This Chapter is Dedicated to my dear reviewer Crystal56 :D
Disclaimer: I own a bike, not a Porsche. Ergo, I am not J.K. Rowling.
A/N: Ok, I'm having a good time, aren't you? I know this update is really quick, but while my computer is working, I'm taking advantage, because I never know when it may konk out again. :D I hope you all like and (you know the drill people) R&R.
Crystal56: Don't worry, I'm starting out slow, but teddy bear is coming soon! When do you think I should turn his nose into a beak? (See in story)
And now (drum roll please!)...
Chapter 4
Life was strange. People had always told her she was crazy for taking her work seriously, but now they thought she was crazy because she was having a little fun. True, she had hugged Snape, but that did NOT in any way make her mentally deficient. Ok, maybe a little nutty but nothing too serious! She was glad everyone was going to Hogsmeade and she could stay behind, it was truly amazing how fast rumors spread at Hogwarts. She had even overheard a 5th year Hufflepuff telling a Ravenclaw 6th year that SHE, Hermione Anne Granger – the Brain, had a CRUSH on SNAPE! Of all the insane accusations that had to be the worst...and the most humiliating. She took back that whole "she doesn't care about humiliation because it's payback" thing. That was before she'd heard that.
"Miss Granger, as interesting as that spot on the wall is, it is not necessary for cleaning cauldrons so it really should not be taking up so much of your time. Miss Granger? Miss Granger? What the devil is that the matter with you?"
Ah. Simply staring at him blankly was doing wonders. Amazing how such a simple thing could bother her professor so much. It wasn't on the list, but spontaneity was the spice of life.
"Are you finished Miss Granger? Miss Granger? Are you feeling well?" Oh revenge was sweet. He was looking distinctly uncomfortable and seemed almost, well, concerned really. It was a very disconcerting expression when seen on Snape's face. "Ahem, yes, I'll just check your work shall I?" Was she actually making him nervous? Incredible!
"MISS GRANGER!" Snape shouted, "I don't know what world you're currently visiting, but that will be 50 points from Gryffindor and another days detention on Monday evening!"
Hermione jumped, then, deciding to play up her advantage, fell out of her seat, staring up at Snape. She stuttered and actually managed to tear up a little. "I won't kill Kenny...I love my spiders but...playdough is his favorite color except vomit but Ron doesn't know that Free Willy escaped and ran off with Flipper and Roxanne, and Zeus was heartbroken but David didn't care because I don't care and he's just insensitive and wonderful and so I ate the last bagel and...and...I don't know what to do!" She wailed on the last bit; really between wails, tears, sniffles, and run-on sentences she was quite pleased with herself.
Snape stared at her in astonishment for a moment, his eyes unreadable. She almost thought she'd scored a victory before he smirked - never a good sign. "You know Miss Granger, I don't believe you know who you're dealing with. Why a formerly halfway intelligent creature like you would drop everything in a pathetic attempt to annoy me is beyond comprehension. I can only assume that you have finally given in to your subconscious Gryffindor need for stupidity and irresponsibility. Unfortunately, I cannot expel you for your behavior. As of yet. However," his voice took a decidedly dangerous tone, "I will not stand back and allow this degrading conduct. I will be watching you Miss Granger, and your friends."
Hermione gulped. She had never heard Snape sound so malicious, even with Harry. 'Come on Hermione, you're a Gryffindor, be brave!' she thought firmly. She forced herself to look Snape in the eyes and couldn't contain her wince. His eyes seemed angry, cruel, and...amused? Was it possible? 'He's enjoying this!'
At this particular revelation she lifted her chin and said firmly "I'm sorry professor, but I don't know what you mean. Are the cauldrons not clean enough? Is something wrong?" She could have sworn his lip twisted at that, but it was probably her imagination.
Snape smirked, oh how she hated that. It made her feel like she had been completely outwitted. And nobody outwitted Hermione Granger. "Well Miss Granger, I can't recall having said anything to you since you arrived. It seems you've been hallucinating. Perhaps we should visit Madam Pomfrey. I'll escort you." And with that he swept to the door, holding it open for her. 'Bloody hell! Madam Pomfrey will definitely take his word over mine, I'll probably be in the infirmary for a week.'
