Disclaimer: Unless JK Rowling dies and wills the rights to Harry Potter to
me (a strange thing for her to do considering she's never met me) I don't
think I'll ever own them.
22, September, 12: 38, Commonroom,
Romp to the bar with Sirius turned out to be more fun then I had anticipated. We did almost get caught by the fuzz (I have decided to revive this word) during our sneak out to the Quidditch supply closet to snitch some brooms (apparently you can't disapparate on Hogwart's grounds) but other then that there were no moments when I second guessed my decision to go.
Remus Lupin, the third member of our party, turned out to be one of the most likable people I have ever met and the music was great too. Sirius and I even danced a few times and he was actually a pretty good partner. He didn't smell or try to grope me or anything and he danced well.
But life of course couldn't be all good: Chris S. has been very quiet which is the worst sign ever. I mean the only possible reason she isn't throwing a complete hissy fit is that she's out plotting a very painful and humiliating revenge for yours truly.
It's the calm before the storm, the deep breath before the plunge, , the silence before the guillotine falls. And it's scaring me shitless. Or maybe I'm so scared because I can no long pass Sirius off as just a silly physical attraction.
I mean as a general rule people are more interesting before they open their mouth because before that they could be anyone or completely perfect but not so with Sirius. In fact I like him more then I did before: not a good sign, especially since he just wants into my pants.
22, September, 7: 31, Dormitory,
Lily and I played a word association game she got out of one of some terminally geeky muggle science magazine. The rules were you were supposed to say the first thing that came to your mind when you looked at certain words. It went a little something like this:
Play....Game
The Holocaust...Swastika
Revenge...Knife
Sausage...Aliens
"What?" Lily said.
"Sausage sounds like saucer to me." I said.
"You are really weird." Lily said.
Scotland...Bagpipes
True...False
Friend...Lilly
Lily broke in here to tell me how flattered she was. "No, actually I meant like Lilly the flower." I told her and she beaned me on the head with a pillow.
The Great Depression...Ice Cream
Black...White
Lover...Hover
Unfortunately none of my answers really fit well with any of their suggestions so Lily took it into her own capable hands and pronounced me obsessive compulsive with a side dish of mild paranoia. "You've already told me that." I said. "And I wish you'd stop reading psychology books."
And then we nicked all Emma's back issues of Teen Witch and read aloud to each other the ways to improve your kissing expertise.
23, September, 12: 12, Dormitory,
Every summer since before I can remember my parents have haul me out to the country to see my grandmother. Cousin Rosie, Aunt Cathy, Aunt Margaret and Uncle Harry were always there as well so there was never much to do, except when Uncle Paul came.
Paul was with out a doubt my favorite uncle, probably because of our tacit understanding that as the oddballs of the family we had to either stick together or conform. We used to lay out on the roof with the skylight open and the old hi-fi on down below and listen to his Jimi Hendrix records.
Purple Haze all around
Don't know if I'm comin' up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
What ever it is, that girl put a spell on me
That song was one of my favorites even when I was too little to understand the meaning of the words. I loved the feeling, the melody, the story behind them. But then when I was about seven years old he stopped coming. It was a devastating blow at the time when I thought he must have abandoned me because no one would tell me why he left.
But then one summer, I don't remember which but I must have been about eight, I was laying on the roof wishing he were with me when my eye was caught by a shoebox hidden behind the chimney and sheltered by an eve.
I hastily freed it from where it had been secured with some twine and lifted the lid. In it was a note from my uncle, explaining how he had quarreled with my grandmother, he wasn't going to call because my mother had asked him not to and didn't know when he'd see me again. Beneath the faded note was my favorite Jefferson Starship tape and three sticks of my Wiggley's, my favorite ever gum.
Slowly I lifted the precious things out, smiling brightly. On the bottom of the box in my uncles elegant handwriting was written this:
'Cause I've got my own world to live through and uh, huh
And I ain't gonna copy you.
White collar conservative flashin' down the street
Pointin' their plastic finger at me, ha !
They're hopin' soon my kind will drop and die but uh
I'm gonna wave my freak flag high, high !
I think that was the beginning of the end for me and my parents.
