DISCLAIMER: Anything you recognize I borrowed
AN: IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: First off, sorry about the delay, I've been moving (god right as school starts too) and my Internet access was cut off for a while there (almost three weeks). On to business.
To Clear a Few things up:
Contrary to popular legend Princess Diaries (though I did get a bit of a giggle out of it) was not my main inspiration for writing this story. A very funny movie based on a very funny book I never bothered to read. And of course, Harry Potter too.
THIS STORY IS SET IN THE LATE SEVENTIES! Thus the punk rock tendencies of the characters and no mention of computers, the Internet or modern movies/ books. The only real lapse would probably be DDR, which wasn't around until the nineties but the video game craze would have been just starting and as a child of the nineties, to me, video games means DDR.
For those of you with your heads under a literary rock please note that Peter Jackson isn't anywhere brilliant enough to do more than half mangle a wonderful story like The Lord of the Rings. It was a much better book written just after (and some people believe about) WWII so it is perfectly reasonable that Emily and company would have read this book.
23, October, 10: 09, Common room,
Now before I tell you what Sirius and I did let me just say that it was completely his fault in every way. I just didn't do anything to discourage it, and, okay, I went along too but it's still on his conscious.
But back to what happened.
So there I was innocently doing my homework. Or rather I had my book open and was staring at it while trying to imagine all the things Lily and James could possibly be saying to each other when Sirius sat down in the seat across from me.
"Feeling curious?" He asked, this little, devious smile playing his lips. That should have tipped me off right there that he was up to no good but it didn't.
"About what?" I asked. So sweet, so trusting.
"About James and Lily." He said.
"What are you thinking?" I asked slowly but I closed my book and put it in my book bag.
"Come on." He said grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the portrait hole.
"Sirius I hate to break this to you but James and Lily are totally going to see us coming unless you know some sort of secret passage way that comes up under the Quiddich pitch." He smiled at me. "You don't know of one do you?"
He shook his head. "There is no passage way."
I stopped following him. "Then they're going to see us coming." I protested.
He grabbed my wrist again. "Shut up and come with me. All will be explained soon."
We were almost to the door out to the pitch when Sirius opened a door that looked like a wall into what looked like a broom closet. "Toss your bag in here it's gonna be cramped otherwise." He said, fishing something out of his own bag.
"What is that?" I asked throwing my bag in amongst the brooms and mops.
He smirked. "This, dearest Emily is an invisibility cloak." He said shaking it out with a flourish.
"I didn't know you had one of those." I gasped.
His smirk widened. "I don't." He said simply. "But James does."
I laughed, I couldn't help it. James and Lily would slaughter the pair of us if they ever found out we'd listened in on their little spat but it was too tempting. And, admittedly, so was the prospect of being under that cloak with Sirius.
"This is so wrong." I whispered to him as we crossed the field to where Lily and James were seated on the bleachers. "We're stealing your best friend's invisibility cloak to violate the privacy of his and his girlfriend's problems."
He chuckled. "Oh shut up Emily, you don't feel the least bit guilty. Besides if they didn't want us invading their privacy they shouldn't have picked us as their best friends." He pointed out.
"Yeah, I know, but I just thought it might be good to point how sick and wrong this is!" I hissed.
He rolled his eyes. "Whatever, now shut up."
"You can't just spring shit like that on me." Lily was practically shouting when we arrived. Well there goes her promise not to berate poor James for this. "I don't hide firecrackers in your drawers or rig things to just blow up around you periodically!"
James sort of had his head down and was trying not to look at her. Which was actually exactly the wrong thing to do, because all Lily really wanted was a fight. I could tell by the way she was all red in the face and her hands were flailing around. "I didn't spring this on you Lily damn it." James finally exploded. "You knew I loved you since fifth fucking year!"