She met Snape's gaze once again and made a point of raising an eyebrow and lifting her chin. "Very well Professor, if you insist. Lead the way." His pleased sneer confirmed that he knew what was going on. 'So, challenge offered, challenge accepted. All right Severus Snape, we'll play your game. Then we'll play mine. But we both know you won't get me expelled.'
"Don't be so sure Miss Granger," he whispered in her ear, "I'm very good at games. And no, you didn't say that out loud." Flourishing his robes, he once again took the lead. 'God, I hate that man!'
"Oh poor dear," came Madam Pomfrey's voice, "where is she Severus?" Hogwarts matron came bustling out into the hallway, caught Hermione by the hand and pulled her into the infirmary and onto a bed. "Hallucinations! Dear heavens above! Well, don't worry child. I'll have you fixed up soon enough. Here now, eat your chocolate," handing Hermione an enormous chunk of dark brown chocolate, "Poor little one. Thank you so much for bringing her Severus, she looks quite dazed. I'll go get her a relaxation potion, I imagine its stress what with N.E.W.T.s and all this year. She always works to hard." And with that she hurried off.
The glare Hermione was giving Snape would have made a centaur cringe. He smirked at her and with a slight nod strode from the room. 'Oh I really, really, hate that man!'
This meant war!
~ ~ ~
Hogsmeade had been great. With Hermione unable to come, Harry and Ron had more freedom than they would usually have had. First, they snuck down to the Hogshead and bought a bottle of Firewhiskey, then they shrunk it and Ron put it in his shirt pocket – just incase Hermione decided to 'check' them when they got back.
Feeling emboldened by this exploit, they headed to 'Weasley's Whizzing Wonderland' to visit Fred, and maybe floo George. Ever since they had left school two years ago, the twin's joke business had boomed, eventually causing them to open another shop in Hogsmeade in addition to the original in Diagon Alley. Everyone who had heard of their exploits came to check them out, and besides that, the twins were truly brilliant when it came to inventing. Their latest gags had included Fizzy Whok – a soda- like drink that fused the mouth of the drinker shut for a full five minutes (this one was even popular with parents who wanted a little peace and quiet around home), Twiddle Dums – lemon flavored candies that made the eater's eyes cross and mouth pucker ('Trick your enemies and delight your friends!'), and Hop Pops – one lick and your bouncing for about ten seconds straight combined with a slight cheering charm ('Perfect for springing away the blues!').
Fred had been delighted with the idea, ("I had no idea our little Hermy could be so despicable! That's swell, about time she had some fun!"), and had flooed George up immediately. George had also been excited, and the two masters of mischief had started searching through their tricks to find something, anything, that might be suitably cruel for Snape yet could be done at least halfway anonymously. After all, they didn't want Snape to have any proof of the evildoer's identities.
"Now," George was saying as he tore through a box of experimental items, "we want to avoid anything to do with potions, no doubt whatsoever that the old bat would catch anything we slipped into his drink or food." "But," Fred continued the sentence, his voice slightly muffled as he tried to get the 'Head wrapper' ('They think it's an ordinary hat, until it won't come off') to let go of his face, "charms are another matter. We checked his test scores when we were in school, for completely innocent reasons of course, and he got an 'Exceeds Expectations' O.W.L. and only an 'Acceptable' N.E.W.T. for charms. No wonder he calls it foolish wand waving, eh?"
When Harry and Ron left they had: the charm from the Hop Pops (they could use it to charm the food he was already eating and it wouldn't change the taste), a charm for changing fabric color, a fake wand that looks like his but explodes in a hundred little hearts when touched (plus each heart multiplies by five every time you try to blast them), a pink 'Head wrapper', a pink and brown teddy bear to use in the 'Chuckles' gag, and an easy curse that would change his nose into a literal beak (like a raven's). Plus tons of advice on how not to get caught. And if Fred and George had happened to slip them an extra bottle of Firewhiskey to share with Neville, Dean, and Sean, well, they weren't to blame, were they?
They had spent so long with the twins that they only had about an hour left before they had to go back to the castle, so the spent it at the Three Broomsticks having butterbeer with Neville and his girlfriend Hannah Abbot, and flirting with Lavender and Parvati. Then, they all trooped back to Hogwarts and dinner.