23, September, 2: 56, Commonroom,
So I was in the library doing my Arithmancy homework when I suddenly became aware of the conversation going on behind me between my cousin and one of her girlfriends (not Chris S.). "Don't you like totally think that Sirius is soooo cuuute?" Her friend said. For some reason I got the feeling she wasn't a Ravenclaw like Rosie.
I couldn't help my self I snorted loudly. "Like totally." I said just loud enough for them to hear.
"What was that Emily?" Rosie whirled around to face me. I noticed she didn't call me cousin in front of her friends like she did in front of mine.
I looked up from my endless list of figures. "Nothing, I didn't say anything." I lied.
Rosie looked like she might slit my throat at any moment. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to join our conversation? I heard you two looked pretty cozy at Hogsmead." It sounded like an accusation.
"Please, Sirius and I are just friends." I told her. "He has a girlfriend." I lied.
She more interested at that but somehow not less murderous. "And who might that be?" She asked, a quiet sort of venom lacing her voice.
"I've never met her, she doesn't go to Hogwarts." I said simply.
"Oh? She doesn't go to Hogwarts?" Rosie sounded incredulous. "And what pray tell is her name?"
I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach. I was a practiced liar but I couldn't' make up names on the spot. "Hmmmm...Hannawa." I choked out. Hannawa? What kind of car wreak in my mind could have produced that?
"Hannawa?" Rosie said triumphantly.
"Mmmm." I said nodding my head. "Hannawa."
"She sounds like a lovely girl." Rosie said sarcastically.
"Apparently she is, they're quiet in love you know."
I think my intelligence might be broken.
Hannawa indeed.
24, September, 5: 58, Commonroom,
There is this big pain just below my shoulder blade. It sort of feels like some put a BUTCHER KNIFE THERE! First Chris S. turned traitor and now the other one is at it too! Do you have any idea what I just caught the little wanker doing?
SNOGGING!
That's right snogging! No one tells me ANYTHING anymore!
See I was walking back from my extended tutorial with James, or actually hobbling because I had to pee so badly when I spotted Moaning Myrtle's toilette and decided that I'd rather deal with her then have to go back the common room after wetting my pants.
I had just finished up when the door opened. I quickly pulled my feet up onto the toilette (a habit left over from the summer I read every single Nancy Drew book in the library) and was very still. I knew what was happening because they were both giggling and then a few seconds later there was that horrifying smacking noise of two lips.
Normally I would have just stayed like that, to embarrassed to emerge but all of the sudden I realized that I knew one of those giggles. I charged from the cubicle! "CHRISTOPHER LOUIS FARIUS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I roared stopping them dead in their tracks.
They both looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train. And that was when I recognized the other bloke: Kevin Knowell! That was also the moment I realized what, exactly, I had done and fled from the bathroom.
I need to stop thinking about this. More later.
24, September, 8: 54, Commornroom,
Chris and I just walked around the lake for almost three hours. It was me who wanted to go out there. I hate fighting in front of people. "I thought you were okay with my being queer." He said quietly when we were out by the farthest end and well out of ear shot.
I scrunched up my face. "I'm not mad about that. Shag whoever you want Chris, but I do wish you'd told me about it. I thought you trusted me." I explained.
He sighed deeply, looking more serious and more stressed then I had ever thought possible. "I know, it's been killing me not to tell you and Lil about us but Kevin asked me not to. I'm out of the closet but he isn't and his parents aren't like mine. They actually considered kicking him out of the house for being put in Ravenclaw and not Slytherin." He said. "But if it's any consolation I'm sorry."
Well that made me feel like complete shit. "No it's okay Chris, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I freaked out about this but I'm sorry all right?" I apologized.
"Thanks Em." He looked so happy as he swept me up into a hug.
"Yeah get off of me." I said playfully shoving him away. "Now tell me everything." For some reason as Chris F. related his story to me (they had been going out for almost two years!) I felt like some weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I sort of want to confront Lily about James Potter.
My Way:
1) Omerta= always a good idea
2) Never date a woman with more then one cats
3) Always kill the scientists
4) Nazis always make a movie just that much cooler
25, September, 11: 21, Transfiguration,
I passed Lily this note in Potions (Gryffindor courage my ass, I was to cowardly to ask her in person. I swear I'm like one of those people who breaks up on the phone, I hate those people!)