I was suddenly aware that Sirius' breath was tickling my ear (he had to stand right behind me to fit the cloak over both of us). "Yeah but you didn't ever DO anything about it before now." Lily shouted back. It was actually sort of erotic (the breath in my ear, not Lily's shouting).
"Well maybe I should have!" James yelled. They were both yelling now even though they were only about a foot apart. But I was having serious trouble concentrating on anything but how close Sirius was next to me under the cloak.
"Yeah maybe you should have." Lily agreed. Like she would have let him! I turned to look at Sirius to see if he was as shocked as I was at how much Lily seemed to have departed from reality but he was looking right at the two of them.
"Do you love me?" James was asking.
"Don't ask stupid questions." Lily sounded irritated but her hands were twisting in her lap like small animals in their death throws. I sort of wished I had a camera because I knew I might never see Lily so visibly uncomfortable ever again.
"I'm serious Lily, do you love me." He said a little louder.
"Don't choke Lily, you know the answer to this." I whispered so low I'm not sure even Sirius heard me.
She tried to look away but he cupped her chin and turned it toward him. "Lily, please answer me. Yes or no but please just answer." If I wasn't so in love with his best friend and he wasn't dating MY best friend, I would totally marry James Potter.
I mean yeah he has his flaws- he's sort of arrogant and he has the capacity to be a real prick to people he doesn't like- but in the girl department he's sort of perfect. It's like there are two of James. There's the James that makes Lily want to rip his balls off by torturing people like Snape but then there's also the James who tortures himself over Lily's stupid little fears.
But then again Sirius is much the same way. I mean with the whole divided personality thing. I mean how can he fuck with people so meanly but then also get up in the middle of the night to take me down to the kitchens? If I live a million years and spend all of them studying him I swear to God I'll never understand him.
"Lily, I swear to god I'll kill you if you fuck up." I murmured.
She was quiet for what seemed like eternity as the three of us waited on tenterhooks. Our eyes were locked on Lily but underneath the cloak I had grabbed Sirius' (rather muscular) upper arm and was squeezing it so hard I was probably leaving bruises. That was okay though because he didn't even seem to notice.
"Fuck." He whispered.
"I don't know James." She finally said. "I mean when I look at you I want you more then I've ever wanted anyone in my life and I can't even imagine my life with out you and..." But she was just babbling at this point and so James leaned in and kissed her.
God! It was like a muggle soap opera. You know minus the popcorn and the incest and the amnesia and the men named Roul. Honestly! How I live with this much drama in my life is beyond me. I mean I know Lily said she wasn't running around rigging thing to explode but sometimes I think someone else is.
Sirius and I left after that because the weird smacking noises Lily and James were making was giving us fits of the giggles really bad. "If only we could tell people how corny they are when they're alone without ending up swimming with the fishes." I said as we got our stuff out of the closet and headed back toward the dormitory.
"If only." Sirius sighed in agreement.
"Do you think you or I will ever find love like that?" I asked. My head was swimming and I like I had after I split my tongue open that day Rosie brought Sirius over and the doctor gave me so many pain-killers: only half aware of my own body through the haze of euphoria.
I was so happy this episode of drama had missed all the billions upon billions of possible ways Lily could have screwed herself over and turned out well.
"Definitely." He said with such conviction I suspect he already has. Also, though I am only a novice at reading faces I detected a secret of some sort.
I wonder who it is.
Possible Love Matches for Sirius Black:
1) Rosie (I might have to slash my wrists if this is true because family reunions would be fucking unbearable. On the bright side this is a long shot because he did say he liked me better...their kids would be gorgeous though.)
2) Judy Richardson (what guy doesn't want her? Also unlikely however because I they already went out and he dumped her but their kids would also be gorgeous)
3) Some girl I've never met (I just hope her name isn't Hannawa)
4) Some boy I've never thought of (sometimes I think he's just to perfect to be straight, of course this doesn't explain his numerous ex-girlfriends)
24, October, 12: 43, Great Hall,
Well the boys are back to sitting with us like nothing ever happened and Lily and James are actually a lot better then they were before. They're sitting closer then they ever did (she's practically in his fucking lap) and I can't exactly see but I can totally tell they're holding hands under the table.
