't chocolate, it was choco-lax, and I didn't mean to feed it to you! I didn't know it was a laxative! And I'm really really sorry!"
"Fool of a Brandybuck! Next time spontaneously combust and rid us of your stupidity, you..."
Gandalf would have continued, but he had passed out. The rest of the fellowship slowly dropped like flies, until Merry was the only one standing.
"Well this isn't very good!"
Merry heard the drums, and knew he was doomed. What was he going to do? Suddenly, inspiration hit him. The hobbit walked towards the door, wafting the foul air towards the entranceway. He heard orcs stop at the door, then a sound of disgust. Footsteps got fainter and fainter, as did the drums.
"YES!" shouted Merry in victory, waking up the fellowship.
"What happened," asked Kelsey groggily. She had been grogged, after all.
"I just chased off the orcs. Lets go!"
"Gandalf, lead us to the bridge of abra-kadabra-kaza-doom!" yelled Carolyn, happy that Gandalf probably wouldn't need to die now.
They all ran after Gandalf, and Kelsey, for once, remembered Fabio. They were running, when they came to the point where in the movie the fellowship meets the balrog. But no balrog. But unfortunately, one appeared a second later. Fabio had begun to scream, because her need a new diaper. While Kelsey tended to her child, the son of a czar (wink, wink), the sleeping balrog woke.
The balrog came running towards the fellowship, and skidded to a halt right in front of them.
"Hey, have you guys seen a little balrog, about this high puts claw to about waist level, fiery, red, evil little tyke?"
The fellowship gawked in silence until Kelsey, fixing Fabio, spoke up.
"Nope, haven't seen him, sorry."
"Funny, I could have sworn he was crying, but now it's stopped..."
Kelsey realizing what was happening, tried to avoid the inevitable.
"Uh, we'll help you look for him! We'll go towards the bridge of krazabamboo and you go that way."
Will the balrog be stupid enough to accept the proposal? What will Carolyn do without a toilet? Why did kelsey have a laxative in her purse? Maybe, if you review I'll tell you!
Shadow Faerie of Twilight: Thanx for the reviews! Hopefully you wont be saddled with a baby for school. Though I fell in love with mine and miss him terribly.... But I've resurrected him for my story, so its all good. Thanx a bunch! And I LOVE legendaryfrog, it is the source of many a joke between me and my friends (
Pippinsgal011890: Darning socks is fun, your friends should try it sometime! As always, I'll update asap! Thanx for your continued support and reviews, I really appreciate it!
Rohanshieldbitch: WHAT? IF I don't get a makeout scene with Legolas you don't get 3 bitches!!! Ve dormir con el Diablo! (Any Spanish speakers forgive the bad grammar)
Bosie: A little heterosexual meaning he need to be more gay?....Review and clarify, please ( Hope your enjoying it (.
Dawn: Buckets of thanx! I will definitely keep writing, and awesome reviews like yours keep me going!
blackbeltchick06: ...Damn prophetess...attack is going well, I empathize about the nails, I broke mine off like 3 hours after I got them done the first time!
Chapter Fourteen (A/N: Wow, 14 chappies already? Damn)
Kelsey looked at Legolas, her mind plotting. If she was friends with him now, she could seduce him later! It was a foolproof plan. (A/N: poor, delusional Kelsey)
"Okay, friends?" she asked, holding out her hand for a handshake. Legolas, confused, took her hand and kissed it.
Kelsey giggled and told him "No, you shake it, silly." She showed him how to shake hands, solidifying their bond.
Gandalf then remembered which tunnel to take to Moria.
"He's remembered!" said Pippin/Merry (A/N: cookie to who tells me which!)
"No, the air smells less foul down there. When in doubt, follow your nose."
"Oh my god, he's toucan sam! Can I have some fruit loops?" asked Carolyn.
Kelsey and Jenneva looked at each other, then at Carolyn.
"Okay, where have you hidden the caffeine and how much did you have?" asked Jenneva crossly.
"Well, there was a pop in Kelsey's lunch. And I gave some of the chocolate in her purse to Merry-"
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Kelsey startled everyone by cackling insanely. "WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" This went on for about 5 minutes before she was able to speak at all. Tears were streaming down Kelsey's face, and she was gasping for breath.
"That....chocolate.....was......a..........LAXATIVE!!!!"
"What?!" asked Carolyn, her eyes wide in horror.