Me: Do you fancy James Potter?
Lily: I think so
Me: What do you mean you think so?
Lily: I mean I'm not sure. I always thought he was a stupid prat but lately he's been acting nicer and I dunno, he doesn't seem to annoy me like every other boy (except of course for Chris F.) on the face of the planet does.
Me: Why didn't you tell me this?
Lily: I told you, I'm not even really sure I like him yet. Besides I was a little embarrassed, you know, after spending all those years complaining to you about him. Will you forgive me?
Me: Will you name your first born child after me?
Lily: What if it's a boy?
Me: Then name it Emmeric
Lily: No
Me: Please?
Lily: Docent' that violate some provision of the Geneva Convention? I could be tried for crimes against humanity!
Me: All right I'll forgive you anyway. But don't ever do it again all right!
Lily: Yes ma'am... So you're really okay with this?
Me: Yeah, sure, James is nice. He's been helping me out with my Arithmancy homework, I'd love for you two to get together. Just tell me every little detail from now on.
And then Lily drew a picture of Professor Demer with his head on fire, which unfortunately he confiscated while I was in possession of it and made me stay after class. I though he was maybe going to eat me alive or decapitate me and put my heads on pikes to warn the other students but instead he gave me detention.
What sort of spiteful deity must be watching over my life.
25, September, 3: 51, Arithmancy
Life is so much shit. I passed the quiz Professor Nor handed back today but only with a seventy two which isn't going to bring my grade up much and worst of all I promised to meet with Kevin Knowell and Chris F. today. I can just see it now. 'Oh hey Kevin, yeah that was me the screaming freak girl who ran out of the bathroom' or 'No I can't say I've ever slashed my wrists just to see how much it bleeds but I'll take your word for it.'
Things I hope I never hear:
1) "You seriously didn't know that was poisonous?"
2) "I'm sorry but your mother and I have decided to sell you to Nike as slave labor."
3) "Umm I think that stuff you're standing in is sewage."
4) "Uhhh, no, if the strips turn pink that means you ARE pregnant."
5) "Did I mention I have the Ebola Virus?"
AN: Revies=more story=more revies=more story...you get the picture, it's all just a big loop. Kind of like the circle of life but less demented.
22, September, 12: 38, Commonroom,
Romp to the bar with Sirius turned out to be more fun then I had anticipated. We did almost get caught by the fuzz (I have decided to revive this word) during our sneak out to the Quidditch supply closet to snitch some brooms (apparently you can't disapparate on Hogwart's grounds) but other then that there were no moments when I second guessed my decision to go.
Remus Lupin, the third member of our party, turned out to be one of the most likable people I have ever met and the music was great too. Sirius and I even danced a few times and he was actually a pretty good partner. He didn't smell or try to grope me or anything and he danced well.
But life of course couldn't be all good: Chris S. has been very quiet which is the worst sign ever. I mean the only possible reason she isn't throwing a complete hissy fit is that she's out plotting a very painful and humiliating revenge for yours truly.
It's the calm before the storm, the deep breath before the plunge, , the silence before the guillotine falls. And it's scaring me shitless. Or maybe I'm so scared because I can no long pass Sirius off as just a silly physical attraction.
I mean as a general rule people are more interesting before they open their mouth because before that they could be anyone or completely perfect but not so with Sirius. In fact I like him more then I did before: not a good sign, especially since he just wants into my pants.
22, September, 7: 31, Dormitory,
Lily and I played a word association game she got out of one of some terminally geeky muggle science magazine. The rules were you were supposed to say the first thing that came to your mind when you looked at certain words. It went a little something like this:
Play....Game
The Holocaust...Swastika
Revenge...Knife
Sausage...Aliens
"What?" Lily said.
"Sausage sounds like saucer to me." I said.
"You are really weird." Lily said.
Scotland...Bagpipes
True...False
Friend...Lilly
Lily broke in here to tell me how flattered she was. "No, actually I meant like Lilly the flower." I told her and she beaned me on the head with a pillow.
The Great Depression...Ice Cream
Black...White
Lover...Hover
Unfortunately none of my answers really fit well with any of their suggestions so Lily took it into her own capable hands and pronounced me obsessive compulsive with a side dish of mild paranoia. "You've already told me that." I said. "And I wish you'd stop reading psychology books."
