Chapter Ten: When the Cat's Away....

"What do you mean I have plans tonight? I'm sick of Jean's attempted wedding planning... I'm not going through it right now." Tara Toynbee pressed her full weight against the door, ignoring her the sound of her best friend's voice from outside the door. It had taken on a somewhat whiny tone since she'd gotten there.

"It's not Jean! Please come out, Tara.... if you don't like it, you can blame me and Roguey. Please, Tara?" Angel pleaded from the other side of the door, banging one fist against it from the vibrations against Tara's back. There was a swear word then a mumbled, "Mommy's sorry, Amy. Such language should not be used around a child."

"It's a fetus, Angel," she said, sliding the deadbolt aside and turning the other three locks then opening the door. She leaned against one side and regarded her with something similar to cool distrust. "What exactly did you and 'Roguey' do?"

"No, her name's Ameythst," came the reply before Angel looked up, smiling. "Amethyst Miranda Kanteon."

"Cute. Again, what exactly did you and Rogue do..? If this is another attempt to make us honeymoon in either Anarctica or Alaska, so help me..."

"Give the anti-trust thing a rest, hun. It's giving me a headache, and how often have I lied to you? ...Don't answer that."

She nodded. "I wasn't planning to because even I can't count that high. Give me a minute to change then we can go wherever it is that we need to go, but you've all been warned about my reactions," Tara said again then went back into the house, rummaging around for clothes that wouldn't give the wrong impression or present an image Logan would hate.

Angel sighed and leaned against the door, saying nothing. She just watched and whistled every now and then, alternating between watching her friend and glancing around the bedroom, noticing that it was in terrible disray. A bad sight among Tara's sometimes, more often than not, clean habits. It was eerie.

"Is something wrong, hun? You seem messier than normal..."

"It doesn't matter. Let's just go, okay?" she mumbled, grabbing the first clean outfit she could find. She jerked on the clothes then dug out a pair of combat boots that had been stolen from the supply of X-men uniforms. It wasn't the first article of clothing stolen from them and it probably wouldn't be the last.

I don't even want to know Rogue and Angel have done. Is there a nice way to refuse to go with your best friend? I mean, besides throwing a fit and looking like a seven-year-old again?

"No, you can not avoid me by throwing a fit, Tara. Remember...you know that I can read your thoughts," she said, opting for a Miss Cleo or some other psychic voice.

Tara shook her head. "You're a weirdo. I mean, can't you think of a better voice to steal than some psychic chick that's probably a fake anyway," she said then continued at the sight of Angel's mouth starting to open. She slapped one hand over it and shook her head. "She's not a telepath or a mind-reader, Angel. Don't say it."

There were muffled sounds against her hand before Angel fell silent.

"Going to be quiet without my hand over your mouth?" One nod. "You're going to quit talking about psychics and pretending to be one?" Another nod. "And you'll tell me what you and Rogue have done?" Several quick shakes later, Tara removed her hand. "What exactly do I have to do, Angel?"

"Nothing. Nothing except come outside with me and get into the car. We'll drive for awhile then stop at our destination. And don't look so stricken...my driving is just fine."

"Compared to who? Kitty...?"

"Hmph!" Angel stuck her nose into the air and walked outside, mumbling and talking to herself. "I get no respect. Pregnant and expecting a baby within the next three months and I still get no respect!"

"Angel?"

"Huh..?"

"Shut up."

Apocalypse's Current Headquarters

"Time to go."

"Where are we going, Julius?"

"Out. It'll be fun and we guarantee that you won't be disappointed," Jax promised with a smirk, leading his friend outside with a hold on his arm. He walked outside and approached the group vehicles they kept then changed direction; he stopped beside the three motorcycles that were propped in one area. "Do you trust us or not?"

"He shouldn't answer that," Julius mumbled with a frown, throwing one leg across the bike and adjusting his trenchcoat around him. It billowed out in some places, though that could have been a combination of the wind and several other, unnameable factors.

"In response to that question, no, I don't trust you two. This had better not mess up my soon to happen marriage or even give Logan a reason to slice something of mine in half," Landon cautioned after a moment then sighed when no answer came. He was used to this. Too used to it.

"Logan can't kill you because he won't know.."

"Right. Logan won't know. I just bet he won't."

Silver Lizard Lounge 7:35 p.m.

"Oh, goodie. A bar." Tara Toynbee didn't even bother to mask her sarcasm or irritation at the so-called suprise. It wasn't like she'd never been inside a bar before or even never gotten drunk before; she'd been fifteen or sixteen when she'd gotten drunk for the first time. A record.