Sirius just caught my eye, jerked his head toward them, rolled his eyes and mimed hanging himself. Couldn't have said it better myself! If they don't get married and have really cute kids I can spoil rotten I'm going to be really upset because I will have sat through this nonsense for nothing!
Days left to the ball: 7
25, October, 7:12, Common room,
Lily, James, Sirius and I went down to the pitch together again and I'm happy to report I didn't break my arm again, but I also wasn't allowed near the broom this time so that could have had something to do with it. In fact Sirius and I mostly just lay in the grass (which is really soft and manicured) and swapped stories about all the dumb things we did as children.
And my parents thought I was a problem child! Sirius left home at sixteen! And now he lives by himself in this flat sort of around where James lives, which is sort of around where I live and by that I mean he lives in London. I asked him why he did it but he gave a vague answer changed the subject.
His favorite story of mine was that time I jumped off the roof after reading Peter Pan and broke my leg. Why does everyone just love that story! Why do I even bother to tell it! "Oh that's so cute Emily," or uproarious laughter (Sirius' choice) are all I ever get!
Days left to the ball: 6
Rumors Concerning the Ball:
1) So many girls wanted to be Sirius' date he started a lottery to pick the lucky one (unlikely I think because I asked and he just laughed)
2) Dumbledoor booked the Sex Pistols (unlikely also because I started this rumor in hopes that it might happen but given their lyrics and their muggle origins I doubt it)
3) Dumbledoor booked Fungus Kiss (more likely then the Pistols showing up)
4) The punch will be spiked (highly likely)
5) Big groups of fourth year girls are going to picket the ball in protest of their exclusion (highly likely too)
26, October, 9:49, Dormitory,
Days left to the ball: 5
I'm beginning to feel pretty excited about the ball, even though I still don't know what anyone will be wear! I tried to pry it out of James today when he thanked me for saving his ass with the whole Lily fiasco with some dirty underhanded guilt trips but no dice.
Well since no one will tell me what they're wearing (or even what I am wearing) I will just have to try to guess.
Possible Costume Ideas for Lily and James (AKA famous lovers):
1) Bonnie and Clyde (everyone loves people who die in gun fights)
2) Sid and Nancy (God I hope so)
3) Romeo and Juliet (I bet a whole bunch of people come dressed like this)
4) Han Solo and Princess Leia (Lily would look so funny in that metallic bikini)
5) Julius Caesar and Cleopatra (I don't know where that came from)
Fingers crossed for Sid and Nancy.
Possible Costume for Ideas Kevin, Chris and Me:
1) Lord of the Rings (Chris' favorite book)
2) 1984 (Kevin's favorite book, though I'm not sure how this could be turned into a costume ball theme, thank god)
3) Saturday Night Fever (what Chris would pick if no one was around to stop him)
4) Star Wars (what I would pick if no one was around to stop me)
5) The Phantom of the Opera (these are two gay men we're talking about after all)
My bet? Lord of the Rings for sure.
Possible Costume Ideas for Sirius, Remus and Peter:
1) The Beatles (minus Ringo who everyone leaves out for some reason)
2) Darth Vader, Luke and the Emperor (I've got a sick Star Wars fixation)
3) The Three Wise Men (I'm so running out of ideas)
I can only hope they thought of better material then I did.
27, October, 9:14, History of Magic,
Well mum found out about the ball. The following letter was in the morning mail.
Hello Emily,
Margaret told me that Rosie said your school was hosting a ball for Halloween. How festive! You just must write back and tell me all about whatever lucky boy gets to take you to the ball and what your dress looks like. As you've probably already noticed, I've also enclosed a disposable camera so be sure to take lots of pictures and mail it back so I can get it developed!
