A/N: it's been like a month since I updated, and I apologize profusely for it. My life has been CRAZY. I started work, and I'm taking a class so I can earn more money as a swimming teacher. It tons of work, and I've been sick, and gone on vacation...enough excuses, I'm sorry XP. Feel free to review...and yell at me XD.
Chapter 25
After Kelsey had been brought back to camp and severely punished for running away from an insanely angry dwarf (she had to give him her remote control car from Costco), the group of travelers went to sleep. For like 4 hours. Then, they were roused to begin preparations for their journey. Luckily, the three girls had bought caffeinated coffee caffeine pills from Costco, so they actually were not crabby. Kelsey actually wore a shirt that reflected this. 'instant human: just add coffee'
This caused much anxiety for some elves who had tried the magical coffee mints. Somehow they thought they would turn into humans. It was actually quite amusing to watch people who were hundreds of years old run around screaming, flailing their arms in quite a good imitation of the sperm dance...
So after hours of preparation, Galadriel gathered them to give them their gifts. Everyone got the fancy cloaks and pins; Aragorn got the brooch, Legolas the bow, Gimli the hair...freak dwarf... Boromir that thing I cant remember (A/N: cookie to who can tell me!), Sam got the dirt...fun... Frodo got the shiny light in a bottle, and Merry and Pippin got the pointy knives that burn with the fires of a thousand Popsicles (A/N: evils was getting old) And last but not least (of course), Carolyn received a book series by her favorite author, which she squealed in delight over (apparently they hadn't even been published yet), Jenneva got brownies, and Kelsey ended up with a necklace with a variation of the leaves of Lorien. Additionally, all three girls received a bag from Victoria's Secret, accompanied by a smirk from Galadriel. Those were received with blushes and quickly hidden.
Finally the group left in the fancy boats. At first, the three girls got their own boat. Then, when it was apparent they sucked at canoeing (even though they had gone the year before), they were split up. Kelsey ended up with Legolas and Gimli; luckily Gimli was very pleased with the remote control car and no longer angry with Kelsey. Otherwise, it would have been an uncomfortable boat trip. Carolyn went with Boromir and Merry and Pippin, and Jenneva with Aragorn and Frodo and Sam.
Canoeing, canoeing, canoeing...
So finally, after 15 minutes of complaining (Jenneva had to pee, she is tiny), the group stopped and set ashore. Frodo and Boromir went off to gather firewood for a fire. This was the girls' cue. They grabbed the amazing collapsible box, and sneaked off after Boromir.
Angry Boromir: Gimme the ring, I want it!
Angry Frodo: No its mine, you cant have it! disappears
Angry Boromir: Pouts
Enamored Carolyn: He's SOOOO cute when he pouts!
Annoyed Jen and Kelsey: roll eyes and beat Carolyn over the head
So now that Boromir was alone, the girls took the opportunity to try and save his life. They had set up the box and disguised it with some brush. Now, Carolyn just had to lure him inside. Now Carolyn ventured out of hiding to put their scheme to work.
"Hey, Borry, what's up," asked Carolyn.
Boromir sighed. "I think Frodo will betray us and give the ring to the enemy"
"No! He wouldn't do that, he's a good little hobbit."
Boromir didn't look convinced, so Carolyn tried a more direct route to get him in the box.
"Let's go have comfort sex."
Boromir just looked at her, but quickly complied. Carolyn snickered inside, but Kelsey and Jenneva had heard her. They weren't about to get her off the hook quite as soon as Carolyn thought they would.
So Carolyn led Boromir to the box, and he was so focused on what was to come he didn't even notice the 'ACME' sign on it. As soon as Boromir was in the box, she prepared to leap out at the prepared signal. It didn't come. She had no choice but to follow along with what she had told Boromir. Silently cursing Kelsey and Jenneva, the makeout session began. Boromir was just unzipping Carolyn's coat (Carolyn couldn't help but cringe at the thought) when the signal came. Jenneva and Kelsey sang the song form the elephant scene in Moulin rouge. Kelsey had almost killed Carolyn when she picked the signal.
Carolyn scrambled out of the box as the door slid down, trapping Boromir. He started yelling, so Kelsey threw a powder (from Galadriel, of course) into his face. He immediately passed out. After high fives, the girls began to haul Boromir's box up. There was a rope slung over some branches overhead, which the girls used as a pulley system. Their dreaded physics teacher would have been proud, which made the girls cringe.
So once Boromir was up in his tree, safe in sound, the girls headed back to camp, which was deserted. They decided to wait for the battle to be over, so they sat down. After ten minutes, no one had come back.
"Hey guys," said Carolyn. "What if they left already, thinking we were taken with Merry and Pippin.
"Shit!" said Kelsey. I cant be taken away form my-"
"Hot, sexy hot elven prince. We know, Kelsey," said Carolyn and Jenneva in unison. (They had practiced)
Kelsey pouted.
"Why don't we split up to find them," suggested Jenneva (the practical one).
So the girls split up. But before they had gotten very far, each of the girls was overrun by orcs.
Gasp, what will happen to the girls? Will Boromir just sit there until the war of the ring is over? Where is Fabio? Find out next time (and it will be soon, I promise!)