"Stop being sarcastic, Tara. It's not as bad as you'd think..."

Angel removed her keys and started inside, whistling a tunless sound under her breathe while walking. She flipped through the keys a couple of times then removed one and fit it into the lock; a couple minutes later and they were inside.

"What are we doing here, Angel? If Tasha figures out we're in here without her permission and without her around, we're dead" Tara said, following her friend inside. She blinked against the bright lights left in her friends wake. "Do you always have to turn on lights?"

"Yep."

"Suprise!" The exclamation startled Tara so much that when Angel glanced over, there was no one beside her. Something similar to panting came from the ceiling where the faint outline of Tara could be seen, staring down at her with something between shock and worry.

"Um...Tara, sugah, why are ya on the ceiling?" Rogue asked, walking over to stand below her. She tilted her head back and looked up, taking up a posture much similar to that of Angel. "We thought ya needed one more n'aght to have fun especially considering you're about to committ yourself to one guy. It's not as great as you think."

There was a thud and the sound of several curses. "Next time warn me about something like this, alright? I'd rather not fall off a ceiling too often...what exactly is this?" she asked after brushing a strand of greenish-brown hair behind one ear. She relaxed her shoulders and allowed Rogue to lead her into the next room.

The room held random people from their past, including the former X-females and what looked like Mystique. There was an obvious distant, cold look passing between Mystique and the original Jean Grey-Summers.

"It's a bachlorette party. Angel insisted that you needed one especially since you're marrying Landon."

I'm going to kill her. I'll just wait 'til after the kid's born....

"Like she can talk..? She's pregnant by Julius!"

"And? At least the kid's mine!"

There was silence for a moment then the others began talking at once and Rogue ushered her into the room. Before she had realized what had happened, she was seated in an oversized, comfy maroon chair with a table full of presents before her and a glass of what smelled strongly like Nanaki's vodka.

"And what exactly is all this..?"

"Gifts from your friends, Tara. It's to show that we all approve of your marrying Landon," Jean said, nursing a rather large glass of her own alcohol. It was obvious that it wasn't her first especially since she hated Landon and his friends.

She decided to test Jean's alcohol limit as she picked up the first present. It was wrapped badly enough and chosen badly enough, green and red plaid, that it could have come from no one but Jean. "But you hate Landon, Jean," she pointed out, tearing into the wrapping paper then tossing it onto the floor. "Oh, look...it's a..."

There was a visible gasp from several different people followed by a choking sound.

"Angel, sugah, are ya alright?" Rogue looked over then blinked since hers and Gambit's daughter was no longer present. There was the sound of someone retching from the bathroom. "Sweetie, ya're supposed to be over the mornin' sickness by now."

"It ain't mornin' sickness, Roguey. It's all day and blame Jean's gift," came the garbled response before the retching started again.

"Jean, what's with the giant box of Trojans Man condoms..?"

"Safe sex," was Jean's distracted reply, though she barely moved the giant glass, filled with multi-colored liquid-type slushies, more than a couple centimeters from her mouth. She drank some more then set it down for a moment. "At least practice safe sex so we don't get a minature version of you and Landon running around on behalf of Angel and Julius' little irritation.."

"Amy is not an irritation. She's mine and Julius' little angel," Angel announced on her re-entrance, petting her stomache once more. She returned to her place on the couch beside Tara then picked up a legal pad and pencil. "Jean Grey-Summers. Oversized box of Trojan Man condoms."

"Next gift. This one's from Natasha. Sort of a make-up gift for her not being able to be here," Rogue explained, taking the gift from Storm and handing it over.

This gift, though wrapped in solid black paper was almost as badly done and taped together as the last. One of the sides looked as though someone had tried to rip into it and failed, quite miserbly, at that. An atrocious, flourescent orange bow clung to the top, mixed with a bunch of multi-colored streamers bits.

Why do I let these people do this kind of stuff for me? I have no clue where they come up with this stuff or how they manage to hide this stuff from Angel, long enough for her to not spoil the suprise...

We don't tell her until the absolute last minute, Jean replied through telepathy, obviously oblivious to much of her surroundings and to almost anything outside of her drink. She was still sipping away without the slightest interest in anything else. No one tells Angel until we honestly have to and that's the same reasons that no one ever told you or her about what happened to Luke.

Wait a minute...something happened to Luke?

Oops.

"Open the gifts already. There's still cake and some other stuff that's been planned for the occassion," Storm said, adjusting the camera that she'd set up nearby. It clicked again and the flash nearly blinded them all. "New-age technology. I hate it."

