Harry Potter and the Very Random Plot.

Chapter Dos: Untitled Because the Author is Not Creative

Disclaimer: (Channel 6 news comes on) Today's top story! Author of the Harry Potter books, Vanessa, is now starting to write her newest novel, Harry Potter and the Very Random Plot. (wakes up from dream) I DON'T OWN ANYTHANG MUTHA TRUCKAS!

A/N: (giggles) hi.

ANOTHER A/N: Oh, and about last chapter, when I said "Ron smiled like this:" I was supposed to put a little smiley face thingy made with certain symbols that wont let me type. (pouts) AND it won't let me write the asterisk.

Harry woke up and found a naked Hermione lying next to him.

"Hermione! Que are you doing aqui???" he asked while perplexed at his new accent.

"BOYY, don't you be yellin' at me lyke I be yo bitch!" she said while peeling a bannana.

Harry went to the bathroom. Then after tripping various times on the rug and on other funiture, he scuttled back to the bedstand to put his glasses and fuzzy pink Dora the Explorer slippers. Hermione gawked at these slippers.

"BOYY, can I be asking you a lil' sumthin sumthin?" Hermione yelled, which really wasn't necessary.

"Si senora!" he yelled back.

Suddenly, the whole room turned into kind of a physciatrist's office. Hermione wore a business suit with intellectual-looking glasses and her hair in a bun. She crossed her legs and began writing notes in her clipboard.

"Tell me Mr. Harry James Potter, are you homosexual?" she inquired.

"No! Really, I'm not! I'm what you call a 'metrosexual'." he said in a matter-of-factlyness voice.

Hermione shrugged and threw the clipboard she was holding over her shoulder and took off her glasses. Everything turned back to normal.

"Aiight then, homie, if you be sayin so."

Harry looked at the clock. "Dios de mi vida! It's 67:35!" (Remember, off by 55 hours.) Harry jumped on his bed and started dancing disco. When he got tired, which was by about 67:45, he went downstairs and saw Ron making love to Parvati Patil.

"TOP OF THE MORNIN' TO YA, LAD!" he screamed.

"Ron, tu no sabes that today we have classes?" he asked Ron, who stopped making love to Pavarti and started making love to the couch.

"Lad, lemme tell you a story about when I was a wee little rascal..." he continued.

Harry ignored Ron and went straight to his Defense Against the Dark Arts class (still in his pajamas) with this year's new teacher, Professor LeeLee. When he got to the class, Prof. LeeLee was sitting at her desk with ginormous earphones on.

"Papa smurf can I lick yo ass? LICK MAH ASS BITCH!" she yelled. She noticed Harry was sitting quietly in the middle of the classroom, (he was the only one since all the other students are off fucking each other.....OR, eating papayas)

She quickly took off the earphones and went over to Harry's desk and stared at him. "Merlin! You must be the famous Harry Potter! Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts!" Harry smiled as she went back to her desk.

Professor LeeLee started writing notes on a long piece of parchment. She looked up, went over to his desk and said, "Merlin! You must be the famous Harry Potter! Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts!" and sat right back down. A few minutes later, she looked up, went over to his desk, stared at him and said, "Merlin! You must be the famous Harry Potter! Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts!"

Harry sighed as he picked up his books to head for the library. Halfway to the library, he stood in the middle of the hall and hugged Draco Malfoy who was standing nearby. They started singing....

"IF I WERE GAY I WOULD GIVE YOU MY HEART

AND IF I WERE GAY YOU'D BE MY WORK OF ART

AND IF I WERE GAY WE WOULD TEAR DOWN THE WALLS

BUT I'M GAY, SO WON'T YOU STOP CUPPING MY......HAND!"

Professor McGonagall and the Headmaster passed by during all this singing. "Well that was random!" said a flustered Mrs. McGonagall

"Well, Sally, that's the whole point of this story!" said Dumbledore

"Whatchu just call me? You be hanging out with all them hoes? Can't even 'member mah name??" she said as she farted on Dumbledore and ran away yelling.

A/N: ...and then the dish ran away with the fork ...O.O