Only To Watch Him Fall
There he was. He was really there, standing with his back to us. He wasn't some apparition, he was the real thing. He hadn't aged; he looked exactly as he did the last time I saw him. But... his energetic and arrogant flare had vanished, leaving something humble and accepting in it's place.
All this time I knew we'd come to meet, but seeing him standing there, real and solid, words would not form. My emotions could not make up their mind on what to settle on and memories... pictures in flashes, caused me to slightly stagger as I approached him. I found myself stopping short. Doubt and uncertainty began to fill me. I could feel the other's eyes on me, but I could not take mine off him.
Auron did not stop. He walked a few steps farther than I... A sort of melancholic happiness emitting from him. A sense of peace, but unrest... It was almost as if he walked further to shield me-- us-- from something... Like reality, the cold and harsh truth.
"You're late Auron."
My eyes refocused with intensity upon him. His gruff, yet somber voice made the situation painfully real to me. This wasn't like the Farplane where things called pyroflies only mimicked what the dead looked like... He was really here, waiting to be killed once and for all... By his son.
"I know," Auron replied almost apologetically. He bowed his head slightly, but like me he seemed unable to look away for very long. Perhaps, it was because he knew this would be, if we were truly successful, the last time we'd see him.
Then, he turned, his eyes fixed on me and what seemed to be a small, sad smile on his face.
"Hey."
Somehow, in a forced cheerful tone I managed to squeak a deformed 'hi.' The words had been caught in my throat as my emotions ran rampant. I had thought about what I'd say to him if I ever saw him again so many times, but all those practiced speeches had fled my mind. None of them seemed to matter anymore.
He nervously laughed, hand on hip, before going on to say in an amused voice, "You got tall, but you're all bones!" After a moment he adopted a serious, as if a caring one, "You eating right, boy?"
He paused, looking me over with regrettable eyes, "You've really grown..."
Images flashed though my mind. I had always been looking up at him and his unruly hair. I remembered one time-- the only time, when I held his rough hand and in my young mind compared the sizes of his and mine. I remembered then looking up at him and to me he seemed to be as tall and as proud as a mountain, enthusiastically talking with my mother. He was always going to be the bigger one, whether it was the bigger idiot, hero... enemy....
"Yeah... But you're still bigger," I replied in an off hand kind of way. I forced the emotions, the sensations egging on tears, as far down as they'd go.
"Well... I am Sin you know," he responded, a lopsided grin in his sardonic tone.
"That's not funny," I stated looking down at my feet, trying to pull myself together as best I could.
He chuckled and after a minute he began to rap up the conversation.
"Well, then... I mean... you know," he nervously scratched his neck before cracking his knuckles. In a more somber, but determined voice stated, "Let's end this."
"Dad?" I found myself asking for his attention. I... I didn't want this to be the last time... The only time... But I half expected him to hear me with how quietly I had spoken. He did though.
"Yup?"
"I hate you," I stated quietly. I had finally done it, after all those years I was finally able to tell him... Even if they were no longer as true as they once had been.
He looked pained for a moment before chuckling again with a couple of 'I know, I know's. He understood, or I would like to believe he understood both meanings: the blatant and the secret. I couldn't face him. A lump had begun to form in my throat and I could feel the annoying sting of tears in my eyes. I shut them, forcing them down.
"You know what you have to do," he said with a piercing stare.
I swallowed and after a moment I looked up at him, "Yeah."
He looked beyond me, a sort of far off look in his yes. I wondered if he could even see Yuna and the others.
"I... I can't hear the Hymn so well anymore..." He focused on me again, a serious look on his face. "Pretty soon I'm gonna be Sin. Completely."
I dropped my eyes slightly again, but before I could get too muddled with my memories and my commands to my emotions he quietly added, "I'm glad you're here now."
I stared and he held my eyes for a moment before going on to advise how to win this final battle. I dropped my eyes again. I couldn't take it anymore. It was making it that much harder to accept. Amongst the rising grief I could feel my childhood anger for him resurfacing. How could he put me through this?! How did he get away with putting all his blunders on me and then expect me to make them right?!
"I'm sorry."
"Th-that's enough!" I choked out. I shook my head, tightly shutting my eyes to keep the tears from spilling before peering at him again, "Let's finish this, okay?"
My voice had cracked and even now I half expected him to tell me to quit being a crybaby. But he didn't. Instead he crossed his arms and said softly, "You're right."
He looked at me one final time before he turned his back to us again, quickly walking to the edge of the circular platform. All we could do was watch, but my feet itched to go after him. I wanted to make him stop, I wanted to suggest that maybe there was another way, we could figure one out... But he kept walking and I continued to watch, unsure of what to do... Or what to feel.
Once at the edge, he turned menacingly, lifting his arms over his head and bellowed, "Let's go!"
A shock of power rippled though the air, sending everyone off balance. Steadying myself, I saw him, surrounded by a weird light and walking backwards in a painful grimace to the edge. Before I realized what I was doing I felt myself running towards him. "There has to be another way!" I thought, "We'd find another way to defeat Sin!"
I outstretched my hand, but I wasn't going to make it, he was already at the edge. I had run towards him unable to accept that this was my story. My story would.... my story would have a happy ending! But when I made it to the edge he was falling, his eyes now devoid of any human emotion.
I had run only to watch him fall.
The End.