I can hardly believe my little girl is going to her first dance! I remember your father and I met at a dance. He was so handsome and blah blah blah. The rest of it is hardly worth copying down. It's just a long-winded story that I've already heard sixty billion times. She closed with:
Love,
mum
PS. Please don't have sex without protection
Enclosed, along with the promised disposable camera, was an anti-pregnancy charm. This brings the grand total number of anti-pregnancy charms she's bought me to three (the only superfluous enthusiasm she's ever shown in magic). You'd think one would be enough wouldn't you? But oh no, apparently I'm far too irresponsible for just one!
I wonder if I should give one to Lily. The way she and James are going she could probably use one. I think I'll take a picture of Chris and Kevin kissing to discourage her from EVER doing this again. Fuckin' Mondays.
My return letter:
Hello mum,
Sorry about not writing enough. I'm just so busy with schoolwork and all but I'll try to be better about it from now on. The ball though isn't really about Halloween. My school just turned twelve hundred and that's what we're celebrating.
About my date? Well I should say dates. I'm going with two guys: Chris and Kevin. But they're lovers so I wouldn't worry about me having unprotected sex. I don't actually know what I'm wearing because Chris and Kevin won't tell me.
Love,
Emily
PS. Thanks for the camera
That should keep her from writing back too quickly.
Days left till the ball: 4
28, October, 6:45, Great Hall,
Dumbledoor, in his infinite wisdom, announced before dinner that we would be getting Friday off this week. "I think, somehow, no school work will be done on that day whether we hold class or not." He said with a little chuckle and a twinkle in his eye.
"Meet me in the common room at about one on Friday okay?" Chris hissed in my ear as Dumbledoor finished talking.
"Chris, the ball starts at nine." I whispered back.
"I know." He said.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because." He explained, sounding a little exasperated. "Unless by some miracle the dress fits you perfectly we're going to have to make some alterations and I don't want to have to rush myself. And you don't know where we've been making the outfits"
"Oh." I said. I'm glad Chris thinks of things like that, because I never would.
"And bring something to do because I'm not letting you leave until nine okay?" He said.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you tell Lily everything and I don't want anyone to know in advance." He said.
I thought about arguing but he was right, I probably would have told Lily.
Days left to the ball: 3
29, October, 7:53, Dormitory,
Well good news people: it is not possible to die of embarrassment because if it were I would not be writing this. I would be six feet under. Yes, Emily Stanton has reached a new low in the embarrassment factor. I wouldn't have thought it possible but what do I know?
And in other news, I really hate Rosie.
See, I was leaving the Great Hall after dinner tonight when Rosie seemed to just appear next to me. "Hey Emily." She said, somewhat cordially. "Can we talk?"
"Yeah sure Rosie." I agreed but only because I was too thrown off balance by her apparently pleasant demeanor to think up a credible excuse.
She steered me into an empty classroom and shut the door. This struck me as somewhat ominous but I didn't run like I probably should have. "I told Sirius Black about your crush on him." She said bluntly. "He thinks it's pathetic."
"What?" Stunned is really to simple of a word to cover its definition. "Why would you do that?"
She sighed in a very patronizing way. "Oh Emily, I know you've always been a dreamer but I don't want you to get hurt. Her just isn't in your league." She said, reaching up to cup my face in the way mothers do when you realize for the first time that not everyone is nice.
The raw malice I remembered seeing in her face before had vanished without a trace. Without Sirius behind me as a friend and possible romance I was no longer a threat to her. I was back to being Cousin Emily, the bumbling, flawed mortal, whom she'd didn't like but only because I was steeped in sin.
I was so pissed I wanted to hit something. It wasn't like I didn't already know that Sirius didn't fancy me and I wasn't about to run off and try to get him to! I just wanted to enjoy my happy little dream and our friendship but now she'd gone and ruined even that!
