Harry Potter and the Very Random Plot.
Chapter One: Capitulo Uno
Disclaimer: Do I look like J.K Rowling to you?? (shoves hair into your face) IS THIS RED?? (rubs stomach) AM I PREGNANT?? noooo! (mom sneaks up behind me) I SURE DAMN HOPE YOU AINT!! (whimpers in fear)
A/N: OKAYKAYKAY, LADEES AND GENTLEPIGS! This is a very random and awkward story written by yours truely, Me! It has NO plot whatsoever, but, I assume that its kind of funny, since I obviously entered this into the "Humor" and "Parody" categories. All the characters are OOC, (maybe except the special appreance of Me, coming in later chapters...). So, read away, and don't eat your snot!
Harry was half-asleep in his dormitory. He had been dreaming of having his own book series written by a woman who just happened to be named J.K Rowling. Anyway, He looked over at his clock. It showed 56:30 A.M (Muggle and Wizard time differ in my story by 55 hours). Suddenly, he heard a loud THUMP. He slowly took the wand from his bedside table and put on his glasses (although he cant see shit in the dark) and started to tip-toe his way to the outside of the dormitory. When his toes got a cramp, he decided to walk normally.
"Who be there?" asked Harry in a ghetto voice as he stumbled (and I mean this literally) to the Common Room.
Out of nowhere, a large, 7 foot olive-colored monkey arose from the ground that was hiding in the shadows of the corner. He started headbanging.
Harry blinked. He never saw such a sight. He immediately feel in love with this monkey.
"OH BABY, WHERE YOU BE ALL MAH LYFE?" Harry said as he humped the rocker monkey.
The monkey was startled by all this affection so he threw himself into the small lake that was strategically placed by the author of this story directly across from the fireplace.
Harry cried.
Hermione came out of her dorm and studied Harry for a moment. Then, after long hard thought, she came to the conclusion that he was crying.
"Que pasa mufasa?" she asked while doing the robot.
"HE BE GONE! MAH HOMIE JUST BE TRIPPIN ALL UP IN MAH BOO!" he said as he cried some more.
Alicia Keys and Usher came out of nowhere and started singing "My Boo". Ron came out and threw his own poo at them and screeching like a monkey so they can leave. And it just so happens that they did. Harry sobbed even more at the sound of monkey sounds.
Ron smiled. and offered Harry some noodles. Harry declined, and Ron threw his own poo and screeched like a monkey at him. Harry had a titty fit and sobbed some more.
"Ayyy, Ron, No puedes treat Harry asi!!" she said while licking a stamp.
Ron smiled. and said, "Wuld joo lyke sum soup wit dat?"
Hermione threw her own poo at him and screeched like a gerbil and he skipped merrily out of the Common Room and out to the hall. He stripped completely naked, and ran down the hall singing "If You Like Pina Colada" which by the way, he does!
Colin Creevy came out from behind the couch where he was secretly taking pictures and yelled, "YOU GUYS ARE FREAKS! AM I THE ONLY SANE ONE IN THIS STORY?" and tried to balance his camera on his head but it fell on his foot and he died instantly.
Hermione gasped and said, "AY! El Creevy se murio! Let's give him un funeral." Hermione threw a daisy on him and burped. Harry stopped crying and stood up to rub Hermione's boob.
"Daaaamn gurl!! You be sittin on 36 D's??" He said with shock.
"Ayy, Harry tu eres muy perverted!" She said while smacking him and going back to sleep. "Voy back to sleep! Adios!"
Harry stood there, completely still, for about 3 hours. Then, he realized that it was exactly 59:50 A.M, he returned to his room and went back to sleep.
He dreamt that he was eating an enchilida.