And then we nicked all Emma's back issues of Teen Witch and read aloud to each other the ways to improve your kissing expertise.
23, September, 12: 12, Dormitory,
Every summer since before I can remember my parents have haul me out to the country to see my grandmother. Cousin Rosie, Aunt Cathy, Aunt Margaret and Uncle Harry were always there as well so there was never much to do, except when Uncle Paul came.
Paul was with out a doubt my favorite uncle, probably because of our tacit understanding that as the oddballs of the family we had to either stick together or conform. We used to lay out on the roof with the skylight open and the old hi-fi on down below and listen to his Jimi Hendrix records.
Purple Haze all around
Don't know if I'm comin' up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
What ever it is, that girl put a spell on me
That song was one of my favorites even when I was too little to understand the meaning of the words. I loved the feeling, the melody, the story behind them. But then when I was about seven years old he stopped coming. It was a devastating blow at the time when I thought he must have abandoned me because no one would tell me why he left.
But then one summer, I don't remember which but I must have been about eight, I was laying on the roof wishing he were with me when my eye was caught by a shoebox hidden behind the chimney and sheltered by an eve.
I hastily freed it from where it had been secured with some twine and lifted the lid. In it was a note from my uncle, explaining how he had quarreled with my grandmother, he wasn't going to call because my mother had asked him not to and didn't know when he'd see me again. Beneath the faded note was my favorite Jefferson Starship tape and three sticks of my Wiggley's, my favorite ever gum.
Slowly I lifted the precious things out, smiling brightly. On the bottom of the box in my uncles elegant handwriting was written this:
'Cause I've got my own world to live through and uh, huh
And I ain't gonna copy you.
White collar conservative flashin' down the street
Pointin' their plastic finger at me, ha !
They're hopin' soon my kind will drop and die but uh
I'm gonna wave my freak flag high, high !
I think that was the beginning of the end for me and my parents.
23, September, 2: 56, Commonroom,
So I was in the library doing my Arithmancy homework when I suddenly became aware of the conversation going on behind me between my cousin and one of her girlfriends (not Chris S.). "Don't you like totally think that Sirius is soooo cuuute?" Her friend said. For some reason I got the feeling she wasn't a Ravenclaw like Rosie.
I couldn't help my self I snorted loudly. "Like totally." I said just loud enough for them to hear.
"What was that Emily?" Rosie whirled around to face me. I noticed she didn't call me cousin in front of her friends like she did in front of mine.
I looked up from my endless list of figures. "Nothing, I didn't say anything." I lied.
Rosie looked like she might slit my throat at any moment. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to join our conversation? I heard you two looked pretty cozy at Hogsmead." It sounded like an accusation.
"Please, Sirius and I are just friends." I told her. "He has a girlfriend." I lied.
She more interested at that but somehow not less murderous. "And who might that be?" She asked, a quiet sort of venom lacing her voice.
"I've never met her, she doesn't go to Hogwarts." I said simply.
"Oh? She doesn't go to Hogwarts?" Rosie sounded incredulous. "And what pray tell is her name?"
I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach. I was a practiced liar but I couldn't' make up names on the spot. "Hmmmm...Hannawa." I choked out. Hannawa? What kind of car wreak in my mind could have produced that?
"Hannawa?" Rosie said triumphantly.
"Mmmm." I said nodding my head. "Hannawa."
"She sounds like a lovely girl." Rosie said sarcastically.
"Apparently she is, they're quiet in love you know."
I think my intelligence might be broken.
Hannawa indeed.
24, September, 5: 58, Commonroom,
There is this big pain just below my shoulder blade. It sort of feels like some put a BUTCHER KNIFE THERE! First Chris S. turned traitor and now the other one is at it too! Do you have any idea what I just caught the little wanker doing?
SNOGGING!
That's right snogging! No one tells me ANYTHING anymore!
See I was walking back from my extended tutorial with James, or actually hobbling because I had to pee so badly when I spotted Moaning Myrtle's toilette and decided that I'd rather deal with her then have to go back the common room after wetting my pants.
I had just finished up when the door opened. I quickly pulled my feet up onto the toilette (a habit left over from the summer I read every single Nancy Drew book in the library) and was very still. I knew what was happening because they were both giggling and then a few seconds later there was that horrifying smacking noise of two lips.