I was fighting not to cry but little machine gun bursts of tears were leaking out of the corners of my eyes. "Why? Rosie why would you do this to me?" I sobbed. "Why couldn't you just leave it alone?"
She patted my knee softly. "I did it for you, because you're my cousin. He's just too good for you dear." She explained. "Besides if he and I were to begin dating I couldn't very well let you two be friends. It was bound to end sometime."
The reason behind her new found interest in my love life came into sharp focus. She wanted Sirius for herself and she'd thought I was in the way. Not for the first time I wished, like Chris, I couldn't find the beauty in the oddballs. If I could, I wouldn't have problems like this.
"You know why Chris S. ditched you right?" She said suddenly.
I shrugged. "She hates Sirius for some reason?" I suggested.
She laughed. "How do you keep from bumping off the walls being that blind?" She teased me.
I gasped. "She fancies Sirius!" I exclaimed.
That just made her laugh harder. "She fancies someone all right but it isn't on Sirius." Rosie seemed to be really enjoying herself at this point. That made me really nervous.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. It felt like one of those riddles that seem so obvious AFTER you've been told the answer.
Rosie shook her head. "You really don't know do you? Chris never told you there wasn't just one fag in your group." I stared at her, still not comprehending. "Chris fancies you!" She finally said with a little laugh. "Funny huh?"
Whoa! Plot twist or what?
"What?" Ever the eloquent lady I am right?
"God you really are clueless Emily. Even your parents noticed!" Well that did explain why they thought I was a lesbian. "She just couldn't take watching you hook up with someone else I guess. Sort of sweet in a pathetic sort of way, don't you think?"
I left after that and came up here to cry. Why did Rosie have to hate me so much? Or more to the point, why did she have to be so fucking good a ruining my life?
Problems:
1) I'm in love with a totally unattainable guy
2) He knows it
3) We have a lot of friends in common so this is probably going to turn into a fiasco
4) My ex-friend has a crush on me
5) My cousin is out to ruin my life
6) I can't seem to stop crying
Days left to the ball: who cares
30, October, 9: 12, Dormitory,
If today wasn't the worst day of my life it was definitely in the top ten. I spent the whole day trying not to look at Sirius and Lily and Chris spent the whole day trying to get out of me what was wrong. And then he goes and tries to confront me about it.
He pulled me aside just before Herbology. "We better go in, Professor Sprout won't be happy with us being late." I warned, trying to twist out of the grip he had on my wrist.
He was stronger. "No. I want to talk." He insisted.
I yanked my arm down violently but didn't dash into the Greenhouse. Instead I fixed myself in anger, my last and best defense. "Okay," I agreed. "Let's talk."
But Sirius didn't talk. He leaned down and kissed me. The kiss was, as Richard Sherman from The Seven Year Itch would put it, very quick and very hard. It was very hard because that was just the way Sirius kissed but it was very quick because I shoved him away from me as hard as I could.
If that bastard thought he could kiss me and I'd just let him after what he'd told Rosie yesterday he had another thing coming! What a little....God, there isn't even a word bad enough to describe what he is! To think he thought he could just exploit my little crush like that!
"You smarmy bastard." I hissed at him.
I thought about slapping him too but I didn't want to steal Chris' title as resident school drama queen so I gave him my most withering glare and stormed into the Greenhouse. Unfortunately Lily and James had saved us seats at their table so I had to ignore him the whole class.
I swear to god if it wouldn't just kill Chris and Kevin I would spend tomorrow in the library with a lot of ice cream and movies, trying not to think about you-know-who.
AN: Oh and by the way this is not going to be the penultimate chapter. I tried to write the next chapter as the end and based on how immature Sirius and Emily both are it just seemed sudden and unrealistic. The story will probably end around Christmas (story time). Oh and I'm also probably going to go back over the whole story and sort of re-vamp it as soon as I get the time (don't laugh, I might actually do it). Please Review, I'll dance without an audience but I won't write without one.