"It's not that new-age, Ororo." Tara gave up arguing with any of them and opened the next present, being careful not to rip this one too badly. It was the only one that held promise of being kept or re-used later, though not all the others were completly bad-just most of them. "Are you people on a mission to give me a heartattack or just freak me out?"

"Oh my. That's not exactly appropriate..."

"You think, Jubilee?" she demanded, removing the hanger and holding it up. The skimpy strap on one side of the hanger fell free, exposing the rest of the bright red ensemble. It looked more appropriate, size-wise, for the soon-to-be-here child. "Where do you people get your gift ideas? Stripper 'R Us?"

" 'Tara, maybe you can actually put something that I've taught you to use. Much Love, Natasha.' It's the thought that counts."

"Shut up, Jean."

"Sexy, red lingerie. Natasha Creed."

"Stop narrating, Angel. Where's the next gift? I highly doubt you people could get any and lingerie."

"Um...the next gift's from...um.." Rogue's hesitation and the funny papers wrapped gift were almost a dead gift especially when she kept the card in her hand rather than give it to her. She frowned. "It could get worse."

"Who's that one from..?"

"It's from me, kid," Nanaki announced, leaning more heavily upon the door beside her. She adjusted her position then re-filled her glass of alcohol and several other liquids. Her attention barely wavered from the glass until she'd taken another drink and licked her lips, beginning to munch on the orange she'd been playing with earlier. "Just open it."

Oh, God, not anything that I'll have to hide from Logan. Please nothing else like that... Tara crossed her fingers then took the present, tearing it open and staring at the box in confusion.

It was a cardboard box about the size of a television box. Inside that one was another box, smaller and almost covered in tape at some places, though inside that was another box. The boxes continued, growing smaller yet yielding more tape with each one. The final box couldn't have been any bigger than an office phone, though it had been taped up with electrical tape of so many different colors it was almost invisible beneathe the rainbow.

"Am I ever supposed to get into this box, Nanaki, or is that just it?" she asked once she got over the shock. Nanaki didn't normally play jokes like this or do such strange things. It was just...weird.

She nodded, absently taking another drink. "Yep. You'll get into it."

'Getting into' the box turned out to require scissors and a lot of prying with pens and other such objects. It took quite awhile after that to remove all the electrical tape and reveal a plain white box with nothing on it except for the name printed across the top in black lettering. T-A-R-A.

Inside the box, rested what looked like the box preganancy tests came in. It was compact and laid in the box with the ease of someone who had entirely too much free time.

"Nanaki Celesta Lucifer Creed, did you buy me a preganacy test?!" she demanded, removing the box and holding it up. She glared at Nanaki a minute then threw it, aiming for her head and instead hitting the doorway and bouncing off. "I'm NOT the one who's pregnant."

Nanaki shook her head and picked up the box, tossing it back.. "Open the box, Tara."

"Oh," was the only thing Tara could manage before opening that box as well. Her mouth fell open for a minute then the sound of the Mexican Hat Dance filled the room along with what sounded like combat boots against the floor. "What in the hell?!"

"Bonjour, femmes. De stripper is here," a heavily accented cajun voice said, moments before he entered the room and jumped onto the nearby table, beginning to strip. The Mexican Hat Dance continued to play in the back. A brown colored trenchcoat flew across the room and hit her full in the face, stunning her for a moment before anything else registered. "And where is de femme getting married..?"

Tara shoved the jacket aside and stood, throwing it back in his direction. "FOR GOD'S SAKE, REMY, PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!" she shrieked then clapped her hands over her eyes.

There was a gasp and another bout of," Oh mah Gawd."

She cracked an eye open and noticed that Angel had her eyes closed and her hands over her stomache, placed where Amethyst's ears might have been. She was mumbling repeatedly while Rogue helped Remy back into his clothes, though several of the other, older, former X-women were staring in fascination at him.

"You hired Remy to strip..? Are you out of your mind?!"

"I'm scarred for life. I'll never be able to look at Remy without twitching," Angel mumbled, petting her stomache once more. She glanced at Remy then twitched. "Ugh, Remy the stripper."

"Welcome to my life since five, Angel. Remember the Jubilee and Bobby incident..?"

Jubilee blushed.

Tara twitched. "Welcome to my life."

Zero Consequences 8:15 p.m.

"For he's a jolly good felloooooooooow, which nobody can deny!"

Landon nodded and did his best to smile like someone who was enjoying himself, though he would rather have been with Tara. He'd rather have walked out when Remy left except the party had been done just for him; what a lucky guy. Yeah, right.

"Oh, look it's a cake...shaped like..." He tilted his head to the side then glared at Julius and Jax's serious looks. He wanted to kill them both, first for the strange gifts and second for the cake. "It's shaped like a giant...armadillo."