Jenneva was now in a helpless laugh fest with Kelsey. Having another person laugh with her only made Kelsey laugh harder. The males in the group were looking at each other in confusion. Carolyn seemed to be the only sane one (for the moment) so they chose to ask her.
"Carolyn, what is a laxative?"
Carolyn, the reality of the situation hitting her, began to cry.
"It.....makes.....you....have to.....poop....a LOT! Oh, shit, there's NO TOILETS HERE!! I'm sorry, Merry!"
This revelation of Carolyn's made Kelsey and Jenneva laugh harder, if that was possible. The males shifted their weight uncomfortably, and Gandalf spoke up first.
"We should be moving on, now. This place isn't safe."
The girls got up, stumbling, tears streaming down all of their faces for different reasons. Carolyn felt horribly guilty. The group moved on, and the girls quieted down, Carolyn still sobbing silently. They came upon the giant tall room, and Gimli ran off to find his cousin, or some such nonsense.
Kelsey looked up at the high ceiling, and said, "Do you think the dwarves are compensating for something?"
Jenneva laughed, and Carolyn gave a puff that was assumed to be laughter. The rest of the fellowship didn't get it. Kelsey, high on her own adrenaline and endorphins from laughing, blatantly explained the joke.
"It is said that when a builds a really big or tall house it's to compensate for shortcomings elsewhere... You know where, think dirty! Since the dwarves built a tall room....."
The males chuckled and followed after Gimli. They found him crying in front of a stone coffin. Kelsey went to him and patted him on the back. Not knowing what else to do, she walked over to the well where Pippin knocks over the armor.
Aha, I shall stand guard! Gandalf won't have to die if the orcs aren't alerted!
Jenneva joined her, and getting the idea of what was going on, helped patrol their quadrant. Which was like 4 feet. So it didn't take long to patrol, and the girls got dizzy. They stopped and sat down, still guarding the well.
Gandalf was reading out of the dwarf logbook or whatever it was, and the time came where Pippin was going to knock over the armor. He drifted over to the well, but the girls spotted him. They charged him, and like football players, carried him across the room, away from the well. Satisfied, they dusted off their hands and did a high-five.
Just then, the silence was shattered by the biggest fart ever uttered in Middle Earth. Everyone turned to look at Merry, who was blushing like a beet.
"It was her fault!" he pointed at Carolyn. "She fed me the chocolate!"
"It wasn't chocolate, it was choco-lax, and I didn't mean to feed it to you! I didn't know it was a laxative! And I'm really really sorry!"
"Fool of a Brandybuck! Next time spontaneously combust and rid us of your stupidity, you..."
Gandalf would have continued, but he had passed out. The rest of the fellowship slowly dropped like flies, until Merry was the only one standing.
"Well this isn't very good!"
Merry heard the drums, and knew he was doomed. What was he going to do? Suddenly, inspiration hit him. The hobbit walked towards the door, wafting the foul air towards the entranceway. He heard orcs stop at the door, then a sound of disgust. Footsteps got fainter and fainter, as did the drums.
"YES!" shouted Merry in victory, waking up the fellowship.
"What happened," asked Kelsey groggily. She had been grogged, after all.
"I just chased off the orcs. Lets go!"
"Gandalf, lead us to the bridge of abra-kadabra-kaza-doom!" yelled Carolyn, happy that Gandalf probably wouldn't need to die now.
They all ran after Gandalf, and Kelsey, for once, remembered Fabio. They were running, when they came to the point where in the movie the fellowship meets the balrog. But no balrog. But unfortunately, one appeared a second later. Fabio had begun to scream, because her need a new diaper. While Kelsey tended to her child, the son of a czar (wink, wink), the sleeping balrog woke.
The balrog came running towards the fellowship, and skidded to a halt right in front of them.
"Hey, have you guys seen a little balrog, about this high puts claw to about waist level, fiery, red, evil little tyke?"
The fellowship gawked in silence until Kelsey, fixing Fabio, spoke up.
"Nope, haven't seen him, sorry."
"Funny, I could have sworn he was crying, but now it's stopped..."
Kelsey realizing what was happening, tried to avoid the inevitable.
"Uh, we'll help you look for him! We'll go towards the bridge of krazabamboo and you go that way."
Will the balrog be stupid enough to accept the proposal? What will Carolyn do without a toilet? Why did kelsey have a laxative in her purse? Maybe, if you review I'll tell you!