Harry and Ron weren't worried when Hermione wasn't waiting for them at the door, knowing her she was probably in the library. When she didn't come for dinner though, they began to suspect that something was up. Snape was sneering triumphantly at them from the Head Table, causing them to suspect foul play, or at the very least, something very mean and nasty. This was confirmed when, as he swept past them, he drawled "I do believe Miss Granger has missed dinner. Pity. Apparently she has not yet recovered from her stay in the infirmary. Do give her my wishes for her recuperation." With that, and a nasty sneer, he left. Leaving behind a worried Ron and furious Harry. The pair shared a glance, and with one movement had fled the table and raced for the infirmary.
~ ~ ~
Hermione's time in the infirmary hadn't been too bad. It was peaceful, quiet, and she had looks of books to read. It was also as dull as a tomb, if better furnished. She wondered when the boys would figure out where she was. 'No doubt Snape will rub it in, the ugly git.' Sure enough, she hadn't even finished her dinner-in-bed when the door burst open and Harry and Ron rushed in, tumbling all over themselves with questions. "What happened?" "What did he do?" "Are you all right?" "If he touched you I'll..." "Ugly evil git, the sna..."
"Harry! Ron! I'm fine! If you two would shut up for a moment maybe I'd tell you what happened!" This shut them up quiet nicely, and they waited for her to start. "Before I tell you, I want to know what Fred and George had to say." Harry and Ron emptied their pockets of the papers with the charms and they showed her the head wrapper and wand and how they worked. They explained how the twins had figured out that charms were Snape's weak point, and the advice to avoid anything to do with potions. Then they simply stared at her, saying without words 'your turn you dummy. No more stalling.'
So she told them how she had made Snape nervous by not responding to anything and how he had figured out what she was doing. How he had insulted her and then, when she snapped back at him he had brought her up to Madam Pomfrey and telling the mediwitch that she was having hallucinations. The way he had said he was 'good at games' and how she suspected it might turn into a two-way thing, but she didn't think he would get them expelled. "It would be very bad for his ego if he couldn't outsmart three seventh year Gryffindors, especially if it's us."
The fact that Snape might fight back worried them all a little, but they decided to go ahead anyway. It would be more satisfying if they could outwit Snape at his own game anyway, as long as they were careful. The facts were unanimous; Snape didn't know what he was getting into. It had been quite boring since Voldemort's defeat (not that they wanted back of course) and they had plenty of energy to burn off.
Let the war begin.
Disclaimer: I own a bike, not a Porsche. Ergo, I am not J.K. Rowling.
A/N: Ok, I'm having a good time, aren't you? I know this update is really quick, but while my computer is working, I'm taking advantage, because I never know when it may konk out again. :D I hope you all like and (you know the drill people) R&R.
Crystal56: Don't worry, I'm starting out slow, but teddy bear is coming soon! When do you think I should turn his nose into a beak? (See in story)
And now (drum roll please!)...
Chapter 4
Life was strange. People had always told her she was crazy for taking her work seriously, but now they thought she was crazy because she was having a little fun. True, she had hugged Snape, but that did NOT in any way make her mentally deficient. Ok, maybe a little nutty but nothing too serious! She was glad everyone was going to Hogsmeade and she could stay behind, it was truly amazing how fast rumors spread at Hogwarts. She had even overheard a 5th year Hufflepuff telling a Ravenclaw 6th year that SHE, Hermione Anne Granger – the Brain, had a CRUSH on SNAPE! Of all the insane accusations that had to be the worst...and the most humiliating. She took back that whole "she doesn't care about humiliation because it's payback" thing. That was before she'd heard that.
"Miss Granger, as interesting as that spot on the wall is, it is not necessary for cleaning cauldrons so it really should not be taking up so much of your time. Miss Granger? Miss Granger? What the devil is that the matter with you?"
Ah. Simply staring at him blankly was doing wonders. Amazing how such a simple thing could bother her professor so much. It wasn't on the list, but spontaneity was the spice of life.
"Are you finished Miss Granger? Miss Granger? Are you feeling well?" Oh revenge was sweet. He was looking distinctly uncomfortable and seemed almost, well, concerned really. It was a very disconcerting expression when seen on Snape's face. "Ahem, yes, I'll just check your work shall I?" Was she actually making him nervous? Incredible!
"MISS GRANGER!" Snape shouted, "I don't know what world you're currently visiting, but that will be 50 points from Gryffindor and another days detention on Monday evening!"
