A/N: wow, its been like a month and a half since I updated. Al I can say is im SORRY. I had a humungous writers block, and I had to adjust to school and stuff, and life is back to normal now, and fanfiction can continue. As always, I LURV my reviewers, and sorry if I pissed anyone off. Peas and lurv.
Carolyn/Jenneva/Gollum/Sam/Frodo
There was a problem. After Carolyn's victims woke up, there was a moment of confusion. They all had mustaches drawn on their faces, and Jenneva was quick to point it out.
"Hey Sam, you've got a sexy Hitler mustache."
"Hey Frodo, you've got a sexy handlebar mustache."
"Hey Gollum, you've got a goatee."
.....
"Hey Jenneva, your head is shaved."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Carolyn, I'm gonna bash your head against a rock and make you eat your brains and then when you shit them out your gonna eat them AGAIN!!!!!!"
After Jenneva had chased Carolyn around the camp for awhile and Carolyn threatened her with the stun gun, Jenneva conceded to sulk in seething fury.
After this, Gollum began to bring Jenneva pretty rocks and dead fish. Apparently, her bald head was very sexy, and he wanted her. Jenneva was still quite pissed at Carolyn for the head-shaving incident, but she was desperate enough to ask Carolyn for help.
"Yo, bitch. Stun Gollum, he's trying to attract my interest with dead fish."
"Ask nicely."
"BITE ME."
Well, maybe jenneva wasn't all that desperate after all. And so it went as the company proceeded across the dead marsh. Frodo had his near drowning accident, until Carolyn saved him with another lifeguarding technique learned from Kelsey.
flashback
"Guys, look at my ultra-cool whistle and lifeguarding shorts and shirt! Here, ill show you some lifeguarding stuff. Jenneva's unconscious" knocks out jenneva with blow to the head "Now you grab her..."
end flashback
"Carolyn, you saved my life!"
"If you do it again, I'll kill you. My hair almost got wet!"
Kelsey/Legolas/Aragorn/Gimli
Kelsey was very happy with herself for besting Aragorn at the whole tracking thing. But now they were in Fangorn forest, which was very gloomy, and kelsey was losing her spirit. Just then Gimli licked a leaf.
"Yeck, Orc blood."
"You'll eat anything, wont you, Gimli?" asked Kelsey, her good mood restored. Her comment earned a stern look from Gimli, making her giggle. Just then, Aragorn and Gimli stopped.
"The White Wizard approaches," whispered Legolas.
"Don't let him speak, he'll bewitch us."
"Get behind me, Kelsey," said Legolas, melting Kelsey's heart. Legolas took note of his effect on her as she obeyed him without a single retort.
Then there was a blinding light. Aragorn leapt forward, Gimli shouted and Legolas let loose an arrow. Kelsey ran towards the brightness, making Legolas curse (he was her assigned protector and was failing miserably seeing as Kelsey just ran into an unknown danger).
"You are looking for two-OOF" Gandalf was cut short as Kelsey flung her arms around his middle and squeezed as hard as she could.
"What took you so long, Frodo wanted to kill me for letting you die and then Gimli tried to kill me because of toothpaste and we put Boromir in a box and-"
"You put Boromir WHERE?" All three of her companions looked at her dumbfounded.
"Umm, well, we put Boromir in a box up in a tree so he wouldn't die, he would have, you know, and, well, we kinda left Fabio with him to see if he would make a god dad because Carolyn wants to marry him and-"
"YOU LEFT BOROMIR IN A BOX AT THE MERCY OF THE ORCS!?! WITH A SREAMING BABY TO ATRACT THEIR ATTENTION!?!?!" All three males yelled.
"Well, no, we told the elves, they're going to retrieve him," said Kelsey a little abashedly.
Boromir/Fabio
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"HELPMEHELPMEHELPMEHELPMEHELPMEHELPME!!!!"
"Well, Haldir, do you really want to bring that back to peaceful Lothlorien?"
"......No, lets leave him up there."