Disclaimer: They aren't mine. I'm impatiently awaiting book 6. I wish it were here. *WWAAAHHH!!!! sniff* I'm okay now.

A/N: I'm sorry this has taken so long, I've rewritten this twice, and though I'm not completely satisfied with it, I thought y'all might revolt if I took any longer. So! Here you go. Also, I NEED HELP! I need more tricks for Snape to play on Hermione, so any ideas are appreciated. Thanks guys! R&R

Chapter 6

Date: Tuesday, November 7, one month, two weeks, and four days since the start of Operation Annoy Snape.

Allies: Hermione Anne Granger, Ronald Leon Weasley, and Harry James Potter

Enemy: Professor Severus Antonius Snape.

Ally Mission: Annoy Snape whilst avoiding detention.

Mission Difficulty: Almost Impossible.

Mission Phase: Leave a well-worn and sickeningly cute teddy bear where it can be easily seen by staff and students. Ensure it has a tag, written in a child's hand, stating that he 'belongs to Severus' and is called 'Chuckles'

~ ~ ~

Lovable, cuddly, adorable, sweet, charming, cute, precious, darling. These are not words that came to mind when one thought of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry's most infamous teacher since Lorna Fristin's nefarious temper tantrum in 1589 when the fiery Transfiguration teacher turned the past headmaster into a Scottish terrier. And yet here was a remnant of his childhood. The small, spiky, childlike handwriting declaring woe to anyone who would dare harm his beloved toy.

Not that anyone actually believed it was his of course. The 'War between the Wits' was common knowledge among the Gryffindors, and once Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown knew something, the entire of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade knew something. But still, everyone laughed at the idea of Snape playing with the cute brown teddy before them. The entire school watched as Snape walked through the Great Halls large double doors…and froze.

~ ~ ~

It was the perfect bear. Worn, with patches here and there, light brown with pink paws and nose. Not to mention the baby-doll like eyes, you know the kind where you lay the doll down and the eyes close, then you pick them up and they 'wake up'? That's the ones. Then there's the smile. Wide but closed-mouthed, utterly innocent looking. The little monster practically screamed "Pick me up and squeeze me! I'm adorable!" How utterly revolting that people would actually think it was his.

He would never have looked closely at the accursed thing if it hadn't been for the whispers. Thanks to many: points lost, detentions given, and outright intimidation techniques, the open speculation about his color change had stopped after the first two days. 'She would think of something like this. Little brat.' If it had merely been whispers among the students it might not have been so bad, but even the staff had noticed the idiotic thing and were holding back their sniggers.

There it was, magically suspended above the middle of the Great Hall, a large sign beneath it proclaiming in a child-like hand that was surprisingly quite similar to his own 'My name is Chuckles and I belong to Severus so DON'T TOUCH ME or you will be VERY SORRY!'

"Oh my God, this is not happening," Snape murmured as Dumbledore strolled up to him, eyes twinkling, "Headmaster, please tell me this isn't happening! First the stupid little girl hugs me and tells me happy birthday, and then the Weasley pup asks how old I am, then Potter drools, DROOLS I tell you, in an extremely delicate potion and turns me green, and now…please tell me that I am having a nightmare and I will wake up tomorrow for the start of term feast! I do not understand her motivation for so utterly humiliating me, but I will not stand it any longer!"

His voice had become more and more frantic and by the end he was almost openly panicking (which for a spy is a very big thing you know). Dumbledore, who had started out amused, gave his colleague a concerned look. "Come now Severus, surely you don't think those other things happened by plot. They were only accidents. This, I grant you is intentional, but the rest I'm sure is completely coincidental."

Snape calmed as Dumbledore spoke. He knew better than to believe the old man of course, the Headmaster loved mischief more than anything else in the world and was no doubt amused by the situation, but he knew that loosing his control would do no good. He nodded, and Dumbledore, satisfied that Severus was all right, left the Hall.

Snape turned slowly toward the Gryffindor table. Only three people in the school would have dared to do this, and only one of them had the charms expertise required to pull it off. And she was smirking at him. 'How dare she!' He thought furiously, 'How dare she humiliate me in such a way and then have the gall to not even look afraid afterwards? And she's copying my smirk! That, that…' Then he calmed and smirked back at her. After all, she appeared to have drunk all of her pumpkin juice this morning. He had felt a twinge of guilt when he gave the potion to the house elves; after all, she was a defenseless student. 'Defenseless my arse' he snorted to himself, he would certainly not be feeling guilt about utterly humiliating her or her friends any time soon. Their first class would be Transfiguration with McGonagall; he only wished he could watch, as it should be quite…fascinating.

~ ~ ~

"Good morning class."

"Good morning Professor McGonagall." They echoed back at her. The three friends had taken their usual places – near the back, but still close enough that Hermione could hear and see well.

"Today we will be completing our study of animagi, please pass your reports to the front. Quite Mr. Pratchet, Miss Hoffman."

"Omigosh! Can you believe that old bat's face when he came in the hall this morning? It was like, soooo hilarious!"

Everyone turned slowly in disbelief towards Hermione. She had her hands clasped over her mouth, eyes wide, face red. "What did you say, Miss Granger?" asked the incredulous Transfiguration teacher. "Miss Granger! Take your hands from across your mouth and explain!"

Hermione reluctantly took her hands from her mouth, which then began talking without any encouragement from her and resisting all attempts to stop it. "Snape was just so funny, can you believe that teddy-bear? Hehehe. You know this room would look a lot better if it was painted pink, this cream color is so overrated. That robe really suits you though professor, although, if you want my advice, get a new hat, green really isn't your color. And did you know that"

"THAT IS ENOUGH! Really! What has gotten into you Miss Granger? Ten points from Gryffindor, and I suggest you keep quite Miss Granger." McGonagall turned back toward the board, ready to point out some of the finer points of becoming an animagus.

Hermione kept her hands firmly over her mouth the entire class period, then as soon as it was over raced away to the infirmary, leaving Harry and Ron to gather her books for her.

~ ~ ~

"Well, you have gotten on someone's nerves, haven't you?" at Hermione's confused look Madame Pomfrey explained, "A babbling potion I'm afraid dear. I must say, I wouldn't think any student in the school would be able to make it except you; it's pretty difficult and not in the usual syllabus. But I suppose if someone looked in the right place they could find the recipe." Madame Pomfrey continued her one-sided matronly dialogue as she bustled about Hermione. She placed a silencing charm on Hermione so that she would not disturb the other patients, but other than that there was nothing she could do, the potion would simply have to run it's course. "Don't worry though dear, it should be finished in a day or two at the most."

It would seem that Snape strengthened the brew however, as Hermione's lips kept moving silently for another four days. However, she opted to go to class instead of hiding away in the infirmary. In every class her head would be down, writing notes, her mouth propelling on a mile a minute. Potions was the only exception. She would finish her potion before the rest, as always, then sit and glare at the smirking teacher swooping about the room while Harry and Ron gave them both sympathetic looks. Hermione because she was talking silently nonstop, and Snape because they both knew Hermione wouldn't rest till Snape had experienced utter humiliation.

Mione's mouth was unbelievably sore for all of two weeks after the episode. She continued to glare at Snape, who continued to smirk at her. Snape waited for her to make the next move, and she plotted. Harry and Ron had both unceremoniously bowed out of the contest unless they were needed in extreme emergency, after all as Harry so aptly put it, "It's a personal war between the two of you now Mione. If you need us though, we'll be there."

'Well, we'll just see who laughs last Professor Snape. We'll just see. Next stop, operation Secret Admirer.'