Normally I would have just stayed like that, to embarrassed to emerge but all of the sudden I realized that I knew one of those giggles. I charged from the cubicle! "CHRISTOPHER LOUIS FARIUS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I roared stopping them dead in their tracks.
They both looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train. And that was when I recognized the other bloke: Kevin Knowell! That was also the moment I realized what, exactly, I had done and fled from the bathroom.
I need to stop thinking about this. More later.
24, September, 8: 54, Commornroom,
Chris and I just walked around the lake for almost three hours. It was me who wanted to go out there. I hate fighting in front of people. "I thought you were okay with my being queer." He said quietly when we were out by the farthest end and well out of ear shot.
I scrunched up my face. "I'm not mad about that. Shag whoever you want Chris, but I do wish you'd told me about it. I thought you trusted me." I explained.
He sighed deeply, looking more serious and more stressed then I had ever thought possible. "I know, it's been killing me not to tell you and Lil about us but Kevin asked me not to. I'm out of the closet but he isn't and his parents aren't like mine. They actually considered kicking him out of the house for being put in Ravenclaw and not Slytherin." He said. "But if it's any consolation I'm sorry."
Well that made me feel like complete shit. "No it's okay Chris, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I freaked out about this but I'm sorry all right?" I apologized.
"Thanks Em." He looked so happy as he swept me up into a hug.
"Yeah get off of me." I said playfully shoving him away. "Now tell me everything." For some reason as Chris F. related his story to me (they had been going out for almost two years!) I felt like some weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I sort of want to confront Lily about James Potter.
My Way:
1) Omerta= always a good idea
2) Never date a woman with more then one cats
3) Always kill the scientists
4) Nazis always make a movie just that much cooler
25, September, 11: 21, Transfiguration,
I passed Lily this note in Potions (Gryffindor courage my ass, I was to cowardly to ask her in person. I swear I'm like one of those people who breaks up on the phone, I hate those people!)
Me: Do you fancy James Potter?
Lily: I think so
Me: What do you mean you think so?
Lily: I mean I'm not sure. I always thought he was a stupid prat but lately he's been acting nicer and I dunno, he doesn't seem to annoy me like every other boy (except of course for Chris F.) on the face of the planet does.
Me: Why didn't you tell me this?
Lily: I told you, I'm not even really sure I like him yet. Besides I was a little embarrassed, you know, after spending all those years complaining to you about him. Will you forgive me?
Me: Will you name your first born child after me?
Lily: What if it's a boy?
Me: Then name it Emmeric
Lily: No
Me: Please?
Lily: Docent' that violate some provision of the Geneva Convention? I could be tried for crimes against humanity!
Me: All right I'll forgive you anyway. But don't ever do it again all right!
Lily: Yes ma'am... So you're really okay with this?
Me: Yeah, sure, James is nice. He's been helping me out with my Arithmancy homework, I'd love for you two to get together. Just tell me every little detail from now on.
And then Lily drew a picture of Professor Demer with his head on fire, which unfortunately he confiscated while I was in possession of it and made me stay after class. I though he was maybe going to eat me alive or decapitate me and put my heads on pikes to warn the other students but instead he gave me detention.
What sort of spiteful deity must be watching over my life.
25, September, 3: 51, Arithmancy
Life is so much shit. I passed the quiz Professor Nor handed back today but only with a seventy two which isn't going to bring my grade up much and worst of all I promised to meet with Kevin Knowell and Chris F. today. I can just see it now. 'Oh hey Kevin, yeah that was me the screaming freak girl who ran out of the bathroom' or 'No I can't say I've ever slashed my wrists just to see how much it bleeds but I'll take your word for it.'
Things I hope I never hear:
1) "You seriously didn't know that was poisonous?"
2) "I'm sorry but your mother and I have decided to sell you to Nike as slave labor."
3) "Umm I think that stuff you're standing in is sewage."
4) "Uhhh, no, if the strips turn pink that means you ARE pregnant."
5) "Did I mention I have the Ebola Virus?"
AN: Revies=more story=more revies=more story...you get the picture, it's all just a big loop. Kind of like the circle of life but less demented.