Hermione jumped, then, deciding to play up her advantage, fell out of her seat, staring up at Snape. She stuttered and actually managed to tear up a little. "I won't kill Kenny...I love my spiders but...playdough is his favorite color except vomit but Ron doesn't know that Free Willy escaped and ran off with Flipper and Roxanne, and Zeus was heartbroken but David didn't care because I don't care and he's just insensitive and wonderful and so I ate the last bagel and...and...I don't know what to do!" She wailed on the last bit; really between wails, tears, sniffles, and run-on sentences she was quite pleased with herself.
Snape stared at her in astonishment for a moment, his eyes unreadable. She almost thought she'd scored a victory before he smirked - never a good sign. "You know Miss Granger, I don't believe you know who you're dealing with. Why a formerly halfway intelligent creature like you would drop everything in a pathetic attempt to annoy me is beyond comprehension. I can only assume that you have finally given in to your subconscious Gryffindor need for stupidity and irresponsibility. Unfortunately, I cannot expel you for your behavior. As of yet. However," his voice took a decidedly dangerous tone, "I will not stand back and allow this degrading conduct. I will be watching you Miss Granger, and your friends."
Hermione gulped. She had never heard Snape sound so malicious, even with Harry. 'Come on Hermione, you're a Gryffindor, be brave!' she thought firmly. She forced herself to look Snape in the eyes and couldn't contain her wince. His eyes seemed angry, cruel, and...amused? Was it possible? 'He's enjoying this!'
At this particular revelation she lifted her chin and said firmly "I'm sorry professor, but I don't know what you mean. Are the cauldrons not clean enough? Is something wrong?" She could have sworn his lip twisted at that, but it was probably her imagination.
Snape smirked, oh how she hated that. It made her feel like she had been completely outwitted. And nobody outwitted Hermione Granger. "Well Miss Granger, I can't recall having said anything to you since you arrived. It seems you've been hallucinating. Perhaps we should visit Madam Pomfrey. I'll escort you." And with that he swept to the door, holding it open for her. 'Bloody hell! Madam Pomfrey will definitely take his word over mine, I'll probably be in the infirmary for a week.'
She met Snape's gaze once again and made a point of raising an eyebrow and lifting her chin. "Very well Professor, if you insist. Lead the way." His pleased sneer confirmed that he knew what was going on. 'So, challenge offered, challenge accepted. All right Severus Snape, we'll play your game. Then we'll play mine. But we both know you won't get me expelled.'
"Don't be so sure Miss Granger," he whispered in her ear, "I'm very good at games. And no, you didn't say that out loud." Flourishing his robes, he once again took the lead. 'God, I hate that man!'
"Oh poor dear," came Madam Pomfrey's voice, "where is she Severus?" Hogwarts matron came bustling out into the hallway, caught Hermione by the hand and pulled her into the infirmary and onto a bed. "Hallucinations! Dear heavens above! Well, don't worry child. I'll have you fixed up soon enough. Here now, eat your chocolate," handing Hermione an enormous chunk of dark brown chocolate, "Poor little one. Thank you so much for bringing her Severus, she looks quite dazed. I'll go get her a relaxation potion, I imagine its stress what with N.E.W.T.s and all this year. She always works to hard." And with that she hurried off.
The glare Hermione was giving Snape would have made a centaur cringe. He smirked at her and with a slight nod strode from the room. 'Oh I really, really, hate that man!'
This meant war!
~ ~ ~
Hogsmeade had been great. With Hermione unable to come, Harry and Ron had more freedom than they would usually have had. First, they snuck down to the Hogshead and bought a bottle of Firewhiskey, then they shrunk it and Ron put it in his shirt pocket – just incase Hermione decided to 'check' them when they got back.
Feeling emboldened by this exploit, they headed to 'Weasley's Whizzing Wonderland' to visit Fred, and maybe floo George. Ever since they had left school two years ago, the twin's joke business had boomed, eventually causing them to open another shop in Hogsmeade in addition to the original in Diagon Alley. Everyone who had heard of their exploits came to check them out, and besides that, the twins were truly brilliant when it came to inventing. Their latest gags had included Fizzy Whok – a soda- like drink that fused the mouth of the drinker shut for a full five minutes (this one was even popular with parents who wanted a little peace and quiet around home), Twiddle Dums – lemon flavored candies that made the eater's eyes cross and mouth pucker ('Trick your enemies and delight your friends!'), and Hop Pops – one lick and your bouncing for about ten seconds straight combined with a slight cheering charm ('Perfect for springing away the blues!').