"It even bleeds red," Julius said with a grimace. He cut into the cake as if to prove his point and sure enough, the cake bled red from the inside outward. "Blame the new chefs...Angel and Tara."

"Tara and I are going to have to hire a cook or chef or something if we ever plan to eat again," he said, frowning at the piece of cake before him. It looked as though someone had chopped off the head of the armadillo and placed it on a plate.

"Why do you think I never eat what Angel cooks after we have a fight? She probably couldn't tell the difference in garlic powder and a bottle of deadly nightshade." Julius shook his head and cut off his own piece of cake, smiling at the gooey red insides that fell out and onto the plate. "It actually looks like guts and such..."

"I can't figure out how you people kept your current relationships going for as long as you have," Logan mumbled from the safety of the next room where he sat, drinking what must have been his eighth beer or more. "Angel can't cook. Tara curses like a sailor. I'm going to stop there because the list is entirely too long, bub. How do you people manage to put up with them?"

"True love..?"

"I'm cursed."

Landon sighed and ate his cake, walking over to the table. He shoved and pushed aside several different presents then removed the top one that he'd been given. Logan's gift. He turned it over a couple of times then shook his head and tossed it onto the table.

A restraining order.

Logan's gift had been a restraining order that was signed by the local sheriff and initialed by several other members of the former X-men. It also consisted of several different legal things that weren't exactly understandable to him.

Logan snorted and drank some more of his beer, draining the bottle and tossing it onto the floor. It clinked against the other bottles that were piled onto the floor on one side of the room; it rolled over a couple times then came to rest against three more bottles.

"I think you all just need to seek therapy," came his response before he left the room to recieve another beer. The sound of voices accompanied him after a moment, though it was as though there were three or more voices, quite a few voices for only one person having gone into the hall.

"It looks like our second suprise and your next gift has arrived," Julius said with a smirk that seemed to have been present all afternoon. For once, Julius was not drinking anything beyond what looked like a glass of coke or something of the like. "Have a seat, Landon."

Jax shoved him into the nearby chair, over stuffed and maroon in color, then whistled toward the doorway.

The sound of Cherry Pie by Poison filtered through the room along with what sounded like a pair of thick heeled heels coming down the hall, accompanied by something that sounded like laughing. Probably Logan.

"I swear if this is what I think it is..." Landon left the threat hanging then couldn't keep a straight face at the image that greeted him once the hired stripper appeared.

I wonder if Jax was aware of this when he signed her on? he thought, grinning until he saw the look on Logan's face. It was a cross between anger and amusement at their situation. Jax should really see this...

"NATASHA ELIZABETH CREED!"

"Oh, Good Lord. Hi, Jax," Natasha greeted, wrapping her arms around herself and smiling in an at ease way. The stiffness she'd adapted and the goosebumps that had come up on her arms were a sign that she wasn't quite so at ease. "Um...so this is Landon's bachelor party..? It's really, uh...nice."

"You are in so much trouble."

Landon shook his head and removed a cigarette, lighting it and placing it into his mouth. He inhaled then held the smoke for a minute before blowing it out.

This might actually get interesting.

"You, come on. I think those two need to finish their conversation and there's a lecture we need to have..." Logan held out one hand then helped him up, putting one arm almost around his shoulders and walking outside with him. "If you even THINK about hurting Tara, I'll chop you into bits and hide you beneathe the floorboards. What do you think happened to Luke?"

He swallowed, putting the cigarette back to his mouth and sucking on the end. He didn't think he wanted to know about Luke except he thought he remembered something about the name.

Maybe Angel or Tara had mentioned it...?

"Uh, who's Luke?" he asked again after another drag off the cigarette. It had vanished rather quickly and after a moment was stepped out beneathe his sneaker. The sneakers themselves looked as though they'd been burned in several places and had seen better days.

"Tara's last boyfriend. A child molester. We took care of him, bub...get the picture..?"

Logan's smile was paternal and highly threatening. The threat wasn't required especially thanks to the tone of voice he'd taken and his entirely too vicious expression.

"Right. In fact, I think Tara and I have some plans to make about our wedding now...tell Jax and Julius that I, uh, had to run."

Maybe we should elope in Mexico.

Landon banished the thought after another moment of considering it. It would take away the stress of Logan and Nanaki's death threats, Jean's wedding planning, and the fact of having to put up with his and her friends, one of which is pregnant and the other father of the child.

Mexico...Mexico...I wonder how much plane tickets to Mexico cost? Maybe Canada could become an option...