Fred had been delighted with the idea, ("I had no idea our little Hermy could be so despicable! That's swell, about time she had some fun!"), and had flooed George up immediately. George had also been excited, and the two masters of mischief had started searching through their tricks to find something, anything, that might be suitably cruel for Snape yet could be done at least halfway anonymously. After all, they didn't want Snape to have any proof of the evildoer's identities.
"Now," George was saying as he tore through a box of experimental items, "we want to avoid anything to do with potions, no doubt whatsoever that the old bat would catch anything we slipped into his drink or food." "But," Fred continued the sentence, his voice slightly muffled as he tried to get the 'Head wrapper' ('They think it's an ordinary hat, until it won't come off') to let go of his face, "charms are another matter. We checked his test scores when we were in school, for completely innocent reasons of course, and he got an 'Exceeds Expectations' O.W.L. and only an 'Acceptable' N.E.W.T. for charms. No wonder he calls it foolish wand waving, eh?"
When Harry and Ron left they had: the charm from the Hop Pops (they could use it to charm the food he was already eating and it wouldn't change the taste), a charm for changing fabric color, a fake wand that looks like his but explodes in a hundred little hearts when touched (plus each heart multiplies by five every time you try to blast them), a pink 'Head wrapper', a pink and brown teddy bear to use in the 'Chuckles' gag, and an easy curse that would change his nose into a literal beak (like a raven's). Plus tons of advice on how not to get caught. And if Fred and George had happened to slip them an extra bottle of Firewhiskey to share with Neville, Dean, and Sean, well, they weren't to blame, were they?
They had spent so long with the twins that they only had about an hour left before they had to go back to the castle, so the spent it at the Three Broomsticks having butterbeer with Neville and his girlfriend Hannah Abbot, and flirting with Lavender and Parvati. Then, they all trooped back to Hogwarts and dinner.
Harry and Ron weren't worried when Hermione wasn't waiting for them at the door, knowing her she was probably in the library. When she didn't come for dinner though, they began to suspect that something was up. Snape was sneering triumphantly at them from the Head Table, causing them to suspect foul play, or at the very least, something very mean and nasty. This was confirmed when, as he swept past them, he drawled "I do believe Miss Granger has missed dinner. Pity. Apparently she has not yet recovered from her stay in the infirmary. Do give her my wishes for her recuperation." With that, and a nasty sneer, he left. Leaving behind a worried Ron and furious Harry. The pair shared a glance, and with one movement had fled the table and raced for the infirmary.
~ ~ ~
Hermione's time in the infirmary hadn't been too bad. It was peaceful, quiet, and she had looks of books to read. It was also as dull as a tomb, if better furnished. She wondered when the boys would figure out where she was. 'No doubt Snape will rub it in, the ugly git.' Sure enough, she hadn't even finished her dinner-in-bed when the door burst open and Harry and Ron rushed in, tumbling all over themselves with questions. "What happened?" "What did he do?" "Are you all right?" "If he touched you I'll..." "Ugly evil git, the sna..."
"Harry! Ron! I'm fine! If you two would shut up for a moment maybe I'd tell you what happened!" This shut them up quiet nicely, and they waited for her to start. "Before I tell you, I want to know what Fred and George had to say." Harry and Ron emptied their pockets of the papers with the charms and they showed her the head wrapper and wand and how they worked. They explained how the twins had figured out that charms were Snape's weak point, and the advice to avoid anything to do with potions. Then they simply stared at her, saying without words 'your turn you dummy. No more stalling.'
So she told them how she had made Snape nervous by not responding to anything and how he had figured out what she was doing. How he had insulted her and then, when she snapped back at him he had brought her up to Madam Pomfrey and telling the mediwitch that she was having hallucinations. The way he had said he was 'good at games' and how she suspected it might turn into a two-way thing, but she didn't think he would get them expelled. "It would be very bad for his ego if he couldn't outsmart three seventh year Gryffindors, especially if it's us."
The fact that Snape might fight back worried them all a little, but they decided to go ahead anyway. It would be more satisfying if they could outwit Snape at his own game anyway, as long as they were careful. The facts were unanimous; Snape didn't know what he was getting into. It had been quite boring since Voldemort's defeat (not that they wanted back of course) and they had plenty of energy to burn off.
Let the war begin.